THE CONTINUING CRISIS
Tyrrell, R. Emmett Jr.
THE CONTIN R. EMMETT UlNG CRISIS TYRRELL, JR. March was an unlucky month for Mr. Charles G. Taylor, Liberia's former president who was captured in Nigeria and taken to Freetown, Sierra...
...Why no lawyers from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) were on hand remains unknown...
...During those years of mischief and madness you doubtless kept American Civil Liberties Union lawyers all over New Jersey busy, and doubtless every one of them thought they were working for the next Mahatma Gandhi...
...In religious news, someone blew the top off Iraq's al-Askari mosque, one of Shiite Islam's most sacred shrines, setting off a series of reprisals that left several mosques topless and many Iraqis headless...
...Miss Offerdal obviously drinks a bit, but not Jimmy...
...She appeared at Howard University flanked by lawyers from the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People and the National Organization for Women...
...He merely fumes down in his Georgia hideaway and dreams up ways to embarrass Republican presidents...
...On March 29, when stopped by a Capitol Hill police officer for circumventing a metal detector in the Cannon House Office Building, the spirited Georgia Democrat pummeled him with her cell phone and uttered strong remonstrances...
...Death also claimed the life of Mr...
...According to the Asian News International, the Ansaris must live apart or suffer "social boycott," which in Islam can prove injurious to one's health...
...Cyril Bish, "The Godfather of Nut-Growing...
...There he will have competition from scores of elected representatives, most notably Congressman Barney Frank, who smells like a candy store, and Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney, whose fragrance is unknown, for getting close to her can be perilous...
...Kreimer won a $150,000 lawsuit against the county plus $80,000 in legal fees...
...How much longer before President George W. Bush suffers a similar fate...
...Miss Offerdal is a Norwegian dogsled driver who asserts that she was attacked by a"large and aggressive" rabbit as she drove her team in rural Troms County, Norway...
...Kreimer, a homeless person who abhorred soap, deodorant, colognes, and even a change of socks, was wont to plump himself down in library reading rooms amidst bourgeois readers and simply reek until they called in the authorities...
...Aftab Ansari was ordered to separate from his wife, Sohela, after he was overheard yelling "I divorce thee" in his sleep...
...Through the proceedings, according to the Washington Times, Congresswoman McKinney "spoke very little," which is unusual...
...Decades after the 39th president of the United States evoked laughter across the nation by claiming to have suffered an attack from a giant rabbit during one of his humorless canoe trips, Miss Wenche Offerdal claims to have suffered a similar assault and she is not even a failed American president...
...According to the Koran, a man who utters the word "talaq" (pronounced roughly 9@'l-te fish) or "I divorce thee" three times is officially divorced and does not even have to get a lawyer...
...His trial was in its fourth year and might have gone on for several decades had the tedious Dutch food not gotten to him and the prison's strict regimen of morning cornflakes without his traditional slivovice...
...How long will it be until this delightful eccentric shows up on Capitol Hill...
...Now Mr...
...The girls in those magazines have been my companions," he told the newspaper Utro, which sounds like an anatomical part in English but is not...
...Also among the month's obits is Addwaitya, the 255-year-old giant tortoise widely believed to be the oldest animal in the world...
...Ansari's...
...Having lived in recent years at the zoo in Kolkata, India, Addwaitya had not been in good health in recent decades and probably could not even remember the good old days back in the mid-18th century when he was the pet of the founder of the British Empire in India, General Robert Clive, who used the tortoise as an ottoman on ceremonial occasions...
...Ansari must stay at her father's house and sleep at least once with another man but not if he is wearing a chicken costume or stands on his head during breakfast...
...For an update on his progress, check this space next month...
...Former President Jimmy Carter is vindicated...
...He has been awfully quiet these last few weeks, as if Senator Russell Feingold had ended up censuring him...
...Kreimer has returned to action and won a settlement against a New Jersey transit company and two drivers who attempted to keep his foul carcass off their bus...
...An Afghan who had converted to Christianity was spared execution in Kabul after Western governments intervened, but an Indian Muslim may not be so lucky...
...MAY 2006 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 9...
...Slobo" 8 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR MAY 2006 THE CONTIN UING CRISIS conked out while sleeping in his cell at The Hague war crimes tribunal...
...I want them to accompany me to the next life...
...Finally the Russian Hugh Hefner was in the news in March...
...Well done, Mr...
...In Jalpaiguri, West Bengal, Mr...
...The coffin is lined in red satin, and Mr...
...This was her fifth altercation with Capitol Hill police since 1993, and she followed it up with a press conference wherein she charged the cop with racism and misogyny...
...Kreimer--homeless and happy for 15 years...
...Vladimir Villisov, having suffered a heart attack, has had a coffin built for him that is large enough to contain his entire collection of pornographic materials...
...Charles G. Taylor, Liberia's former president who was captured in Nigeria and taken to Freetown, Sierra Leone, where he will be put on trial for war crimes...
...By the end of the month fear of a civil war abated and several Western hostages were released including Miss Jill Carroll, the freelance reporter for the Christian Science Monitor kidnapped in January...
...Bish, 84 and a native of Nebraska, was known for creating hybrid nut trees that could laugh off Nebraska's inclement winters and burst with delicious nuts by mid-summer...
...Richard Kreimer, the Garden State Stinkpot, whose smelly presence in New Jersey's public libraries caused him to appear frequently in this column in the early 1990s, is back in the news...
...The dogs were completely perplexed," she attests...
...His lasting achievement was "black walnuts with large kernels," according to the authoritative New York Sun, but he was also proud of his pecans, hazelnuts, and hickory nuts...
...Villisov often climbs in and has a good read...
...Howard Dean no doubt, assuming anything is on his mind...
...Bish's mettle will no longer be needed, and his hybrid nut trees will probably be sauntering across Nebraska in bikinis...
...The Ansaris can get back together only if they separate for 100 days during which Mrs...
...Slobodan Milosevic, the former president of the former Yugoslavia, suffered a fate that former President Saddam Hussein can only dream of...
...When an incautious librarian in the library of Morris County, New Jersey, tried to prevent him from disturbing her clients, Mr...
...That is what was on the mind of Dr...
...Neither librarians nor the polizia, however, could remove him or even admonish him good naturedly unless he lit a cigar or displayed a pinup girl on his person...
...Some ofthis is written in the Koran and some is facetiae-your guess is as good as Mr...
...Now, of course, with global warming on the rise, men of Mr...
...Decades after the 39th president of the United States evoked laughter across the nation by claiming to have suffered an attack from a giant rabbit during one of his humorless canoe trips, Miss Wenche Offerdal claims to have suffered a similar assault and she is not even a failed American president...
Vol. 39 • May 2006 • No. 4
