Win Ben Stein's Wisdom
Lott, Jeremy
T rue story: failing to find international man of mystery Ben Stein's new book at the local Barnes & Noble, I went to the help counter to ask a saleslady for assistance. A quick computer search...
...Often people blame themselves or others for things well beyond their control...
...Believe that you are the most important One, that everything you do is what counts, that no traditions or laws man-made or natural apply to you...
...You're not the god of love or compassion...
...It functioned a bit like a sneaky examination-of-conscience booklet—albeit one aimed at an ecumenical audience...
...The one recurring objection that I had while reading was the implied absolute link between bad or stupid behavior and failure...
...A quick computer search determined that it was in "self-help...
...I found myself asking, "Does this describe me, and, if so, is that a problem...
...There's something about the wonderful Stein's writing that disarmed this reader and that encouraged me to examine my own life in light of his strategies for failure...
...If Job hadn't been, y'know, so righteous, God never would have taken the bet...
...and you can wind up with comfort, good company, a fine reputation, and high self-confidence...
...Maybe this is something Stein can take into account in the next edition...
...Also, some of the things that annoyed me about this book may make it more approachable for others...
...and then go in the exact opposite direction...
...You're a pagan god of sorts, with no responsibility to anyone in return...
...kitties are cuddly...
...I don't deny that such a link exists—hell, I've seen enough of it to write my own book—but it doesn't always exist...
...On or about item twenty ("Ignore your family"), however, the whole tone shifts...
...The short essays expand into sermonettes and the authorial voice begins to sound less like the deranged self-help guru and more like C. S. Lewis's (literally) demonic villain Screwtape...
...And yet, the book . . . works...
...ow to Ruin Your Life is really two H books oddly joined together, which at first can be frustrating...
...You're the god who lolls around eating grapes someone else has peeled, deriving your pleasure from someone else's sacrifice and owing nothing in return...
...Or, to put it more precisely, believe and know in your heart that there is a God—and know that you are the One...
...Then, and only then, will you truly understand who you are...
...Truly profound religious and ethical commentaries like the long block quote above are interspersed with banal self-help type comments (e.g., smoking is bad for you...
...Those other works might not belong in the self-help section, but Stein's book was not misfiled...
...T rue story: failing to find international man of mystery Ben Stein's new book at the local Barnes & Noble, I went to the help counter to ask a saleslady for assistance...
...I wouldn't dare to give an essay on theology and ethical behavior to a graduating high school or junior college student, for instance, but I would give them How to Ruin Your Life...
...Trace the route to poverty, loneliness, obscurity, and despair...
...Some of the "strategies for failure" come off as more patronizing than funny and a few of the modest linguistic tics (substituting heck and darn for hell and damn) can be annoying...
...With advice like "Criticize early and often" and "Don't enjoy the little things in life" and "Treat people who are bad to you well," the first half of the book mostly reads like a parody of shallow self-help books...
...How to Ruin Your Life is a list of thirty-five "proven strategies" for readers to, well, to ruin their lives—each with an accompanying mini-essay on the strategy...
...That sounded like an odd place to put a book with the title How to Ruin Your Life, so I asked her if Wendy Kaminer's I'm Dysfunctional, You're Dysfunctional or Toby Young's How to Lose Friends and Alienate People were stocked in the same section...
...And then—God help you...
...Above all, Stein advises the budding narcissist: Don't believe in God...
...Failure is often a virtual road map to success—in reverse," he explains in the introduction...
...Witness the children of divorce blaming themselves for their parents' failing, or Job's friends blaming their righteous friend for the troubles that befell him...
...The advice turns from the potentially annoying ("Be a perfectionist") to the positively soul destroying ("Remember that no one else counts...
...eat your Wheaties...
...Then again, they may have had a point...
Vol. 36 • March 2003 • No. 2
