THE CONTINUING CRISIS
Tyrrell, R. Emmett Jr.
THE CONTINUING CRISIS May slipped into the rearview mirror of history a s Republican politicos grew increasingly alarmed that their "political base" will be in grumpy repose come the November...
...Obviously his vision of catastrophe is not much different from that of Mr...
...Clinton had considered an offer from another publisher to write a biography of Abraham Lincoln until he recalled the subject's nickname, "Honest Abe...
...For cities of 50,000 and fewer the Gore administration could distribute room fans and bring back the days when ice trucks visited every neighborhood...
...Robert Barnett, Mr...
...Having a few drinks...
...In Schleiden, Germany, police are contemplating animal cruelty charges against the thieves who stole Miss Theresa Carl's Maltese terrier and possibly charges of flag desecration...
...Al- Gore...
...The number ofUFO sightings has declined dramatically...
...They are offended by prodigal congressional spending...
...JULY/AUGUST 2006 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 13...
...They are mere atmospheric illusions produced by plasmas of gas driven mad by electrical charges...
...Though disappointed, local organizer Miss E. Gayle O'Hanlon, proprietor of the Enchanted Eatery, said, "We can build something from this," suggesting that next time 25 or even 30 Hillaryites might show up...
...He went to the Cannes Film Festival for the premier of his documentary, An Inconvenient Truth, which portrays the planet earth as becoming the kind of Caribbean hot spot that he and his friends jet off to in wintertime...
...Gayadhar Parida and he lives in a tree in Kuligaon, Orissa, in the Indian subcontinent...
...Al- Gore, and the Indian zany uses a lot less energy...
...On the other hand we might all take our shirts off or even better become nudists and under penalty of law desist from wearing those goofy baseball caps with their bills turned backwards...
...He is an octogenarian and he moved into his tree 50 years ago after a quarrel with his wife...
...Then listen up...
...Parida might have stayed out on a limb only a few days, but "I felt spiritualism had developed in mybody...
...They compose the Democrats' political fundament and they are even gloomier than the Republicans' conservatives...
...In Arkadelphia, Arkansas, that exotic chicken saved from drowning three months ago when Miss Marian Morris administered mouth-to-beak resuscitation is no more...
...A1-Gore...
...Three Russian ont~men suffered embarrassment when the dynamite they were carrying in their tackle box blew the roof off a railway car they were riding between Vladivostok and Ussurisk, the site of their fishing camp...
...He is today's William E Buckley Jr...
...In point of fact, the UFO movement was petering out even before the publication of this report...
...And a new political element looms on the horizon, "Hurricane Season...
...open waters of large ponds or lakes and harvesting the stunned fish before they swim away...
...At the outset of his arboreal sojourn Mr...
...Yet the Democrats have their Angry Left to contend with, and anyone who has contemplated its obscenitylaced vituperations recognizes that these people can be difficult and often in need of mouthwash...
...According to a fouryear study released by the British Ministry of Defense, Unidentified Flying Objects (UFOs) are not objects a t all...
...Still, it is the judgment of the British Ministry of Defense that all he saw that night was plasma dancing and undulating from an electrical goose...
...At any rate, by the end of May President George W. Bush's approval ratings had fallen to historic lows, and there is almost no chance he will improve them with a slutty intern crisis...
...Precisely what the conservative position should be on Hurricane Season remains in doubt...
...He is Mr...
...Jimmy Carter...
...Yet there is a solution: international regulation of the global economy, taxes, and technological innovation...
...When the dog was found he was clearly bewildered and had been freshly painted with the black, red, and gold stripes of the German flag...
...Possibly Mr...
...There is...
...What Jimmy was doing out that late at night has never been explained...
...His first tree fell over in a storm and nearly squashed him...
...One such innovation might be for the Gore administration-when it comes into being in 2009-to construct giant air conditioners around every American city of over 50,000 inhabitants...
...Finally, feminists in Nassau County, New York, are bound to be offended by the talking urinals that local authorities are installing in bars to remind men not to drink and drive...
