The Continuing Crisis
tyrell, R. Emmett
THE NEWS FROM THE WAR against terrorism moved from good to very good and that knocking sound in Washington was the sound of Senator Tom Daschle's knees. The news from the economic front moved...
...Martinot's father, a doctor and biologist, asked that he and his wife be frozen upon their death in the belief that, pending scientific developments, they can be returned to their original health, perhaps so that they might finish reading Proust...
...Ray's culminating report, while lacking The Starr Report's literary interest, does contain the judgment that the independent counsel's office had sufficient evidence to indict the object of Miss Lewinsky's affection for perjury and obstruction of justice...
...child pornography—despite the head-lines...
...In recent months, such luminescent litterateurs as Mr...
...FROM THE OBITUARY PAGE conies word that death has claimed the life of Mr...
...And there is still no word as to how many copies of Talk were in the possession of Mr...
...In other European news of a litigious nature, German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder is suing the German news agency DDP (pronounced deep) for reporting that the dark-haired Hun "dyes his graying curls...
...As such, he rigged a hidden camera in his bathroom, according to court documents, so that he might watch his Little League friends in their natural state...
...They should talk...
...Possibly the perpetrator was merely a public-spirited Calgaryite intent on maintaining cleanliness among the women of the community, but Detective Stu Morse suspects darker motives...
...Desmond Plunkett...
...Actually, he was a man she was interviewing for the racy Review, and he himself is bald and not all that sexy—a blow to the soignee editor's steamy reputation...
...Then when they would least expect it, he would make off with their socks...
...Actually, their complaint may be symptomatic of what has become a trend amongst European progressives...
...For weeks a young man posing as a "sneaker pollster" had been stopping adolescent girls on the street and telling them that he was taking a survey on footwear...
...Soon it was reported that the late recession was the briefest and mildest ever recorded, so the Democratic senator handed critiquing the administration over to former president Jimmy Carter...
...And that is not all...
...Had he stuck with bird watching, he would be a free man today, as would Mr...
...Meanwhile, an Italian court is con8 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR • MARCH/APRIL 2002 THE CONTIT sidering a suit by Florentine neighbors against Mr...
...Independent counsel Mr...
...Catherine, Miss Goodwin, a Pulitzer Prize-winner herself, was hailed by a standing ovation when she explained to 1,000 students and faculty members that writing history is "a treasured part of my life"—perhaps on a par with entertaining her many ventriloquistic sources, minions and muses for her poignant chapter in the book Character Above All...
...THE DISCOVERY OF NEARLY 300 unburied bodies at a rural Georgia crematory inspired some anonymous wag at The Iiashington Post to headline the newspaper's report of the atrocity, "Gag Order As Corpse Count Nears 300...
...Michael Bellesiles and Miss Doris Kearns Goodwin, have been identified as members of this new literary movement, the New Charlatans...
...Laurent Blumenthal, a recently retired Little League baseball administrator from Long Beach, California, and no known relation to Sidney, whose reputation has suffered obloquy enough since the Clintons entranced him...
...Stephen Ambrose, Mr...
...TALK MAGAZINE BECAME EXTINCT despite last-minute efforts by Miss Tina Brown, its founder, to give it a digitalis of more Hollywood mullah...
...and the war against recession not at all...
...The former First Peanut called President George W. Bush's "axis of evil" description of Iran, Iraq and North Korea "overly simplistic...
...Remy Martinot to bury his parents, both of whom have been frozen and put on display in a crypt at the family chateau...
...FRIENDS AND FAMILY OF FORMER CLINTON attendant Mr...
...IN HONG KONG OFFICIALS SLAUGHTERED thousands of chickens to prevent further spread of a bird flu that in 1997 led to the death of six Hong Kongers...
...Their apprehensions began in March when Mr...
...The whole thing," exclaimed Police Chief Mike Burton, upon searching Mr...
...Madhavan's suffering was part of a campaign,"Compassion, Not Cages—Go Veg: ' And in Ayodhya an argument among religious fundamentalists from two of the world's leading dietary religions (Hindu and Mohammedan) led to the Mohammedan's setting a packed railroad train afire and killing 58 Hindus...
...R. Madhavan (pronounced crazy-retreat) squeezed into a small wire cage to dramatize still more esotery for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA...
...Robert Ray delivered up a 237-page report on former boy president Mr...
...Derrick A. Cobb, 25, when police in Upper Marlboro, Maryland, arrested him on suspicion of stealing young girls' socks from their very persons...
