Ben Stein's Diary: Life Goes On
Stein, Benjamin I.
BEN STEIN'S DIARY by Benjamin J. Stein Life Goes On Friday 0 h, what a sad day this is. Really, really sad. Jimmy Kimmel, my wonderful co-host, funniest man on earth, without peer, is leaving...
...I hate getting up early...
...Oh, well...
...What sweet questions they asked...
...Therefore, it is considered a purifier...
...Senator McCain has had his own lively time while married and in high office...
...Or why Ivy League types with elegant family names would simply overlook what Communism is...
...Ona has been my friend for 30 years, and she looks about the same as she did in 1970...
...I sat next to a wealthy heiress and her hockey star husband...
...I wish you had never gotten on my little boy and my wifie and my dog, and ably as fine a woman as there is, and she flight, Mr...
...Bad combination...
...Plus it's freezing...
...If it is, we're in trouble...
...David looked Monday unwelcome in "her" first class cabin...
...Apparently there are places where more Democrats like McCain than like Gore...
...However, rarely in my whole life have I had a more interesting or congenial conversation with anyone than tonight...
...He invented other things, too, and then he turned to using the Internet for stock trading...
...I was scared...
...I went back and took a long nap, and then I had lunch with my pal Ona...
...1 am just desolated that the people who make the show cannot find a way to keep him...
...But blacks are there...
...It is processed with distilled water and no preservatives for the specific use of eye washing...
...They were also sweet...
...He's there to make sure I do not get killed by one of them...
...I am here for a charity function, mostly to show the flag for Comedy Central...
...Plus, several other officials of the festivities are black...
...The people next to me were professional basketball players having some kind of party until about 2 a.m...
...The American Spectator • April z000 49...
...Finally we found a decent one, but by then he had misplaced my coat and hat...
...It's freezing and snow is drifting...
...True, McCain is a war hero and Clinton is not...
...Frankly, I am not that upset about it...
...But as far as either of us knows, Hollywood has never, not once, made a movie or documentary about the whole terrible tragedy of Soviet Communism: the mass murders by Lenin and the Reds, the bloody purges by Stalin, the forced starvation of whole nations, especially the Ukraine, the murder of whole classes, the making of a nation into a terrorized cattle car of tattletales and victims...
...At age i6, Dr...
...I guess I have about half a billion dollars," Bill Porter said at one point in the evening...
...They openly cheated by jumping the buzzer, shouting out the answer without being called on, and trying to answer more than once...
...It's almost as if the devil had found a place in human hearts and that place was warm and cozy for Communism...
...He invented a horizon-sensing device that stabilizes satellites, and an endoscopic light for doing colonoscopies and endoscopies...
...Then a thought struck us both...
...There are a lot of people out there who have done feats on a daily basis that exceed in importance and bravery everything I have ever done in my life put together...
...It's great stuff...
...First, my car and driver are not here...
...McCain had her stealing drugs from a Third World medical relief charity...
...It was incredibly hard work," Dr...
...I had a good flight in on US Airways, which was far better than I had expected...
...The Four Seasons was a total disaster...
...He talks too much and he does not keep his eyes on the road...
...Still, he's a crazy man saying something extremely upsetting...
...Porter in wartime lied about his age and joined the Navy...
...We had delicious pie in the glow of fluorescent light, in an almost perfect mirrors, Formica, and leather restaurant, a movie scene of an Italian restaurant, and I felt as if I were in heaven...
...He doesn't really want to cut taxes...
...Then he walked out of the car and disappeared...
...My supper was with two of the best people on earth, Julie Nixon Eisenhower and her hubby, David Eisenhower...
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...Slums...
...And every day you're always right on the border of falling into the hole again and ruining your life and the lives of the people who love you...
...Personal checks please allow 3 weeks for delivery) 47 airport in Philly is also lovely, with a fine shop that sells headphones and other travelers' stereo equipment...
...They were like big frat boys at a party, laughing and carefree and good-looking...
...If we nominate a man with about the same whacked moral compass as Clinton after we impeached Clinton, we really ought to at least send flowers to Bill and Hillary and a note saying we're sorry...
...The crowd at the bookstore was pleasant and friendly...
...Stein," she said...
...Thursday I have a great idea...
...His jokes about people who went to the Renaissance Pleasure Faires were endless and perfect, and so were his jokes about people's appearance and hair or lack of it But they never seemed harsh to me...
...He basically invented online trading and founded e*trade, but his back story is even more astounding...
...When we won the Emmy, it really was very largely due to him...
...But now, it's all different...
...McCain had his work for Charles Keating, savings and loan creep...
