Ben Stein's Diary: Only the Lonely
Stein, Benjamin J.
Only the Lonely Monday T he Internet is a puzzling beast. It's amazingly versatile in terms of conveying information. It is a great, even super-great way of selling total- er and slept in...
...Maybe I'm just being dramatic...
...They simply did not think very much about the moral content of whether a human being should own another human being...
...48 On April 21, 1997, after a long illness, my mother died...
...Do them the favor of hooking them up with the interests and new friends they need, and they'll be on called the Club Table, where men and women who had no one to dine with could find companionship while they ate...
...My father would always tell me everything would own shul, calling me to tell me about it, fasting, and then going to break the fast at Bill Satire's house...
...student Wednesday body...
...How long will it take us who almost never fights and simply has no heartland, in Oklahoma, USA...
...about him...
...We need tax breaks good here...
...she asked...
...I don't care...
...Egypt occupied the Gaza Strip...
...She called me indecent...
...humans to realize that life, not money, not anger in her, my saint, my goddess, li'l power, not comfort, life is the ultimate gift...
...But even if the Net is a far cry from the catalogue, I look at my screen with its glowing lovely colors, connecting me with the whole world, and I often think, "What is noble about the Internet...
...My father was devas- He was not really well enough to travat any one instant...
...it has created one of the most advanced agricultural systems in the world...
...I missed the big meals at the Satires...
...The experience of seeing this Jewish officer being railroaded to a life sentence on Devil's Island led him to the recognition that life for Jews in Europe was untenable and t h a t the s o l u t i o n of t h e "Jewish problem" lay in the e s t a b l i s h m e n t of a Jewish s t a t e in P a l e s t i n e . firmly within its boundaries...
...But what was back to heaw-duty sobbing...
...Usually, it's about excessive self- Lear creative type...
...My father really dis- that we are still beating plough shares interest, lust, slander, covetousness, and liked services, but he went to please my into swords...
...Next year in Jerusalem" had always been the watchword...
...What a life...
...Can't beat it with a stick...
...Transjordan (now renamed Jordan) stayed in possession of Judea/Samaria (now known as the "West Bank") and the e a s t e r n p a r t of Jerusalem...
...it repossessed dudea/Samaria (the "West Bank"), the e a s t e r n p a r t of J e r u s a l e m , and conquered the vast Sinai Peninsula and the Golan Heights...
...in actor voices...
...It's even a fine way of tated...
...You deserve a factual look at...
...My old nemesis, Elayne Boosler, was loaded for bear...
...I believe we're at a state of consciousness about this issue roughly comparable to where the USA was about slavery in 184o...
...So here we suppose this is just another street corner...
...I ty-nine indeed...
...They're getting killed now routinely, and this has to stop...
...I had a great time and the kids loved me...
...then she said she had asked some mem- Morn...
...and her "He asked during went me a It was arranged by some wonderfully and wow, did they know a lot of stuff...
...He's a iniracle...
...For the millionth time, she has made not good...
...of statistics...
...He found out who he knew make much money...
...a secret, but some old people have a ton of He e-mailed my sister and me several times each day and we e-mailed back to him...
...Israelis and the Palestinians...
...here," and we left...
...A noble use of young Webmasters' time would be to teach older people how to be online...
...I try to imitate him, but side is doing...
...In time, he met a woman who was a recent widow...
...They enable us to pursue these goals and to publish these nlessages in national newspapers and magazines...
...They began to keep company, but she traveled a great deal, and my father was more alone than ever when she was gone...
...This ad has been published and paid for by Facts and Logic about the Middle East P.O...
...Still, the Oklahoma However, this is America so she has around that...
...But to be able to learn and travel and make friends on the Internet is a gift for the nation's lonely...
...My favorite part was when she said that Cheney had "voted to keep Nelson Mandela in jail...
...the ultimate gift...
...Of course Mandela was not in jail in the USA, and anyway, congressmen do not decide who's in jail (that would be a bill of attainder, or something vaguely like it...
...BENJAMIN J. STEIN iS a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer living in Hollywood and Malibu...
...He active games...
...And now they are in eternity...
...and something about the being...
...My wife shot me a look...
...I have come to think that the Internet can and On many a night when he would should be exactly like the Club Table for the site a lot...
...But Herzl's vision fired up world Jewry and especially the Jews of eastern Europe, who were despairing under t h e yoke of Russian oppression and recurring pogroms...
...Beyond words...
...He went to 'em...
...Bush...
...Then we had a go at it when we got into talk about Cheney and abortion...
...noting that my parents' names I love, what is so perfectly year zooo Long ago, Norman Lear asked me if are up on the board where the names about all of these "sins" is that they total- I were a wet or a dry, meaning an emo- of the deceased are memorialized...
...Most people just considered Negro slavery very con> fortable and traditional...
...We have virtually no overhead...
...Box 590359 9 San Francisco, CA 94159 FLAME is a tax exempt, non profit educational 501(c)(3) organization...
...It's amazingly versatile in terms of conveying information...
...It was immense...
...In the Six-Day War of 1967, Israel once again prevailed...
...Back to the Web he went for companionship that is always there...
...All of you women for my son to go two years to Pepperdine who think abortion is so damned great, and then two years to OU...
...I spend some of my time doing spokesman and advertising work for e'trade and some doing game-creating work for Shockwave...
...homa...
...I worry entire- pray for both the Arabs and the Jews...
...And prayer book until we came to a further 55 now...
...The rabbi gave us medita- H ere we are back at tile synathat we could not hear them all (and I tion advice about breathing, and then I gogue for more praying...
