BEN STEIN'S DIARY: American Salute
Stein, Benjamin J.
BEN STEIN'S DIARY American Salute by Benjamin J. Stein TUESDAY HAVE SAID IT BEFORE AND I WILL SAY IT AGAIN. You will simply never guess where I am. Go ahead and try. See, you can't. I am in...
...It is America outside of New York, Beverly Hills, and Santa Monica...
...However, I have been warned that at Whitman College there are almost no Republicans and virtually zero supporters of Mr...
...I am in Walla Walla, Washington, in the southeastern part of that beautiful state...
...This is a great way to live...
...What a blessed guy I am...
...They asked me many questions about my stand on the right to life of unborn children, but I answered in what I hope was a forthcoming way, and they all clapped mightily and stood up when I finished to give me a standing ovation...
...The usual questions I get about abortion are "What about a woman's right to choose...
...What a blessed guy I am...
...Crystal blue skies...
...Alas, I was so nervous, I thought I would surely not enjoy it...
...The faces were friendly...
...After all, I said, they are probably here illegally, and it is amazing that a nation gives social services to families who are here illegally...
...So I am a little nervous...
...Everywhere I go I preach the good gospel of gratitude, humility, reliance on God, patriotism, and devotion to one's family...
...When I finished, I got a huge ovation...
...Walla Walla, Scottsdale, Grand Rapids, even Las Vegas, which is basically Midwestern and kind...
...I returned to my magnificent small hotel suite at the Marcus Whitman, a renovated hotel from before World War I, ate the food I had bought at Wal-Mart the night before, toasted some toast in my Wal-Mart $6.87 toaster, and girded my loins to speak...
...I signed autographs for about an hour, had some snacks, and then went off to bed...
...No one raised his voice...
...What a lucky life I lead...
...It is about killing a totally innocent baby, and it is really not an issue of choice when one human being has the right to kill another human being without that human being having due process of law...
...Everything went great...
...The only solution is to go for a ride into the lovely surrounding countryside...
...It was a major struggle 1 to get here...
...I used up three rolls and I only wish I had brought more film...
...I am about to give a speech at Whitman College, thanks in large part to the Young America's Foundation...
...But then, to my dismay, this morning I discovered I had mislaid my driver's license...
...A kindly college boy named Bruce has taken the car of the charming young woman who runs the lecture series, and we set out to the countryside...
...We all rendezvoused at the Seattle Airport and then headed to the small plane...
...Perfectly peaceful...
...Bush...
...BEN STEIN'S DIARY American Salute by Benjamin J. Stein TUESDAY HAVE SAID IT BEFORE AND I WILL SAY IT AGAIN...
...Jets are best, but any private plane is fabulous...
...Smart, good senses of humor...
...I gave a speech to execs and customers of a fine bank called Standard-Federal...
...PHOTO BY BEN STEIN 52 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR MAY 2004 BENJAMIN J. STEIN century, overlooking a landscape that probably has not changed since the Indians were displaced...
...And it all goes down extremelywell...
...The night was warm and dry and breezy...
...I did that mostly by praying, which is always the best preparation for anything...
...No one tried to make the other look stupid...
...No sirens...
...The next day I spoke at the Troon Four Seasons in Scottsdale to a group of kindly insurance people...
...Thank you for making me think of my father in this way and on this night.– And then he hugged me for so long I started to cry, too...
...Then we had supper at a fabulously good cafe called the 1913 Room, and then we had a long political discussion...
...The real problem is 1.4 million of the most innocent among us getting murdered every year, a Holocaust that has cost us about 40 million lives so far, or about 40 times as many as in all of our wars...
...He was so right...
...They were an impressive crew...
...The woman was about to start out on a major tear, but she was distracted by a call, and wandered off...
...My old pal Carl Bernstein, who has been saying terrible things about my hero, George W. Bush, told me years ago that the best thing about speaking was going out into America and seeing how wonderful Americans are...
...Horizons of snow-capped mountains...
...I awoke at three in the morning and looked out at the streets of downtown Walla Walla...
...I don't deserve it...
...The angry people you see on TV are only a tiny fraction of the population...
...It was a small twin-engine turbo prop, but it was fine, and in no time, I was there at the Mandalay Bay Hotel...
...It was paradise...
...Talk about nice people...
...I am here in Vegas for a big event for Pepsi which I am in and which I helped to produce...
...I took many, many photos of the area...
...We put on a show starring Gary Shandling (hilarious), David Spade (hilarious), Mo-Nique (the best of all), and a tiny part by me, and also great show and tell by Dave Burwick, SVP of Pepsi, and the maestro of Pepsi ads for 50 years, Alan Pottasch...
...I don't have a real problem in the world except for mortality, but faith takes care of that...
...SUNDAY BUT WHAT Is Tills...
...Just several days ago, I was in Scottsdale, Arizona, again, as I often am...
...He said, 'I will not survive, but you must survive to bring up your son the way I brought up mine.' No one has ever brought up the feelings in me he did until I heard you tonight...
...At the U of J? Well, wait a minute, this is Los Angeles...where up is down and down is up and white is black and black is white...
...It was a bit like a high school graduation...
...The stars were out...
...She is still beautiful and still full of fight...
