On the Internet No One Knows You're a Dog
Tucker, William
T he moment of enlightenment came while I was waiting in vain for the New York Post to send me a check for $3oo. I'd been a freelance writer for more than twenty years. In many ways it's the...
...Investors...
...Well, what the hell do you mean lying up our lines," the editor shouts...
...I've already participated in two successful startups down here raising over $3 million...
...B y September I'm still limping along, not spending grotesque amounts of money but delving further and further into my savings...
...In traditional terms, it's remarkably cheap...
...she asks...
...The 15o-word presentation should answer "The Five Questions": 1. What is your product...
...I've got my own business...
...My heart jumps...
...Here people are often the exact opposite of what you expect...
...Angels are shadowy figures who cherish their privacy and live in fear of having business plans thrust in their face...
...Isn't that adding value...
...Finally, I solve the mysteryl When I registered "TheElevator.com," I gave Network Solutions the wrong e-mail...
...Some reporters even call and introduce me to angel investors...
...of the proposals are quite interesting...
...Freedom Communications of Los Angeles has signed up...
...One of them is from Brazil...
...It wouldn't interest me in the slightest, ~' says the venture capitalist...
...He is funny, engaging, perhaps a little cocky...
...Could we help sponsor more of these...
...Everyone is staging business plan competitions...
...After his speech I talk with him a few minutes...
...Most are understanding, although one entrepreneur tells me I have crashed his system...
...Almost every month some school around the country is holding an entrepreneurs' conference...
...But in truth I also needed the money...
...The pitches have gotten better now that frivolous entries are discouraged...
...I searched "business plans" and found a company in Arizona called BizPlanIt...
...Alumni.com...
...I sat around stewing a few days...
...We Start Startups...
...The Industry Standard has called me "Elevator.com'" instead of "TheElevator.com...
...I didn't know this...
...Is it ever going to get any better...
...I e-mail Network Solutions asking them to transfer the address, but somehow they never do it...
...The barriers to entry are falling...
...Unfortunately, they prove unresponsive and inefficient...
...In January, I attend the "Conference on the Digital Future" at Northwestern University's Kellogg School of Business...
...It is like correcting freshman English papers...
...I have also discovered I can communicate directly with my members...
...I've said it so many times I'm beginning to believe it myself...
...Here it was a month later and they still hadn't paid me...
...Let's do it...
...I will pay them $15o a month to hang flyers, hand out business cards, and talk up the site...
...If they only knew...
...Entrepreneurs make things happen...
...I just need $3 million...
...m The rest are either incomplete or filled with By September I'm still limping along, not spending grotesque amounts of money but delving further and further into m~ ( g savings...
...I said, calling the editor...
...Everybody is unhappy with the way it's doing it...
...Most people I talk to seem to think I am running a big-time operation...
...Before modifying anything about your domain name, Network Solutions sends a confirmation e-mail...
...I finally cashed in a couple of years ago by co-authoring Newt Gingrich's To Renew America, the famous $7 million book (of which my share was $125,ooo ). After taxes I had a nest egg of about $75,000, more than half of which I'd squirreled away into retirement accounts (15 percent tax penalty for early withdrawal...
...I might even deliberately break the law in order to challenge it...
...J trees from rooting nearby, you're supposed to grab every domain name resembling yours to ward off competitors...
...We do better...
...I look like a naive idiot--whieh is probably not far from the truth...
...Unfortunately, some minds always seem to get there a few months ahead of the others...
...T here's only one problem...
...You must know all those venture capitalists down in New York," one Boston entrepreneur says enviously over the phone...
...They are also going fast...
...You make money off people who are starting to do things you learned three months and is in pursuit ofentrepre- ~ . ~ ~: :1 '~ neurs...
...The Securities and Exchange Commission governs all public offerings over $5 million...
...On the front page--above the daily report of the Microsoft trial--is the story: "Elevator.corn matches Start-Ups with Money...
...If zoo people show up, I get my money back...
...During the questions I rise and say, "I just started a site called TheE1evator.com that's just like yours...
...They require some expertise...
...Then comes Disaster Number Two...
...You have to put it on a piece of paper...
