THE CONTINUING CRISIS
Tyrrell, R. Emmett Jr.
THE CONTINUING CRISIS R. EMMETT TYRRELL, JR. January passed, all 31 days of it, with the casualty list of history's deadliest tsunami climbing steadily towards 200,000 and probably beyond. Yet...
...March 2005 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 13...
...The aptly-named Senator Barbara Boxer combined her disagreeable objurgations against Miss Rice with a fundraising campaign...
...Nor, of course, would he have them underhype it...
...According to Bloomberg, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating this deadly gas...
...During his Meet the Press interview, when asked if he agreed with Senator Edward Kennedy's pre-Election Day exhortation to withdraw American troops from Iraq, the Hon...
...Jackson's residence...
...On January 15 Abu Ghraib's leading water-boarder, Army Spc...
...Jonathan Klein...
...with all...
...Well said...
...Carlson's pathetic run-in with comic genius Jon Stewart, Mr...
...Yet Mr...
...Zarqawi's goal while remaining deeply disappointed by his methods...
...Apparently he is to be out of the news, at least at CNN where the pudgy Mini-Con fell out of favor with that network's latest chief executive, Mr...
...Klein revealed that the disagreement is more substantive...
...That "someone" almost invariably was a captured Iraqi thug, not the abandoned young woman whom Senator Kennedy water-boarded three and a half decades ago...
...Pee Wee Herman, another bow-tied original who is well known to tie his own knots...
...Howard Dean ended the month as the Democrats' likely choice to replace the disgraced Mr...
...This year's Nominee Number 5, according to the Bloomberg News Service, lived on a diet consisting almost solely of beans and cabbage, a vegan's dream diet...
...No one has claimed the decedent's effects...
...The scientists have found that French cheese is the most foul-smelling in the world...
...On January 15 Abu Ghraib's leading water-boarder, Army Spc...
...Unfortunately, those who live by beans and cabbage can die by beans and cabbage...
...In California, Superior Court Judge Rodney Melville ruled that the Michael Jackson jury will be able to witness "adult" items seized at Mr...
...Three members of the emergency rescue team attempting to revive Nominee Number 5 became ill, and one was hospitalized...
...The Awards are given annually to those nincompoops whose stupid deaths suggest that they have thereby improved the human gene pool...
...Yet still no Islamofascist terror group has appeared on Al Jazeera, the Arab world's equivalent of CNN, to take credit for the calamity...
...Happy days are here again...
...Abu Musab al-Zarqawi's faithful have taken full responsibility for murdering hundreds of Iraqi citizens—men, women, and children—pursuant to disrupting that country's first free elections in over half a century...
...No European or anti-war Democrat would approve of that, though some Democratic leaders did go pretty far into the wilderness...
...Yet Senator Kennedy could retrieve at least one bit of good news in January, and in the unlikely occurrence of the aforementioned tsunami...
...In grilling attorney general nominee Mr...
...Everybody wins...
...Kennedy...
...At first it appeared that Mr...
...Carlson's anatomy and in such a short time is still unknown...
...Terence McAuliffe as chairman of the Democratic National Committee...
...The announcement of the 2004 Darwin Awards has put vegetarianism in a very bad odor...
...This is, according to the Associated Press, "graphic sexual material that was heterosexual and homosexual in nature...
...From Morgantown, West Virginia, comes word that the fun is over for employees of the Pilgrim's Pride chicken processing corporation...
...On the very day that the Iraqi election was proving to be a colossal success, Senator Jean-Francois Kerry appeared on Meet the Press and warned his fellow citizens not to "overhype this election...
...The Hero of Chappaquiddick was actually heard to lament the atrocity: "water-boarding...
...Throughout the month no Democrat was more oblivious than the Hon...
...While on the subject of mayhem, after a boisterous floor debate the Senate confirmed Miss Condoleezza Rice as secretary of state...
