The Continuing Crisis
Putin on the Ritz; Bondi Beach bonds; she's leaving home December 1999 evanesced into a new month, a new year, a new century, and a new millennium. Talk about heavy lifting! On December...
...Vladimir Putin...
...The Clinton administration tried to encourage Beijing to respect the human rights of Falun Gong followers, but how would the Clintons like it if the group's leader, Mr...
...The Crisis meets the twenty-first century...
...Cursing it loudly, he hurled the fish across the restaurant where it splattered against the leg of a chair, causing internal injuries...
...Li Hongzhi, bought the Christian Science Monitor...
...Is there a Gore connection...
...The German duped a nation by using one Big Lie about other peoples...
...The Clinton administration lived up to its treaty obligations and returned the Panama Canal to the Panamanians...
...Before he leaves the White House he must straighten things out...
...Also in Britain, police are investigating a well-known animal rights activist who was arrested at Gloucester's Royal Curry Tandoori...
...Chinese officials continued their crack-down on members of the Falun Gong, that mysterious Chinese aerobics cult that threatens post-Mao China with the spectacle of millions of smug Chinese yuppies conducting their daily business in ballet tights...
...On December z6 the Associated Press ranked the impeachment trial of the Boy President as the story of the year, though by that date President Boris Yeltsin had not yet stepped down as president of Russia for fonner KGB gumshoe Mr...
...Gore was caught lying about being a "real estate developer," the whistleblower for "discovering Love Canal," and in 1968 the inspiration for Vice President Hubert Humphrey's speech at the Democratic national convention...
...The White House is filled with our national treasures," a "ranking congressman" informed the authoritative Drudge Report on December 12...
...Cannot shelter be provided for these unfortunates, or at least warm coats and earmuffs...
...Yeltsin then left for Beijing, where an exuberant bear hug from him left President Jiang Zemin with the sniffles...
...Edward Skwarek, a loose toilet seat in the men's room of a Chelsea Starbucks "crashed" his penis causing "Peyronie's disease and retrograde ejaculation...
...There was growing concern in Congress that, in departing the White House for her new home in New York, Mrs...
...After he embraced Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, the leader of the rising "Unity" faction came down with a mild flu...
...Yeltsin was granted full immunity from further prosecution...
...she's leaving home December 1999 evanesced into a new month, a new year, a new century, and a new millennium...
...Yeltsin was put under doctors' observation for pneumonia and Mr...
...food store chain, has halted sale of the Patagonian toothfish...
...Tesco, the giant U.K...
...Yet, cannot Prime Minister Tony Blair's government do better than to allow British women to roam the inhospitable streets with frozen eggs...
...Are you listening, Bill and Hillary...
...Early in the month, a pale Mr...
...After the Russian president warned President Clinton not to forget that "Russia is a great power that possesses a nuclear arsenal," the American draft dodger came down with a dreadful cold and cancelled several public appearances...
...Sensitive readers may not want to know the rest, but Mr...
...Officials in Sydney claim that the undraped surfers--usually men--are "attracting lightning strikes" offensive to other bathers...
...A little too much bubbly for the tank bully A rather unusualstory in from the Antipodes reports that Australia's nude surfers are being suppressed at Bondi Beach...
...Hillary Rodham Clinton may take priceless heirlooms, for instance, the small vases that she has been known to bean her husband with, and some lamps that are already damaged...
...Her lawyer was the celebrated Mr...
...Actually it was not even necessary to make bodily contact with the ailing Russian for a statesman to become unwell...
...We had had itfor more than a year...
...Congrats, man...
...You will remember that Mrs...
...Yeltsin popped up in public view again to celebrate his prime minister's unexpectedly strong showing in parliamentary elections...
...Gore resorts to the Petty Lie...
...Gore claimed he gave his ideas to Mr...
...I hope they do not come up missing after all of this moving around...
...Unfortunately, Mr...
...Gore hopes to dupe a nation by using many Petty Lies about himself...
...Konrad Kujau, 61, who duped much of the Western press with his bogus Hitler diaries, was arrested for having a forged driver's license...
...Kuchma flew back to Kiev for a complete physical...
...And President Clinton may have legal recourse for his Peyronie's disease...
...The New Labour government's Human Fertilization and Embryology Authority fears that the women's babies might suffer genetic damage from the procedure...
...Well, if a U-Haul truck rolls up to 16oo Pennsylvania Ave...
...Charles Bartlett, who then wrote Mr...
...When asked by a reporter, Mr...
...It never regained consciousness...
...His lawyers attest that their client was "in a seated position on the toilet when he turned to retrieve the toilet paper in back of the seat when the seat shifted causing his penis to be caught and...
...Steven Slootsky (pronounced slut-ski...
...What's it like living alone...
...Paula Corbin Jones notified the world of the Groper's painful condition during her legal proceedings against him, but now a lawsuit against Starbucks Corporation suggests that help is at hand for the president...
...Despite admonitions from the World Health Organization, the irrepressible President Boris Yeltsin spent December traveling the world right up to the week that he copped his plea...
...Finally, dozens of British women 8 are fighting their government for the right to fertilize their frozen 8 Fe b r u a r y 2 o o o _9 The American Spectator eggs...
...Humphrey's speech...
...In Stuttgart, Germany, Mr...
...In Britain that middle-aged vegetarian who robbed two London stores with a banana received a stiff sentence...
...Clinton and his legal team will...
...Yeltsin approached them on his walker...
...According to the plaintiff, Mr...
...Yeltsin left Moscow's Central Clinical Hospital, where he had been treated for "bronchitis," to attend a state occasion with President Leonid Kuchma of the Ukraine...
...Bartlett has not transcended his mortal span...
...Howard Allen was sentenced to life imprisonment after a jury in southeast England turned deaf ears to his plea that a banana (Musacae musa) lacks the firepower to inflict bodily harm and properly used can be beneficial, as bananas are high in potassium and several vitamins essential for an active life...
...with Mr...
...In December alone Mr...
...Several days later Mr...
...The lady, a 40 year-old left bander, successfully claimed she developed carpal tunnel syndrome while regularly masturbating at her post...
...At a subsequent meeting with well-informed Chinese military officials the Chinese were too polite to wear surgical masks or robber gloves, but many did keep their hands in their pockets when Mr...
...Webb Hubbell behind the wheel, en garde America...
...In other legal news, a Florida woman became the Republic's first telephone sex operator to win a workers' compensation settlement for injuries related to her lewd profession...
...Anwar Ali, who had tried to reason with the assailant and later to revive the fish, told reporters that "we were very upset because we liked the fish...
...RET The American Spectator - February 2000 9...
...President Clinton's chosen successor, Vice President AI Gore, is emerging as President Clinton's ethical clone and an interesting complement to the late Joseph Goebbels...
...Goebbels relied on the Big Lie...
...A waiter, Mr...
...Conservatives all over the world took heart when Zimbabwe broke ranks with the world's progressives and called in traditional healers to deal with snakes whose propensity to coil around power transmitters caused power blackouts throughout the country...
...The gentleman, whose name has been withheld, was seated adjacent to the Tandoori's famed "bubbly bubbly bowel" when he noticed a large "mean-looking" goldfish "bullying the other occupants of the tank," and removed it...
...After a Kremlin dinner, during which the two leaders exchanged toasts and beefy handshakes, Mr...
...The move took place on December 31, and Mr...
...Bartlett said he did not write the speech or have any "link with Humphrey in 1968...
Vol. 33 • February 2000 • No. 1
