BEN STEIN'S DIARY: Scared at 60
Stein, Benjamin J.
Ben Stein's Dairy Scared at 60 by Benjamin J. Stein THURSDAY IT IS MY 60TH BIRTHDAY. It iS also Der Tag. Thanksgiving. It is a beautiful, sunny, clear but cool day. The plan here...
...6. There have probably been about 15 billion people on this earth since the dawn of man, and I am among the most fortunate few hundred thousand, and all of that is an unearned gift of God...
...fighting man and woman, but she said the State Department endlessly betrays them...
...Wifey and I are in the Caddy and Tommy and his pals Boris and Vlad are in the WRX...
...I'm passionate about fighting these people," she said (referring to the terrorists and "militants"), "because I don't want my kids growing up wearing burkhas...
...I was HYSTERICAL...
...The whole purpose of my life on this earth is to do what I think God wants me to do, which is mainly to love and care for my fellow man and woman...
...But you should talk to your son...
...It was a sullen, anger-charged affair...
...2. Compared with the huge problems that most people face, I have almost no problems at all...
...The car pulled Tommy over and I followed them...
...d. To have never been in combat...
...Mine made a peeling noise...
...It was idiotic to It is one of the basic building blocks of human development to admit one's mistakes and to clean up after oneself...
...I don't get it...
...That's right...
...effort is, how undermanned we are there, and how Rumsfeld (according to her) has a plan to sell out Hamid Karzai and the whole democratic movement there...
...B E N S T E I N ' S D I A R Y Scared at 60 by Benjamin J. Stein THURSDAY IT IS MY 60TH BIRTHDAY...
...You cannot believe the inroads the militants are making in South Africa...
...And will you leave the house as neat as you found it, recalling at all times that it's your house, too...
...He also said, "You often see beautiful young women with much older men, but never with much older poor men...
...This time he got way ahead of me...
...More about it soon...
...I make a great many mistakes and always will, and to expect myself not to make them is pure folly...
...c. To have never been severely or at least life-threateningly ill...
...Of course, I am always scared, but now I'm really scared...
...Lara talked nonstop about how bad things are in Afghanistan, how disorganized the U.S...
...But that's impossible," I said...
...February 2005 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 55 B E N S T E I N ` S D I A R Y think that any 17 year old, and especially Tommy, would behave responsibly in a beach house without his father or mother there...
...I'll say it again, I am scared...
...8. The amount the government can do to affect my happiness in a free society is tiny...
...I had a roommate in freshman and senior year of Columbia who simply could not ever clean up after himself or accept any responsibility...
...John had a great deal of wisdom and he is missed desperately...
...But as I, who make the family's living and whose health is never great, went about the house cleaning, I called Tommy to ask how he could have made such a mess...
...I guess so," I answered...
...You live in London," I said...
...Will you be really, really neat and not do anything dangerous...
...Maybe that's in the offing...
...OUTSIDE the fireplace, proving that my fears of a fire were well founded...
...Anyway, that is a very short version of what I have learned...
...Keys missing...
...It's for eating after all...
...I want to be among the hearty, happy people of the great inland Northwest...
...What happened to "The End of History...
...The beds all unmade and messy...
...trust anyone there...
...Of course," he said...
...I met her last night when she and I were both guests on CBS's The Late, Late Show and invited her to lunch...
...Tons of food missing...
...Okay...
...How long can such a great life last...
...She is phenomenally smart and brave...
...I tried to reach Tommy to tell him to come home right away...
...e. To have had loving, caring, prosperous parents...
...I won by the next block...
...She landed on her face, bleeding like crazy, and nevertheless reported on TV very soon thereafter with blood coming out of her mouth...
...Recently in Afghanistan her Humvee hit a mine and she was thrown into the air almost 20 feet...
...Did you make a mess...
...No, it's all fine," he said...
...No, it's all fine," he said and then fell asleep...
...Dirty dishes in the sink with uneaten food on them...
...I want to be in Sandpoint...
...If it's war, we need to mobilize for war...
...However, then Tommy went out with his pals and seemed a lot more cheerful later...
...One adult was there, but he was a pal of Tommy's barely 20, and he obviously did little to help...
...I had visions of the house—which I love like mad—going up in a wild conflagration, lost to me forever...
...4. Almost any "problem" I have can be dealt with by rest, reflection, and conversation with someone B E N J A M I N J . S T E I N who cares about me, usually my shrink, the genius Paul Hyman...
...Singed newspapers outside the fireplace...
...He was furious anyway and very rude at dinner...
...Dogs and cats are my best friends and they are a special gift from the Almighty...
...One of them was bringing a girl...
...I said it was fine, and we peeled out...
...Of course," he said...
...In any event, I refuse to let Tommy occupy all of the space in my head...
...He's almost 60 now, and still a huge—although likable—baby...
...Wow, it is hard to be a parent...
...I am scared...
...It's a choice between a society based on love and a society based on fear and repression...
...0E I am scared...
...The policeman shrugged and went off...
...But I also did not feel very well and did not want to make the one hour trek out there in the middle of the night...
...He was sure I had somehow set it up...
...He refuses to admit he did anything wrong...
...7. Modest application of self-discipline in the area of study, work, and saving yields stupendous returns over time...
...TUESDAY STUNNING LUNCH AT MORTON'S with a beautiful, highly capable woman correspondent for BS's 60 Minutes...
...But how I wish Tommy could step up to the plate and admit some responsibility...
...b. To have my wife, the world's finest human...
...This will serve to celebrate my birthday as well as Thanksgiving...
...We need to take it all a lot more seriously...
...He blamed me...
