The Continuing Crisis
Tyrrell, R. Emmett Jr.
THE YEAR 2002 gives way to 2003, and our suave president, George W. Bush, displayed his supply-side bona fides with an economic plan incorporating tax reduction on marginal tax rates and on stock...
...Devi...
...In Stavropol, Russia, pedestrians used a kettle of warm water to free a man from aibus stop after his male member became frozen to it whilst he relieved himself in the Russian winter...
...And then there is the economic plan of Governor Gray Davis, which once the dust and cobwebs had been removed, looked surprisingly like the New Deal...
...How about as sling shots by Thai youths or as ear muffs for members of the Thai national ski team when it travels to the Alps...
...And Mr...
...And while tens of thousands of highly trained, highly motivated American soldiers shipped out to the Middle East on pest control assignment, comic genius Mr...
...Finally, please note that the Robert Tyrell who, upon being denied drink at his sixteenth-century pub in Oxfordshire, drove a bulldozer into it at 3:30 a. m., is no relation to the editor in chief of this journal and does not even spell his last name properly...
...THE YEAR 2002 gives way to 2003, and our suave president, George W. Bush, displayed his supply-side bona fides with an economic plan incorporating tax reduction on marginal tax rates and on stock dividends...
...Black reaction obtains in Iran's northwestern city of Urumieh, where fusty old Hojatoleslam Hasani, the local cleric, has denounced dog ownership as "morally depraved" and demanded that "the judiciary arrest all dogs with long, medium, or short legs, together with their long-legged owners?' Yet in swinging Lonavala, India, Socksy, a black mongrel, has not missed a prayer at the Memon Mosque in nine years...
...Moreover, the Honorable Gary Condit has absconded to California, scot free...
...Early in the new year North Korea withdrew from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty...
...Subcharoen believes have led to "misshapen breasts" among Thai chiquitas...
...In England, Mr...
...Possibly the Japanese cameraman can claim he was working for National Geographic...
...Howard Dean, the irrepressibly fla fla Governor of Vermont...
...Thailand is even developing a consumer movement reminiscent of the Golden State's...
...Whereas in fundamentalist Iran dog ownership has been denounced as often appears in public with her head uncovered and her tongue hanging out...
...He believes that when Socksy begins wailing with fellow worshipers "her cries are like a sign" to lax Islamics, though she...
...Pierce, claiming that a pizza they purchased from him contained pubic hair...
...And surely those imported bras could be put to better uses...
...Moore, of course, is also"mostly white," save for that line down his pink and flabby back, which is mostly yellow...
...His dance teams, composed of large- and small-breasted dancers, many of them female, will travel the country providing what he calls "bosom firming dance lessons" at state-run sports centers and inveighing against one of his bugbears, "imported bras," which Dr...
...THE 108TH CONGRESS convened and for the first time in half a century Congress did not reverberate with the reassuring snores of the Honorable Strom Thurmond...
...THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR's year-long campaign to strip the Bancroft Prize from historian Dr...
...Wichai Chokwiwat (pronounced kok wee watt), argues that the department's "relaxing massages" will prevent road accidents...
...CALIFORNIA'S CLAIM to being the world's zaniest region continues to be challenged by Thailand, a country that does not even have a Hollywood or a San Francisco...
...Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, however, was on hand and with an unanticipated smile on her face, possibly upon hearing that researchers from the Agricultural Department at Duke University have discovered what they dub the "callipyge" gene, the gene responsible for large buttocks in sheep...
...For years urine has been the Brahmin's pick-me-up of choice, as all the world discovered when in the late 1970s Prime Minister Morarji Desai allowed as how never did a day pass that he did not quaff a glass of urine, usually his own...
...Meanwhile from Smith-ton, Pennsylvania, the Associated Press reports that "a growing number of America's 65,000 chiropractors" are establishing facilities at truck stops...
...He did remonstrate that he was being victimized by the right-wing conspiracy, and though his publisher, Alfred Knopf, Inc., halted publishing a paperback edition of the book, Knopf's spokesman, Mr...
...Devi, who is practically toothless, masticates large quantities of ice on a daily basis...
...Paul Bogaards, contended that "I don't think there was any malice on Michael's part...
...He's just a sloppy researcher?' The Age of Clinton passes but slowly...
...ANOTHER of the Clinton administration's diplomatic boasts suffered exposure after North Korea admitted that despite its 1994 agreement with the administration it has been developing a nuclear capacity...
...As we go to press all Mr...
