THE FREE UNIVERSITY OF ELLETTSVILLE
Historicus
T O B A R E T H E T H E A L T E R N A T I V E : W I T N E S S A N D T H E T R U T H Published remarkably without regard to race, color, creed, or (most redundantly of all) national origin....
...Further study of appropriate remedies including strong doses of Al Capp, Willa Gather and Old Crow...
...Communism is certainly undergoing a thaw in these areas isn't it...
...Billy James Hargis's Christian Crusade) classic exposes Rhythm, Riots and Revolution and Communism, Hypnotism and the Beatles...
...Tyrrell: And the greatest problem of our time...
...I would be, if there were not an armed enterprise determined on our destruction, an isolationist...
...To commence this summer's festivities, the Free University of Ellettsville aimounces a bibliophobe contest...
...n inhabits...
...M E Y E R : In Poland, the reaction — in the sense of movement back toward serious Soviet influence, toward more serious and deeper Soviet influence — has proceeded apace for the last half dozen years...
...I have no interest, and I think the U. S. should have no interest, in how any other people govern themselves...
...Tyrrell: Then you are opposed to communism mainly because ifs the propaganda arm, the public relations arm of a foreign power...
...R U S H E R : The greatest problem of our time, harking back to the answer I gave to you earlier in another question, is to provide somehow moral reinforcements for the values of Western society...
...9.) Norman Mailer's Cannibals and Christians...
...D o you agree with that...
...Fire Island...
...n ELLETTSVILLE (Continued from Page 2) lege Administration Buildings...
...The Free University has gone to no lengths in acquiring an unrivaled regular faculty...
...If we made a solid alliance, showed such tremendous force in the Mediterranean, the Soviet Union might stop its effort to get a foothold there, and maybe our so-called allies would give us some help...
...and I. U., its architecture...
...Baron Von Kannon, triple winner of the Blue Max, long time associate of Revilo P. Oliver and noted xenophobe, will discuss his speciality "How to W i n Friends and Influence People...
...I do not think that the United States has the right or the duty to interfere in the world for any other purpose than our own national interest...
...Succinctily put, most of liberaldumb's helots cannot "cold turkey" coUectivist ideology and sentimental drivel...
...M E Y E R : I a m opposed to Communism because it is a worldwide enterprise determined on conquering the world...
...5.) Eldridge Cleaver's Soul on Ice...
...It controls Czechoslovakia...
...gymnasium...
...should be sent to The Alternative, R. R. 11, Box 360, Bloomington, Indiana 47401, Continental U . S. A. 7/i^ ^^lee ^ ^ u o e ^ U l i f 0 ( ^ l U t U a U U by Historicus Mindful of the glorious history of the Free Soil Party ("Free Speech, Free Men, Free Soil, Free Love, Free Labor") the Free University of Ellettsville takes Free University of Ellettsville has elected to set up permanent headquarters at The Establishment—believing that a good blast of 'Black Flag' can deracinate the worst pariah...
...7.) Edward Beecher's The Panel Conspiracy Exposed and Protestantism Defended...
...2.) a pilgrimage to Lester Maddox's Atlanta Chicken Emporium, the South's only chophouse which consistently served only white meat...
...3.) Arthur M . Schlesinger, Jr.'s The Liberal Hour...
...As part of the field laboratory each administrator will be expected to hand over at least one school building to members of S D S , S W I N E (Students Wildly Indignant about Nearly Everything), Y S A or S N C C . S O C I O L O G Y 649-SOCIAL E N G I N E E R I N G. This seminar type course will feature guest ghetto rebels discussing their highly successful slum clearance projects at Newark, Watts, Chicago and Detroit...
...David Noebel's (a m an of God with Dr...
...I think that at the bottom of this is an instinctive lashing-out at the society by a purely nihilistic and destructive type...
...Kristol, Rusher and Meyer...
...R U S H E R : Modem conservatism today is simply an attempt to reinterpret for our time and for use in respect of our problems, the wisdom which has accumulated in the two thousand year history of the weste m civilization of which we are a part and product...
...The Board of Trustees, long concerened about the evil consequences of the "publish or perish" syndrome, has compiled a list of ten books that they adjudge as 1.) catering to prurient interest, 2.) violating community standards, and 3.) bereft of redeeming social importance...
...What is there about a society that has lost its value sanctions — as ours has, at least for many people and for a great section of the intelligensia — why should such a society stimulate by that very fact young people particularly to lash out at it...
...W e believe that this knowledge is valuable, that is applicable, and indeed that unless we apply it, we are going to suffer the consequences just as much as the man who attempts to navigate a ship with an innaccurate m a p is going to suffer the consequences...
