The Continuing Crisis
r i l e C O N T I N U I N G CI~ Clinton goes Cossack; what's in Spring fades into summer, and back in the Great Republic patriots are still wondering about Our President's June visit to Moscow....
...She lives there with a disabled husband, a mentally retarded daughter, and another daughter who suffers from seizures...
...The Russians have been avid party animals and a pretty, young Cossack would divert the Boy President from the blues be must feel when he contemplates his dubious future and his barren legacy...
...Yeltsin's last visit with the Majors at Chequers, the Prime Minister's country retreat, President Yeltsin personally drained every drop of gin from the liquor cabinet...
...Miss McNeil was arrested at Mr...
...When is a Rose not a rose...
...The a name...
...Liu's life has been misery, and when he walked through the High-Tech Industrial Centre on Castle Peak Road in early June it was more of the same...
...At this summer's Democratic National Convention watch for them to be featured in Mr...
...Liu Wing-but, 41...
...Tracy Mayberry, promising to repair her overflowing toilet...
...tofu luck lead singer of Guns N' Roses, Mr...
...Remember some years back that unhappy Marine guard at our Moscow embassy...
...In bra news, scientists at Australia's University of Woolongong have developed a bra capable of doing push-ups...
...Liu, and sending him to hospital, where still more people laughed at his last name...
...Rose is a distant relative of the now extinct dodo...
...A conspicuous ellipsis in the Clinton administration's seven-year record is in the area of national security...
...Rose's Malibu estate...
...There a street vendor selling that city's ever-popular "stinky tofu" was fined $1,538 for violating the rights of pedestrians to enioy "fresh clean air...
...His social needs were very tenderly cared for by a pretty young thing supplied by Soviet intelligence...
...After the supervisor, Mr...
...I think he enjoyed the English country house," Mrs...
...Here I think President Putin must have been disappointed...
...President Putin's intelligence background must have made him an ideal host for our amorous President...
...Perhaps she is selling deodorant or soap...
...Of course, Moscow's services as matchmaker to Americans on foreign soil always come at a cost...
...Patrick Kennedy, Democratic congressman from Rhode Island and head of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, has wanted to hush up charges that he assaulted a 58-year-old female security guard while passing through a security check at the airport...
...Axl Rose, has again called the police on Miss Karen McNeil, who, he insists, has been stalking him...
...She also left deep scars on the pervert's head and face...
...Magistrate Anthony Kwok admitted that the snack is "delightful" but fined vendor Miss Ng Shiu-ping anyway, noting that it was her third offense...
...Throughout the spring internecine fighting continued in Congo, Ethiopia, Eritrea, and Sierra Leone, the West African republic whose name a sizable percentage of graduating collegians in the year 20oo confuse with that of an aging Italian actress of prodigious bosom...
...Kim Jong I1 made a secret two-day visit to Beijing, possibly to lend his was hitchhiking to the airport . . . experience to Chinese officials who have been endeavoring to invent a proper dessert for Chinese gourmands...
...Miss Ng has become somewhat of a crusader for "stinky tofu," which can be eaten with the fingers of one hand, the other hand being used to hold one's nose...
...Back to Hong Kong, where the anti-fragrance movement continues to grow in influence...
...Even the late Chairman Mao Tse-tung failed in his efforts, despite years of selfless experimentation with sweets and savories that left him embarrassingly pudgy for a Marxist revolutionary...
...and Vice President A1 Gore telephoned Mrs...
...Canaan Banana, 64, was ordered to serve a year in the hoosegow for "unnatural acts" with men on his staff--if you will pardon the expression...
...Core's acceptance speech...
...RET The American Spectator _9 J tt l ?~ / A n g u s ~ 2o o o 9...
...Ornithologists might rejoice if she were to recover one of his eggs or possibly even a tail feather...
...though it is always possible that she has a professional interest in Mr...
...But the facts and figures he is likely to betray to Russian ears will more likely have to do with federal price controls on some obscure medication or the cost per unit of federal housing in Bismarck, North Dakota...
...A suicidal woman of enormous girth leaped from a window overhead and landed on him high heels first, drawing unwanted attention to Mr...
...Mayberry, a tenant of his in faraway Carthage, Tennessee, actually called him a "slumlord" for his brazen neglect of the crummy little house she rents from him...
...Possibly she is a professor of abnormal child psychology, doing research on adult bed-wetters...
...Finally, the release of a video by security officials at Los Angeles International Airport reveals why the Hon...
...If President Clinton has any interest in or knowledge of national security, he has yet to reveal it...
...Major allowed, though his singing kept the birds awake...
...That sort of grisly evidence might have even impressed liberal Democrats at a presidential impeachment/ North Korean leader Mr...
...A rare report on former President Boris Yeltsin reminds us of how much we miss the old boy and wish him many hangover-free mornings and vodka-blissed days ahead...
...That former Zimbabwean president charged with sodomy and abuse of power in Harare may have made the last of his many appearances in this column-at least for one abstemious year...
...In fact, he is the most knowledgeable policy-wonk president since Jimmy Carter...
...The aptly named Mr...
...In Lusaka, Zambia, a female hotel worker's response to her supervisor's crude sexual advances could serve as a model for the next Paula Corbin Jones or Kathleen Willey left alone in the pres8 July/Augus t 2 o o o _9 The American Spectator ence of our priapic president...
...Senator John McCain endorsed Governor George W. Bush for president...
...Not much more is available on this story, but if the Woolongong technologists develop panties that can do sit-ups, they might expect a call from the White House...
...Of all the world's great cuisines only China's remains without a dessert...
...The call was not an innovative foray into populist campaigning but rather an urgent response to unflattering news accounts that Mr...
...They wonder if President Vladimir Putin set the ithyphallic president up with a nice plump Russian girl during his visit to the Brothers Karamazov's old stomping grounds...
...No Russian cutie is ever sent into the arms of a lonely American without the expectation that she will return to headquarters, her ears ringing with American national security secrets...
...According to the wife of former British Prime Minister John Major in an interview for BBC radio, during Mr...
...Admittedly President Clinton is a vault of government information...
...The Crisis has its goofball moments...
...Coming soon to the Democratic Convention In Hong Kong, ill-fortune continues to enshroud poor Mr...
...Ever since his early youth when English-speaking Hong Kongers began har-haring over that last syllable his parents agglutinated to his name, Mr...
...It would not be the first time that the Russian government saw to the romantic needs of a lonely American abroad...
...Rose...
...Obert Siyankalanga (pronounced smith), squeezed her left breast, 24-year-old Miss Bertha Kosamu testified in court, "I clobbered him on the head with the iron to ward off his unwanted advances...
...Gore is a common slumlord...
...The woman, Miss Della Patton, held her own against the 3>year-old son of Senator Edward Kennedy, and even wobbled him with a threatened jolly what-for...
...Maybe she is a bird-watcher operating according to the hypothesis that Mr...
Vol. 33 • July 2000 • No. 6