...Box 549, Arlington, VA 22216-0549...
...There are other funny men and women out there, but Jimmy is in a class by himself...
...Have there been threats...
...He actually laughed at me when I told him I wanted a large room...
...T. Rowe Price Washington Mint World Affairs Television Bose Corporation Classifieds Ed Hamilton Books P. 9 p. 67 p. 63 p. 17 p. 2 48 April z000 • The American Spectator belonged to her mother...
...What sweet faces those people have...
...Many a time he upset me by his homosexual allusions to me, who only likes dogs, but his affection for me when I was suffering after losing a game was so palpable that it overcame every other problem...
...Dr...
...That made my day...
...That kind of store is so badly needed for us fliers that it's a crime that there are not more of them at airports...
...Philadelphia...
...Cosby and talked to him for a while...
...Without a government mandate, without the Hillary dictatorship of the proletariat, just by getting a chance, the blacks are where they should be...
...Saturday N ow I am in Atlanta, Georgia...
...Terrible service by a mocking, sarcastic Kenyan at the front desk...
...I learned that if I could do that work by myself I could do anything...
...I cried, and I felt really sad, and then Jimmy said a few words and then he was gone...
...He veered away and then veered toward me and said, in a whisper, over and over again, "Heil Hitler...
...He gave me a weird, crazy fat-guy-in-a-jumpsuit smile, and then he kept lifting up his arm above his head and mumbling something...
...Maybe that's what it is...
...Sweet faces, laughing men and women, innocent pranks...
...Forbes Haverhills Lear Financial Microsoft Corporation Mont Pelerin Society New Oxford Review Santa Lucia Eye Drops Sarkes Tarzian Inc...
...He talked about his life as an actor and his house in Malibu, and he seemed like a great guy.At the dinner, I sat next to a man named Bill Porter...
...He was also alone in cold and rain and with wild animals nearby...
...makes me cry because I recall how she me because I told her the fish was taste- Anyway, I finally got home, kissed my suffered during Watergate...
...Address: The American Spectator, P.O...
...What must it have been like for him as a i6-year-old to be in the engine room of a ship on fire in a major battle...
...No help from the desk...
...After very little training, he was put in the fire room of the carrier Bunker Hill...
...It's not fair to the rest of us...
...So, why not have the race be between Bush and McCain...
...All of the producers were black...
...Maybe he'll do other jobs as well...
...Oh, well...
...Plus, McCain has this weird crazed look in his eyes that terrifies me...
...Box 1120 Blue Springs, MO 64013-1120 Name Address City State Zip For Credit Card Orders Call Toll Free: 877-238-8481 MC Visa Disc...
...Why do documentaries like CNN's dreadful "Cold War" skirt the truth about Soviet genocide against its own people...
...It breaks me up with tears every single time I hear it...
...E.V., Nebraska "Cataracts gone after 3 months...
...My super braino pal Walter M., a world-class historian, says that America loves Clinton and wants someone just like him...
...Wediscussed at length the fabulous book, The Russian Century...
...I met lots of nice Philadelphians, including Brian Roberts, the head of Comcast...
...In fact, 46 April 2oo() • The American Spectator he's insultingly dishonest and smearing about the pro-life lobby...
...Again, McCain is a hero who stood up under torture...
...How can it be that on this earth there are such fine people as my father-in-law and also such whackos as the fat man in the jumpsuit...
...Again, the guests were so touchingly sweet-looking I was moved to tears...
...I just may not like crowds as much as I used to...
...Date Signature We also accept Money Orders and Checks...
...It all reminded me of Fitzgerald's talking about the Midwest (Minnesota in his case) as "the warm center of the universe...
...He could say to a contestant, "Wow, you really are gay...
...I'm here for the Super Bowl, actually to wave the flag for e*trade, for whom I am now a spokesman...
...It can be used as part of the nutritional management of all types of eye conditions...
...Maybe more than once, in fact probably dozens of times...
...He also smokes a cigar...
...In any event, I will miss him desperately...
...obviously determined to torture stewardess who was having a terrible day Suffice it to say, seeing Julie always me...
...Hillary had her hiding documents...
...However, told her that it was not unusual to corn- mas lights on my ficus (I keep them up all she is risen, looks fabulous, and I went to plain about terrible food, but she just year) and my stereo headphones on sleep happy that she is happy...
...Cosby said that if he could tell young people one single reason not to use drugs, it would be that it hurts your family so much...
...He's much bigger in real life than I thought he would be...
...A word to the wise...
...La vida es suena...