...Drudge...
...Plunkett was the author of The Alan 1-l7to I1£~uld Not Die...
...As for Mr...
...His story actually centered not on Sidney, but on a Mr...
...Okay, and how does Chief Benton think a Black-Necked Stilt feels or a Snowy Plover or even a simple American Wood-cock, when, camera in hand, a birder films its morning rituals...
...L. Blumenthal has become a Bathroom Watcher...
...Bill Clinton's passionate love affair with Miss Monica Lewinsky, a young intern known throughout the Arab world to be a prominent Israeli agent...
...Nonetheless, its ethos survives...
...and at Minnesota's College of St...
...In the ensuing violence, 500 deaths were recorded, all human...
...Arthur Lyman, at 70, "King of the Jungle Vibraphone," and, more surprisingly, at 86, that of Mr...
...Not very funny—Mr...
...Luigi Biaggi, whose dinnertime singing has reportedly left six pigeons dead...
...MARCH/APRIL 2002 • THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR 9...
...Said he of the unnamed suspect: "He would comment on the lingerie and make suggestions with regard to how it may look on the victim and things of that nature" Police arrested the suspect with over 200 pairs of panties and brassieres—no word yet on how many back issues of Talk...
...In her first public lecture since the plagiarism flap began, Professor Kearns avowed, after a genial cocktail reception with faculty and alumni, that her "devotion" to writing history came "We have a Guinea Worm probler JING CRISIS from witnessing the way her father "kept score in baseball" and the way her mother dealt with a "chronic illness" She also discussed her contacts with former president Lyndon John-son, or at least some of her contacts with him, and received a standing ovation.The fragrant and soignee editor of the racy Harvard Business Review, Miss Suzy Wetlaufer (pronounced wet-laffer), stepped down after the dastardly Wall Street Journal reported that she had perhaps entered into sexual congress with a man not her husband...
...Sidney Blumenthal heaved a sigh of relief upon discovering that he has not been charged with q. Do you think you can handle it...
...Better that President Bush had been as Jimmy has been all these years, underly simplistic.When next this great rural sophisticate appeared in public, he was at Juba University in Khartoum, addressing the first-ever International Conference on Guinea Worm Disease...
...From Paris comes word that the French government has introduced the city's first female condom machine in a central Paris metro station, despite protests from Parisian feminists who complain that they find the condom "noisy...
...The news from the economic front moved from bad to very good, and the knocking became more audible...
...In Madras, India, Mr...
...The reading public will remember that in 1999 Mr...
...And in Samur, France, village officials have asked the local court to order Mr...
...Could it be that they are having trouble hearing their female condoms...
...L. Blumenthal, he may not be a child pornographer at all, but merely one of the growing number of Americans for whom the titillation of bird watching no longer suffices...
...Police are asking anyone who suffered such assault to report it by calling (301) 735-1111, though there is no guarantee that they will get their socks back...
...Blumenthal's puckish antagonist, Mr...
...His modus operandi was to attend real estate open houses, during which he would steal the owners' intimate clothing...
...Matt Drudge, ran a headline on his widely respected Web site, "The Drudge Report," bellowing: "Blumenthal Arrested for Child Porn...
...However, it sheds no light on Miss Lewinsky's intelligence connections or for that matter whether she has any intelligence whatsoever...
...James Rogers of Gibsonburg, Ohio, who wired with videotaping equipment the bathrooms of apartment buildings he owned, amassing a library of as many as 650 of his unsuspecting tenants...
...Then the good news came in from Afghanistan...
...THE AMERICAN LITERARY WORLD continues to be shaken by revelations that some of its leading lights are plagiarists and hoaxers, revelations that suggest that that Pulitzer Prize awarded 22 years ago to Washington Post hoaxer Miss Janet Cooke was prescient and no reason for embarrassment...
...Senator Daschle first said the war against terror was being waged too ambivalently...
...The fiend would then telephone his victims, describe their pilfered unmentionables and whilst fondling them—make indecent proposals or comment on their hygienic condition...
...In Calgary, Alberta, a 35-year-old man was arrested by police on suspicion of stealing hundreds of pairs of ladies' undergarments...
...He had sided with the worms...
...In Frankfurt, Germany, complaints from the residents of the suburb of Aschaffenburg (pronounced Assapples-plurg) have prompted a court to order that the local Protestant church ring its bells more quietly...
...Rogers' home, "sickened every member of this organization...
Vol. 35 • March 2002 • No. 2