...Yes, dear reader, you are ready for the mind-expanding experience of the Free University of Ellettsville...
...Sweet it was who aided in efficient removal of some seventy thousand cumbersome books from the Indiana University Library at the reasonable expense of but two matches...
...But we cah get along without them...
...Field trips will include: 1.) a journey to America's greatest circus, J. W . Halfbright's Senate Foreign Relations Committee...
...Essentially I think that if we must have very large conglomerations of students in a single area, then the absolute necessity is to divide them up into a series of colleges, each one with its own direct teaching staff, each one using the general resources of the major university (large-scale scientific apparatus, libraries, etc...
...A penetrating analysis of the effects of Norman Mailer's writing on the lower tract...
...EDUCATION 431-SCHOOL L A W AND THE ADMINISTRATOR...
...Tyrrell: What is modern conservatism today...
...IN DIS issue THE FREE UNIVERSITY OF ELLETTSVILLE by Historicus 2 FRANK S. MEYER, AN INTERVIEW 3 HATS OFF TO THE STATE'S GREATEST PAPER by George Nathan 5 IRVING KRISTOL, ANOTHER INTERVIEW 7 Editor in Chief, R. Emmett Tyrhell, Jr...
...But I think it is very definitely our concern when there exists a world power, not in the sense of a nation alone or an idea alone or a propaganda arm alone, as you put it, but as a combination of a secular atheistic church with an army, deeply, fundamentally and ideologically determined to conquer the world...
...Undaunted by this unsavory reputation, however the (Continued on Page 12) around as they do...
...We're getting into a field that's perilously close to mass psycho-analysis now, and that is something that is dangerous and the conservatives have rightly been very cautious about it...
...and 3.) a jaunt to Gotham City to observe Gore "Goil" Vidal, America's foremost conceiver of fairy tales, in his natural habitat...
...Not necessarily in that order...
...Register early...
...Some may suggest that book-burning smacks of Hitlerite tactics...
...Tyrrell: The multiversity was described recently as a dinosaur — something that has grown too large and can no longer exist in the environment it presently M E Y E R : Essentially yes...
...An introductory study of some great political buffoons of our age, J. W. Halfbright, Lester "Chicken Little" Maddox and Gore "Goil" Vidal...
...Special Effects, D. Peyton McQuillen Roaming Correspondent, Jefferson Davis WILLIAM A. RUSHER, STILL ANOTHER INTERVIEW 9 The Alternative was founded in 1924 by Goorge Nathan and Truman Newberry over a cheap domestic beer in McSorley's Old Ale House...
...And now I a m not at all sure — rather, I a m perfectly sure that I do not see why this should be so...
...But fundamental13...
...Lincoln Chiropractic, its backbone...
...It is now alleged by our county prosecutor that the Hon...
...Tyrrell: What about Poland...
...THEATER 112-CONTEMPORARY POLITICAL COMEDY...
...Truman Newberry Rev...
...Research has shown, however that too rapid an exposure of emaciated eggheads to cultural enrichment may result in traumatic shock...
...Consequently the Free University offers this Summer Session Schedule as a transistion...
...Coming on the scene some years after its most formidable competitors...
...4.) Percy Bysshe Shelley's In Defence of Virility...
...Considering the condition of the Free University's academic plant, it is doubtful that this course will continue beyond the first night...
...2.) Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary...
...12 As time and finances allow, the Free University hopes to add to its curriculum the following courses: BIOLOGY 329-ORIGINS A N D TREATMENT OF ACUTE GASTRIC DISTRESS...
...Tyrrell: It certainly seems that Russian communism is losing its influence in Eastern Europe...
...6.) Jonathon Edward's A n Inquiry into the Modern Prevailing Notion Respecting that Freedom of the Will Which Is Supposed to be Essential to Moral Agency...
...Those students who master their fear of simple truths this summer, may advance to an examination next year of the greater questions of Judeao-Christian heritage...
...N o longer titillated by that bisexual English department don, hot in pursuit...
...There are many welfarist, liberal, semi-socialist modifications of our capitalist system, but we are certainly fundamentally a capitalist system, still, and in no fundamental sense a socialist one or anything like the communist one...
...George Nathan D John Kelley Associates, Jameson G. Campaigne, Jr...
...The finer points of rumormongering, looting and firebombing will receive treatment, with field work conducted nightly at the Free University of Ellettsville...
...Rebelais' Gargantua and Pantagruel...
...M E Y E R : No...
...Impossible as it m a y seem, the Trustees have selected a list of books worse than the above sample...