...Wearing an open-collared work shirt, but clean shaven and without a turban, the glassy-eyed energumen bawled that his fellow earthlings face a "danger which could bring the end of civilization"-no more Hip-Hop...
...Then it's time to call a cab or call a sober friend...
...In Nashville, Tennessee, only 20 people showed up at what was billed as the National Kickoff for Hillarynow.com, a grass-roots effort to draft Mr...
...Clinton's wife for a 2008 presidential run...
...The songs of Mr...
...Is there on this earth another Homo ridiculus the like of Mr...
...The toilets of Nassau Countywill be next...
...Once thought to be a maj or source for funding the Democratic Party and for acquiring party activists, the UFO movement in the mid-1970s had the vocal support of a Democratic president, the incomparable Mr...
...They must have taken little Simba from my garden," Miss Carl explained...
...During the 1976 presidential campaign he talked openly of his own personal UFO sighting...
...When approached by a needy patron these pub devices shout in a deep male voice, "Hey, Youl Yeah, you...
...Think you had one too many...
...Primetime television will be off the air...
...Nor do they fly...
...I bet some horrid football fans did this to him...
...The three intended to use the dynamite to participate in an increasingly popular pastime practiced by Russian gentlemen anglers, to wit: dynamite fishing...
...and probably the Twenty-First Century's Edmund Burke...
...All this will be vouchsafed by Global Warm12 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR JULY/AUGUST 2006 R. EMMETT TYRRELL, JR...
...Every news show in America has a woman's voice along with a man's voice...
...At this writing it is not clear whether the Enchanted Eatery is a health food store or a NewAge church...
...In sum, there are no flying saucers or even flying colanders...
...Conservatives are divided by the controversy over illegal aliens...
...Michael Jackson and his historic "Moonwalk" will be inaccessible to educated Americans...
...At this year's 40th annual National UFO Conference only 80 people showed up, despite the fact that the conference was held in Los Angeles, California...
...Bill O'Reilly, the nocturnal blowhard at the Fox News network, will duly excogitate a proper conservative position...
...Call them the Halitotic Left...
...The bird, known locally as Boo Boo, gave up the ghost but not before laying three eggs, one of which has borne fowl...
...The world will fall dark...
...It was over a "tiny issue," this smelly old man confided to a reporter from the respected MumbaiMirror...
...THE CONTINUING CRISIS May slipped into the rearview mirror of history a s Republican politicos grew increasingly alarmed that their "political base" will be in grumpy repose come the November elections...
...ing, our "planetary emergency...
...Perhaps this depressing news explains the fevered antics of Mr...
...It is roughly equivalent to the Western practice of fly-fishing, though noisier...
...There has been no attempt to rotate the male voice with a woman's voice...
...Two hundred stalwarts had been expected, and doubtless the Department of Homeland Security was ready for many more...
...Throughout the month the screamers of the Kultursmog warned of its approach and of its possible political consequences, especially for Republicans...
...After Cannes the sun-tanned former vice president jetted on to the United Kingdom where at the Hay Festival he warned of an imminent "planetary emergency...
...Former President Bill Clinton has agreed to write yet another book for his publisher, Alfred A. Knopf...
...Jimmy Carter...
...Those caps have got to be very hot...
...Scientific findings published early in May are sure to dampen the ardor of the Halitotic Left for politics, especially those who rant for former Vice President Al-Gore...
...Reputedly it will "lift spirits," "touch hearts," and probably other parts of the body too...
...The sport involves detonating charges in the Once thought to be a major source for funding the Democratic Party and for acquidng party activists, the UFO movement in the mid-1970s had the vocal support of a Democratic president, the incomparable Mr...
...Clinton's literary representative, confirmed that Mr...
...And so he lives up in a tree with poisonous snakes and very little to occupy his mind other than the grim thought that his tree cannot last forever...
...It took place in Leary, Georgia, on the evening of January 6, 1969, at 7:15 P.M...
Vol. 39 • July 2006 • No. 6
