THE CONTINUING CRISIS
THE CONTINUING CRISIS R. EMMETT TYRRELL, JR. An arctic January evanesced into an equally uncongenial February, leaving only Mr. Al- Gore in extremis over Global Warming. In another manifestation...
...The Rev...
...Chavan is not some kind of nut...
...Leni Riefenstahl, to wit, Mr...
...John Boden, 58, of Merseyide, is being evicted from public housing for repeatedly playing Bing Crosby albums at full volume on his gramophone...
...James Brown continues...
...Steven Browitt and Mr...
...Louis Daidone, 56, also known as Mr...
...Bob Keeshan, too, kicked his mortal coil...
...He will only give it laxatives and a carefully administered enema...
...Daidone, the acting boss of the Luchese crime family, was convicted of the 1990 murder of Mr...
...Finally, the ongoing Crisis of soul singer Mr...
...Bush is a "deserter...
...Neighbors in his upscale neighborhood of north Kolkata report that during an argument with his wife, the lovely Chameli, over their 19-year-old daughter's television addiction, Mr...
...According to news accounts, they have retrieved 310 of the 1,722 missing diamonds, and you can be sure that Mr...
...Dilubhai Rajput is not going to kill his cow...
...Late in the month he was arrested on charges of domestic violence, just days before he was to star at the World Peace Music Awards with co-star Miss Gloria Gaynor, famed for her optimistically titled hit, "I Will Survive...
...Keeshan never once was booked for even a misdemeanor and he suffered none of the ghastly communicable diseases so often associated with children's television...
...Andrew Maloney have been sentenced to three years in jail for beheading a cat and cooking a live mouse in a microwave during what they insisted was only a burglary...
...Maras Haldar's anger management course has been a failure...
...Rather the enlightened cleric recommends walloping them only "on hands and feet, using a light rod so that the blows don't leave scars or bruises," and if they do, buy her a pair of shoes and some mittens...
...Apparently there have been more problems with religious minorities in the United Kingdom, where Mr...
...Herr Brandes could not be reached for comment...
...Yogesh Chavan, who maintains offices in Vashi and Belapur, reports that he has "sharpened" youngsters' powers of concentration by standing before them and filling his 6 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR MARCH 2004 mouth with insects, frogs, and small snakes, none of which he actually masticates...
...Howard Dean, a Pearl Harbor survivor and veteran of the charge up San Juan Hill...
...Rajput's highly trained employees continue "to grope in the dung with their hands...
...Later in the month Gen...
...war hero, endorsed the assertion that Mr...
...Yet at month's end perhaps the Democratic Party's most audacious defamer became Dr...
...The canary could not be revived...
...And in Barcelona, Spain, the Rev...
...And there is more promising news for animal lovers...
...Rather he simply opens wide and allows his reptile guests to peer out from the mezzanine of his mouth...
...And Mr...
...In Mena, Saudi Arabia, at least 244 Muslim pilgrims were crushed to death and many more injured when a traditional "devil-stoning" got out of hand...
...The assertion originated with the Democrats' modern-day Ms...
...In another manifestation of his ineffable timing, the apparently heavily sedated former vice president chose January 15—New York's coldest day in 47 years—to tell an audience of zealots from the left-wing MoveOn.org that, owing to President George W. Bush, North America is sweltering...
...He was 76...
...His family had his remains cremated...
...Gore submitted his entry to the month's Defamation of the President Contest conducted by all Democratic leaders, most of whom are presenting themselves as war heroes...
...He will only give it laxatives and a carefully administered MARCH 2004 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 7...
...Finally from the subcontinent comes one more entree...
...William J. O'Donnell, the gruff Roman Catholic peace protester arrested some 250 times in three decades, died in Berkeley, California, while writing a sermon—possibly when he paused and actually read his vitriol...
...Rajput is keeping the THE CONTINU1G CRISIS soap dispensers full at his office's restrooms, if he has restrooms...
...Gore, whose military service in Vietnam covered three desks and at least one R&R, called President George W. Bush a "moral coward...
...Then Mr...
...Mohamed Kamal Mustafa, a spiritual leader to Mohammedans in the southern Spanish city of Fuengirola, was sentenced to 15 months in the calaboose for "encouraging violence against women...
...Death claimed the life of Mr...
...enema...
...John Pierre Kerry, the highly decorated Vietnam (North...
...Rambling Rudy Phillips, King of the Hobos...
...A lot of preparation goes into my demonstrations," the chipper Mr...
...Now having fed the bovine burglar prodigious quantities of whole grains and prescription laxatives, Mr...
...Michael Moore, holder of two Congressional Medals of Honor, the Legion of Honor, the Ben & Jerry's Peace Prize, and the Nobel Prize for Cinematography...
...Possibly there will be a duel...
...Rajput is the diamond merchant from western India whose pet cow consumed a bag of precious gems that the idiot left on a haystack...
...More promising news for animal lovers...
...Louis Bagels, for loan sharking and murder...
...Following up on last month's latest cannibal case in Germany, apparently the German courts do believe that cannibalism is illegal but not murder...
...The Rev...
...The spiritual allure of Islam may be spreading beyond the Arab world and even beyond the species Homo sapiens...
...Bird watchers everywhere could rejoice over the conviction in New York City of Mr...
...Yes, he said "spell...
...Chavan says...
...In the Taiwanese city of Tainan, a 50-ton sperm whale exploded on a city thoroughfare, splattering blood and blubber everywhere but causing no injuries...
...Miss Barbara Walters is ending her 25-year stint on the ABC television show 20/20 to pursue other journalistic opportunities, and in Youngstown, Ohio, famed WKBN anchor Miss Catherine Bosely has been encouraged to resign after appearing in a "wet T-shirt" contest somewhere in Hawaii...
...Haldar found himself at a loss for words and lit himself afire after dousing gasoline on his person...
...Known as "Captain Kangaroo" to two generations of children on CBS and public television, Mr...
...Dean called Senator Kerry a "Republican...
...For instance, in the case of frogs I have to clean the frog thoroughly because frogs, being a cold-blooded animal, urinate at the touch of a warm hand...
...Mustafa is apparently a somewhat progressive imam, for in his 120-page book, Women in Islam, he admonishes husbands against hitting "the little lady" on sensitive parts...
...As far as a snake is concerned," he adds, "I choose a non-poisonous variety...
...Dilubhai Rajput is not going to kill his cow...
...Hence I have to put the frog in my mouth after cleaning it and also before its next urination spell...
...Bruno Facciolo whose bullet-riddled body was found with a young canary in his mouth...
...In the same month when the federal government in Washington put the kibosh on further marketing of silicone breast implants, China's Fuzhou Evening News reported that a lonely tiller of the soil in China's rural Fujian province, having paid some $3,000 for a wife, discovered that he had married a man after his wife's breasts fell off...
...And in another British story, the island kingdom remains in the grip of a pop music hysteria...
...An Indian Yoga instructor may have devised a technique for improving student performance in American public schools that might appeal to members of the National Education Association (NEA), the national teachers' union that has steadfastly rejected vouchers, charter schools, and almost every other educational reform...
...The accused, Herr Armin Meiwes, 42, was sentenced to eight and a half years in prison for killing and consuming an Internet acquaintance, Herr Bernd-Jurgen Brandes, his willing entree...
...The Commerce Department reported fourth-quarter growth at 4 percent, slightly less than had been anticipated but still above the historical 3.5 percent average...
...Wesley Clark, the Hero of Kosovo, and Sen...
Vol. 37 • March 2004 • No. 2
