The Arlington Ladies: American volunteerism at its most moving
Macomber, Shawn
ARLINGTON LADIES American volunteerism at its most moving. BY SHAWN MACOMBER NE AFTERNOON towards the end of March, 200 mourners slowly trekked under a bright blue sky to the plot where...
...It did not sit well with him to watch a fellow air-man make this final journey alone...
...I T'S CLEAR IN SPEAKING with these women that per-forming the duties of an Arlington Lady calls for something above and beyond being able to dress well...
...I'm willing to be there on both ends because I know someone will do the same for me...
...It shows them that their loved one's service was not forgotten and also that their loss has not been ignored...
...But there is also something larger, in the very best sense of the "one for all, and all for one" sentiment, at work here...
...This is probably at least partially because the vast majority of Arlington Ladies are either retired servicewomen themselves or from military families, a culture not given to bragging...
...We are not mourners...
...An average week at Arlington will see between 80 and 100 burials on its 612 acres, and the final week of March was within that margin...
...Nevertheless, Pfc...
...Once invited, the motivations for becoming an Arlington Lady vary, but only slightly...
...on the ties that bind rather than the walls that separate...
...They attend every funeral at Arlington to ensure, first and foremost, that no soldier is ever buried with no one in attendance, and second, to serve the needs of family members, whether they are present at the funeral or not...
...There is some distance you can get from the situation just by recognizing you are part of the ceremony," Willey agreed, but added that when death comes suddenly or orphaned children are involved it can be tougher...
...It comes in the form of a con12 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR MAY 2005 servatively dressed woman who—whether amongst a throng of mourners, seated alongside the family, or standing as the sole attendee—is there to help shepherd the fallen soldier during his final mile...
...Normally it isn't difficult to get someone to go on record about a noble pursuit...
...What he saw disturbed him: There wasn't a soul at the service, save the chaplain and the Honor Guard members con-ducting it...
...A smattering had no friends or loved ones in attendance at all...
...These volunteer women are known as "The Arlington Ladies...
...The Marine Corps, true to its separate nature, does not have a contingent of Arlington Ladies, but a representative of the Commandant is at every funeral...
...But these people are giving of themselves every single day...
...It can be emotional, but that's a different thing...
...Dying young carries with it an implicit sense of tragedy that draws people—emotionally and physically—to it...
...Then, it's not that their family abandons 1 MAY 2005 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 15 THE ARLINGTON LADIES them, it's just that they go back to their own lives...
...The feedback we get suggests that's true...
...So, just as not everyone is made for the Honor Guard, the Arlington Ladies are a select group...
...BY SHAWN MACOMBER NE AFTERNOON towards the end of March, 200 mourners slowly trekked under a bright blue sky to the plot where 20-year-old Army Pfc...
...We all have our times of joy and sorrow and that's what unifies us as human beings...
...Sixteen other servicemen, most of them veterans many years older than Arciola, were likewise buried...
...It was sort of a fluke...
...Shawn Macomber is a reporter and staff writer for The American Spectator...
...What they do here is absolutely vital to our mission, but those moments they share with the families and our servicemen and women are intensely person-al...
...And I mean honored...
...As members of military families, we have a special insight into what their life was like...
...Others attracted dozens or fewer mourners...
...But hopefully they'll have a memory of some-body being there, being kind and touching to them in some way...
...You feel an even greater need to be there, like you're helping to close the circle...
...Arciola's funeral was the largest the cemetery had held in a few weeks...
...One of the first things I tell all my families is, `I am your Arlington lady, not just now but forever, and you can always contact me,"' said Paula McKinley, the chair of the Navy Arlington Ladies...
...In fact, they were surprisingly difficult to track down at all...
...Usually by the end of a service, families have a glazed look," Willey added...
...There are few things in my life that have given me as much satisfaction as serving as an Arlington Lady volunteer," Margaret Mensch of the Army's Arlington Ladies contingent added...
...The Arlington Ladies, as a group, really are committed to keeping those moments and their work sacred...
...Vandenberg, the nephew of the legendary Republican Senator Arthur Vandenberg, was about as dedicated an airman as they come...
...After winning the Distinguished Service Medal and Silver Star for his service during and tactical planning of the Normandy invasion, Vandenberg began a dizzying series of pro-motions that landed him in the Air Force's top spot at MAY 2005 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 13 THE ARLINGTON LADIES the sprightly age of 49...
...There's no draft...
...Oftentimes I'll get a letter a few months after a funeral from someone saying, `I didn't comprehend what you were doing at the time, but thank you for being there.'" For those who have not served in an official capacity, it might be difficult to understand what draws this group of women to events most of us spend our lives trying to avoid...
...Thus, an Arlington institution—eventually to become known as the Arlington Ladies—was born...
...It's a feeling I can't even describe, sharing 16 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR MAY 2005these moments with people...
...They don't seek publicity," Army Major Kevin Stroop, a regimental chap-lain who performs funerals at Arlington, said...