...But now comes forth Mrs...
...Chokwiwat, "they [weary motorists] can spend an hour relaxing their muscles and sleeping while being massaged"—then, varoom, back to the rat race...
...Michael Widrick and his dinner companion, Miss Rhonda La Parr, are suing Mr...
...RET sinful, in laid-back India a dog is welcomed by the local muezzin to daily prayer wails at the historic Memon Mosque...
...Josh Harper has developed a use for one of his country's most notoriously unreliable automobiles, the Vauxhall Corsa...
...In the town of Lopburi, sixty-two miles north of Bangkok, a disgruntled client heaved a hand grenade into the Sareeravej Ancient Massage parlor (and gas station...
...Teresa Heinz...
...Prime Minister Desai was very vain...
...It does, however, have a government bureaucracy called the Department of Thai Traditional and Alternative Medicine Development (TTAMD), something Governor Davis has yet to propose...
...In health news from the Indian subcontinent, Mrs...
...After oversleeping on Christmas day he cooked a Christmas turkey on the car's engine for himself and his girlfriend while speeding ninety miles to her aerie in scenic Bristol, a town noted for inesculent viands and impatient wenches...
...SUICIDE BOMBERS OF THE ISLAMIC FAITH struck repeatedly in Israel and in Chechnya where they blew up the headquarters of Chechnya's pro-Russian government...
...Pennapha Subcharoen (pronounced sub aroo) is leading a national initiative to assist Thai women in augmenting their breast size through wholesome, non-chemical, non-surgical, non-intrusive dance...
...Bellesiles' s editor, Miss Jane Garrett, added, "I still do not believe in any shape or form he fabricated anything...
...Peter Townshend of the famous rock group The Who's explanation for participating in Internet pedophilia sessions may assist a Japanese man arrested on his way back from Japan's National High School basketball tournament for using a tiny digital camera located in his shoelaces to film the sights under women's skirts...
...Furthermore, Dr...
...Socksy even has the staunch support of the Reverend A. G. Khan, the Mosque's chief cleric...
...Also from Thailand comes word that Dr...
...Richard Pierce that makes the pizza he serves at his Domino's Pizza outlet so delicious...
...Shand Devi, eighty-one, a citizen of the historic city of Bhiwani in Haryana has developed a tasty alternative to that ever popular health drink of Brahmin sophisticates, urine, occasionally cow urine...
...Townshend has claimed he was doing research...
...Yet Dr...
...Bellesiles is not without his admirers...
...Yet theological fissures have begun to appear in Islamic orthodoxy over—of all things—animal rights...
...Nothing like chilled urine, eh Mrs...
...That will make him the first twelve-year-old boy ever to run for the White House...
...Devi, claiming to consume "eight to ten kilograms" of ice daily...
...Perhaps reflecting the last quarter of 2002's rising oil prices, TTAMD reached agreement with Thailand's Bang Chak oil company to open traditional Thai massage facilities at all Bang Chak gas stations, despite possible problems of a moral and hygienic nature...
...BY THE TIME you read this, court proceedings in Watertown, New York, may reveal the secret ingredient used by Mr...
...Michael A. Bellesiles's anti-gun monograph Arming America: The Origins of a National Gun Culture was vindicated when Columbia University, sponsor of the prize, revoked it...
...Nor was the party's image helped in early January when North Carolina's Senator John Edwards announced his interest in the Democratic presidential nomination...
...Their decisions allowed Senator Bill Frist to replace Lott as Republican Senate leader and permitted as many as half a dozen Democrats to vie for their party's presidential nomination—all of whom in their petulance and provinciality give the impression that the Democratic Party's goal is to become another hissing Third Party on the order of the American Independent Party...
...IN DECEMBER Senator Trent Lott and former vice president Al Gore relinquished their roles as the leading gag lines of their respective parties...
...and Senator John Kerry, the henpecked husband of Mrs...
...Michael Moore, during a club appearance in London, joshed that the passengers on American Airlines Flight 93 who overcame armed hijackers before crashing into a Pennsylvania field were"scaredy-cats" because they were "mostly whites...
...If traditional massage services are available at petrol stations," observes Dr...
...after a masseuse refused to have sex with him...
...Along with the revenue accreting to the gas stations, TTAMD's enlightened director-general Dr...
...By late December the Democratic presidential field already numbered a country doctor, Dr...
...Pierce is saying is "This did not happen"—very Clintonesque, no...
Vol. 36 • January 2003 • No. 1
