The Continuing Crisis
Tyrell, R. Emmett Jr.
"The Continuing Crisis" TWO THOUSAND TWO TWIRLED from late autumn into early winter, and the Republicans remained joyous, the Democrats glum, the press schizophrenic. The press had adopted funereal tones...
...Who knows how many are AC/DC...
...Finally, how would America's PETA-dominated Democrats deal with this one...
...Then the pall find one...
...And at the end of ment of Animals (PETA...
...Then, they alarmed customers still further by cheering when their colleague emerged from the comfort station refreshed...
...According to a study presented in November at the annual meeting of the American Society for Neuroscience, 10 percent of rams are homosexuals...
...That is not to say tions approached, their pallbearers the Democrats scrutinized their lining up to carry Florida's "acciden- soul but rather that they tried to tar president thither...
...taped monologue broadcast on al-Jazeera, the former Arab aerobics studio now transformed into a wannabe CNN, convinced some Western intelligence officers that the Reverend Osama bin Laden is alive and the author of the tape...
...On the other hand oral sex is not oral hygiene and should be practiced only under professional supervision...
...FOR THE VANQUISHED DEMOCRATS the late autumn became a time of Center found a promising new source of voters for them in rural areas: sheep, specifically, male sheep...
...Sim Samoeu (yes, a female...
...Opportunities for women are constantly expanding on the Sceptered Isle...
...The tion, they had resorted to a Republicans triumphed...
...The act draws heavily from British experience, where police activity has become alarmingly unfettered...
...His prede- itants of dozens of cemeteries, but cessor had campaigned almost as Senator Wellstone failed to get out extensively, losing almost every- the vote...
...FRIENDS AND SUPPORTERS OF BILL and Hillary Clinton breathed a collective sigh of relief when word arrived from the United Kingdom that neither had won this year's World's Biggest Liar Contest...
...ered bloomers, sliced off his ear, and placed it in the palm of his hand, displaying an amour propre Westerners admittedly do not expect in an Islamic gal but also an abysmal ignorance of the male anatomy...
...George Kemp who oddly enough has had no experience in politics and no links to any American accounting firms...
...Back in the United States Professor Michael Bellesiles resigned from Emory University after a panel of historians criticized his book, Arming America, for "egregious misrepresentation" and "falsification...
...Who says PETA's influence in world politics is not needed...
...Said one of the human tables, Miss Kit-Ying: "I'm really looking for-ward to taking part in such a cultural experience as long as the guests behave themselves...
...for or against Senator Paul Well-PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH had cam- stone, who had just died...
...Researchers at week when President Bill Clinton the Oregon Health and Sciences leagues radioed them from the supermarket's restroom that it was out of toilet paper...
...In Taiwan a select panel of judges, following the Lewinsky Precedent, ruled that oral sex is not intercourse and, ipso facto, not adultery...
...Pursuant paigned in fifteen states in the to their macabre stratagem, they elections' last six days, winning extended the franchise to the inhabpractically everywhere...
...And in Michigan, District Judge Thomas Gilbert took indefinite voluntary leave after being seen at a Rolling Stones concert smoking cannabis for nonmedicinal purposes...
...Now New Democrats fear where—even in Democratic the party is moving to the left, Hawaii...
...Forget the lefttator spies at the White House ies' old slogan "Better Red Than report that his exultant aides are Dead...
...In Manchester a restaurant has hired women to serve as tables for their customers to eat off of, and the women will not have to worry about the customers spilling food on their costumes for they will be completely naked...
...According to the woman's husband, his only provocation was to ask her why she had come home late, whereupon she drew a blade from her well-covIp Washington, Fritz...
...FEMINISTS IN BRITAIN can take heart...
...That German zookeeper caught barbecuing five Tibetan mountain chickens and two Cameroonian sheep at the Recklinghausen Zoo has been awarded six-month severance pay and may continue to own house pets...
...The former Boy President's influence, however, remains contagious, particularly in the area of legal reform...
...In the Central African Republic, those rebels who seized part of the capital city of Bangui and looted garbage cans saw their dreams of victory fizzle when after holding their conquests for several days it became obvious that no one wanted the territory back, not even members of the Central African Republic's Islamic minority...
...The press had adopted funereal tones as the midterm elec- "soul searching...
...Professor Bellesiles's immediate plans were not known, though both Clintons could use some help in finishing their memoirs...
...Now lefties of a philosophicalling it the most successful week cal propensity will declaim "Better any president has had in years, for- PETA Than MEATA...
...The winner was Mr...
...Civil libertarians in the United States expressed apprehensions over the police state possibilities found in the Bush Administration's Homeland Security Act...
...Chhoeun Sovann was sentenced to fifteen years in the hoosegow for taking an axe to her husband's groin—no mere bail for her...
...It is totally unacceptable in Cambodia that a wife should kill her husband by smashing his genitals...
...The cops demanded that a store employee deliver a toilet roll to their embattled colleague...
...Said the presiding judge, Mrs...
...Of a sudden, midterm election tactic never before the press blared reports of Democ- attempted, transforming the ratic patricide, matricide, suicides, midterm elections into a plebiscite and name calling...
...but, with the became the first in sixty-eight years election of Congresswoman Nancy to gain congressional seats in Pelosi as House Minority Leader, midterm elections...
...Soon the epochal week the United along with handguns the Democ-Nations Security Council adopted rats will be protesting sausages most of his Iraqi resolution...
...getting rather conveniently April 1- FOR THE DEMOCRATS there was some 7, 1998, a truly historic presidential auspicious news...
...In mid-November, in Miss Barbra Streisand's first postelection bull to the faithful, she placed on her famous website a hortatory decree completely free of misspellings and grammatical blunders...
...THE CONTU TWO THOUSAND TWO TWIRLED from late autumn into early winter, and the Republicans remained joyous, the Democrats glum, the press schizophrenic...
...No furwitnessed the dismissal of his sexual harassment suit, was not cussed out once by Hillary (he was on a six-nation tour of Africa with more than a thousand of his aides—some real "babes"), and ate half a dozen chili dogs on Air Force One—a presidential record (though they did not have chili dogs when Warren Harding was alive...
...Were sex education up to snuff in Iran, the woman would have known that she had addressed her indignation to the wrong male appendage...
...MOHAMMEDANS of a Western orientation who have long rejected Western allegations that Islam represses its womenfolk took volupt gratification when a towel-headed judge in Tehran allowed an Iranian woman off on bail, after she cut off her husband's ear...
...Apparently he was not even trying to assuage the pain in his ears from the tiresome throb of the aging Stones music...
...In Nottinghamshire, outside London, four police officers barged into a Tesco supermarket after one of their col"Tonight's the night—n( 8 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR • NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2002 7ING CRISIS ther evidence was forthcoming, and skeptics continue to believe that the Rev...
...RET NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2002 • THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 9...
...In Phnom Penh, Cambodia, where sex education is universal, Mrs...
...Spec- and furry earmuffs...
...He also won toward People for the Ethical Treat-back the Senate...
...remains a crepe suzette for the worms...
...During the first full week of which does not mean toward social-November our debonair president ism or Communism...
...Ever the party of innovabearers were out of work...
...Coincidentally both presidents celebrated their triumphal week with a cigar, George W. in the White House on election night and Bill in Senegal where, upon hearing of his victory over Paula, he chewed his cigar, beat on an African drum, and winked at a female witch doctor...
...And girls do not forget to bathe...
...The human tables will lie on their backs while lobster, chicken, smoked salmon, and sushi are arranged on them as well as the obligatory garlic udon noodles—all Japanese delicacies...
Vol. 35 • November 2002 • No. 6
