The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS A McCain moment; Haider ho; catch the Spirit; rats February witnessed the transformation of Senator John McCain into the Republican frontrunner, despite the irritable...
...Given the American high school curriculum's exigent concern with sex education and anger management, geography is given short shrift and occasionally no shrift at all...
...Whereupon a large flight attendant restrained him...
...The Gretna City Council voted unanimously to rescind a law that had made it illegal to throw women's underwear from carnival floats...
...Dan Savage, respected Liberal reformer and sex columnist, claimed to have attempted to infect Republican candidate Mr...
...Last year, in hopes of preventing such profanations, the Swami Nischalananda Saraswati led a movement to ban leather balls...
...O 8 April 2 0 0 0 • The American Spectator The "culture wars" are raging all around the globe...
...The "Sunny Ostrich Restaurant" features burgers, nuggets, and other ostrich delectables...
...Margaret Mead, the anthropologist who for a generation propounded a theory of idyllic peacefulness being practiced among barbaric and pediculous peoples living in tropical paradises, continues its steep decline...
...The repute of Dr...
...Slobodan Milosevic, have suffered comparable deaths in Belgrade over the past decade, which explains perhaps the populace's rising demand for fast-food franchises and—better yet—carry-out...
...Mead very 0 apprehensive...
...The animal rights, movement was thrown into turmoil when Thai officials announced a new disease-fighting method: eating the disease's carriers...
...Progress prowls slowly...
...Reuters reports that Silkapi merely tore out the deceased's "eyes, testi 0 cles, and heart...eating them...
...The death came a month after a Serbian paramilitary leader, Mr...
...have been arrested for hanging a seven-year-old fellow student in hopes that his death might conduce to the closing of the school for a month of mourning...
...rats February witnessed the transformation of Senator John McCain into the Republican frontrunner, despite the irritable disapproval of this journal's executive editor, Mr...
...Gary Bauer by licking one of Mr...
...By daylight the cows solemnly proceed through the streets of such Hindu strongholds as Tamil Nadu, inspiring pious thoughts among the faithful...
...Well, not completely...
...In Sumo news, a spokesman for the Japan Sumo Association promises to arrest the sport's decline by getting rid of fat competitors and replacing injury-prone Sumo wrestlers with fellows who can "take it...
...Throughout February Austria inspired as many headlines as Russia and China combined...
...but, reports London's Daily Telegraph, he was met with derision...
...Last month Mr...
...And in Kudkuda, India, administrators at a progressive Islamic school have reacted badly to a scheme by three young students to shut down classes for a month...
...Hillary Rodham Clinton declared her candidacy for the Senate from New York, and collectors in Britain announced that they had found that country's oldest bat, a greater horseshoe bat aged at least 27 years, 10 months...
...What she did with the rest of the car remains unknown...
...Bystanders tied him to a tree and killed him before police 1 could arrive...
...Yet when the sun goes down, the cows are filched, despite their sacred status...
...Mrs...
...This is the Continuing Crisis...
...More than a dozen prominent people, many associated with Serbian strongman Mr...
...RET He ain't worth a lick The American Spectator • April 2000 9...
...They are then taken to slaughterhouses and turned into cricket balls...
...Sunny Tan claims ostrich "tastes like venison," as long as diners do not notice the feathers...
...At 3o,000 feet over Colorado, Mr...
...Owner Mr...
...If only the Thai officials were Communists and the year was 1968, every rat in New York's Upper East Side would be in danger...
...Yakamup Makatu, 55...
...It was to be his last supper...
...The door knob as an instrument of homicide is again in the news...
...They've released 30o recipes for delicious rat dishes...
...Slane spread the dreadful stuff on a door knob that she was sure to touch...
...It is still illegal to throw condoms and "inflatable paraphernalia" from floats...
...In Chengdu, China, police arrested Dr...
...Jorg Haider entered Austria's center-right coalition government...
...Bauer's door knobs...
...Sentence was deferred until next month...
...Neighbors noticed that the girl was walking slowly and with difficulty owing to Dr...
...Remember acupuncture...
...Moropia Silkapi, 35, set fire to the residence of Mr...
...Makatu to death with a stone...
...Savage now denies such a heinous undertaking, though perhaps he was alarmed by a February 24 decision in a British court, where Mr...
...Haider's high jinks were reported all across America, though by the end of the month it was not clear whether the majority of Americans knew where Austria was...
...Colin Slane, a former Scots Guard, was found guilty of assault...
...China's national policy of birth control may be under pressure from within...
...Silkapi then beat Mr...
...Yao Yung for placing a chastity lock on a young woman's private parts...
...The boys are being charged with murder, which in Kudkuda is a serious offense...
...We would not want to give Planned Parenthood ideas...
...Kakish was charged with two counts of interfering with a flight crew, but who can deny that they were all aloft on "Spirit Airlines...
...Zeljko Raznatovic, suffered a similar mishap in a hotel restaurant, though he made it through his main course...
...Knowing of his estranged wife's fatal allergy to shampoo, Mr...
...Unfortunately the spirit of enlightenment does not totally reign...
...Oh, yes, in another footnote to the genius of the Clinton foreign policy, on February 25, NATO demanded more troops for Kosovo...
...Still unappeased, Mr...
...In Camas, Washington, former Olympic ice skater Miss Tonya Harding was arrested for beating her live-in boyfriend with an automobile hubcap...
...The boys, Masters Mohammed Sharifuddin, 4, Nazir Ahmed, i4, and Abduhl Ghaffar, 12...
...Then, according to Police Superintendent Ben Simanjon, "he ate him...
...The frenzy commenced on February 4, when the far-right, xenophobic Freedom Party of Mr...
...In Hindu India, officials attribute a general decline in religious faith to an outbreak of cattle rustling...
...Her 1930 tome, Growing Up in New Guinea, had its rosy-posy thesis badly put in doubt in mid-February when Reuters reported a suspicious altercation in Papua, New Guinea, where Mr...
...Many undoubtedly believed that it was in the southern hemisphere, near New Zealand and inhabited by kangaroos...
...Yao's contraption, a contrivance whose workings were so primitive and repugnant that even this column would rather not elaborate...
...Thai peasants, working the rice paddies of that ancient culture, contract Weil's disease via contact with rat urine, and now officials are advocating the gourmet consumption of local rats...
...Women can still be thrown from the floats, but they cannot be wearing underwear...
...Pavle Bulatovic, the Yugoslavian Defense Minister, perished over his appetizer in a Belgrade eatery from gunshot wounds...
...Those police would have made Dr...
...Day after day, Mr...
...There just are not enough there to prevent the food fights and the torture...
...The second most astonishing news story to dominate the American press was the rise of Austria to the status of superpower...
...The plane then made an unscheduled landing in Denver, where Mr...
...Wally Pleszczynski...
...Withal, the Austrian stories were more terrifying...
...Fearing legal action, Mr...
...Belgrade's reputation for having the most dangerous restaurants in the world was reconfirmed early in the month when Mr...
...And while on the subject of franchises, a cholesterol-conscious Malaysian entrepreneur opened in Kuala Lumpur what he calls the world's first franchised ostrich burger bar...
...And Gretna, Louisiana, has entered the modem age...
...Tareq Kakish, having noticed that he was flying on a Spirit Airlines flight from Los Angeles to Detroit, made the perfectly sensible observation that the crew was "practicing witchcraft and black magic...
Vol. 33 • April 2000 • No. 3