...In fact, that's the least of it...
...I send myself an e-mail and nothing happens...
...No, it turns out their servers were down and they have lost all applicants from the last two weeks...
...I'm getting eight pitches a day and spend most of living on pizza is only partly true...
...Who's the prettiest woman in the room...
...How about a site where you find your old high school classmates...
...The artist, Mario, is a heavily accented German with dyed blond hair...
...This is late November 1998...
...O ne of the advantages of being a reporter is that you learn things before other people do...
...Not everybody has the same browser...
...I had my name and picture in the paper, my ideas spread across the editorial page...
...Others talk about "cybersquatters"--people who are grabbing names such as "bigmac.com" and trying to get McDonald's to pay them millions of dollars for them...
...Finally, the reporter asks, "What are you going to do if somebody sues you because they lose all their money investing in a company they found on your site...
...You're supposed to have a broker-dealer's license...
...They say it isn't practical...
...As I sit in the Times Square Marriott conference room listening to the last afternoon's presentations, a thought strikes me...
...Reunion.corn...
...I shuttle these into "Business Partners Wanted," on my otherwise scantly visited "Networking" section...
...I'd written a piece on how New York City ought to turn Governors Island into an engineering school and hightech research center...
...There are the names of 2oo people--friends, family, entrepreneurs, investors--to whom I have spread the virus...
...The overarching crisis is that my site address--the "URL'--has been swallowed by an electronic bureaucracy...
...Then The Disaster strikes...
...The programmer punches in the wrong command (don't ask why such commands exist) and ends up substituting his own name, address, phone number, and email for the personal data of all 75 of my entrepreneurs...
...When I open these letters, however, the names are unfamiliar...
...Would I help publicize the event...
...It comes as an e-mail attachment...
...The next morning the site is up and running...
...On the first panel there is a venture capitalist...
...I know all their businesses by heart and am beginning to understand how Michael Milkin knew the exact location of every bond he ever sold...
...One great thing about Silicon Alley--you're always meeting incredibly talented people...
...In many ways it's the ideal job...
...t is the end of January and my site is nearly finished...
...I hadn't noticed...
...Tve got ACE-Net...
...They must not have SEC regulations Down Under...
...To my amazement, @NY, a weekly electronie magazine, calls back and does an interview...
...I send out a dozen e-mails...
...The bottom one will be the "Lobby" where you enter the site...
...IBM also has a stable of venture capitalists, she says...
...Why don't we partner...
...The artist and Web shop have done a fantastic job of fleshing out my amorphous idea...
...Great minds think alike...
...The figure hit $48 billion in 1999...
...But everyone enjoys themselves and I make some good contacts...
...I have no idea what they're talking about...
...I've heard the term before...
...Without the slightest effort on my part, The Elevator is featured in Upside and Red Herring...
...You want something clean and minimal ." Start over...
...twenty years still agonizing over a $3o0 check...
...There are a million people out there saying, 'I've got this great idea if only someone would give me a million dollars.' Do everything you can without funding and the money will eventually find you...
...How would you like to have an Internet site where you could browse hundreds of elevator pitches and business plans7" I ask during 40 May 2 o o o _9 The American Spectator the question period...
...I start thinking of a business I could put on the Intemet...
...I go to the Wharton School's "Entrepreneurs' Convention" in December...
...This is the antithesis of Hollywood, where everyone is destined to play the role assigned by appearance...
...Each addressee gets the virus only once...
...Oh yes, the major expenditure of my next six months is getting a lawyer to craft a "no-action" application to this federal agency...
...How about"TheElevator.com...
...This Internet stuff is happening fast...
...It's the ultimate Catch-z2...
...On every floor, there will be an ever-widening panorama...
...Still, the Internet economy is so dynamic that the site practically publicizes itself...
...In less than 24 hours after submitting my Elevator Pitch I've been contacted by an institutional investor...
...There are even a few investors...
...Here I am after . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . i . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . WILL~ TUCKER is CEO of TheElevator.com and a New York writer...
...You're doing a great job of publicity," somebody tells me...
...My most prized possession-my domain name-is lost in Cyberspaee...
