The Continuing Crisis
Tyrrell, R. Emmett Jr.
THE SUMMER WILTS. THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR prepares to begin monthly production in the fall. An elegant new layout is moving from the drawing boards to the printing press. And over at the White...
...The Crisis will worsen...
...Howard Dean making a grab for the Ba'athist wing of the party and Senator John Kerry claiming to be the victim of a White House dirty tricks campaign...
...And he does sound a little like Mlle...
...Berlusconi's minister of tourism complained about Hun misbehavior at Italian resorts, where German men have been known to walk the beaches wearing thong swimsuits and dark ankle socks, some with garters...
...Donald Duncan Jr...
...Carlson attests, who took away his "baby wipes...
...Michel Pacallin was booked after witnesses reported seeing him paint seven cars illegally parked outside the town hall...
...Yet the truth is he never wears a beret except when he drives his Peugeot to the Georgetown Starbucks...
...Duncan is the entrepreneur who popularized the handheld yo-yo...
...According to the senator, the president's agents have been spreading the rumor that the tall, craggy-faced solon looks French...
...The EU also extended pet passports to most domestic animals, thus allowing Europeans to go anywhere in the Union with gerbils, hamsters, guinea pigs and—a special allowance for the French—even worms...
...al-Sahhaf plans to write a book, and maybe Mr...
...Blair's old boss, Mr...
...WHILE ON THE SUBJECT OF CRANKS, the race for the Democratic presidential nomination continued to drone on gruesomely, with Dr...
...Jagger expressed a preference for women's underclothing...
...In Munich, touring rock artiste Mr...
...A drunken Mr...
...was killed in an automobile mishap...
...Some whisper that the intelligence was flawed...
...Sure he has hands like M. Marcel Marceau...
...He only uses a baguette to fend off attacks from his Mozambique-born wife...
...Gourmands familiar with Shenzhen cuisine should recognize airborne mice might be the piece de resistance...
...she could use a daily free pass to McDonald's...
...Jayson Blair, Mr...
...Edith Piaf...
...And he rarely goes more than a day without a bath...
...The truth is that all intelligence is flawed and its provenance is best left to historians...
...Tucker Carlson, known to discerning viewers of his TV show Crossfire as Happy Bottom...
...Others say it was misappropriated...
...The heat intensified when the Supreme Court ruled unconstitutional Texas's sodomy laws and Massachusetts legislators vowed to pass laws allowing a man to take another man as his lawful wedded wife...
...The BCNS is a shocking revelation bereft of substance that, owing to fortissimo repetition and political bloodthirstiness, is supposed to jinx a politician's career forevermore...
...Novak questioned his conservative bona fides and network executives, so Mr...
...Walter Cronkite to perpetrate a nationally syndicated column...
...The old gasbag will let fly once a week...
...THE WASHINGTON POST'S CREDENTIALS as a family publication were badly tarnished when, as part of its in-depth coverage of President George W. Bush's trip to Africa, the paper published a picture of the president watching two elephants execute their marital obligations in the bush...
...In early July Miss Katharine Hepburn died and Mr...
...ICELAND'S UNIQUE PENIS MUSEUM is up for sale, and it is rumored that it is being purchased by a "mystery British tycoon," not a former American president...
...Happy Bottom went to after that...
...In literary news, Mr...
...David Frum this time, but Mr...
...The only Democrat this summer who has shown any chance of emerging from the pack is the Reverend Al Sharpton, who has attracted the kind of headlines that could make him the darling among Democratic activists...
...In a book to be released this fall Mr...
...In the book Mr...
...Carlson admits to yet another bout of public drunkenness and suggests that he might have become sexually aroused on election night 1996, when a radio station interviewed him from a suite in Washington's Jefferson Hotel, the hotel made famous by Clinton political adviser—and foot fetishist—Mr...
...The authoritative Times of New York mentioned the vacationing Germans' propensity for "burping contests...
