BEN STEIN'S DIARY: Special Deliverance
Stein, Benjamin J.
BEN STEIN DIARY Special Deliverance by Benjamin J. Stein TUESDAY ERE I AM IN EASTHAMPTON, MASSACHUSETTS, standing in a drizzle, next to a football field where my son's team,...
...As always, the teachers say, "He's really bright but he doesn't concentrate...
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...I prayed to God to listen to my gratitude list: waking up in America...
...by Leigh Ligon my feet hurt...
...Only his school is not playing him...
...There were no angry, snarling people...
...And always, wifey, world's most beautiful girl, Alexandra Denman, saint of saints, angel in hotpants, too beautiful to be believed...
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...The people at the diner could not have been friendlier or kinder...
...And so we were delivered...
...So, so old...
...This is literally true: New York during the convention, with GOP families in the streets, was the happiest place it has ever been, as far as I could see...
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...First terrible as a result of being poisoned by the Yale clinic when I had slight anxiety...
...DECEMBER 2004/JANUARY 2005 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 67 BEN STEIN'S DIARY Everyday...
...In fact, to get back to the present, he's standing in 66 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR DECEMBER 2004/JANUARY 2005 BENJAMIN J . STEIN the rain looking massive in his padding...
...No wonder we all have tired, aching feet...
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...I stayed overnight in New York at the glorious Essex House...
...I always have...
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...Anyway, I saw my glorious wife waiting there at the main driveway of the school for me...
...I don't want to be old and poor...
...Tommy gave me an amused look, as if to say, "Que sera, sera...
...Bah (real name), had turned off on Exit 18 in Connecticut, not Massachusetts...
...The other side has this really evilly good runner, number 32, a muscular brute who is literally unstoppable when he gets going...
...Finally, we came to the right exit and I ordered him to get off...
...Well, no use crying over spilt milk...
...If you have arthritic feet like I do, you suffer from inflammation and pain in your joints...
...Bah tried to get onto the Mass Pike...
...The But how I miss my son...
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...He has a hell of a row to hoe...
...Directed by Wady art www.spectator.org man who mocked Iyad Allawi, premier of Iraq, who risks his life every day to bring about a decent society, will not be President...
...And the endlessly kind, forgiving Yale Law School, nourishing mother indeed...
...The spires of Yale receded and I thought hopeful thoughts...
...We all had plenty to eat...
...But how I miss my son...
...For the next hour, every time there was the slightest chance, Mr...
...He had no clear idea of how to get to the destination...
...I like living...
...I fell back asleep and awakened at the Essex House door...
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...This is a big game...
...Well, it's still nice to see him right there looking so big and strong...
...And then I suddenly felt so desperately old...
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...I don't think so...
...Bah at the wheel, shivering in fear...
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...Only this year, they say, "Sometimes, though, he does concentrate...
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...I don't want to die...
...He's second-string fullback...
...I had a real adventure getting up here...
...And next thing I knew, I was happy, happy, happy...
...He spoke almost no English...
...I am a thousand times too tired to drive myself, so I hired a car and driver to take me from Manhattan to Easthampton, a distance of about 180 miles...
...They gave me mellaril, which is a potent anti-psychotic, which left me literally paralyzed...
...I like having enough money...
...The game turned out to be agonizingly close...
...We were on a tiny road under construction with no sign of the lovely town of Easthampton, but a very full scene of Guida's Diner...
...La dolce vita...
...Everyone's saying it's because Bush and Rove mobilized values voters...
...BEN STEIN DIARY Special Deliverance by Benjamin J. Stein TUESDAY ERE I AM IN EASTHAMPTON, MASSACHUSETTS, standing in a drizzle, next to a football field where my son's team, Williston-Northampton, is playing their arch-rival, Suffield...
...Next thing I knew he was awakening me and telling me we were there...
...You cannot imagine how much of my life I have thrown away by being a slave to fear...
...A mighty football-playing monster teenage sullen cherub...
...She has been up here for a few days for parent-teacher conferences...
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...We got back into the car...
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...We were only about a hundred miles from our target...
...In many ways, he impresses me very much...
...There was no KGB, no Gestapo, no OGPU...
...Those times at Yale were thirty-five years ago...
...They are the real stars, not Bush or Cheney or Arnold, and we owe everything to them...
...I see it in Beverly Hills at meetings of self-help groups...
...Playing bridge while stoned...
...That's largely because he's a junior...
...His most recent book, coauthored with Phil DeMuth, is Can America Survive...
...We pulled in there to get directions...
...He has the most beautiful blue-green eyes, like a cherub...
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...I thanked everyone profusely...
...I felt ecstatic and thought of calling my dear pal Nan Adams, but then I realized I would be waking her up...
...The party that believes that it's perfectly cool to take a living baby from its mother's body and then pierce its skull with scissors and kill it while it screams will not be in charge of the Executive Branch (as it is of the media...
...That's enough to go around the circumference of the earth four times...
...The voters saw the Bush team, the Bush family, the Cheneys, and saw faith in action...
...please call for derails...
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...Then there were a few mishaps, and number 32, Godzilla, was put in again, and Williston barely lost...
...You can hardly imagine the times I had at Yale...
...For some reason, there never seem to be any stands at these games so we have to stand on our own feet, in the sopping grass, and cheer and yell while holding umbrellas...
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...TUESDAY NIGHT THANK YOU, GOD...
...68 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR DECEMBER 2004/JANUARY 2005 This new year find out who's being NAUGHTY and who's being NICE...
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...Suffield is rated number one in the league...
...Tommy came over to me and said, "He's a wrestler and I am going to be wrestling him...
...The leaves on the sugar maples were yellow...
...So, he's standing there cheering on the boys who are playing...
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...He is part of it...