...How much do you think it will cost to go into Albany...
...I visit these sites...
...At least you're breaking even," one professional tells me...
...Maybe Garage.corn has the West Coast wrapped up but I can stake out my territory on the East Coast...
...jargon...
...Look, I'm sick of your pushy New York attitude...
...We'll see what works, then scale up to other cities...
...B2B Portal will aggre- ~ gate contentproviders/websolutions/qualityvendors into vertical community for e-commerce/e-service potential...
...I can't correct the mistake in my e-mail because there's a mistake in my e-mail...
...I was frankly terrified of charging entrepreneurs to register on the site...
...they scream...
...These eager entrepreneurs are my children...
...Rewriting or editing a pitch will cost $5 o. I feel like a mother eating her young...
...I buy a virus-scanning program and take vows of electronic chastity...
...Would you like to start a similar set of soirees in New York...
...In less than 24 hours, news of my site has traveled around the world...
...With a week to go, I decide to revert to what I do best-writing press releases...
...I barely pass the practice tests...
...Before Klein could manufacture a single bottle in the United States he had to put up $500,00o...
...Sure enough, I am infected...
...But it also turns early-stage investing into a kind of millionaires' club...
...How about 50-50...
...I feel as ifI have a communicable disease...
...I have been counting the hours...
...Finally, on the third call the investor blows up...
...As the idea of The Elevator takes shape, I check the Internet search engines to see if anybody is doing anything similar...
...I check the Internic's "Who-Is" for "Elevator.com...
...Then one day, long after I have spent my money, I stumble into it--Garage.com...
...I am charging $15o...
...The Industry Standard has called me "Elevator.corn" instead of "TheElevator.com...
...It has a great industrial base and is just emerging from a two-decade recession brought on by high taxes...
...I try raising the price to $1oo but submissions plummet...
...These are the famous IPOs...
...It took me a long while to realize I wasn't receiving another computer-generated e-mail but was actually dealing with a real person," someone writes...
...At lo o'clock, Jeff the Webmaster calls...
...I am getting eight pitches a day and spend most of my time rewriting them...
...Somehow I imagine it as a reproduction of New York City...
...I am also beginning to realize how much you can do without money...
...Available...
...That's one problem...
...This is very exciting," the CEO says...
...After a while I forget about it myself...
...They do some preliminary artwork and it's absolutely beautiful...
...On the Internet, only six months makes you a veteran...
...Still, I'm proving to be competent at things I never imagined...
...I try to interest one Florida investor in a military relocation service on my site...
...It will take them two months to build the Website...
...A bastion of American conservatism, screwing me out of a month's interest...
...Klein points out there are federal laws governing investment in startup businesses...
...We project 1% of $14B market by Y1 with Y5 revenues of $z8oMM...
...Nerve.corn, a haute porn Webzine (which eventually gets funding from In 24 hours news of my s i t e has traveled around the world...
...Sure...
...Look, I'm sick of your pushy New York attitude," he says...
...IBM has a market capitalization of $~5 billion...
...In desperation, I send a message to billt@ibm.net, wherever he may be, but nothing comes back...
...You've really helped me understand my business...
...I know Karlgaard-at least I've talked to him on the phone once or twice...
...I say...
...These "sophisticated investors" must have either a million dollars in the bank or income of $~oo,ooo for two consecutive years...
...Four of my old classmates have already registered...
...When you reach the executive offices, the whole city skyline would be before you...
...But I never get it because it's going to the wrong address...
...You have to be employed by a licensed broker-dealer to practice...
...Of course, I might also end up going to jail or having my site closed down and my $25,000 confiscated...
...I schedule another soiree for January...
...It all began when I hosted my site with a West Coast firm purported to be the best in the business...
...A few hours later I get an e-mail from the Los Angeles startup that Freedom has contacted...
...The magazine has picked up the @NY feature and is running it as their lead story...
...Somewhere back when I had a weekly column in the New York Press I encountered a Web shop in Lower Manhattan...
...The phone bill comes to $500...
...I'm covering my expenses...
...Are they going to succeed...
...Following in Garage.corn's footsteps," the report says, "the Elevator offers a place on the Web where entrepreneurs can post their business plans for flee, and investors can pay for access to those plans...
