THE CONTINUING CRISIS
THE CONTINUING CRISIS R. EMMETT TYRRELL, JR. July is no more, nor is the Democrats' 2004 national convention, their most stertorous on record, including their 1894 snorer that nominated Governor...
...In another Clinton story, Mr...
...Death also snatched Mr...
...Daniel J. Joyner, 27, on charges that he has been having sexual relations with local dogs, in particular a pit bull-boxer mix whom its owner says he injured...
...By the end of July both the U.S...
...In suburban Chicago, Illinois, lawyers for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) may be called in to defend Mr...
...SEPTEMBER 2004 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 9...
...The trouble began after the crew members spilled half their dinners in the aisle during the four-hour flight, making it difficult for them to get to bar or rest-rooms without stepping on the backs of diners, all of whom had foregone their seat belts for the feast...
...This really is the Senator from Easter Island...
...There was no campaign "bounce," not even a Bunny Hop...
...With ever more evidence of his mendacity accumulating, Mr...
...So what if attendees do not show up strung with binoculars and wearing silly hats...
...Charles W. Sweeney, the admirably unrepentant pilot of the plane that dropped the second atomic bomb...
...It is said that his graven mug is the creation of plastic surgeons injecting Botox...
...In fact by August, he was rising to the lofty heights of the great Hiss himself...
...The Crisis wobbles on...
...Judge Donald Thompson, 57, of the Creek County Court is faced with removal from the court for masturbating with a "penis pump" beneath his robes during hearings...
...Apparently Mr...
...Alexis de Rede, 82, "last of the well-born bum-boys...
...He has been an animal rights advocate since a bad experience that he suffered while working in a pet shop some years ago...
...Be very afraid...
...Finally Tere-ay-zaah's husband spoke...
...Slobodan Milosevic prosecutors asked that he be forced to accept a defense lawyer with wide-ranging powers before the former Yugoslav president dies of old age...
...Everywhere they speak Spanish," Mr...
...Nonetheless, television ratings were dismal...
...Viewers missed a lot...
...They rushed out on the campaign trail all hugs...
...Alger Hiss, has a new hero, a Hiss for the Twenty-First Century...
...One night it opened with the singing of The Star Spangled Banner by members of "the Tohono O'odham Nation," if there actually is such a thing...
...Witnesses have testified that they heard "whooshing" noises during proceedings...
...Chernopup's sniffiness was the last straw...
...In LaGrange, Georgia, a score of birders was arrested at what local authorities adjudged a cockfight, one of hundreds that take place on the countryside every week...
...Can Mr...
...and in the first week of July Mr...
...Marlon Brando, the rastaquouere film legend, was cremated at a private ceremony in Los Angeles attended by family members and—it is to be hoped—employees of the Environmental Protection Agency...
...Actually, the scant attention paid to the convention by most Americans is surprising given the zaniness of the proceedings thanks to the convention's prodigious numbers of gays, feminists, vegetarians, nudists, Militants With Head Lice (MWHL), People Born Without Belly Buttons (PBWBB), and all the other special pleaders who compose the modern progressive movement...
...David Havenner, 41, was arrested for hitting his girlfriend with a three-foot alligator and pelting her with beer bottles in their mobile home...
...Congratulations to Miss Charlotte Benkner, the world's second oldest person, who died in North Lima, Ohio...
...Wilson win the Award for Truth Telling two years in a row...
...July is no more, nor is the Democrats' 2004 national convention, their most stertorous on record, including their 1894 snorer that nominated Governor Grover Cleveland...
...He died in Paris where he had lived...could Mr...
...Does this mean that lush photo spread of him in Vanity Fairwill be transformed into Wanted posters on Post Office walls...
...A. Chernopup, flying from Moscow to Nizhnevartovsk (pronounced gzhn yyarts ifusck) was set upon by "exhilarated" crew members when he objected to their tippling and asked to be served by "a sober and competent" attendant...
...Americans lived because Sweeney flew," as the saying went...
...Wilson to be a liar...
...Be very afraid, indeed...
...When the plane landed he was treated for a black eye and soup stains...
...Senate Intelligence Committee Report and Britain's Butler Report on the intelligence operations that preceded the Iraq War found Mr...
...Hubert Allen Jr., an actual breeder of highly prized gamecocks, explained to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution that the growing interest in bird watching in the old South is propelled not by locals but by Hispanic construction workers...
...According to Izvestia, a Mr...
...Bird watching continues to grow in popularity in the American South, though it can be dangerous...
...Then we hear his mysterious pronunciamentos on public matters, and we know...
...Former President Saddam Hussein was reported to be suffering from a prostate infection, though he enjoyed the Democratic presidential campaign immensely and could even tape a message for one of the Democrats' "soft-money" criticisms of President George W. Bush...
...According to Miss Debra Bree, assistant Kane County state's attorney, the dog has recovered and been returned to its owner, though it is acting "funny...
...And Miss Lisa Foster, a court clerk, says she has seen the judge's member at least twenty times...
...Some wag could have been pulling the convention chairperson's leg...
...The alligator was not hurt...
...And his running mate is Bambi...
...Joyner, known as a local "character" for his repeated arrests on charges of theft, DUI, breaking into automobiles, and possession of cannabis, is six foot four inches tall...
...The Nation magazine, long-time defender of the late Mr...
...Be afraid...
...Taki Theodoracopulos reported in the July 24 London Spectator the tragic death of Mr...
...Yet to those of us who know our archaeology we look at Senator Jean-Francois Kerry and see something else...
...The convention was bejeweled with "firsts...
...Wilson wowed the credulous with such Hissisms as "I was ambushed by a Republican National Committee smear campaign based on lies and distortions" and "Your government will do everything in its power to destroy you and your family...
...A police officer claims to have seen the judge pumping his infernal device...
...In another of his "world exclusives" Mr...
...In Oklahoma, another Clintonite is having his sexual privacy invaded...
...8 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR SEPTEMBER 2004 In the war crimes trial of Mr...
...We see another of those great stone heads found on Easter Island...
...Yet he continues SIS THE CJ INUING CR to lie as well he should having won the Nation's 2003 Award for Truth Telling...
...Teresa (pronounced Tere-ayzaah) Heinz...
...Priggishness will get one nowhere in the Friendly Skies of Aeroflot, the prestigious Russian national airline...
...The Huckster from Hope got off a 20-minute rhapsody of deceits in which he equated dodging the draft (his mode of service to his country) with serving in the Texas National Guard pursuant to acclaiming the present Democratic presidential candidate the George S. Patton of his generation...
...The Huckster from Hope got off a 20-minute rhapsody of deceits in which he equated dodging the draft (his mode of service to his country) with serving in the Texas National Guard pursuant to acclaiming the present Democratic presidential candidate the George S. Patton of his generation...
...Gore Vidal be far behind...
...He is Ambassador Joe Wilson, author of The Politics of Truth, who was welcomed through the Liberal Gates of Valhalla last year for affirming (1) that his 2002 intelligence-gathering mission to Niger turned up no evidence President Hussein had tried to procure the essentials for nuclear weapons there and (2) that his wife played no role in getting him that mission...
...There was also a prime-time speech delivered by a woman who actually is a card-carrying member of People Born Without Belly Buttons, Mrs...
...Allen confided from his LaGrange estate, "they fight chicken...
Vol. 37 • September 2004 • No. 7