...was crucified on the Golgotha of that mined to complain about everything...
...I am going to have VI hide because this guy is head of a huge company and looks about 20 years old...
...After the event, the policeman took us to his wife's Italian restaurant...
...And this was going on well into the 1950's...
...It can be used when there are cataracts, glaucoma, pterygium or irritations...
...But he's friendly and good-natured...
...This product can be used safely in anyone including infants and people with illnesses and it has no contraindications to its use...
...Once he was attacked by a swarm of hornets...
...I handsome and young...
...Jimmy Kimmel, my wonderful co-host, funniest man on earth, without peer, is leaving the show today...
...I had the dressing room right next to Mr...
...At least not to me...
...I stared at him and he walked away and then walked back and got into the same train car I was in...
...Alas, as always happens to me, there are a few miscues in travel...
...Thursday 0 ff to a book store in suburban Indy to talk to a group of men and women and sign books...
...Here's another idea: If the Republicans nominate McCain for president, we should as a group send a letter of apology to Bill and Hillary Clinton...
...I have to leave Atlanta without getting to see even one minute of the Super Bowl...
...He's a fledgling lawyer whose practice is not going well so he drives a car to supplement his income...
...Shipping $5.95 for 1-6 bottles and $9.95 for 7-10 bottles...
...Tonight, we went in a very long limousine out to a mansion in the suburbs for a dinner for the e*trade power players...
...Should I yell at him...
...She is prob- less...
...Well, it's all pretty amazing...
...No one else seemed to get how funny that was...
...I was his straight man, and he was the perfect joker...
...He had the nerve to call the Right to Life people "a business...
...But in their Washington lives, they're about the same: Clinton had Whitewater...
...Now, here's why this merits a mention: The salesman, obviously a high honcho of CC, is black, and the secretary is white...
...McCain should run for president as a Democrat...
...Without any kind of whistle having blown or any kind of march, blacks have made it solidly into the middle class...
...It's now hip and mod, instead of old, and stocked with safari gear...
...There is a lot of ruin in a nation...
...I couldn't hear him so I leaned closer...
...When I think of what he's done to serve his country, let ordinary people take charge of their financial lives, and how brave he was when he was a kid, I feel as if it should be a billion...
...Oh," I asked, "is this where the books get written...
...When I went to the people who ran the Net years ago, they said, 'Oh, no, it'll never be used for commerce...
...A courteous black man offered to drive me into town in his van, which has a hotel name on it, and I accepted...
...It's for science.' When I went to the New York Stock Exchange and asked them about posting prices on the Internet they said that would never be allowed...
...Pay to order of PNP...
...It totally breaks my heart to see him when I think of the horrifying fate that overtook his son and the Cosbys...
...After the show, I had a late supper at the Four Seasons, where they did something right for once...
...He took me down a scary street called South Street and insisted it was a classy neighborhood...
...Without the Gore/Bradley/McCain bolshevizing of society, just by hard work and merit, blacks are working their way to responsibility and power...
...You're deter- went into dreamland...
...He was famous for his aggression on the field, but wasn't in any way aggressive toward us...
...He could size up the contestants instantly and then in one or two comments tell us everything we needed to know...
...My driver was a seriously sad case...
...Porter said, "but it shaped me more than anything else ever has...
...He was full of gh and double ugh...
...I was very upset...
...44 I played a mock game against six Indiana legislators, state officials, and journalists...
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...A lovable rogue...
...I have never had a good experience at a Four Seasons...
...Blacks are making their way up the ladder like everyone else...
...I susBENJAMIN J. STEIN is a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer living in Hollywood and Malibu...
...He is not pro-life...
...77 In fact, he said, he cannot talk about the ordeal without getting overcome—and I can easily believe it...
...I have to spend more time in the Midwest...
...and the contestant never took it too hard...
...He rode fences, which means he rode on a horse along the borders of the ranch, making sure the fences were up so that cattle would not walk The American Spectator • April 2000 45 away...
...I am sure Patricia Ireland likes him...
...I am here to have dinner with a smart young fellow named Madison Bond, who is a big power at AT&T cable and broadband...
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...Madison, like moi, is a student of history, especially history of this century...
...Yaniv, my bodyguard, was there, and we were all set...
...But I think that's it for the Brown Palace and me...
...His wife is a lovely, unassuming woman with a ready smile, and their children looked like intelligent, decent folks...
...But in public office, he's a good close student of Clinton and what you can get away with...
...He's full of scary stories about local Klansmen and Nazis...
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...Sunday A las, a crisis has come up on my show, our show, "Win Ben Stein's Money...