...One brash young honcho from Wharton sends me an e-mail...
...For some reason people always assume there is more than one of me...
...I go to bed that night, my mouth dry, my skin clammy...
...Why do I need you," a dozen investors have already told me...
...There is one amazing proposal to build an auction mart for one of the world's most valuable commodities...
...The attorney is skilled and argues that because I am only accepting a one-time registration fee, rather than a commission or financial stake, I am not a broker but a "matchmaker," not subject to SEC restrictions...
...I tell my entrepreneurs over and over, "Don't sit around waiting for funds...
...Several don't exist but Classmates.corn is already up and running...
...There's only one problem...
...I thought all this would cost me $250...
...The people at the Web shop are an intriguing group...
...Isn't it interesting that the SEC spends so much time trying to prevent people from investing in the guy who thinks he's invented a better windshield wiper but shows no concern for people throwing away their money on state lotteries...
...I leave the meeting realizing that Internet names are a fairly valuable commodity...
...It is incredibly tedious material...
...I write them all, apologizing...
...We publicize The Disaster and encourage anyone knowing "Sharkman" to get in touch...
...Then there's a "Lounge" where you wait for a response...
...All my friends will come...
...The Industry Standard, the California bible of the Internet, has a daily Web edition...
...I thought this was supposed to be free...
...lion...
...He has just attended a Garage.com "Boot Camp for Entrepreneurs" (price $1,ooo) and has decided to start a series of "Greenhouse Soirees for Startups" in the Embarcadero District...
...Jim, the owner, is a wiry Hawaiian who played football in high school...
...But business plans are different...
...Then there's the revolt against my revenue model...
...Of course you never make much money...
...I just haven't figured out how to leverage them yet...
...This is called a "price point...
...An entrepreneur can't just go around advertising for money, however...
...They have a directory of every high school in the country...
...I've already taken advantage...
...It's what's driving the New Economy...
...But the West Coast firm swears they have given their permission...
...Everyone who speaks to an investor has to be licensed," he says...
...When the New York City Economic Development Corporation holds a venture capital fair in July, I rent a table for $1,2oo and sublet it to six of my New York entrepreneurs...
...I s n ' t it interesting that the SEC spends so much time trying to prevent people from investing in the guy who thinks he's invented a better windshield wiper but shows no concern f o r people throwing away t h e i r money on state lotteries...
...It would be a place where entrepreneurs can make their pitch to investors...
...Quite literally, nobody in this room cares what anybody else looks like...
...The next day I send her a three-page memo...
...Albany seems like the best place to start...
...But I promise I didn't steal the idea from you...
...People are unloading dump trucks of money on Sand Hill Road saying, 'Here, please take it,'" says one venture capitalist...
...It's just what this town needs...
...Gone...
...So now here I was three years later once again fretting over a $300 check...
...I suggest an even more ambitious strategy...
...Guy Kawasaki is the keynote speaker...
...The hell with it, I'm going to start my own Internet business...
...People looking for my site are ending up at Otis Elevator...
...I wonder if that dynamic guy who just spoke is going to cash in on his good looks...
...People have slow modems...
...I'll require all my customers to run their business plans through you and you give them a special rate...
...They'll build it for $25,000...
...I am furiously desperate...
...Classmates.corn...
...Finally, on the third call the investor blows up...
...One woman in Australia is doing matches for commission...
...The founders are Rich Karlgaard, editor of Forbes ASAP (now publisher of Forbes) and Guy Kawasaki, former "evangelist" at Apple computer...
...I was amazed to see you were only going to charge me $5ol You guys do great work...
...Everyone knows and adores him...
...It cost us about $2,ooo to fix...
...USA Today carries a story, "It's raining money in Silicon Valley...
...I am an entrepreneur...
...There are already a half-dozen "Happy99" information sites on the Web...
...I have thrown away $aS,OOo-the only money I ever managed to save in my life...
...t'm supposed to translate this into English...
...Garage.corn was hatehed a year ago in a meeting between Karlgaard, Kawasaki, and Charles Johnson, founder of Silicon Valley's Venture Law Group...
