Great American Saloons: Tootsies Orchid Lounge
Shiflett, David
It's approximately 592.3 miles and a couple of feet from my Richmond-area home to the first bar stool at Tootsies Orchid Lounge on lower Broadway in Nashville-over the Virginia highlands, past the...
...close observers note she couldn't be wearing a stitch of underwear...
...He's hitting trademark Telecaster licks that could lift the scales off a fish...
...the rum-swillers are so generous they may have to hitchhike home...
...Major feats of compassion ensue...
...We have ascended to redneck heaven...
...She kicks off a tune about two lovers drinking beer and chasing each other around the cabin...
...She's a knockout brunette with high hopes, and more...
...Roger Miller allegedly wrote the immortal "Dang Me" beneath this very roof...
...He shared history and insights as we drank $3 Budweisers (Bud Lights for the Colonel...
...Our songstress's warbling is accompanied by a serious buzz in the guitar player's amplifier, one sounding like a downed power line hopping across the top of a school bus...
...I've been in the music business myself," the Colonel adds, speaking of his publishing company...
...Another beer here, another round of rum over there, and above us all drift the final strains of a Christmas carol...
...The band begins tuning up...
...One hopes Carl was also on his way to Tootsies, where nearly every legend in country music—and would-be legends who do not rate a bead on time's aging abacus—have drunk themselves silly, and occasionally into profundity...
...Christmas carols play on the house stereo while the band tunes up...
...Performers seeking a snort ducked in between performances, and their autographed pictures cover much of the wall-space: Patsy Cline, Hank Williams, Loretta Lynn, Kris Kristofferson, Faron Young, Our lady of song unleashes a series of stunning gyrations...
...Her publicity photos include a bikini shot which firmly qualifies her for the editorship of this humble mag, should she be interested...
...But there is more to observe in Tootsies than mere revelry...
...Bob Register was warming the bar stool closest to the door, just as he was the last time I wandered in (1999...
...Indeed, to step inside Tootsies is to enter the heart of Western civilization...
...A pilgrim notes diverse signage as he proceeds: billboards advertise Dollywood, Federal Direct Pontoon Bridges, the Knife Shack, and further down Interstate 40 a barren wooden cross rises from the weeds, flanked by a name painted black on a piece of faded plywood: Carl...
...It's approximately 592.3 miles and a couple of feet from my Richmond-area home to the first bar stool at Tootsies Orchid Lounge on lower Broadway in Nashville-over the Virginia highlands, past the Bristol Motor Speedway, across GREAT AMERICAN SALOONS the Tennessee state line...
...The pace, and heart, quicken as one nears the front door...
...A stray thought enters the mind:You sure can't have this much fun in an opium den...
...Our songstress ascends the stage as the bar-maiden slips her bikini shots back in their envelope, singing in a voice of stunning purity, "Oh come let us adore Him...
...We have ascended to redneck heaven...
...Show him your pictures," the Colonel says...
...It is a beautiful moment, and inspires another stray thought: Here's to you, Carl...
...To visit Tootsies is to know something of paradise...
...There's heat, food, music, conversation, good-looking women, ugly women, guys in town for a union convention, a street urchin, a guy with a dog, and lots of alcohol...
...If you can't write 'em, steal 'em," he advises...
...A union guy and his svelte chick, who have declared serious war on a bottle of rum, dance across the checkered floor, past another gal who has also met Jenny Craig, though in this instance she clearly ate her...
...Tonight, patrons are entertained by a fetching redhead in a tight, petroleum-based outfit...
...V to you, Carl...
...She fears she's getting too old for youth-crazed Nashville 108 THE AMERICAN SPECTATOR ¦ March 2001 (she's in her 30s).You just want to hug the poor thing but her boyfriend's nearby, so one makes do shoving a significant portion of one's expense money into the tip jar...
...Soon our lady of song unleashes a series of stunning gyrations...
...Such moments are worth traveling long distances for...
...It might have remained forever so had not a painter stained the place Orchid, a somewhat anemic purple...
...A chilly wind blew down the Tootsies Orchid Lounge BY DAVID SHIFLETT The bar, roughly as wide as a house-trailer and somewhat deeper, was named Mom's when Hattie Louise Tatum Bess bought it in 1960...
...No one minds...
...A warm feeling ensues, reminding us that the Lord loves a cheerful giver...
...My latest visit was just prior to Christmas...
...As always, Col...
...Our songstress, who stops by for a chat, certainly does...
...close observers note she couldn't be wearing a stitch of underwear...
...But she is very young and has stars in her eyes, perhaps tempting older patrons to nod serenely and say to themselves,"Yes, I remember...
...Meanwhile, the Colonel introduces the gal behind the bar...
...sidewalk as I made my way past Planet Hollywood and Gruhn's Guitars, a wind bearing Tootsies' trademark perfume: a combination of beer vapors and tobacco smoke...
...After 30 minutes our songstress takes the tip jar on a stroll...
...Tom T. Hall, Mel Tillis, Roger Miller, Willie Nelson, Charley Pride, Webb Pierce, Waylon Jennings, Terri Clark, and a few hundred others...
...Tootsies thrived because of its location—close by is the famous Ryman Auditorium, original home of the Grand Ole Opry but dry as downtown Tehran...
...As does she...
Vol. 34 • March 2001 • No. 2
