THE CONTINUING CRISIS
Tyrrell, R. Emmett Jr.
THE CONTINUING CRISIS April began quietly with former House majority leader Mr. Tom DeLay decorously resigning from Congress, the better to defend himself against charges in court of...
...Bush offered mock captions for the photos, saying'Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere' and 'Nope, no weapons over there...
...Tom Wolfe made a brief appearance, possibly to collect morsels for the next edition of I Am Charlotte Simmons...
...Entitled "Nuestro Himno" (roughly translated as "Our Hymen"), the anthem contains a few hot tamales not to be found in the English-language version, for instance, "My people keep fighting...
...Reviewers established that the book was plagiarized from two other sources, both obscene...
...Duke University's high-spirited lacrosse team made almost as many headlines as our troops in Iraq thanks to its members' passion for modern dance...
...On the bird-watching scene police in Collier County, Florida, arrested nine birders, accusing them of participating in a cockfight at the residence of Mr...
...Perhaps he will suggest singing "The Star-Spangled Banner" in Chinese but with a rumba rhythm...
...Speaking at progressive Purchase 14 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR JUNE 2006 THE CONTINUING CRISIS College in Purchase, New York, she allowed as how "I wanted desperately to be an Olympic athlete...
...Tom DeLay decorously resigning from Congress, the better to defend himself against charges in court of campaign finance improprieties and in the media of something like cannibalism...
...It's time to break the chains...
...As liberalism continues its intellectual downward spiral, the toilet looms ever larger in its rhetoric...
...April also witnessed unrest among the nation's illegal aliens, whose complaint seems to be that the late Gen...
...for at the offices of the Nation everything is unisex, often including sex itself...
...On April 22 Mr...
...The first was titled "It Just Gets Worst...
...Keith Richards, the long-time member of the Rolling Stones, had to have his head examined after he fell out of a coconut tree in New Zealand while pursuing his passion...
...Of course, the chair could not have been a lot of fun during morning classes, when many of Miss Storer's pupils are probably still awake...
...The Prince did his cause no good when he explained that "the dogs I eat have been bred to be eaten anyway just like chickens...
...I couldn't run...
...New York T/rues columnist Mr...
...Denmark's Prince Henrik angered Danish dog lovers by publicly declaring his fondness for dog meat...
...The spectacle was certain to elicit many ha-ha-ha's among leftist youths, who, if you have read their acidulous denunciations, consider their lavatory visits an eloquent political statement, perhaps comparable to Cicero's philippics against Mark Antony...
...Battle lines duly formed with such Latino superstars as the hip-hop crooner Mr...
...JUNE 2006 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 1S...
...Bill Clinton stands on the matter, but he is known for his compromising positions...
...Authorities also confiscated several hundred roosters, hens, and chicks...
...Nonetheless, by the end of the month the Halitotic Left was as angry as ever, and the agog editors of the Nation magazine actually devoted their entire May 8 cover to a huge drawing of a toilet--yes, a toilet...
...She did author a brilliant excuse, worthy of other such HSU plagiarists as historian Miss Doris Kearns Goodwin...
...It has never been recovered, not even a dog chop...
...maybe under here...
...Hillary Rodham Clinton volunteered still more tantalizing details from her fascinating youth...
...Neither of the exotic dancers is a member of the Duke faculty, and in fact both are ladies of color, which raised the question of dancing with racial overtones...
...In a magazine interview the Prince, a Frenchman by birth, invited his countrymen to share his taste, an invitation made more painful to the public by the fact that he is honorary president of the Danish Dachshund Club...
...James Taranto's indispensable "Best of the Web" reports that a Dallas Morning News investigative journalist caught Mr...
...Bush, on the other...
...Moreover, she couldn't tell the truth...
...On the other hand in its "Editor's Note" explaining its April blunder the Times did make this asinine admission: "The Times did not publish [a timely correction], as other organizations did, because a telephone message and an e-mail message.., went unnoticed at the newspaper"--a variation on the old line: my dog ate my homework...
...On April 30 Sen...
...Alarmed by the fall he vowed to give up alcohol and cigarettes but at month's end had yet to make any statement on birding...
...Herbert writing this on July 11, 2005: "The photos showed the president peering behind curtains and looking under furniture for the missing weapons...
...The Crisis will not relent...
...And it did...
...ulty...
...Its toilet served not only as a reminder to older Nation readers of the importance of a high-fiber diet for left-wingers of a certain age...
...Miss Viswanathan attributed the filched prose to her "photographic memory," which apparently remembers vast strings of words while remaining completely oblivious to their point of origin...
...The toilet's bowl itself contained a goofy caricature of a sinking President George W. Bush...
...At this writing whether Miss Viswanathan will be prevailed upon to return the half-million-dollar advance she received for her book is unknown...
...Yet the Nation does continue to cultivate the youth vote...
...Pitbull on one side and the Nation's cover guy, Mr...
...He was given two bodyguards and asked to stay away from the lacrosse team...
...During one of its midnight terpsichorean sessions two teammates allegedly got carried away and raped one of two "exotic dancers" in attendance...
...Controversy ensued...
...Bush offered mock captions for the photos, saying 'Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere' and 'Nope, no weapons over there.., maybe under here?'" And on January 26, 2006, he wrote this: "The photos showed the president peering behind curtains and looking under furniture in the Oval Office for the missing weapons...
...Obviously Prince Henrik will never be made honorary president of the Danish Chicken Club, and things could get worse...
...Miss Sue Storer, 48, testified that the noisy chair caused grave embarrassment, particularly on "parent-teacher evenings" when she was seated with parents at close quarters...
...No one has yet to hear where Mr...
...Said toilet, built in conformity with the very latest environmental regulations, was neither a "his" nor a "hers...
...Antonio Ldpez de Santa Anna actually won our War with Mexico, and all native-born Americans owe Mexico billions in back taxes...
...Bob Herbert made plagiarism history when it was revealed that he has actually plagiarized himself...
...Finally there is improvement at the New York Times, which had to recant two bogus stories in March but only one in April...
...Danish newspapers are reopening their inquiries into the mysterious disappearance in the early 1990s of one of the Prince's dachshunds from the palace grounds...
...I couldn't jump...
...The unrest worsened when various Spanish language radio stations broadcast a Spanish version of "The Star-Spangled Banner...
...So she entered politics...
...Whereupon the boxy-built junior senator from New York divulged the sudorific events: "I did everything...
...While on the subject of plagiarism, there has been another plagiarism reported at Harvard State University, though this one does not involve the faeThe Prince did his cause no good when he explained that "the dogs I eat have been bred to be eaten anyway just like chickens...
...In Bristol, England, an employment tribunal found no merit in a schoolteacher's complaint that her classroom chair needed to be replaced because when she sat in it it sounded as though she had broken wind...
...I couldn't swim...
...Little, Brown and Company withdrew How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got a Life, a Chick Lit novel by Miss Kaavya Viswanathan, a 19-year-old HSU sophomore...
...I ran every race, and i f I was really lucky I finished last...
...The second column was pertly titled '% President Who Can Do No Right...
...Jesse Jackson to the paunch...
...At this printing, the Black Panther Party of the USA has arrived on campus to mediate, beating the Rev...
...Obviously Prince Henrik will never be made honorary president of the Danish Chicken Club, and things could get worse...
...Juan Valdez...
...Watch for her to become a stand-in for Miss Kearns on PBS's NewsHour...
Vol. 39 • June 2006 • No. 5