...He says Garage.corn spent nearly a year putting all its employees through the broker-dealer exams...
...Is this the company that just sent this fax about venNetwork Solutions finally picks up the phone and flees my Internet address...
...Applying for venture capital would mean entering a large building...
...Hey, whatever happened to that check...
...How about a series of elevator buttons...
...Entrepreneurs would post an "elevator pitch" and business plan...
...She is the East Coast market manager...
...I don't know...
...I explain my idea...
...People pay $zo to list their e-mail address under their school...
...y February, I know I have created something of value...
...It's the "newbie" phenomenon...
...Now I have to go out and drum up some business...
...On the fourth it's your business plan...
...Obviously not to my credit, 300 people show up...
...In fact, I'm starting to realize this presumed expertise is a key to success...
...The compliments get even better...
...Some people grumble but most are willing to pay...
...The SEC...
...An evangelist is someone who goes around trying to convince programmers to write software for the company's operating system...
...Wow...
...I run them into the database...
...His girlfriend, who runs the shop, is Canadian...
...This is the moniker for entrepreneurs registering on the site...
...I call the vice president whose name is on the form...
...I do some research...
...Meanwhile, the incredible Internet gossip machine rolls on...
...People all over the country are coming up with great ideas...
...Ten years ago I met a z>year-old Mexican-American at a college-entrepreneurs' convention in Houston...
...I gulp down my embarrassment...
...Shortly afterward, the New York Post runs a profile of Kawasaki...
...38 May 2ooo _9 The American Spectator I experiment with possible domain names...
...You have to send it back...
...I'm covering this event for a tabloid called New York Software --probably the only computer journal on the planet that has managed to get thinner over the past three years...
...Why not...
...Robert Hewlett and David Packard's original garage (now a National Historic Landmark) is the centerpiece...
...Not everybody knows this...
...My major competition, it ~ ~ f" turns out, is the federal gov- ~ J , ; } ernment...
...quit trying to be non-commercial and charge a nice professional sounding $79.95...
...I'd take a commission on every deal that was made...
...The new host says the old host is holding up the transfer...
...I doubt it...
...Somebody finally tells me TheE1evator.com was featured on "MoneyHunt" This is a cable TV show where entrepreneurs make their pitches before a panel of experts...
...When people think of money they think of Wall Street...
...I go upstairs to my 5' x 15' office and check my e-mail...
...Gone...
...Still, I'm offering a service, aren't I? I've gotten dozens ofletters--"Thanks for making me do all this work...
...It seems this company has a government contract to hand out Intemet addresses...
...Network Solutions' line is always busy...
...Jeff, the Webmaster, is a parochial-school kid from Providence...
...By December my income stream has reached $1o,ooo a year...
...Maybe $50,000...
...The only question in anyone's mind is, "How much is this person making...
...By May I have 75 entrepreneurs and four investors...
...If anyone is self-conscious about it, they certainly don't show it...
...They are all older than I expected...
...Somebody mentions the "elevator pitch...
...I don't want to hear from you anymore...
...You've got a heek of an exciting thing going here," he exudes...
...Like a heartsick lover, I sit waiting for that ~"unprivileged to pop up on my Many user" e-mail...
...One night I get a callback from a little paper in northern Colorado...
...They've got a great portal," I say, sounding very professional...
...His original product was Wit Beer, a homemade brew he discovered while vacationing in Belgium...
...You didn't send us an invoice...
...You get to pick your own subjects, follow your interests, be your own boss...
...How about a site called "The Elevator...
...It's much cheaper than Garage.com...
...Below that, however, there's a whole range of"private placements" where venture capitalists or "angel investors" buy unregistered stock...
...I guess I'll have to ask my lawyer...
...For a $250 guarantee, the owner will close the bar for three hours for my party...
...After the panel, I tell him what I'm doing...
...I go home and buy a workbook to study for the Series 7 broker-dealer exam...
...Happy99.exe sets up a file on your hard drive and keeps a list of all the addresses to whom you have forwarded the program...
...As a national clearinghouse, The Elevator promises to move some of that venture capital out of Silicon Valley and into [your city...
