LETTER FROM EUROPE: Service With a Snarl
Gedmin, Jeffrey
LETTER FROM EL11101:-E JEFFREY GEDMIN Service With a Snarl IGHT NEAR MY HOTEL, the Majestic, on the via V. Veneto—a stone's throw from the American embassy in Rome—lies the perfect cafe. It...
...Then I thought poor service was a southern culture thing...
...Fine...
...Automatic tellers are faster in dispensing cash than their continental counterparts, I'm convinced...
...October temperatures here fluctuate wildly between 72 and 74...
...You know, I was the customer, freedom of choice...
...JEFFREY GED IN faster than in Paris or Frankfurt...
...Arms full, you make your way to the checkout counter...
...I made my case persuasively, I thought...
...I used to think it was me...
...Veggies, milk, yogurt, cheese, chicken, water, beer...
...After 30 minutes, parched and having read every word of the menu at least a dozen times, I found my way to the neighboring Starbucks, and chewed on a pre-wrapped tuna sandwich...
...That's when I made mistake number three: I escalated...
...You want a hand basket, right...
...I am still wondering, as I sit here in Rome, what the fellow behind me in the supermarket was going to do with a dozen individually wrapped pig tongues...
...Like the time I was in the Austrian town of Zell am See...
...So did the waiters—in a corner chatting without a care in the world...
...Of course, table 52 turned out to be just fine, but the moral defeat was a stinging one...
...In a market economy," she con44 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR NOVEMBER 2003 tinued, "the customer may be king, but in European socialism, it's the employee who counts most...
...My host finally blurted out, "I feel like I'm in Europe...
...NOVEMBER 2003 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 45...
...The cigarettes, it turns out, are under lock and key and on the other side of the store...
...You see, the carts are chained together at the front of the store, like trolleys at an airport...
...It's sunny and at least I can smell the linguine alle vongole...
...No, the cafe is not crowded...
...Which is why "we talk about employee rights and not consumer rights," she added...
...Since then it made sense...
...What could be more perfect...
...Imagine a world where waiters and sales clerks behave like tenured professors...
...I met a friend for coffee recently at the Harvard Club in New York...
...It serves piping hot, delicious cafe latte, freshly grilled sandwiches, homemade fettuccine prepared, naturally, al dente...
...This is when the checker gets up from her seat and begins the long, leisurely stroll...
...It's your market versus our socialism," she said...
...That's because the next customer's groceries are flying down the belt and getting mixed up with yours...
...In a fine hotel in this idyllic lakeside resort, nestled in the Alps, I rambled in for breakfast and tossed mykey and newspaper on an empty table...
...Your purchase is complete, but you've also forgotten to bring your bag (no, they do not bag for you in Germany...
...And the lesson was clear: the employee is always right...
...Once upon a time all this drove me to grocery shopping, at least when I was home in Berlin, which in turn drove me crazier...
...The plot thickens...
...Only shopping carts here...
...The restaurant was barely half-full, after all...
...I look up, smile, lean forward—making sure the menu is closed, lest one think I had not concluded pre-ordering deliberations—and she swoops by, going in and out of the indoor part of the restaurant with not the slightest care in the world...
...In my modern downtown supermarket you can forget it...
...We sat and waited...
...I am a customer and I like service...
...Well, for starters, being served...
...The epilogue...
...You're getting close, you're almost free...
...The best comes last...
...But now it is you who has to hustle wildly to pack things up...
...Maybe I'll wait just a few more minutes...
...You mean this is non-negotiable—Ich muss...
...But then I was in Manchester recently, where, in a not so busy place, I waited for a waiter...
...Then someone in line in front of you wants to buy cigarettes...
...At one point I had talked myself into thinking Britain was different, being Anglo- Saxon, the Thatcherite legacy and all the rest...
...You buy your plastic sack from the cashier as she slides your things down the belt...
...Jeffrey Gedmin is director of the Aspen Institute Berlin...
...In my little Roman cafe, I'd swear the waitress is engaging me in psychological warfare...
...It was a nice large table in the corner where, she added, there was an expansive view of the room...
...You see, I've battled it since I moved to Europe...
...You'll wing it...
...That was until I moved to Germany and a friend finally explained it all to me...
...That was mistake number two...
...Yes, she is extremely attentive to things like emptying ashtrays and scooping up an empty cup here and there...
...You need one Euro to unlock the little key (no, they do not make change...
...But now you can slow down and relax because (a) there is no such thing as a "10 items or less" lane here, (b) there's only one checker open, and (c) you guessed it, the five people ahead ofyou are buying enough to feed the Bundeswehr...
...Imagine, you're on the run, need a few things...
...I exclaimed...
...I thanked her very much, but gently insisted I would be happy not to move...
...You know, slower and sweeter because they know how to enjoy life...
...So, you go for a cart but then you suddenly remember you have no change...
...That was mistake number one...
...The young waitress in charge signaled that table 52 had already been pre-assigned...
...In London, to be sure, service can be snappy...
...Tube tickets pop out of the machines Imagine a world where waiters and sales clerks behave like tenured professors...
...Five minutes later I was speaking to the supervisor, Frau Kurmugginstein...
Vol. 36 • November 2003 • No. 6
