THE CONTINUING CRISIS
THE CONTINUING CRISIS R. EMMETT TYRRELL, JR. UMMER IS OVER and the revitalized American Spectator is in your very hands! Ha, we withstood the Clintons' grand jury and Hillary's storm troopers in...
...Kevin Eugene McAfee, a flagrant animal rights activist, was arrested for entering into sexual congress with a mare that was not his, either by property title or lawful wedlock...
...At the end of the 1990s the Clintons turned up the heat in the kitchen on us, but history will show that it is we who cooked their goose...
...A Dutch customs spokesman expressed the belief that the neatly packed simian nostrils were for human consumption, possibly part of some nouvelle cuisine craze in Paris or intended for the booming German aphrodisiac market...
...The bag contained miniaturized video equipment but no audio equipment, which makes sense as the arrest was made in the market's vegetable section...
...Miss Huffington, often referred to as a Schwarzenegger look-alike, showed up at Mr...
...In Norman, Oklahoma, an unidentified 59-year-old man was arrested for delivering newspapers buck naked...
...His book is actually a book about Republican lying, titled Lies, and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them...
...August saw the Democratic presidential candidates assume that moss-coated foreign policy once propounded so sublimely by Mr...
...Schwarzenegger's announcement appearance and knocked over his microphones...
...Of all the angry Democrats he has achieved the feat of being angriest of all without seriously damaging any of his vital organs, including his bladder...
...Schwarzenegger laugh and laugh...
...Zudropov has put the late German official's mummified male member up for sale...
...Ha, we withstood the Clintons' grand jury and Hillary's storm troopers in the left-wing press...
...Al Franken admitted misappropriating stationery from Harvard University's John F. Kennedy School and using it for a letter he sent to such Republican luminaries as Dr...
...Both are strict conservationists...
...Presumably the title's redundancy is required by his belief that some liars, such as himself and the Clintons, do not actually lie and others do...
...He had received the watch from another politician...
...Evidence supporting American liberals' alarm over the Puritanical influence of Attorney General John Ashcroft accumulates...
...Possibly no Democrat in history has ever been as angry, including Mr...
...Dutch authorities have disposed of the nostrils, though Holland being Holland you can be pretty sure that they were not given a Christian burial...
...Alas, there is another Tucker Carlson story in the news...
...The unidentified documentary filmmaker was arrested, according to police, "after a member of the public spotted a man holding a carrier bag by a women's skirts...
...Charles Lindbergh and the American First Committee...
...Ivan Zudropov...
...Gray Davis, the transient governor of California, to compare President George W. Bush to President Herbert Hoover...
...There have been environmental advances across the world...
...Schools opened all across the country but no place with anticipation comparable to that at New York City's Harvey Milk High, the first homosexual high school in the U.S...
...Actually anger has become the distinguishing moral value of the contemporary Democratic Party, replacing compassion...
...There is a lucrative market for such documentaries among Middle Eastern clerics and in Germany...
...Admittedly, the World War II reactionaries held a better opinion of the president in their day than today's Democrats hold of President George W. Bush...
...The grand jury found us as clean as a hound's tooth, and now the hound is back in the hunt...
...Do not be surprised if before the 2004 presidential election Senator Edward Kennedy introduces legislation making a vote for Bush-Cheney a federal hate crime...
...In Russia, Mr...
...Actually the correct name for the dump is the Bethel Transfer Station, dump having become a derogatory word among such neurotics...
...It is two-and-one-halfinches long, which must have made Mr...
...Just days after the opening of the Big Apple's school year, and with the high school football season hardly underway, already Harvey Milk was reputed to have the city's best touch football team...
...s Since taking the campaign trail, Howard Dean has suffered hair loss and possible wheat germ infection, but otherwise he is in near perfect health and ANGRY...
...In the English village of Blackbusche, Surrey, a plump, nattily-dressed man was arrested for using a hidden camera to film surreptitiously under the skirts of unsuspecting women at that village's famed T E n ONTINUING CRISIS Sunday Market...
...In California, 135 candidates registered to campaign for the unenviable position of governor of the Golden State, including Mr...
...One of Brazil's leading politicians, Mr...
...Universe who in his body-building days was given to wearing brief swim suits that played on the old potato joke...
...Franken insists are strokes of his comic genius...
...He is a former Mr...
...But then today's Democrats are led by the dynamic Dr...
...Our prey continues to be America's career indignados of do-goodery and liberty's foes whether they lurk in government bureaucracies or in caves far away...
...The devastatingly good-looking Mr...
...OCTOBER 2003 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 13...
...Howard Dean, former governor of New Hampshire or possibly Rhode Island or is it Liechtenstein...
...Apparently Romanian tree huggers get very ardent...
...In the United States Mr...
...Actually the nude deliveryman was in his automobile when police made the arrest, and only his hairy shoulders were exposed to the public, but we live in frightening times...
...Their translation of 12 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR OCTOBER 2003 the Biblical injunction "Do Onto Others . ." is "Do Onto Others and Do It Good and Hard...
...Arnold Schwarzenegger and Mr...
...In Romania Mr...
...Nonetheless she remains an underdog and will probably remain so unless she can devise a truly innovative campaign stratagem, for instance, purchasing Adolf Hitler's penis, which has been made easier by Mr...
...The couple met at the Transfer Station while Miss Graham was recycling...
...Dave Hart and Miss Rockie Graham were married on a rubbish dump in Bethel, Maine...
...The war against terrorism continued with arrests of suspected Al Qaeda members in Europe, Canada, and Indonesia...
...What Vice President Walter Mondale, in characteristic modesty, used to call the Constituency of Conscience is now apparently proud to be the Constituency of Anger...
...No information is available on the woman, and the confiscated film remains in police custody until the matter of intellectual property rights can be established—which is a serious matter...
...Condoleezza Rice in which he inquired about their early sexual stirrings...
...Dumitru Simirad, the environmentalist mayor of Iasi, has banned acts of sexual intercourse in the woods, where armed guards will be hired who, averred Mayor Simirad, "will make sure both that trees are not harmed . . . but also that people behave themselves...
...Hart was the Transfer Station's chief garbage man, if that is the right term...
...Purportedly written to gather information for a book on Republican sexual mores, the letter was actually another of the lies Mr...
...John Hinckley...
...The economy grew at a surprisingly vigorous rate of 3.1 percent in the second quarter, leading Democrats to follow Mr...
...McAfee is also accused of having maintained ongoing affairs with a dozen other mares in the rural Illinois community, none of whom was aware of his promiscuity...
...Arthur Bremmer and Mr...
...He has, since taking the campaign trail against our debonair President, suffered hair loss and possible wheat germ infection, but otherwise he is in near perfect health and ANGRY...
...Zudropov is selling the one-of-a-kind item for $20,000...
...Hitler's corpse in the last days of World War II, Mr...
...In Holland, however, customs officials at that country's main airport, Schiphol, ruled out terrorism after discovering a malodorous suitcase containing 2000 rotting baboon noses shipped from Nigeria...
...In related news, Clinton Brain Truster Mr...
...In Carrollton, Illinois, Mr...
...Schwarzenegger's stalker, Miss Arianna Huffington...
...Claiming his late father came upon Mr...
...Jose Dirceu, suffered an awkward moment, when it was discovered that the Rolex watch he donated to a national charity was actually a fake...
...Now, outfitted in these elegant pages, we move on to other strange birds...
Vol. 36 • October 2003 • No. 5