...I've already got business plans stacked 5 ~ high on my desk...
...I've kept up ever since...
...In desperation, I post the site at "Thelevator.com," which I also own...
...It's an odd collection of weirdos meeting in a fourth-floor cafeteria to discuss something called "domain names...
...Otis Elevator already has it...
...It was really a lot easier writing about these things for TAS...
...I ask him what he thinks about the laws on accredited investors...
...I still haven't raised a penny for an entrepreneur but The American Spectator _9 May 2 o o o 43 nobody seems to mind...
...I have a revenue model...
...I think I've had enough ego satisfaction...
...Network Solutions' line has been busy for a month...
...After a month I'm making the same $1o,ooo with only half as many registrants...
...The prize-- contrary to what you might expect -- is not a pot of money but (wouldn't you know it.;') half an hour with Guy Kawasaki...
...The popular image of 2z-year-olds sleeping under their desks and At every conference I've attended there is always a sexual undercurrent...
...On the Internet, only six months makes you a veteran...
...Their minimum rate is $2,oo0...
...Sharkman was going to be my next press release...
...I have worked out what an Elevator Pitch should say...
...It's the "newbie'" phenomenon...
...On the second floor is "Registration...
...yeah, just like we didn't steal the idea from Xerox," he says...
...I manage to sound confident...
...It took 25 minutes to come through...
...As an old Reagan Revolutionary, I scent yet another leftover 193o's regulatory scheme that hobbles the economy and benefits a lot of unworthy people...
...Terrified that somebody is going to steal my idea in the time it takes me to type an electronic message, I register it immediately...
...4- What are your personal qualifications...
...Still, why doesn't it show up every time I send an e-mail...
...When you open it, there's a little fireworks display...
...Only 5 o make it and once again I am out of pocket...
...What's going on over there...
...I say I want stages where people go through some sense of process...
...There's nothing 42 May 2 o o o _9 The American Spectator more depressing than an abandoned bulletin board," one Net entrepreneur tells me...
...It narrows the field of competitors...
...There's a similar site in Europe...
...I go down and ask about a Website...
...Almost every student says they have already received an e-mail from Garage.corn asking them to register on the site...
...ACE-Net--the Angel Gapital Electronic Network, run by the Small Business Administration--has been running a matchmaking site since 1995 . They charge entrepreneurs $45 ~ to post a Private Placement t,r Memorandum (PPM) and claim to have raised $4 bil- L I try to interest a Florida investor in my site...
...I decide to risk $25,000...
...The profession, of course, enthusiastically supports all these restrictions...
...Sharkman becomes a celebrity and is given his own discussion group...
...That's better than 99 percent of Internet companies out there...
...5- What will you do with funds if you get them...
...I've been reading Wall Street.corn, by Andy Klein, founder of Wit Capital, the The American Spectator - May 2 o o o 39 first Internet stock brokerage...
...In truth, 44 May 2o o o _9 The American Spectator if somebody offered to take this business off my hands for $200,000, I'd jump at it...
...Yet every three day s a new entrepreneur tells me I've contracted it...
...A few pitches-- mostly from California-- are perfect...
...ture capital...
...Other papers, however, print the story...
...The purpose is to "protect unwary investors"--keep naive people from throwing away their life savings...
...Within 48 hours, the BizPlanlt strategy is gone...
...I will have to make my money from investors--or maybe through banner advertising, the forlorn business model of 99 percent of e-commerce sites...
...For 5 ~ percent of your company I'll partner with you for due diligence and raising capital...
...For years I've labored for paltry paychecks in obscure magazines (not The American Spectator, of course...
...It's the exact same idea with a Silicon Valley motif...
...I have no idea what they're talking about but it involves a company called "Network Solutions," also known as "The Internic...
...Like a tree putting "billto7@ibm.net" but I forgot the "o7...
...Do you have financing...
...I never think about it," he said...
...he asks...
...Thelevator.com" matches my logo but looks like a misspelling...
...fter the initial rush, the pitches settle down to one a day...
...Then at my February"Soiree," some- ~ ~ one from IBM shows up...
...So I decide to start charging people...