...Somewhat surprisingly, readers could discern from the photograph that the pachydermous couple was not same-sex, same-sex marriage having become such a hot topic in the American media...
...His records were destroyed in a January fire, probably set by the Manhattan branch of the Ku Klux Klan...
...Mick Jagger claimed that German women were boycotting his concert and that members of his mostly male audience hurled their underpants at him at the end of his performances...
...The portentous demarche came in response to Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi's good-natured quip that an obnoxious German member of the European parliament looked like a Nazi concentration camp guard and after Mr...
...Carlson, claiming to be in the "Dick Morris suite," became so inflamed during the interview that its interviewer abruptly ended it, and who knows what extremes the fey Mr...
...Howell Raines, can edit it...
...The Icelandic Phallological Museum, which displays penis specimens from all known native Icelandic animals save Homo sapiens, is being sold because the city of Reykjavik is no longer willing to make an annual grant for its upkeep—if that is the term for it...
...Like former New York Times reporter Mr...
...And over at the White House—just beneath the gaze of our new editorial offices at 1611 N. Kent Street in Arlington, Virginia, high above the churning Potomac—we see that our debonair president is encumbered by another of those Washington phenomena, the Black Cat News Story, BCNS for short...
...The hostilities have extended to the art world...
...Raines retired as the Times's politically correct executive editor...
...ANOTHER MONTH PASSES and septuagenarian conservative columnist Mr...
...He is being investigated by the federal government for tax irregularities, and he has a Clintonesque defense...
...IN BASRA, IRAQ, investigators remain at a loss as to the origins of violence in a local mosque...
...Public health officials in Shenzhen, China, remain perplexed by a local restaurant-goer's complaint that while being served his meal three mice fell from the ceiling into his entrée...
...Whatever the case, Grand Ayatollah Ali Hussein alSistani, a Shiite authority in Baghdad, issued a fatwa for a general strike to precede the creation of a constitution...
...Howard Dean during the recent Gulf War, appeared on Abu Dhabi television to report that he was "sincere in everything I said" about the American army's imminent demise during the late war because his information came from "authentic sources...
...Historians have concluded the debate was the product of cranks...
...This one has to do with President George W. Bush's use of British intelligence as his casus belli for war with Iraq...
...Robert Novak suffers yet more calumny from a mini-con—not Mr...
...The European Commission planned a ban on what it called "sexual discrimination" in advertising, a move opening the way for male models to appear in lingerie advertisements and for Miss Lauren Bush to model the Remington nose-hair clipper...
...Hu Zhuang Elementary School in Beijing, China, banned the expulsion of gas by students and faculty alike, and there will be a $1.00 fine for each infraction...
...Actually it has been a difficult time for mini-cons...
...RET...
...He is a 100 percent American and henpecked enough to prove it...
...Mohammad Said al-Sahhaf, the former Iraqi information minister humorously referred to as "Comical Ali" for sounding somewhat like Dr...
...Watch for it in this magazine's "Current Wisdom" section...
...Dick Morris...
...They have not ruled out the possibility that Shiite pietists from the countryside caused the disturbance while attempting to bring into the building a cow patty, on which they had perceived the silhouette of the local mullah...
...The appallingly underfed supermodel could also be named Miss Ribcage...
...Back in the States, King Features announced that it has signed up Mr...
...THE SCRUPULOUS OFFICIAL in Villeurbanne, France, who endeavored to end the French village's parking problems by painting illegally parked vehicles black has been arrested...
...The debate increasingly puts us in mind of the 1940s and the great debate over President Roosevelt's responsibility for Pearl Harbor...
...People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) temporarily swore off partisan politics to name President Bush's niece, Miss Lauren Bush, "Sexiest Vegetarian Alive...
...Car/son discloses his tribulations at CNN, where allegedly Mr...
...TENSIONS HEIGHTENED IN EUROPE when German chancellor Gerhard Schroeder canceled his summer holiday in Italy...
Vol. 36 • August 2003 • No. 4
