THE CONTINUING CRISIS
Tyrell, R. Emmett Jr.
THE CONTINUING CRISIS R. EMMETT TYRRELL, JR. May exited unto history with more evidence accumulating of the colossal awe in which the Islamic world holds Godless America. Islam's amazement over...
...Apparently he did not charge for the appearance...
...James Skwarok, a distinguished local environmentalist...
...The mayhem took place in New Zealand, the Philippines, British Columbia, Delaware, and Busselton, Australia, where as many as 75 of the clumsy oafs hit the shoreline...
...Williams did not apparently remember that on his last full day in office Mr...
...Early in May Newsweek reported—inaccurately—that American jailers were flushing whole Korans down their toilets...
...According to the Center's really disgusting researchers, the homosexual armpit smells different from the heterosexual armpit—deodorants notwithstanding...
...Kim is rumored to have the largest women's underwear collection outside the Arab world, but that was not mentioned in the accompanying story Conflicting reports of the Rev...
...Tensions heightened between North and South Korea after a South Korean daily, Dong-a Ilbo (pronounced: sponge factory), published a photograph of North Korean dictator Mr...
...i4 Having called Republicans "corrupt," "brain dead," and "evil," the excitable former governor of bucolic Vermont heaved in the judgment that Republicans "are mean, they are not nice people...
...Thus far only Norwegian and Japanese fishermen have taken action against the overpopulation of the seas by whales and porpoises, and Mr...
...What his wife was doing in the toilet remains unexplained...
...The Crisis continues...
...Jenkins was injured when a portable toilet exploded when he sat down and lit a cigarette...
...In Morgantown, West Virginia, Big Tobacco got off easy when Mr...
...Michael Isikoff, the Newsweek reporter, got away...
...John Jenkins, 53, and his wife Ramona, 35, filed a lawsuit after Mr...
...Observed Miss Linda Yanko, manager of the Geauga West Library: "I can't even believe we're discussing something like this...
...Islam's amazement over the power of American arms has mounted since the overnight toppling of the Taliban and of President Sad-dam Hussein...
...Admittedly he was not wearing a coat and tie, but his costume gave off no repugnant odors and attracted no flies...
...Talk about coming out of the closet...
...He suffered through still more revelations of how he has amassed his vast fortune...
...Later in the month Senate minority leader Harry M. Reid joined in, calling our suave President a "loser...
...I paid a big price for it...
...In Rome, Italy, a judge has brought hate-crime charges against Miss Oriana Fallaci for writing in a book that Islam is a growing menace to Europe...
...In that historic city, Mr...
...In Nairobi, Kenya, President Mwai Kibaki's wife, Lucy, known as the Hillary Rodham Clinton of Africa, stomped into the offices of the Daily Nation to protest articles defaming her husband...
...Former President Bill Clinton launched his long-awaited counterattack, informing NBC's Mr...
...How far we have come...
...Skwarok, who was dressed up to look like a giant piece of feces though he is not, came to the meeting to apprise officials of the threat human waste poses to the Pacific Ocean, a body of water already overburdened by dangerous levels of whale manure and, of course, much superfluous porpoise dung...
...Meanwhile, seagoing mammals continue not only to pollute the seas but also to endanger the world's beaches...
...Said Clinton then through his spokesman, "...certain of my responses to questions about Ms...
...Whatever their origin, the pictures sent Islamicists once again into the streets in several Islamic countries, where doubtless several were killed in keeping with Islamic holy law...
...How soon we forget...
...The sportsman pulled the vehicle some 20 meters without breaking any of the eggs and causing only minor damage to his ears...
...The loose-fitting cotton briefs looked more like off-the-rack underwear than the stylish silk undergarments that might have been expected of the extravagant dictator...
...Having called Republicans "corrupt," "brain dead," and "evil," the excitable former governor of bucolic Vermont heaved in the judgment that Republicans "are mean, they are not nice people...
...Uegene Safken revived his companion by mouth-to-beak resuscitation and yelling, "You're too young to die...
...Of a sudden, mobs of credulous rioters—their imaginations aflame with visions of voracious American toilets swallowing Korans and possibly the entire Oxford English Dictionary—took to the dusty streets of Islamia, killing each other...
...JULY/AUGUST 2005 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 13...
...Also, they were not monogrammed...
...Kim Jong Il wearing platform shoes with four-to-five-inch heels...
...Brian Williams that "The charges that the House sent to the Senate were false...
...Perhaps the time is nigh for officials at the United Nations to develop a condom distribution program for seagoing mammals...
...Skwarok pronounced himself as being "bummed out" when Canadian officials snubbed him...
...I made a bad personal mistake...
...An apparently drowned chicken was revived in Collbran, Colorado...
...Abu Musab al-Zarqawi's health appeared on the Internet, giving rise to claims that the Jordanian murderer is also a hypochondriac...
...But I was acquitted because the charges were false...
...In May there were no fewer than five reports of whales slamming into beaches, frightening tourists, and causing incalculable environmental damage...
...Zhang Xinquan, 38, of Dehui, China, pulled an automobile with his ears while walking on eggs...
...Safken probably should have used the Heimlich maneuver, but the bird might have soiled his blouse...
...And in Cleveland, Ohio, librarians report that hundreds of books have had to be destroyed after they discovered that their pages had been stained in urine...
...Howard Dean's proclivity for billingsgate...
...What are they afraid of, the Catholic Church...
...America's homosexual community has yet to react to a malodorous report from Philadelphia's Monell Chemical Sense Center...
...Senator Jean-Francois Kerry did not...
...After slapping a cameraman and shouting denunciations, she waved a copy of the offending newspaper before the eyes of stunned journalists, only to be informed that the paper she was holding was not the Daily Nation but the Standard whose offices were in the chicken coop down the street...
...Wu Yi, paid a brief visit to Japan, and while on the subject of briefs, the Islamic world became agitated for a second time in May when a British tabloid published pictures of former President Saddam Hussein in his briefs, or at least in someone's briefs...
...China's vice-premier, Mrs...
...Lewinsky were false...
...So I did a bad thing...
...A generation ago activity like that would have warranted a visit from the vice squad...
...Now it is the vast superiority of the American toilet that astounds the dirty-necked galoots...
...Clinton admitted his guilt in a signed affidavit to Independent Counsel Robert Ray...
...In Iraq, one pietist was quoted as saying, "We hated and feared Saddam when he was president, but now that you Americans have taken pictures of him in his underwear we love him...
...According to the authoritative Boston Herald, the Senator applied campaign funds to pay off $287 in parking tickets and a $3,150 bill for Boston Red Sox tickets bought the night he threw out the first ball at Fenway Park before the Democratic National Convention...
...In sports news a Chinese athlete, Mr...
...Ratification of the European Union's constitution appeared moribund after both the French and the Dutch rejected it...
...In Canada, journalists are still trying to discover why officials at a government meeting in Victoria-Beacon Hill refused entry to Mr...
...Jenkins is suing the company that owned the property on which the toilet was once situated and another company that he charges with damaging the toilet...
...Armpits, indeed...
...Back stateside, America continues to be swept by the Dean Phenomenon, that being an allusion to Democratic Na12 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR JULY/AUGUST 2005 THE CONTINUING CRISIS tional Committee Chairman Dr...
Vol. 38 • July 2005 • No. 6