...The virus (eventually reclassified as a "worm") was launched New Year's Eve 1999 . It isn't harmful--like the Melissa virus that's also going around--but an indication that you are vulnerable...
...The sites explain...
...They've been in the business longer than I have...
...It lasts about four hours...
...We go on to other subjects and the bulletin box becomes a regular feature...
...There is a delightful mix of nationalities and cultures but truly nobody cares...
...There are a couple of new messages marked "unprivileged user...
...I am in way over my head...
...Just before Christmas, someone writes from San Francisco...
...Even if you get your certification it means nothing...
...I must commend you on your new site," another writes...
...Nobody wants to work for Wall Street anymore...
...On the third you submit your elevator pitch...
...That seems fair...
...I kind of like them," he says...
...One irate member threatens to expose me in the Industry Standard...
...People are sitting in offices all day thinking up domain names and paying Network Solutions $7 ~ to register them...
...I want to sound professional...
...H1 think of something...
...2. What is your market...
...We meet in person for the first time...
...I have about $36 in my bank account...
...How should we split it...
...TheElevator.com should be up and running by February 1, 1999...
...Everything on the Internet is supposed to be free and I'm sure no one will pay to post an elevator pitch...
...IBM is reaching out to small businesses," she says...
...Soon the "Hunt for Sharkman" is a daily melodrama-so exciting that we keep it going a week after we have found him...
...A lot of people are registering...
...I've even applied for a trademark...
...It sounds like you're breaking the law," he says...
...What will it be like...
...It's the one-minute speech you give to an investor after trapping them on an elevator...
...We'll advertise in the newspapers and set up workshops where IBM can show its wares...
...Jeffsuggests we put a "bulletin box" on the home page urging Sharkman to resubmit his elevator pitch...
...On the top floor we can build a "Conference Room" where you have a live chat with an investor...
...The most powerful argument is that the federal government itself is doing the same thing...
...Why don't we put together a series of"Elevator Soirees" in cities up and down the East Coast...
...As far as I can see, nothing is going on in the U.S...
...They've got a great portal," I say, sounding very professional...
...An incredible 45 percent of the investment money in the country is being channeled through Palo Alto...
...As a reporter, I know there's always a "local angle" to such stories...
...The proposals I am getting are fantastic--the cutting edge of the New Economy...
...They have a much better idea than I do of what my site should look like...
...The Internet is not private property...
...An equally large stream of people comes from lawyers, artists, musicians, college professors, and former business executives migrating to the entrepreneurial world...
...Now he has disappeared forever...
...My income soars to $16,ooo...
...y first shock comes in reading Wall Street.com...
...I e-mail a couple of people I haven't talked with in 25 years...
...It looks fabulous...
...The business students to whom i am posing as an expert know far more than I do...
...Then I hit another strategy...
...We've already set up an The American Spectator _9 May 2 o o o 41 appointment with one of your businesses...
...Somebody in Rainbarrel, Oklahoma, wants to build a bowling alley...
...Of course there's a lot that goes on without the SEC knowing, but it's going to be hard to do that on the Internet...
...That's all right, the Web host has a backup, doesn't it...
...Can I see your business plan...
...A Harvard Business School professor once answered this when he wrote: "Entrepreneurship is the pursuit of opportunity without regard to the resources under one's control...
...I draw up a story for the New York papers about how TheElevator.com is about to launch as the East Coast rival of Garage.com...
...I've got enough on my plate to keep me occupied for two years...
...Gone...
...You'll have to introduce me to them sometime...
...By February 1, I have hired b-school students at Wharton, Notre Dame, and the University of North Carolina to represent TheElevator.com...
...In 1997, venture capitalists invested $15 billion, a record...
...He's a brilliant advocate of the New Economy...
...In May I have a puzzling upsurge of pitches from the Midwest...
...They limit the competition...
...All are probably half my age...
...One is "Sharkman," a Hawaiian entrepreneur who has invented a sharkproofwetsuit and wants to take an investor on a boat trip while he tests the device in the shark-infested waters off Maui...
...I sign the first $8,333.33 cheek without even trembling...
...I mail regular correspondents and still nothing shows up...
