The Continuing Crisis
THECONTINUINGCRISIS Democracy In Action Clinton Leaves, Late Again Congo President Shot in Office Peaceful Transition Expected Penis-Hanging Artist Examined for Endowment cists who have grown...
...THE PRESIDENCY OF THE CONGO passed peacefully from President Laurent Kabila to his son, Major General Joseph Kabila...
...IN AUSTRALIA, GENETIC ANALYSIS of Mungo Man has given heart to white supremareports showing that modern man may have originated in Africa...
...Mungo Man, the 60,000-year-old "anatomically modern" Australian who was discovered in 1974 in beautiful Lake Mungo, suggests in true PC fashion that rather, modern though no trace of them has been found in Gary, Indiana...
...RET gram that the former football star is enrolled in is daily golf...
...On January 20, 2001 they delayed President George W. Bush and the entire inaugural parade for more than thirty minutes-the parade out in the rain-while the Boy ExPresident fondled himself in front of an hour-long rally at Andrews Air Force Base...
...Alas for Herr Fischer, expert witIn Kahramanmaras, Turkey, eight Turks were arrested for shooting rifles at the moon just as a lunar eclipse was getting under way...
...Is it possible that these zealots believe that the fox (V...
...Lloyd M. Schwan, Jr., the designer of the Crinkle Lamp, committed suicide on January 19...
...In Taipei, martial arts adept Mr...
...Simpson's girlfriend survived yet another argument with the former ABC sports announcer...
...For the rest of the month indignation spread throughout the media over reports that the Clintons made off with $190,000 in White House booty and, as the newly vigilant New York Times hissed, "granted pardons or commutations without proper consultation with federal prosecutors, often to reward friends or political allies or gain future political advantage...
...The inaugural parade could not begin until Clinton was airborne...
...The thirty-fifth Super Bowl was won by the Baltimore Ravens...
...At the request of the Guinness Book of World Records museum, they are going to attempt to pull a Boeing 747 passenger jet a goodly distance with their penises...
...Tu Chin-sheng has confirmed that he and 20 colleagues will fly to the United States in March to lay claim to a hallowed place in the Guinness Book of World Records...
...RET...
...IN GERMANY MAD-COW disease claimed the political lives of two ministers in Herr Gerhard Schroder's center-ultra-left government, Herr Karl-Heinz Funke and Frau Andrea Fischer...
...IN GLOBAL NETWORKING NEWS, that transatlantic dispute between an American couple and a Welsh couple over twins whom both had purchased over the Internet ended humanely when Welsh police swooped down on the babes and took them into custody, perhaps with the intention of storing them on a floppy disk...
...Yet the dissidents remained fit and grew in hardiness until they actually kicked the Commies in the pants in 1989...
...The fortunate woman, Miss Christine Prody, claimed in a report filed by Miami-Dade police that Mr...
...At the present time the only anger-management program that the former football star is enrolled in is daily golf...
...Simpson became irate when she failed to arrive home on time and began manifesting anti-social behavior...
...The "Boeing pull" will take place in Los Angeles...
...On January 23, Mr...
...As for the Turks' hostility toward moonshooters, it remains mysterious...
...Fritchey began a syndicated column that appeared in many newspapers and he was a frequent contributor to this magazine's "Current Wisdom" department...
...IN LONDON, ENGLAND, PARLIAMENT voted to ban fox hunting, and in Kahramanmaras, Turkey, eight Turks were arrested for shooting rifles at the moon just as a lunar eclipse was getting under way...
...Meanwhile Herr Schroder's foreign minister Herr Joschka Fischer, a Red from the 1970s now turned Green, was called upon to give evidence for the defense in the terrorist trial of a school-days chum accused of murder in the 1975 attack on OPEC ministers in Vienna...
...Both ministers had taken the side of the cows...
...It's that "future" bit one finds unsettling...
...The thirty-fifth Super Bowl was won by the Baltimore Ravens...
...There were no fatalities...
...ness Carlos the Jackal, who though imprisoned for life knows about these things, showed up to assert that the young Herr Fisher actually lived in an apartment where the radicals' bombmaking equipment was stored...
...Have granola and wheat germ ever done as much...
...There were no fatalities...
...The animal rights activists are also waging a nail-bombing campaign against opponents, and throughout January claimed responsibility for over a dozen bombings of hunting facilities andrather odd, this!-fish-and-chips shops...
...Death also claimed the life of Mr...
...President Kabila was shot in his office...
...Last October Mr...
...After serving as an aide to UN Ambassador Adlai Stevenson, Mr...
...Clayton Fritchey, 96, an early example of the Democratic politician as journalist...
...O.J...
...man's roots may be "multi-regional," JANUARY BROUGHT EVIDENCE that even nuclear radiation may be good for you...
...According to the magazine New Scientist, the secret police of the former German Democratic Republic surreptitiously "painted" pro-democracy dissidents with radioactive materials to detect their moves...
...vulpes) is aquatic...
...The minister stoutly denied any involvement in the violence, suggesting that for him a Molotov cocktail, like a very dry martini, was never to be imbibed when a lighted cigarette was nearby...
...THECONTINUINGCRISIS Democracy In Action Clinton Leaves, Late Again Congo President Shot in Office Peaceful Transition Expected Penis-Hanging Artist Examined for Endowment cists who have grown anxious over The Clintons left Washington much as they arrived, by keeping the Bush family waiting...
...On January 20, 1993 they kept President Bush and his wife waiting thirty minutes before they appeared for the traditional pre-inaugural coffee...
...Tu, who bills himself, not surprisingly, as a "professor of penis-hanging art," encouraged three of his acolytes to pull a truck three meters with their penises despite the trucks load of one hundred men, all doubtless in envy...
...Fox hunters have aroused the dispendious wrath of British animal rights activists, who occasionally disinter the remains of deceased hunters and mutilate their bodies after the fashion employed by wellbred hunting dogs against cornered foxes...
...Eligibility for financial support from the National Endowment for the Arts will of course depend on whether the penises are properly sheathed...
Vol. 34 • March 2001 • No. 2
