The Continuing Crisis
r i l E C O N T I N U I N G CRI$ People of color; sizes; horsing around; the scream August, au revoir. The Campaign 2000 presidential race began with a kiss planted upon his wife's...
...Jake Siewerr to insist that "We're not certain who did it, [ha, ha, ha] but we're starting to sort it out [ha, hal, and those people will be punished...
...How about signing the inside now...
...In related news, a hitherto uncelebrated feminist organization, American Women Presidents (AWP), offered Miss Monica Lewinsky, 26, what Reuters News Service described as a "top job," only to rescind the offer hours later...
...Thomas Stuttaford even went so far as to compare the sedative to the horse tranquilizer ketamine, a not-so-subtle jest at the relative heft of Russian womanhood...
...The London Tiraes's Dr...
...The president, a recovering sexaholic, had just finished signing the nubile cutie's blouse with his unsheathed quill when she removed the garment, hurled it into the air, and pointed her large, pendulous bazooms dangerously close to his person--a clear breach of presidential protocol, particularly in the Clinton administration, where it is the chief executive officer's prerogative to expose his erogenous zones...
...The stores will sell not only erotic lingerie but also chocolate body paint and laxatives...
...In Zurich, Switzerland a 38-year-old woman was taken to hospital after a 6-foot finger fell on her head...
...Pornography has again appeared on White House computers, according to the Associated Press...
...Jesse Jackson Lieberman could well be the first Jew behind the Oval Office desk...ifyou discount Monica Lewinsky...
...Hillary Rodham Clinton and the members of her health care task force an auspicious occasion to point out the comprehensive nature of universal health care, even in a comparatively pinched land such as Russia...
...Keen to the racist implications of the ads, French newspapers refused to run them...
...In Lake Placid, New York, Miss Rachel Bennett, z2, was led away in handcuffs after she threatened President Bi]l Clinton with her exposed breasts, 36C...
...No injuries were reported...
...National Transportation Safety Board investigators reported that the 1996 crash of TWA 80o was probably caused by an accidental fire and explosion...
...The accused, Mr...
...Yet certain unimaginative feminists rebel]ed at the idea of giving a "top job" to a White House intern whose only prior White House service was what might be called a "bottom job...
...Huffy Western observers called it a "throwback to Soviet-era methods...
...Daniel Bruce House, 55, known as Bruce to his friends, met the horses after selling carrots to their owners and caretakers...
...Sodangi Okoro Omowale, which means "lover of people...
...He a]so traffics in cucumbers and hard salami...
...The Rev...
...Apparently British intelligence agents were inspired...
...8 October 2000 _9 The American Spectator Relations between France and Britain chilled perceptibly when, as the leftist French newspaper Liberation reported, Prime Minister Lionel Jospin's government learned of a British plan "to sterilize the French...
...The Boy President claimed credit for bringing America unsurpassed peace and prosperity simultaneous with the spread of unconscionable suffering...
...The Aussies filmed their farce and gave scandal when they aired the video at a party attended by peacekeepers from three other countries, some of whom might have become sexually aroused...
...And M-Gore promised to cure AIDS, diabetes, and cancer, if elected...
...A security consultant tripped across the fleshy stufffor the second time in a year, prompting new White House Spokesman Mr...
...The Campaign 2000 presidential race began with a kiss planted upon his wife's outstretched lips byM-Gore, the first Egyptian citizen ever to be nominated by a mainstream American political party--if you can call the Los Angeles Democrats mainstream...
...War is not always hell...
...A1 Sharpton on the poverty of others, described the vice-presidential nominee, Senator Joe Lieberman, as a "person of color...
...Nadezhda Tylik, the mother of one of the lost submariners, became distraught while protesting her son's fate to Deputy Prime Minister Mr...
...And the South China Morning Post, in its inimitable style, asserted that "it is one of several examples of the Australian defense forces shooting themselves in the foot...
...It was part of a modern art monstrosity...
...Their convention sounded as though they had all suffered from childhood abuse--though not enough...
...Rodney Croome, a spokesperson for Australian poofters, denounced the film as "symptomatic of the misogynist and homophobic prejudices" of the Australian military...
...Ilya Klebanov, an efficient Russian health care provider was there in a jiffy to plunge a hypodermic needle into Mrs, Tylik's beefy shoulder...
...In the Baltic resort of Sopot, 300 competitors for the European screaming championships were out-hollered by a young Polish lady, 25-year-old Miss Dagmara Stanek, 34 B, and she is not even married yet...
...Nigerians are known for satire...
...British mischief makers were also at work in the Middle East...
...This too will pass...
...Which brings to mind our esteemed culture columnist Mark Steyn's observation in the August 13 Sunday Telegraph, that Senator Joe Lieberman's number-two slot on the Democratic ticket "is an historic moment: in 2oo9, President Not to be mistaken for the Rev...
...Jesse Jackson, who has become almost as fat as the Rev...
...Remember this magazine's suggestion several years back that the Rev...
...The paper recalled a female sailor on the HMAS Newcastle falling overboard after allowing herself to be dangled from the ship's side, the crew' of the HMAS Success dressing as Arabs with towels on their heads during the Gulf War, and three cadets who were fined for staging a mock trial during which something or other was done to one of the cadet's genitals with a vacuum cleaner...
...but now he faces a stiff sentence, and his carrot distributorship is in ruins...
...RET The American Spectator " October" 2000 9...
...Greens and others advocating the conAn onshore victim of the Kursk disaster servation of the planet's resources will rejoice over a report by Public Citizen that an unnamed surgeon with distinct Green tendencies has used a patient's amputated foot in a crab trap...
...The South China Morning Post reported that Australian peacekeepers stationed in Papua, New Guinea, staged a gay and lesbian Mardi Gras parade mocking the Real McCoy that annually takes place in Sydney...
...All indications are that he practiced safe sex, neither horse having come down with sexually transmittable diseases or unwanted pregnancy...
...In late August the British press reported that Ann Summers, a British sex store chain, intends to open 22 of its lewd boutiques across the Middle East, even in Mecca...
...The convention was all tears, trauma, and megalomania...
...One hundred and eighteen Russian sailors perished when the nuclear-powered submarine Kursk went down in the Barents Sea...
...The calamity did offer Mrs...
...Khomeini's regime could be destabilized if patriotic Americans would mail to Iran lingerie ads clipped from the New York Times and perhaps those Calvin Klein ads for men's briefs that were appearing in the New Republic...
...Officials from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) have become even more illtempered than usual over the continuous harassmerit of an animal lover in Malibu, California...
...When Mrs...
...The newspaper was referring to a series of advertisements paid for by a mysterious British birth-control unit, Marie Stopes International, offering flee vasectomies to French males...
...AWP, an organization advocating the early election of a woman president, apparently approached Miss Lewinsky, 38D, because of the unique services she has already performed behind the desk in the Oval Office...
...There a carrot peddler facing charges that he engaged in sexual congress with two of his customers, both horses, was forced to plead guilty rather than have still more of his private life exposed to public scrutiny...
...Anyway, late in the month the Boy President journeyed to Nigeria, where President Olusegun Obasanjo granted him an African name (another presidential first...
Vol. 33 • October 2000 • No. 8