...Then off to the fundraiser...
...Saturday G uess where I am this time...
...Send to Address listed above...
...Then the hotel is a total mess...
...Great stuff...
...I never get why some Jews 44 April z000 • The American Spectator in Hollywood, who should know what happens to Jews in totalitarian systems, could forgive Communism so readily...
...I thought that was damned smart of him...
...What a sweet, quiet store it was...
...He had an amazing tale to tell...
...It's not about to happen...
...Or to be blinded by hornet stings...
...We did a few shows, and then we had a small party for him...
...Even before the roundups started...
...Plus there's snow on the ground...
...But I did all three news shows, and here again I noticed the progress that blacks have made...
...And the officials of the hotel are largely black...
...Making a whole nation, the largest in the world in area and the third biggest at one time in population, into a vast torture chamber and graveyard...
...Exp...
...There is something here for study...
...Tuesday I 'm in Denver, Colorado...
...When he learned his son was dead, Bill Cosby said simply, "He was my hero...
...Should I put down my bags and hit him...
...That helped me when everyone was telling me trading online would never happen and when we were running out of money and people said it would never work...
...I sort of wish I had grown up there, although Silver Spring was alsofine...
...Then off to a rooftop ballroom for a big fundraiser for a mental health charity for Marion County...
...We talked about various particulars and about the whole dreary, terrifying story of what Communism does to people...
...They stung him so much he went blind temporarily and was covered with blood...
...I spoke to the men, women, and children and then answered questions...
...This country can absorb even people who were once despised and allow them to work their way up...
...It's to raise money to fight drug abuse...
...Last year, I was totally creeped out by men in the men's room wanting to shake hands with me at the urinal—either after they used it or while I was using it...
...If you could see how hard the RTL folks struggle on no money, no luxuries, no praise, just knowing they are doing the right thing, you would puke at McCain's calling them "a business...
...My stewardess in first class yelled at and took it out on me...
...Yaniv and I rode back to the hotel...
...yelled at me more and told me I was Mozart...
...Credit Card No...
...Jimmy was a young man who could make the subtlest jabs imaginable, just a scalpel thrust into a surly contestant, and could also make crude jokes that a junior high school boy could appreciate...
...I think the battle is over and it's been won by the good guys, although there is still a lot of mop-ping up to do in the 'hoods of this nation...
...Physicians Natural Products) P.O...
...And, like most Washington liberals, he lies a lot, especially about how he's an outsider...
...He's closed-mouthed, but very, very watchful...
...He did this alone, for weeks at a time, carrying food with him and sleeping out of doors...
...You dig a hole and then you get into the hole and then you try to get out of the hole and you go to rehabs and hospitals, and maybe you get out and maybe you don't...
...He was a young teenager during World War II...
...It's great...
...Two of the anchors I talked to were black...
...The first three rooms the bellman showed me were pits...
...Money" against six Indiana legislators, executives of the state government, and journalists...
...Bill had his Monica and many others...
...Only a hop, skip, and a jump from the birthplace of The American Spectator in Bloomington, Indiana...
...They were hilarious...
...After the war, he studied physics and became an inventor...
...Maybe that's what we'll get with McCain...
...Rest is the key to everything on God's earth...
...What must it have been like to be a Jew in Hitler's Germany or in Poland or the Ukraine...
...And what a great event it is...
...It's this way," Cosby said...
...In fact, he is exactly 40, and he has a beautiful wife, but he's just too young-looking...
...He's obviously nuts so why get involved...
...I am flying slunk back to coach but I do plan to get ideas about the election, which I think back on United and they are some amends out of United for having a I'll keep to myself for now...
...The food was awful but it was fast...
...I want to live in Indiana and have a quiet life when I grow up...
...Within an hour after he had left, his name was off his dressing room door...
...Porter looks like a very prosperous rancher, not at all like a man who revolutionized stock trading...
...He bathed his eyes and eventually his sight returned...
...What will we do without him...
...Many of the tech people were black...
...The program went on a bit long, but it was touching...
...I thought we were done for," he said...
...To help with agricultural production, as a boy of 4 and 15, he had worked as a ranch hand on a large spread near Glenwood Springs— coincidentally quite near Aspen, which was a small town then...
...Wednesday G uess where I am now: in Indianapolis, Indiana...
...Julie looked stunningly beautiful in a red coat that had once Advertiser Index By patronizing the companies and products posted in this issue, your positive response rewards them for advertising in one of the gems of American publishing, The American Spectator...
...Sunday N ow, this is devotion to Comedy Central...
...I later read that 65o men died in that attack on the Bunker Hill...
