THE CONTINUING CRISIS
The Continuing Crisis December shut the door on 2004, which, if one thinks about it, could be a lyric in a rap song, except for the fact that it is not obscene, violent, degrading,...
...Clinton announced that one can no longer argue the non-existence of global warming "in polite company...
...In his second effort he brought another blind friend along and a teenager whose sight is unimpaired, but THE C NT NU again after about 25 miles a tree could not be avoid-ed...
...Sidney Blumenthal, for his priceless collection of Clinton memorabilia which he plans to donate to the Smithsonian after the Clintons are beatified...
...If people from Evenimentul Zilei newspaper want me to prove to them that I have no homosexual inclinations," the hearty PM asserted, "I will test all their wives and girlfriends to show them where my preferences really are," even the hairy ones...
...Since then there have been numerous apparitions appearing on unlikely relics, one being a piece of toast featuring the face of British pop figure Joe Pasquale...
...To an audience composed of many young people—some notably aroused—the impeached president insisted that clean technologies such as solar power and windmills are "becoming a bipartisan issue in America...
...Sultan Hashim Ahmed, who has no catchy nickname...
...Now she is merely rude...
...And this magazine gave its "Man of the Year" to Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi...
...Oh no...
...In December, Prime Minister Adrian Nastase solemnly and publicly offered to copulate with the wives and girlfriends of all the journalists at the Romanian newspaper Evenimentul Zilei, but not the boyfriends...
...Both are founding members of the F*** for Forest organization whose members are dedicated 8 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR February 2005 to saving the environment by entering into sexual congress in public, even in inclement weather...
...He didn't want to cross it illegally...
...and he testifies, "There I was, minding my own business making toast and I was just about to spread my favorite lemon curd [sic] across it when I looked a bit closer and there he was...
...Also it appears that the Iraqi tribunal established to try former Mr...
...Prica is the blind man who has now twice stolen an auto-mobile and crashed it into a tree, though on both occasions the autos and trees were different...
...In Kristiansand City Court they refused to pay fines for an earlier lascivious appearance at a rock concert and boasted that they raise over $15,000 monthly for the cause, remaining free of sexually transmitted diseases and pocketing but 15% of the take, if pocketing is the right term...
...Early in December, former President Bill Clinton adumbrated what may become a major theme in his post-presidential life, to wit: global warming and alternative energy...
...Scott Peterson's trial got off to an inauspicious start when his father began the process by boasting that the former fertilizer salesman and convicted uxoricide had been captain of his high school golf team...
...Ali Hassan al-Majid, known as Chemical Ali, and former Iraqi defense minister, Mr...
...I can understand these ladies have desires," declared Mayor Anghel, "but their kind of problems need to be solved somewhere else, not in the Town Hall of Braia Mare," which is rapidly becoming known as the Malibu Beach of Romania, though it has no beach...
...In Kristiansand City Court the two appeared wearing what press accounts described as "children's clothes" and declaiming for the Rain Forest...
...Back in the United States of America, something called Golden Palace.com set off a wave of copy cat send-ups when it supposedly purchased on eBay for $28,000 a grilled cheese sandwich bearing on one side the image of the Virgin Mary...
...Guy Harris, 28, of Thatcham, England, owns this particular item...
...Romanian pol izie arrested 24-year-old Mr...
...Also from Old Europe comes word that observers are marveling at the progress Romania, once a Communist despotism, is making towards becoming the California of Europe...
...His claim that his alarm over global warming is shared worldwide received corroborative emphasis when two of his Norwegian supporters, Mr...
...Cristian Anghel, has issued a public statement imploring local women not to use his town hall's hotline to ply him with invitations for romance...
...Young Mr...
...A pulchritudinous female judge from the Buch arest Municipal Court was forced to resign by a Romanian judicial panel after authorities established that she, Miss Simona Miss Lungu, 36, had appeared in an X-rated film...
...In an earlier era she might have rolled her own cigarette...
...The mayor of Braia Mare, Romania, Mr...
...In Ramnicu Valcea, Romania's equivalent of Marin County, a thief was nabbed by a jewelry store owner 40 feet from the site of his crime after the suspect paused at a pedestrian crossing...
...All depends on which party wins the January elections, the party of the first part or the party of the second part...
...President George W. Bush's essential personhood was acknowledged when he was named "Person of the Year" by Time, which spelled back-wards is "Emit," one of the many misspellings of the middle name of this magazine's editor...
...The leg was part of that huge statue brought down by the American Army upon entering Baghdad, but doubtless in time the dictator's personal limbs too will be on the block...
...And there is more...
...Wladyslaw Pleszczynski, who while adding to his pollen collection on a late autumn expedition in Fauquier County, Virginia, nearly stepped on a cow paddy bearing the silhouette of a bosomy Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton...
...Joe Peterson, swore that "He's a listener, a talker, someone that cares...
...Hussein and members of his government is laying plans to bring at least two to court soonest: Mr...
...Tommy Hol Ellingsen, 28, and Miss Leona Johansson, 21, brought their case to a Norwegian court...
...Clinton is their favorite American president...
...Dan Dumitrescu, 34, "was just standing there waiting until the lights changed and he could cross the road...
...He's just got so much to share that there would definitely be a positive...
...All this from Romania in a month...
...Ac-cording to a news release, the "Sacred Sandwich" will travel across America in a "custom-made carrying case" borne in a "virgin white Cadillac" with a reporter from the Miami Herald, Mr...
...In the strict Islamic state of Iran, that 14-year-old boy who was sentenced to 85 lashes for breaking his Ramadan fast died...
...Upbraiding the Bush administration's environmental record during a day-long energy symposium sponsored by him at New York University, Mr...
...The penalty phase of Mr...
...Peterson's fate was sealed after his half-wit half brother, Mr...
...Then Mr...
...Hussein, looking fabulous in an understated three-buttoned gray suit and an open-necked shirt that revealed just a tuft or two of chest hair, appeared in court on December 18, which must be the Iraqi equivalent of casual Friday, for usually he has appeared in full military regalia including running shoes...
...Nor did December in Romania end on that risible report...
...T R . E M M E T T T Y R R E L L, J R. December shut the door on 2004, which, if one thinks about it, could be a lyric in a rap song, except for the fact that it is not obscene, violent, degrading, or imbecilic...
...Pleszczynski carefully removed the Sacred Dropping from the damp soil and plans to offer it for sale to former Clinton Administration factotum, Mr...
...The jury opted for the noose...
...Perhaps the most amazing relic has been discovered byAmSpec's own editorial director, Mr...
...Jim DeFede, accompanying the sandwich and chronicling this "incredible piece of Americana pop culture...
...The left leg of former President Saddam Hussein was put up for sale on the Internet...
...In his first attempt he drove alone for about a mile before encountering the tree and knocking himself out...
...In the strict Islamic state of Iran, that 14-year-old boy who was sentenced to 85 lashes for breaking his Ramadan fast died February 2005 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 9...
...Prica was taken in for questioning and, yet again, an ice pack...
...This Crisis is uncritical...
...Alin Prica for the second time in a month...
...Ellingsen even dropped his trousers...
...Nastase was responding to questions from the news-paper's reporters who had heard rumors that he is gay, or as they say in swinging Romania, "loose in the loafers...
...According to a local policeman, the thief, Mr...
Vol. 38 • February 2005 • No. 1