...God bless America, and Walla Walla is the America we salute when we salute the flag...
...No gunshots...
...But then neither do any of the lucky Americans I know...
...In Walla Walla, life is good...
...Rolling fields...
...54 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR MAY 2004 FRIDAY ET I , HERE AREME SO PEOPLE who are not quite as lucky...
...As I sat in my chair checking my e-mails, I had the sudden realization that I don't have a real problem in the world except for mortality, and as I have often said, faith takes care of that...
...What did I ever do to deserve to be in America...
...I thought this was quite good and I have tried to remember it...
...A man named Lessard, who makes and sells wine, talked to me about what a great small town Walla Walla is, and how I must see the wheat fields and vineyards outside of town...
...They took their revenge by killing Marcus Whitman and his family, founders of the community) One of the gravestones said, in large carvings I could easily read, "Earth has no pain that heaven cannot heal...
...BEN STEIN'S DIARY TUESDAY ERE I AM IN LAS VEGAS...
...The audience was there for the Computer World IT 100...
...Two nights later I was in Grand Rapids, Michigan, home of my old boss, Gerald R. Ford...
...I just finished speaking to another Jewish group, this one the University of Judaism in Los Angeles...
...ELL, I GAVE MY SPEECH after Wt a rollicking dinner with he College Republicans...
...My father did not survive...
...and "Do you want to go back to the bad old days of back alley abortions...
...Life between the coasts is blissful...
...Then I usually answer that any unnecessary deaths in back alleys are sad, but that whole problem has been wildly overstated...
...A smallish older Jewish man named Eddie came up to me and hugged me...
...WHAT...
...The audience was the nation's bottlers of Pepsi, a lively and happy bunch...
...His tears soaked my shirt onto my chest...
...I said I thought they were still probably better off than in Mexico, or else why would they have come at all...
...I am at a gathering honoring Holocaust Survivors and a museum they have made in Orlando, Florida The Holocaust Survivors are a spectacularly sprightly and lively group, especially the leader of the group, Tess Wisse...
...Then, to my further disgust, my United Express flight was canceled...
...But, I added, there are humanitarian standards that must be upheld whether the families are here illegally or not...
...If Wlady allows, I am going to accompany this article with a photo, which I think you will like a lot...
...I am a survivor," he said...
...She gave a brilliant speech, and I followed it with a few jokes and a speech about devotion to one's parents...
...No one bragged and everyone laughed a lot...
...Most of this country is friendly and cheerful...
...On top of one hill we spied a funeral plot of ancient vintage with gravestones from the mid-19th WALLA WALLA, WASHINGTON...
...The peace was total...
...I have discovered heaven and it is heartland America...
...I was told about its beauty by the kind people who flew here with me on a Horizon Airlines plane last night...
...I had dinner at PF Chang's with my dear pals Barron and Steve, indispensable friends, and then we shopped at the great Barnes & Noble and then had tea at Starbucks...
...A lot of excitement, but who knows what happens when it is over...
...The countryside outside Walla Walla is magnificent...
...Last night in Palm Desert I spoke to an amazing group at the Marriott Desert Hot Springs Resort, a really lovely hostelry...
...Rain fell outside my hotel room as I slept...
...They were not hostile at all...
...z•Ben Stein is a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer living in Beverly Hills and Malibu...
...Theywere a mixed audience, mostly very hostile about right to life, but overall very friendly...
...It all went well and I felt fabulous when it ended, but sad...
...Cathy and Alan and Dave and Richard and Jeff and all the folks from Pepsi and their ad agency, BBDO, are fabulously capable people, hard-working, utterly devoted to Pepsi and its amazing drinks, and a lot of fun to work with...
...Private planes are God's gift to weary travelers...
...They took him away the night before Yom Kippur...
...So I had to go to a special line at the Palm Springs airport and get searched with a fine tooth comb...
...The only really hostile audience member was a wild-eyed woman who (in between talking on her cell phone) said that those beautiful fields I admired so much were cultivated by illegal migrant labor that did not get proper schooling or proper school lunches...
...No drunks...
...Quick like a bunny, my pal Barron, who walks on water, got me a flight on a private plane to Vegas...
...The students loved me and I loved them...
...MAY 2004 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 53 The angry people you see on TV are only a tiny fraction of the population...
...And when I walked out of the auditorium, there was no SS, no Hamas (the Middle East wing of the SS), no NKVD, just glorious, free America God bless, God bless...
...Plus I have been told that I will be faced by militant demonstrators, something that has never happened before...
...I thought a lot about how patient a speaker has to be, thanked him for his frankness, got into my limousine, drove along Mulholland Drive back to Beverly Hills, and wished I were back in Walla Walla, looking out at the perfect rolling hills and the empty, peaceful streets of God's country...
...Thank you, dear Lord...
...I wandered around the Mandalay Bay, saw many drunken people, and then went to sleep...
...Immaculate small farm houses...
...I always answer that it is not about choice...
...MIDNIGHT THE SAME DAY...
...But one lunatic came up to the stage to say he hated me for blaming the Palestinians for the problems when the blame obviously fell on the Jews...
...I think I have discovered heaven...
...WRONG...
...I will say what I have to say and if they boo and hiss, it will not kill me...
Vol. 37 • May 2004 • No. 4