...We are there to pay tribute...
...There is, it seems, still such a thing as selfless service...
...It's a bond that is built to last...
...But this group of no-nonsense women did not jump at the chance to talk about themselves...
...But there is another unifying element, much less publicized than the 21-gun salute, but just as important in both a practical and symbolic sense...
...We're here to pay our respects and support the families of those lost," Willey said...
...But the grieving is not over...
...When you see what period they served in, you have a good idea of what that person may have gone through...
...If that day comes I know there will be an Arlington Lady standing there with me...
...It's not emotionally grueling in the least," McKinley said...
...There is no sign-up form on the Internet or any open call: One must be asked to join their ranks by another Arlington Lady...
...There have been times, I'll admit, when I've had to fight back a big lump and stare at the sky or do whatever I have to do to keep myself from falling apart...
...Arciola was not the only one laid to rest that Friday at Arlington...
...Most people are aware of one aspect of this, the Honor Guard...
...A lot of people these days seem to believe the military is terrible," she said...
...This is about some-thing bigger than flaunting what we do for brownie points...
...When he brought this black cloud of concern home, his wife Gladys worked to soothe her husband's worries by personally attending Air Force personnel burials and founding the Arlington Committee...
...What we do is always important and meaningful, but when you are alone at a funeral there is an added relevance," Willey said...
...You get pretty good at reading between lines," Willey said...
...They also write their own note of condolence, based upon an information sheet provided by the government with dates of service, awards given, and name of next of kin, as well as any other information the chaplain can provide...
...We just want to remind them they are still in our hearts and we are still available if they need us...
...Mostly it comes down to the same reasoning that draws a lot of people to regular military service: Honor, duty, country...
...As in most matters, however, the military prefers to focus on cohesion rather than dissension...
...One day, hopefully a long time away yet, I could be the one burying my husband," she said...
...Willey, for example, became an Arlington Lady after much cajoling from a close friend and fellow military wife...
...This is as true of funerals as it is of boot camp...
...But I quickly realized what a unique opportunity this was to serve the Air Force...
...They're gone emotion-ally...
...He took pride in defending his men from the enemy and Washington bureaucrats alike...
...I agreed to try it out just to shut her up," she laughed...
...If there are family members present, an Arlington Lady will deliver a personal note of condolence from the chief of staff's office...
...When I finally get Linda Willey, wife of a retired Air Force Colonel and a 13-year veteran of the Arlington Ladies, on the phone, she is effusive and cordial, but makes it plain she is not looking for any out-side affirmation of what she does...
...The larger than usual crowd was no surprise...
...THE STORY OF THE ARLINGTON LADIES stretches back to a day in 1948 when Air Force Chief of Staff General Hoyt Vandenberg happened upon the funeral of an airman at Arlington...
...It's an honor to be asked to be a part of these ceremonies that pay tribute to the everyday heroes that make up the armed forces...
...Arciola, a recipient of both the Purple Heart and the Bronze Star, was shot and killed on patrol in Al Ramadi on February 15...
...This may sound like hyperbole, but consider the following: McKinley has placed roses on a grave for years at the request of a Navy widow and last summer on what would have been the couple's 50th anniversary she sent along 50 roses because it's what she imagined the husband would have done...
...If family is unable to attend a funeral, an SHAWN MACOMBER Arlington Lady will send a letter describing the service and the day, right down to the sounds and smells in the air...
...And you do it, because part of my job is to protect the integrity of the ceremony, to make sure every-thing goes smoothly...
...There are nowmore than 160 active Arlington Ladies...
...We write everyone a follow-up letter six to eight weeks later, as well" McKinley said...
...In most families, there's a great support group that hovers for a month or so...
...We're just giving back a little to those who have given us so much...
...The young man had been so well loved in his hometown of Elmsford, New York, that more than a thousand people came to his memorial service there...
...Everyone in the military has chosen to make the military their life, and whether it's for four years or forty, they deserve to be thanked and honored...
...Interviews with other Arlington Ladies quickly make it clear that Willey's claims are not frivolousfalse modesty, but truth...
...That's why I'm here and I've never lost sight of that...
...The complimentary Army Arlington Ladies was founded in 1972, with the Navy following suit in 1985...
...It's not easy, and it's not for everybody, that's for sure...
...For McKinley, serving as an Arlington Lady helps make up for some of the indifference to military sacrifice in modern society...
...For those grieving far away, a personal let-ter letting them know that someone was there can help soothe their sorrow...
...So these funerals we attend really feel like the funeral of somebody from our extended family...
...Michael Anthony Arciola was about to become the 123rd soldier killed during Operation Iraqi Freedom laid to rest at Arlington National Cemetery...
...The first reaction to the prospect of a laudatory article is rarely reticence...
...The Arlington Ladies' mission has evolved since those early days...
...We don't want a pat on the back or any gold stars...
...The connection between the bereaved and an Arlington Lady does not end when the funeral is over, either...
Vol. 38 • May 2005 • No. 4