...Bush takes this seriously...
...I should say, to be accurate, that Tommy's car did not make a peeling noise because it has four-wheel drive...
...She had nothing but the highest praise for the U.S...
...But the police, staring at me intently, motioned to me to stay in my car...
...Will you swear to not start a fire or do anything that could endanger our house...
...I don't want to be beheaded...
...Tommy yelled at me that he wanted to race along Olympic Boulevard west of Barrington, where the road was wide and deserted...
...Then they came to me...
...Did you burn down the house...
...She regaled us with tales of the thousands of young Afghans and Pakistanis at the madrassas getting filled with hate and fiction about the U.S...
...But I finally fell asleep and next thing I knew, I could hear Tommy coming home...
...Well, so much for my one and only 60th birthday dinner (or lunch...
...g. To have great friends, a great sister, nephew, niece, cousins, and, above all, son...
...The terrorists are out of control and getting more so...
...At least for me...
...5. There is no medication on this earth as potent in curing my ills as the simple prayer, "Thy will be done...
...That was at about ll in the morning...
...They then went over to Tommy...
...Sure enough, the house was a mess...
...Well, it's really my husband's fault," my wife said helpfully...
...There are so many Moslem women in Durban now covered head to toe except for their eyes...
...Is it later than I dare think...
...There are millions of Moslems in Britain," she said...
...Of course, I am always scared, but now I'm really scared...
...Now, here's the point I was promising to get to...
...Probably, most of the fault for the Malibu house incident lies with me or mostly me...
...Alas, moments later a police cruiser appeared behind him with its lights flashing...
...It all terrified me...
...We finished our lunch (I had fresh tuna) and I got into my Cadillac and drove home to sit by my swimming pool in the sun under a palm tree with my dogs sniffing around the flagstone decking...
...I hope Mr...
...Anyway, no calls from the Fire Department so I guess it's cool...
...How right he was...
...You know how crazy I am, so the following little drama will probably come as no surprise to you...
...He said he wanted to know if he and a couple of his friends could drive out to the house in Malibu...
...So, I tried to sleep and did sleep off and on through the night...
...I wish some drug company would invent a med that counters the effects of teenage years, just as they have drugs that counter manic depression or PMS feelings...
...I asked him...
...I want to be in Priest Lake...
...But that was positively upbeat compared to her assessment of the situation in Iraq, which she sees as basically hopeless...
...What's more, I try to work with systems and to learn lessons and here are a few I have learned as of my 60th birthday: 1.1 am unbelievably lucky: a. To be an American...
...There's not much danger of that there, is there...
...February 2005 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 57...
...So, I claim the lion's share of the guilt...
...All around the east coast of Africa there are forests of mosques...
...I had a late supper with a friend from Fox News, and the day was not wrecked...
...Tommy wanted to race again...
...SATURDAY NOTICE I TALK A GOOD TALK...
...I tried to point out to him that 54 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR February 2005 it was because of me that he didn't get a ticket...
...Her name is Lam Logan...
...Again, I peeled, and he didn't...
...My wife was telling me I was insane...
...I live by these words of wisdom...
...We're just giving him a warning, because we know who you are and we like you," said a policeman...
...They want to take over and impose sharia there...
...3. I am a supremely lucky person, but what happens to me is not terribly important, to put it mildly...
...I asked him...
...h. Above all, to have learned to love and worship a God of love and understanding...
...Last night, Tommy very charmingly sidled up to me as I was reading the Wall Street Journal at our home in Beverly Hills...
...Tommy was furious...
...I could feel my blood pressure going into stroke and heart attack territory...
...Later in the afternoon—this afternoon—I drove out to Malibu with a creepy ESP feeling...
...He was surly and refused even the slightest admission of responsibility or apology...
...But stay in touch with me by phone all through the night...
...She also talked at length about Ben Stein is a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer in how unreliable the Pakistanis are and how we can't Beverly Hills and Malibu...
...Obviously he had been up all night...
...Well, the food is fine...
...I don't know," she said...
...But in my life with my son, I am a stone fool...
...Well, that is my own insanity, allowing him to go out there by himself...
...It is one of the basic building blocks of human development to admit one's mistakes and to clean up after oneself...
...I don't want to be beheaded...
...How did all this bad stuff come along a few years after we were in "The Golden Age" under Clinton...
...9.1 am blessed beyond measure to be protected by the brave men and women of this country's armed forces and nothing I can do can adequately repay them, but they have my total gratitude and what little acts I can do...
...No answer on the cell...
...He's 60 years old and he should know better...
...John Gregory Dunne, a true genius who died far too young this year, said in one of his great books, "Having kids is not a day at the beach...
...And in many aspects of my life, I walk a halfway decent walk...
...By one am., I had gotten calls from three ofhis friends wanting to know how to meet him there...
...Of course," he said...
...The plan here is to have lunch at the California Yacht Club out at Marina del Rey...
...We've got to get our act together...
...f. To have an interesting, well-paid career...
...Wiley and Phil DeMuth came along...
...But a pattern is developing with Tommy that is worrisome...
...If we are fighting a global war to protect free society, it won't be won by tax cuts...
...No answer on the house phone...
...These people are on the move...
...She's a South African who started covering the apartheid struggle as a teenager and worked her way to being a CBS correspondent in Iraq and then for a year in Afghanistan...
...We did...
...We are going in two cars: my 2001 Cadillac DeVille DTS and Tommy's powerful Subaru WRX...
...This is something so fundamental that if it's missing, the human never progresses past childhood...
...Bush, you are far more of a wartime president than you may realize...
Vol. 38 • February 2005 • No. 1
