The Continuing Crisis
r i l E C O N T I N U I N G CI~ Lighting up; stars of Camp David; Taliban soccer; ghosts July passed into August and the sins of the mother are visited upon the daughter. Chelsea Clinton was...
...It had been a gift to Mr...
...The Boy President's timing seemed perfect, though his scandals do keep coming back...
...Officer Marksbury actually managed to remove this unfortunate woman's sandals and commenced to lick and suck her pedals before her screams and reminders about safe sex alerted local authorities led by the NAACP...
...In 1996 General Smith kissed Lieutenant General Claudia Kennedy without her consent, upsetting her terribly...
...An unnamed Kenyan businessman has confessed to enlisting ghosts to attack schoolgirls at the Itokela Girls Secondary, School...
...The National Transportation Safety Board announced early in the month that the plane crashed into the Atlantic after the handsome young political reformer became "disoriented," though historians at Harvard are convinced that Mr...
...John F. Kennedy, Jr., who perished during a nocturnal flight to Martha's Vineyard, where he hoped to liberate enslaved members of the local chapter of the NAACP...
...Charlie Trie, was arrested by Taipei police for shaking down a Taiwan-based spiritual group...
...On July 16 scores of fat women showed up at Martha's Vineyard to solemnize the first anniversai t of the death of Mr...
...And what would he think of"The Graces," Britain's first gay cricket team...
...Meanwhile, back in the United States, Congressman Patrick Kennedy, head of the House Democrats' campaign committee, continues to be menaced by the burly Mrs...
...There police Lieutenant-Corporal lirawat Sangwom shot two men who booed his karaoke performance...
...Even in Bangkok, Thailand, the cops were out of control...
...Clinton was at Camp David trying to figure out what to do about that 155-page transcript of his April 21 interview with the Justice Department's chief political-finance prosecutor...
...Then an Air France Concorde crashed...
...In Oregon, Officer Kennen "Ken" Marksbuil was accused of attempting to suck the toes of two women, the last being"the lone employee" of the Human Bean coffee stand...
...The bag, containing emergency supplies for a beleaguered NAACP chapter in Orange County, was badly damaged...
...She also may have let out a shout about global warming...
...Back in the United States, Major General Larry Smith ended his 34 years of military service with a reprimand and forced retirement...
...coffee shop frequented by the sick and underprivileged...
...They are also hurt when they see old footage of Mr...
...singing with the Rat Pack and Congressman J.C...
...Still flying too high, in certain eyes What you sing may be used against you In the United Kingdom, Cows--t Lane will remain Cows--t Lane, but in South Carolina the state capitol was stripped of its Confederate battle flag...
...In Key West, Florida, the famed Hemingway Days Festival ended with more than 20 fat, gray-haired men claiming to look like the late Ernest Hemingway, but not one matching the great man's stench...
...Months ago the 58year-old virago roughed him up when his oversized bag had 8 S ep t e m b e r 2 o o o _9 The American Spectator difficulty passing through her X-ray machine...
...Practitioners of historical revisionism in England had wanted to rename the ancient lane Cowslip Lane out of deference to the sensibilities of feminists, who have been discomfited by the coarsely named thoroughfare for years...
...And police brutality reached epidemic proportions worldwide...
...In Philadelphia, police kicked and punched a nearly defenseless Mr...
...Under the spiritual guidance of the Islamic rigorists of the Taliban, the Afghan national soccer team's players may be competing in World Cup competitions wearing bathrobes...
...Sammy Davis, Jr...
...The NAACPers argued that the battle flag reminded them of centuries of cruelty, slavery, and reruns of"Amos 'n' Andy...
...He eschewed deodorant and even found the daily bath sissy stuff...
...Clinton took the news badly, but then the month brought other bad news...
...engaging him in a gun battle (he had stolen a policeman's revolver), and frightening him with curse words...
...Chelsea Clinton was caught smoking a cigarette, possibly two cigarettes, in public...
...but not in South Carolina, where revisionists were led by the filll-throated protesters of the NAACP...
...Torture charges were dismissed against Chad's former dictator, Mr...
...The local NAACP is investigating...
...Perhaps now critics will stop calling her Bosom Bottom...
...Doubtless anti-fragrance activists too figured into the contemplated change, and local Hindus, who revere the cow as sacred and consequently have a very high regard for its evacuations...
...The First Lady was accused of calling a former political adviser a "f---ing Jew bastard," and the fellow was not even Jewish...
...Yet traditionalists prevailed against all these forces of political correctness...
...Maulvi Hameed Akhund, May we ask for whom the bell tolls...
...Watts intoning the National Anthem...
...His 1996 fundraiser, Mr...
...During a soccer match in the southern Afghan city of Kandahar, twelve members of a Pakistani team were forcibly removed from the field by Taliban religious police for wearing shorts in public...
...According to the venerable East African Standard, girls from the school informed government officials that the man had sent several ghosts to the school to torment them after his daughter was found socially beyond the pale...
...They never want to see the flag again, and were unappeased when it was lowered from the capitol and raised on a nearby Confederate war memorial, where the hated "Stars and Bars" reminds them of centuries of cruelty, slaver...
...Sexual harassment has taken an unearthly turn in Nairobi, Kenya...
...and the late A1 Jolson appearing in an ill-fitting minstrel outfit...
...Upon making his confession the offending businessman agreed to hire a Mr...
...Della Patton, a security cop detailed to the Los Angeles International Aeroport...
...The story is, as they say, developing...
...Kennedy from his teddy bear, and so he was upset...
...He was also botching yet another Israeli-Palestinian summit, ensuring that his legacy of failed summits remains intact...
...They were arrested because they violated the Islamic dress code," which bars the exposure of any parts of the body, explained Mr...
...The Clintons are going to need cash on January 21, 2o01...
...Thomas Jones after chasing him through the city in two different cars (both stolen, one a police cruiser...
...the Human Bean is, after all, a Gore outpost...
...He released the transcript just as the summit blew up and Governor George W. Bush announced his vice-presidential running mate, former Secretary of Defense Dick Cheney...
...Imagine what she would have called him if he were Jewish...
...The ghosts, mostly males, were pushing the girls to the ground and mussing their hair...
...The crime took place in Dupont Circle North's Xando, a Washington, D.C...
...RET The American Spectator _9 September 2000 9...
...Scholarly work was impossible, and some of the girls just stayed on the floor all day...
...Ntingili to perform an exorcism...
...a Taliban official...
...Hissene Habre, by a court in Senegal, perhaps because the court's official chicken could not be found for an augury...
...They were jailed and had their heads shaved...
...In New York, Miss Mary Gale, 43, a retired exotic dancer, was awarded $30,000 by a jury after she complained that a Park Avenue plastic surgeon destroyed her career by using breast implants to enhance her shapely buttocks...
...They wear really short shorts and have marvelous nails...
...Kennedy's plane was shot down by German naval vessels after he surprised them while they were surreptitiously landing a small group of Nazi spies sent to assist the Massachusetts Republican Party in the fall elections...
...He objected at Officer Patron's brutal treatment, and now she wants to sue him for what little he's worth...
Vol. 33 • September 2000 • No. 7
