LAST CALL: Pineapple Pursuits
Mitchell, Amy K.
LAST CALL AMY K. MITCHELL Pineapple Pursuits pineapple A tropical American plant, Ananas comosus, with large swordlike leaves and a large, fleshy, edible fruit consisting of the flowers...
...But in town, store after store offered a wide selection if a bit tacky and absurd...
...It was time to turn myth into reality...
...I checked into a hotel resplendent in the fruity motif...
...By the 17th century in both Europe and America, society contessas would serve the delicacy to show off before guests their indisputably good taste...
...An acrylic, fresh, brightly colored pineapple on a stem enclosed by a golden-gilded frame...
...For naught, I offered to purchase the counterpart, though here I was merely succumbing to my friend's desire...
...Tommy Bahama...
...I couldn't take it any longer...
...In truth, the second pineapple was too squat for my particular taste...
...Oh, well...
...0 NE OF NATURE'S PARADOXES, the pineapple is as sweet on the inside as it is sharp on the outside...
...The pineapple was more than a dessert to them...
...Columbus was struck by its unusual dimensions and tantalizing flavor...
...But even Tommy let us down, merely offering such trinkets as pineapple salt-and-pepper shakers, a sequin-encrusted pineapple pillow, and a pineapple lantern...
...The beds were pineapple-inlaid, the chairs pineapple-backed...
...Not quite...
...And very American...
...I trailed along as his consultant...
...It was a decoration, a symbol of aristocratic hospitality, a beacon light to weary travelers...
...Home sweet home...
...LAST CALL AMY K. MITCHELL Pineapple Pursuits pine •apple a. A tropical American plant, Ananas comosus, with large swordlike leaves and a large, fleshy, edible fruit consisting of the flowers infused into a compound whole with a terminal tuft of leaves...
...The octagonal-skinned fruit that charmed Columbus charmed him, so much so he immediately set out to discover his own pineapple keepsake...
...The pineapple fascinated him...
...That very day, the painting was directly shipped to my friend—lacking, however, the pineapple gift card I had specifically requested...
...Amy K Mitchell is managing editor of The American Spectator...
...I explained that my friend had become spellbound by the painted pineapple...
...We both walked out disenchanted, he because of his lost pineapple, I because of his unhappiness...
...I called the so-named plantation shop...
...Look at its large swordlike leaves and you would think it is a primal tool...
...When he returned to Spain with pineapples in hand, his patrons were equally mesmerized, and the pineapple became a sensation in high society circles...
...In a gesture of Holiday goodwill, the sales woman relented...
...But Webster's quickly tells us the fruit is large, fleshy, edible...
...More important was that I found him bubbling over with surprise and admiration, proudly hanging the perfect pineapple in his home...
...The prickly fruit's first name was the anana, owing to its resemblance to the pine cone...
...The hotel gift shop, like most pretentiously overpriced establishments, availed nothing...
...There were pineapple candles,a pineapple bust, even a pineapple that told time...
...To fill the void, my friend soon thereafter purchased a real pineapple—to be seen, not eaten...
...86 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR DECEMBER 2004/JANUARY 2005...
...Bless her...
...I looked into the mirrors and pineapple designs stared back at me...
...Was our journey at an end...
...Upon closer inspection, we learned the art in question had a domestic partner, and this civil union was not to be put asunder...
...Hanging on the wall, slightly hidden in a corner, there it was...
...But visions of pineapples continued to dance in our heads after we returned to Washington...
...Citing the fruit's overwhelming allure (and my wish to purchase an early Christmas gift), I begged that the pair be allowed to separate...
...We sought the guidance of the supreme "purveyor of island lifestyles" himself, the Hon...
...We sifted through needlepoint pineapple pillows, pineapple lamps, pineapple coasters...
...In 1492 when Christopher Columbus stumbled upon the Americas, he also stumbled over this botanical treasure...
...Determinedly, we trod on...
...Our last stop was a quaint seaside store, which also called itself a plantation shop, where we found finally our very own perfect pineapple...
...My friend was overwhelmed...
...Centuries later, this tradition still lives, as I learned recently during a visit to a small tropical island in Florida...
Vol. 37 • December 2004 • No. 10