...Then, nine words later he said, "I 12 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR March 2005 agree with Senator Kennedy's perceptions of the problem and of how you deal with it"—so categorically, yes...
...Tucker Carlson is again in the news...
...Apparently it is even more disgusting than acts described in the Starr Report...
...Even to hype the election might be deemed an impropriety by the haughty Francophile who had already on January 14 met personally with French President Jacques Chirac, possibly to protest recent findings by scientists at the UK's Cranfield University...
...Klein has learned so much about Mr...
...its descriptions about drowning someone...
...Charles Graner, Jr., was sentenced to ten years...
...Carlson, to wit, that his bow tie is a clip-on...
...The effort apparently made perfect sense to Old Europe and to the leadership of the Democratic Party, all of whom seemed to approve of the Rev...
...Stewart had called Mr...
...Following up on a story appearing in this column's September edition, that Clintonite judge who was suspended from the bench late last year for allegedly masturbating with a "penis pump" beneath his robes during hearings after witnesses complained of hearing a "whooshing" sound has suffered further invasions of his privacy...
...But early in the month Mr...
...Kerry said categorically, "No...
...Responding to the state's recent ban on cockfighting, state Senator Frank Shurden, a leading defender of the sport, has proposed legislation that would allow the show to go on if the roosters wear little boxing gloves...
...Look for Clintonite legal counsel Mr...
...In one incident during Election Day in Iraq, the terrorists actually transformed a child suffering Down's syndrome into a suicide bomber...
...Bird watchers in Oklahoma are no longer in despair...
...After Mr...
...After People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) released a secretly recorded tape showing workers in a slaughterhouse stomping and kicking chickens to death and in some instances slamming them against walls, Pilgrim's Pride has fired the insensitive employees and is auspicating a re-education program in all its 24 North American Plants to end to this tomfoolery...
...Charles Graner, Jr., was sentenced to ten years...
...Carlson does get around, and now he is off to MSNBC where he could be paired with Mr...
...It was definitely a missed public relations opportunity for the dirty-necked indignados, though the Rev...
...Senator Kennedy remains at large...
...Klein had fallen for the old canard against Mr...
...Who's going to object," Senator Shurden asks, "to chickens fighting like humans do...
...Throughout the remainder of the interview the Democrats' incomparable 2004 presidential marvel followed his famous rhetorical formula of Affirmation and Contradiction, Affirmation and Contradiction, suggesting once again that the Democratic Party is the Party of Obliviousness...
...Mark Geragos to come in for the defense...
...What Democratic wag encouraged the anile Senator Kennedy into this embarrassing exercise remains unknown...
...Tucker "a big dick...
...In the remote islands of Andaman and Nicobar, an Indian helicopter dropping aid to some of the disaster's presumed victims was driven off by tribesmen using bows and arrows, thus suggesting that quite possibly the small amount of money Senator Kennedy would appropriate for the Pentagon's Strategic Defense Initiative is perfectly THE CONTINUING CRISIS sufficient to America's defense needs—at least, if the anticipated aggressor is from the Indian subcontinent...
...Judge Donald Thompson of Oklahoma's Creek County court has actually been charged with three felony counts of indecent exposure, though it is obvious that his penis pump was always concealed from public view and if courtroom personnel did not like that "whooshing" sound they did not have to listen...
...Gonzales about a particular Abu Ghraib torture called water-boarding...
...Alberto Gonzales during confirmation hearings, it fell to Senator Kennedy to badger Mr...
...How Mr...
...Senator Kennedy remains at large...
...CNN reported a "massive cow manure mound" burning out of control in Milford, Nebraska...
...Klein told the Associated Press that he "came down more firmly in the Jon Stewart camp...
...And we are not talking about the kind of tapes seen by adults on ESPN...
...The man (name withheld) was discovered dead in his poorly ventilated bedroom after asphyxiating himself on his own gas emissions...
Vol. 38 • March 2005 • No. 2
