THE CONTINUING CRISIS
Tyrell, R.Emmett Jr.
THE CONTINUING CRISIS R. EMMETT TYRELL, JR. March is histoire but wit survives! The National Foundation for Infectious Diseases has given its annual award to ex-Boy...
...I'm from a city...
...He never actually mentioned Mr...
...Kofi Annan is not as big a liar and crook as his son Kojo...
...And the King of Pop added from Outer Space that "I'm a strong person, I'm a warrior...
...In news from down under, urologists had to remove a Romanian man's wedding ring from his sexual organ after his mistress placed it there to protest his falling asleep during coitus...
...windows of a modern high rise...
...Former Boy President Bill Clinton was readmitted to a New York hospital for follow-up surgery after his heart surgery of last fall, thus providing still more evidence of the health perils of recreational sex...
...Finally students of abnormal psychology will no longer be flocking to the "CBS Evening News...
...Jane Fonda, winner of two best actress Oscars and author of several stupendously successful fitness videos and books, announced that she will be undergoing hip-replacement surgery in the near future...
...Jackson as a "genius" and "an icon for our ages" who "has taken this phenomenal journey from ground zero to outer space...
...Hall, a dentist, seems to be the victim of a sex education class that went awry...
...The sheep, a 200-pound ram, had been stolen from the university's prestigious Sheep Center, where it was an integral part of the center's famed study of homosexuality in sheep...
...Thus spoke the man who coined the phrase "feces doo doo...
...On March 9 Mr...
...Vasile Barbulescu, an obvious Type A from the booming city of Galati in southeast Romania, tied a string around his penis because he did not have the time to urinate causing him to be rushed to a local hospital after he could not untie his knot—probably a bowline knot, favored by semen...
...As for Mr...
...Siegert, he has pleaded drunkenness...
...Jackson, who was not asked to submit to a breathalyzer after the interview, introduced Mr...
...Syria announced plans to remove all its troops from Lebanon by the end of May...
...Bernie Ebbers, once chief executive of WorldCom, was convicted for his role in the largest corporate bankruptcy in American history, and a non-partisan report on the United Nations' oil-for-food scandal chaired by Mr...
...The project, long thought to be promising in improving man-kind's relations with sheep, may have suffered a serious setback if the sheep was treated inappropriately by Mr...
...The birds, all cedar waxwings, are known to have a weakness for the fermenting berries, and this would not be the first time Prosecutors produced evidence that Mr...
...He was fla fla but always entertaining, as a drunk falling down a stair-case is entertaining...
...They also produced an alleged victim of Mr...
...Was his last word a whispered "Amen" or a remonstrative "Ahem...
...That fulgurous feud that for over a decade has been the family life of Mrs...
...Possibly his aspiration is to be a fertility doctor...
...He now faces painful surgery and months of therapy...
...Terri Schiavo continued but not her life, which ended on March 31...
...If he had a premonition of the clownish mob of Washington politicians that would join the five million mourners about to descend on Rome for his burial rites, an "ahem" could be expected from the man who will soon be known as John Paul the Great...
...He is accused of multiple misdemeanor counts of using a syringe to squirt spermatozoa into the mouths of at least six female patients unbeknownst to them...
...The National Foundation for Infectious Diseases has given its annual award to ex-Boy President Bill Clinton...
...This follows last month's report of another Romanian urological catastrophe that arrived too late to be included in T H E C O N T I N U I N G C R I S I S last month's "Continuing Crisis...
...Jack Johnson...
...Dan Rather signed off for the last time, stubbornly intoning his most famous adios "Courage...
...In other white collar crime cases, Mr...
...Jackson, the father of three and owner of many exotic animals, kept pornography and stuffed animals in his posh home along with an occasional headless mannequin...
...1 MAY 2005 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 11...
...I don't know anything about sheep...
...Prosecutors produced evidence that Mr...
...Jackson's home the "King of Pop" deposited $10010 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR MAY 2005bills in his pantaloons, which was not part of any Choose-To-Save program he had ever heard of...
...I don't know anything about that," the 280-pound athlete replied when asked if he stole the sheep...
...Three teenagers in Fort Myers, Florida, who held another teen for a $50 ransom to be dropped off at the nearby Taco Bell were arrested after the teen's father refused to enter the fast-food joint and notified the polizia...
...Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton was not with her husband for the award ceremony...
...Paul Wolfowitz was nominated to head the World Bank...
...So readers might want to avoid those videos and books, even if she does look fetching in spandex...
...Throughout the month the effort continued to make Mr...
...In Charlotte, North Carolina, Dr...
...Moreover the award presentation was made at the Ritz-Carlton in Pentagon City, the very same Ritz-Carlton where Miss Monica Lewinsky's coming out party took place...
...John Hall, has been indicted...
...Otherwise it was a bittersweet month...
...At Oregon State University, homosexual rights activists became aroused when it was reported that star football player Mr...
...In the Bronx, animal protection authorities seized 25 roosters after spotting a lone birder carrying a fighting cock into his basement, where he had kept the birds for the pleasure of his fellow aficionados...
...And in Columbia, South Carolina, some 100 birds were treated for shock and concussions after becoming inebriated on holly berries and crashing into the that bird watchers of dubious ethical values laid out a spread of the fermented delights and then gathered at a nearby high rise to watch the fun...
...Jackson's earlier uninvited familiarities, who testified that when he was at Mr...
...No one in the studio laughed, but we laughed...
...Jackson, the father of three and owner of many exotic animals, kept pornography and stuffed animals in his posh home along with an occasional headless mannequin...
...Jackson began to counterattack, for as he said in a radio interview with the Rev...
...The Rev...
...At the end of the month his attorney, Mr...
...Paul Volcker demonstrated that Secretary General Mr...
...German Chancellor Gerhard Schroder, still reveling in his victory in a German court barring journalists from claiming he uses hair dye, announced a pack-age of economic reforms that were largely cosmetic...
...Bird watchers were again in the news...
...Michael Jackson look weird, though when filmed entering the courthouse he looks perfectly normal to those who watch the "stars" on Oscar night...
...Muhammad Ali and Mr...
...Two French opinion polls showed a majority of French opposing the European Union constitution, and Mr...
...Then he conjured up images of venerated black pugilists from the past such as Mr...
...Gary Coleman, but Coleman did come to the minds of many...
...By the end of the month the feisty Mr...
...Jesse Jackson (no relation) he is "a fighter...
...T H E C O N T I N U I N G C R I S I S R . E M M E T T T Y R R E L L, J R. March is histoire but wit survives...
...Ben Siegert, 20, was discovered to have a pilfered sheep secreted in the back of his pickup truck...
...Siegert and has gotten funny ideas...
...George Laughrun, declared that "We knew these indictments were coming," and that a defense is being mounted...
...She made the announcement on March 10 after under-going outpatient treatment to her knee...
...Unfortunately, several syringes containing the young doctor's bodily fluids have been confiscated from his office by sex crimes detectives, who are all too familiar with the old "sperm in the syringe" trick...
...In Rome Pope John Paul II's life drained away, ending on April 2 and initiating a scholarly debate...
Vol. 38 • May 2005 • No. 4