...I vaguely remember this from a few weeks ago...
...She prints my answer verbatim...
...I ago...
...All elevator pitches and business plans will be posted for flee...
...All this is spelled out on d , ~ the site, yet hardly anyone pays attention...
...She is enthusiastic...
...There are lots of good ideas outside California," I proclaim...
...It's a natural for e-commerce...
...I'm Mitch Kapor), registers on my site...
...Here there is none of that...
...How am I going to do this...
...Isn't the article itself an invoice...
...That tall Columbia scholar explaining how he has applied spontaneous-order theory to peak pricing for ISPs is an austere African-American...
...I decide to switch the address to a New York firm in the same building as my artist...
...Those who reach my address tell horror stories of being trapped on Otis Elevator for days...
...A principal beneficiary of legal gambling is state governments...
...Private placements can only be made with "accredited investors," who must be approached personally...
...lion on illegal gambling...
...I'll get lo percent-- $5 ~ a plan...
...All heavy hitters...
...She is putting together a PowerPoint presentation for her supervisors...
...In June we go over lOO pitches...
...he Elevator...
...They may be interested in investing as well...
...3. What is your revenue model...
...People looking f o r my site are ending up at Otis Elevator...
...Yes, it's true...
...When entrepreneurs find they must pay $5oo for a review of their business plans they are apoplectic...
...My $25,ooo is starting to look awfully small...
...qqae Ixansformation from ineptitude to overzealousness has been swift...
...I go to sleep sick with anxiety...
...I've carried my'elevator speech' with me for years 7 By late afternoon we figure out what is going on...
...One middle-aged woman who looks homeless complains loudly that everything in Cyberspace should be free...
...Sometime back in the summer of 1998, on a dreadfully hot evening, I attend a meeting of the New York City Computer Club at New York University...
...Who's flirting with whom...
...Or maybe, like every other Internet company, I'll just lose lots of money--my own...
...I can be with a person who's 60 years old and as long as he can talk business, we get along fine...
...Nobody really knows the figure...
...Pictures--"GIFs" and "JPEGs"--take a long time to download...
...People will never find it...
...I start a regular Monday discussion topic and dozens of members participate...
...They're charging investors $1o,ooo...
...At the same time, Americans of much smaller means spent $5 ~ billion on legalized gambling and another $5o bilI decide to make a campaign against this outdated 1934 statute a major cause for The Elevator...
...Not many people know this...
...I own an Internet domain...
...Can't divulge any more--trade secrets...
...How good is their idea...
...You make money off people who are starting to do things you learned three mondls ago...
...The last thing I need is more business plans...
...The dynamic woman pitching her Interact employment agency is an Irish housewife from Queens...
...Around mid-June someone writes, "You know you're spreading the Happy99 Virus...
...Somebody down in Florida has had the exact same idea...
...I find a bar in TriBeCa...
...She loves the casual atmosphere ~V,~ i I'm starting to realize this presumed expertise is a key to ] 1 success...
...Others are pathetic...
...I asked if he ever felt sensitive about his age...
...When you're truly involved, it all sticks in your head...
...Lots of people are coming up with great ideas...
...They agree to $500...
...The rewards of this business are all in ego satisfaction...
...She fairly spits the words...
...In truth, business is a universal language that is breaking down barriers everywhere, bringing together people who thought they had nothing in common or were adversaries...
...The American Spectator _9 May 2 o o o 45...
...Angels"--usually successful entrepreneurs who have decided to mentor others-may have invested another $5 ~ billion...
...A few days later I'm reading a story about business start-ups...
...nly a little intimidated, I start visiting business ~,,,: ~;~- schools...
...People are submitting elevator pitches...
...The b-schools are in a romance with entrepreneurship...
...THIS CAN'T MISS...
...I have probably lost dozens of applicants...
...In other words, don't worry...
...They've raised $7 million...
...I find the file and open it...
...Investors would come and browse...
...We have run some tests and the message has appeared several times...
...The application goes through...
...I write a press release: "It's raining money in Silicon Valley but not in [your town]," and fax it to 300 newspapers...
Vol. 33 • May 2000 • No. 4