...I certainly could not have done that...
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...In the car on the way back, I slept, saying thanks to God over and over and over again...
...But what does it tell us about the employment situation in this country when, for a well-paying job with the chance at really big tips, one of the major limo companies can only get half-blind drivers who barely speak English and really cannot drive...
...In a way, I feel sorry for Bush...
...Call non, to take advantage of this limited offer...
...And then it struck me: I SPEND TOO DARNED MUCH OF MY LIFE IN FEAR...
...Watching the snow fall on the New Haven Green...
...He did and said, "Where de school?' There was an immense sign right in front of us saying, "Williston-Northampton School" and pointing right...
...Now I am almost 60...
...George W. Bush is not taking advantage of it...
...Down by almost a hopeless margin at the end of the first quarter, Williston was ahead by the middle of the fourth quarter...
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...Thank you, God...
...Dan Rather is spinning weird homilies to divert us from the inevitable...
...We have the Constitution...
...According to the American Podiatric Medical Association, as people age, their feet tend to spread, and lose the fatty pads that cushion the bottom of the feet...
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...He was from Guinea, in West Africa...
...Nevertheless, we have a fine coach, Mr...
...I promptly and trustingly went to sleep...
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...Time flies and it scares me...
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...And our side is not rated number one...
...Not at all...
...He had a primitive map...
...Oh, Bob Spearman, great guy, too, and Jonathan Rosen...
...Did you know that the average person takes 8,000 to 10,000 steps a day, which adds up to about 115,000 miles over a lifetime...
...I was really getting angry...
...11"-- to stop neglectingthe part of my body that keeps me mobile...
...having a great wife and son...
...I insisted that the driver be experienced in New England and that he have a thorough map...
...Suddenly, I awakened and could see from the freeway the towers and spires of Yale in beloved New Haven...
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...I have to say they played beautifully, and I led an extended ovation for our side from the sidelines...
...I closed my eyes and prayed to God to take away my fear and then to put Himself into my heart, and do you know what...
...I've tried elevating my feet, soaking them in hot water and expensive massage therapy—but to no avail...
...The man was trying his best...
...There was a small lake near the field...
...The GOP literally piped light into the darkest corners...
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...This country is in the midst of a religious revival...
...I think it's that and something else that I see wherever I speak all over America...
...He has an astounding gift in mathematics, and I think eventually he will bring it to bear...
...I feel like the older I get the more my feet ache...
...Bah had learned and had been guided by a Divine Hand...
...I watched the results in bed in Beverly Hills with the dogs and a camera crew from Jimmy Kimmel watching me and filming me and I went to bed happy...
...I see it in Brooklyn in the person of a young man who voted GOP for the first time because he could not pull the lever for a man who backs partial birth abortion...
...Naturally, the driver was a little man with one bum eye...
...Then great when I came back and became friends with Duncan Kennedy and Mopsy and Dick Balzer and John Keker and Bob and Susan Calhoun and Henry Hansmann and Alan Bentley and lots of others...
...I have my strong, mathematical genius son and my beautiful, good-natured, endlessly patient wife...
...So is Karl Rove...
...I asked him...
...A mighty football-playing monster teenage sullen cherub...
...A UPS driver said, "Just go back a mile, get on the 91 thruway, and stay on it until Exit 18 in Massachusetts...
...Everyone was proud of his or her child...
...Anyway, I gave him very clear directions and told him to wake me when we got to the right exit, namely Exit 18, in Massachusetts...
...He did...
...I sat in my car with Mr...
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...How many times have you heard or said that...standing in line at the grocery store or simply while doing daily routine tasks...
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...It's right there.' He grumpily followed the signs and soon we were at the school...
...This nation is turning its life and its will over to God...
...Our feet have to last a lifetime and I've decided Pr...
...Not once...
...I see it in New York in the faces of men and women at the GOP convention who turned the coldest streets in America into havens of peace and love and friendship all the way up and downtown despite the hatred hurled at them...
...What a shiver went through me...
...I would have been terrified, but Tommy took the prospect of being on the mat with this monster well...
...CNN is trying to pretend it can't happen, but it has happened...
...Leading the demonstrations against the war (always praying for the troops, though, and never calling them criminals and, of course, voting for Richard Nixon), snake dancing for the Black Panthers...
...I don't want to do it anymore...
...My driver, Mr...
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...And here is his main challenge: to be as worthy of praise as the men and women who are fighting for us in Iraq and Afghanistan, to be as brave as they are, as selfless as they are, as ingenious as they are...
...Can't you read...
...How did a NASA invention save my feet...
...Additional weight can affect the bone and ligament structure...
...The Rage of the Left, the Truth, and What to Do About It (New Beginnings...
...The man who said that the paralyzed could walk if a Democrat were in the White House will not be Vice President...
...As soon as I stopped taking the meds, I was fine,which is a premonitory story indeed...
...Smoking and drinking until late at night...
...They have been going well indeed...
...But for the meantime, he has a lot of friends, does not smoke or drink (which I did at his age), does not use drugs, and is on the football team...
...From the moment I slipped them on, they molded to the shape of my feet like I had a custom fit pair of slippers made especially for me...
...I've heard about similar kinds of slippers, but I couldn't afford to spend nearly $70 a pair...
...Even in the rain...
...NI Ben Stein is a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer in Malibu and Beverly Hills...
...I see it in Amarillo at West Texas A & M. I see it in Dallas at a meeting of owners of Sonic restaurants...
...But whatever you do, stay in the left lane and don't get into the right lane for the Mass Pike...
...But it has happened...
...In any event, I was home...
...Conway, and a hard working team, and a few parents on the sidelines...
...This nation is in the midst of a great religious revival...
Vol. 37 • December 2004 • No. 10