...R U S H E R : I disagree with most explanations you get for their attitudes these days...
...8.) Maria Monk's Awful Disclosures...
...Harvard, Columbia, Bob Jones, Lincoln Chiropractic and Indiana University, FUTILE has adopted the best from each institution: Harvard, its square...
...The novitiate who brings the greatest number of books on the Trustee's secret list will receive complementary copies of Rev...
...M E Y E R : I would hardly say the Soviet Union has lost influence in Czechoslovakia...
...Prospective students at F U T I L E may object that these couses offer little information on Western Civilization, a void which The Establishment readly acknowledges...
...R. Emmett Tyrrell, late of the Molly Maguires, the 1863 Irish Draft Riot, and the 1968 Chicago Democratic Convention, will lecture on "Coimterinsurgency Strategy in ColHigh, above Ellettsville's Appian Way sits The Establishment—home to the 20th century's most unique lyceum...
...Nonsense...
...and 10...
...Tired of the idiotic babel emanating from Radio Free Kirkwood...
...And when we are part of that world, I a m determined that it must be destroyed if the U. S. is to survive, and if western civilization is to survive...
...Tyrrell: Well, we are headed towards the Russian economic system right now, are we not...
...Fanfare in background, followed by muted strains of "Also Sparch Zarathustra...
...Sequestered among ancient oaks, promethean swamps and rusting beer cans, this Mecca of Western Civilization annually attracts flys, mosquitoes, english professors and other social parasites...
...I don't think it's our concern how people govern themselves...
...The idea that it is merely some local problem — for instance, at the University of Chicago the firing of the lady instructor, or at Berkeley the desire for more space at Sproul Hall for political activities, or San Francisco State wanting the black studies department — seems false...
...T O B A R E T H E T H E A L T E R N A T I V E : W I T N E S S A N D T H E T R U T H Published remarkably without regard to race, color, creed, or (most redundantly of all) national origin...
...A thorough examination of the art of capitulation, acquiescence and submission to campus Visigoths, along with exhaustive study of Nathan Pusey's formula for success, and interpretations of S. I. Hayakawa's failure...
...I do not understand this mechanism...
...To contribute to the depopulation of the book world, each prospective student must bring ten such unsavory incunabula...
...Publishers, The Saturday Evening Club Managing Editor, Baron von Kannon Business Manager, John C. Rogers Senior Editors, Hon...
...Finally, Professor J. L. Kelley, famed Kinetographer, aspiring pseudo-intellectual and former sinologist, will address himself to the central issue of our time, "The Performance Analysis of the Propulsive Force of the Flutter Kick...
...C. H. Simmonds D John Marcuse Sundt Contributors, William Kristol D Jerry Gerde Judy Mathews D Diana Leedke Mary Qwaint n Sir Arthur Wellesley Nan Britton D Steamboat Tom Hamill D Spiro T. Achoo Alien Contributors, Alan Somers, M.D...
...All other books brought to the Free University will be cremated in what promises to be Southern Indiana's greatest bookbuming extravaganza...
...Poland was on a slacker rein in 1957 than it is today...
...Subscriptions cost $10.00, and all correspondence {manuscripts, subscriptions, threatening letters, federal grants, etc...
...W e salute you, O Noble Pyromaniac of Indiana University, remembering the fond words of another firebrand, Voltaire: "Nothing is more annoying than to be obscurely hanged...
...If you answered "yes" to one or more of these queries, there is yet hope for your himianity...
...Continued from Page 4) M E Y E R Portugal, Greece, Turkey, Iran...
...Devoted to the great ideas of Western Civilization (parapsychology, phenomenology, Scientology, phrenology . . . . ) , The Establishment believes that the Free University of elletTsvIlLE (FUTILE) offers something unique among American colleges and universities: an education...
...Bored by the consumately half-wit pedagogy of I. U.'s School of Education...
...W e cite the magnificent reformation examples of John Calvin, Charles Sweet* and Girolamo Savonarola...
...Columbia, its pride in aimouncing its first Summer Session, headlining the sage counsel of Messrs...
...Bob Jones, its armed guards...
...And this shows perhaps our policy of tolerance has been judicious...
...Originally published on restroom walls, only since 1967 has it come imder purview of the Saturday Evening Club which publishes it from September through June...
...To assist the neophyte bibliophobe the Trustees have collected several titles indicative of the sought after ten: 1.) J. W . Halfbright's The Arrogance of Power...
...They don't know the answer themselves but there is a kind of a homicidal contempt, it seems to me, in their attitude towards the society, and the society masochistically invites it too...
Vol. 3 • August 1969 • No. 1