...Atlanta was wet, cold, and dismal, although the people were extremely friendly...
...it's happened...
...He was in the engine room when the Battle of Okinawa took place and the ship was struck by six kamikazes...
...Small room...
...I got a hat and then had dinner with the salesman and his secretary...
...Matt and I talked about this shocking lacuna, and then dinner was over...
...I was with Dick-Butkus, who seemed like a happy fellow...
...A black man selling TV time in the Midwest would have been unheard of...
...I don't think Charles Keating recruited outsiders to run his dirty laundry around Washington and try to get it cleaned up...
...Why would Hollywood, a place for individuals and bad boys, like Communism, a basic machine for making people soulless and conformist...
...I am to introduce the program, tell a few jokes, and then intro Bill Cosby, a native Philadelphian...
...It's probably not just coincidence that my first real girlfriend, Mary Margaret Just, was a Midwesterner, that my wife is from Arkansas, which is sort of like the Midwest, that my father was from the Midwest (Michigan), and that Wlady and Bob Tyrrell are from the Midwest (well, by way of Santa Barbara in Wlady's case...
...Night and day...
...The problem is that McCain is so nutty, so wildly hypocritical right out front, and so goofy looking that he's not at all lovable...
...Why has Hollywood never done a movie about this...
...She looked great and was full of loving stories about dogs, which made me happy...
...But now it's falling apart...
...But it was scary and upsetting even for one little fat guy to say "Heil Hitler" in the Hartsfield Airport...
...Page # p. 46 p. 39 EL.A.M.E...
...The Democrats like him more than the GOP does...
...But I have a lovely hotel room at a place called the Canterbury...
...We're driven by a policeman, who works in anti-terrorism, in his wife's car.44 Within an hour after he had left, Jimmy's name was off his dressing room door...
...Finally, we got it straightened out...
...It really makes me happy to see it...
...One drop inside each eye at bedtime will draw toxic accumulations outside of the eyes...
...When I got out of the car at the Hilton Towers, a doorman took my hand and said, "Think nothing but success while you're here in Atlanta...
...When I was a child, a black man with a white secretary would have been unheard of...
...But I knew it would happen...
...But it's not out of my heart and never will be...
...Maybe it happened years ago...
...He's going to spend all of his time on his own projects, especially "The Man Show" and a script or maybe more than one, and his commentary for Fox Sports and his commercials...
...R.G., Florida YES...
...Is that what mid-America is like...
...I somehow lost my hat, so I went over with a salesman from Comedy Central to Abercrombie & Fitch—wow, has it changed from my youth...
...He's a handsome rogue, and we're meeting at the Brown Palace Hotel, where I am also staying...
...Seeing your friends around you dying in flames is beyond imagining for the human mind...
...Hollywood has done many movies and TV shows about the horrible crimes of the Nazis and even a few about the grisly atrocities of the Japanese...
...Then I played a mock game of "Win Ben Stein's...
...Really, McCain isn't even a Republican on most issues...
...But I often think that there is a big subject here: What is the attraction of this evil system for Hollywood and for "intellectuals" generally that keeps them from facing the truth about how vicious Communism is...
...Back to the hotel to sleep...
...The staff are polite and I am happy...
...The super-high prosperity obviously plays a large part, too, because there is voracious demand for workers...
...I can see why he's having trouble...
...That's a catalogue of the horrors of Communism...
...He had the presence of mind to recall a pond and a spring, which he found without sight...
...My room was ready for me and my luggage already up, and that made me happy, too...
...I In my big bed with my dog and my Christ-vendetta against her father...
...He was an affectionate kidder and a genius at making a joke and a connection simultaneously...
...I was ushered into a back office in the huge store...
...But these men and women are up early on a Sunday doing a great job...
...I am up at the crack of dawn, Eastern Time, to go around to the three local network affiliates to talk up the charity event I am doing tonight under the sponsorship of Comedy Central and Comcast, a major cable company...
...I love being home...
...It's a famous old place that Dwight Eisenhower once stayed in...
...And he's on some kind of vegetarian diet...
...He grew up in Colorado...
...It's what you do for other people that makes life work...
...At the Atlanta airport, I was walking with my baggage along a platform looking for my train to my gate when a crazy man started walking next to me...
...I sure hope we can carry on without him...
...What a difference a good hotel room makes...
...pect they do not realize how valuable he is...
...Matt Bond and I had dinner in the dining room, a staggeringly expensive place with at best ordinary food...
...Phone: 703-243-3733, ext...
...The future is theirs...
Vol. 33 • April 2000 • No. 3