...On the destroy their brains...
...for the nation's lonely...
...Unfortunately, almost the exact opposite is the case...
...I seemed so permanent, be gone...
...This is a are praying in a group...
...have to get up early and I always go crazy day in abortion mills...
...All of this shows respect for life...
...I slept almost the whole way while listening to Beethoven...
...Hook them up with other people they want to play with, and they'll be on your site a long, long time...
...He developed a fledgling interbeautiflllly...
...And the sick and in pain should Tuesday talk to the college kids about G lorious Pepperdine...
...The elderly usually cannot do these things--they need the Web far more tllan the young...
...1 where I went...
...She likes women Oft Interplanetary Belt...
...It has its own genetic code from day one...
...Unfortunately, almost the exact opposite is the case...
...He wasn't my geometry teacher or the man who asked me questions at a deposition...
...The price was very high...
...When I visited him--which was often--he would be so wrapped up in the Web that he would often stay online even when I was there talking to him...
...But Zionism, the national movement of the Jewish people, has flourished despite incredible obstacles--to an extent that the visionary Theodor Herzl could not have possibly imagined 100 years ago...
...This revolution started in 186z and is still ongoing...
...Theodor Herzl organized the f i r s t Z i o n i s t Congress in Basel (Switzerland) in 1897 and political Zionism was born...
...to She Yale She also "Where and got said Harvard," even Bush did angrier, was you I stupid...
...Maybe not...
...Last night I flew in and they showed me the That's the beauty of it...
...Box 590359, San Francisco, CA 94159 What are the facts The Birth o f a Dream...
...Anyway, in the spirit of Oklahoma, where everything's okay, I wish even Elayne well...
...Both of them are aiming largely at the young and lively...
...Both of them were very nervous at At this point wifie said, "We're out of bers of the congregation for some of the shul, and I guess I am, too...
...Don't fight noted that we should pray for both the prayer at all times, but we Jews believe on every street corner," he said, and I it's valuable to pray in groups...
...As I stood there, I realized that I still have lengthy conversations with my Morn and Dad every day and every hour...
...She's of edness, but what does he think the other be told...
...He found the Websites buyers and sellers is a lot like the use of economist and public policy guru...
...is the But clean, Maybe where sweet in oh Alex's where rainy soul, when smell since I of need Oklathat's it, American covered itself in glory...
...But he's not Ben Stein...
...If they can do it for the people who need it most-the elderly and the infirm--the entrepreneurs against loneliness deserve the best rewards the market can give them...
...But Dick Gheney and I want to Coke and from my excitement...
...How can they, who tionless network exec type or a Norman sin is...
...My wife and I are in the synagogue praying for forgive- H ere we are in the Jewish Days of new all-American sins are about not fight with the powers that be at Comedy Central...
...This takes a big educational push...
...I especially loved the giant stadium where OU will play Nebraska for ttle national championship on Sat- We had a great reception at the Oklaurday...
...Sunday I picked Tommy up from his vile Internet game parlor...
...How can men have killed chil- and then went to bed...
...With a total Jewish population of only about 650,000, and with limited armaments and resources, the ragtag army of Israel defeated the combined might of the aggressors and established itself We have in this century seen the demise of ma W "isms", the most prominent failures being those of Communism and Nazism...
...thoroughly Americanized, as you will it rarely works...
...Yore Kippur is over and I can eat...
...Almost all of our revenue pays for our educational work, for these clarifying messages, and for related direct mail...
...rooms about the great poet, Keats, and out there right now...
...I rested before the speech at for single mothers...
...I am am paraphrasing in any event...
...It should not take much debate: To be able to learn and Life is sacred...
...Some young homa City Airport, great personnel, football players from the Sooners strolled friendly gate agents...
...I often think of a communication my son and my father started to develop online only months before he went into the hospital for his last illness...
...The people who can fight offthe ancient curse of nobility in a dignified way deserve to be rich...
...San Stefano...
...A few very aware people realized that owning a human life was an outrage...
...The sin of not eating then if he or she were ashamed, that member...
...It fantastic amount of stuff...
...It is the ideal launching pad for the Third American Revolution...
...I had a big crowd and the ocean was behind me and it was swell...
...The modern state of Israel was founded in May 1948, almost exactly fifty years a g o - - f i f t y years after Herzl formulated the concept...
...Then she read them to us: The sin of not giving myself enough American militau...
...If there are not, the brokerages should The Cosmos Club, where at lunch and rooms about Nabokov and about Dosto- maybe at dinner too there was a thing be developing them like mad...
...told go...
...I am here giving a Then I spoke in an amphitheater near the chapel...
...Laid low...
...It is as if the United States were to suffer a loss of close to 3 million peoplet It was not the only war that its neighbors visited on Israel...
...Goaded by the Arab nations, inalterably hostile to Israel and single-mindedly dedicated to its destruction, the United Nations has offered more than 100 r e s o l u t i o n s censuring and condemning I s r a e l ' s actions...
...And, of course, she's right...
...Please send me your videotape on three important aspects of Israel's strategic situation, fiery speeches by Yassir Arafat, and some memorable moments with Louis Farrakhan...
...My life is an endless about the crisis in the Mideast and he about, and I guess he's right...
...Commerce is one thing...
...A Nation i s Born and Succeeds...
...to be allowed to drag their already partialwas haunting, especially late at night in a ly born babies out of the birth canal and Then I signed autographs for hours drizzle...
...I also talked about protecting the elderly and the sick in hospitals...
...My boy, you are rude, surly, and aggressive, plus sarcastic...
...Norman, I'm a wet...
...If you leave right now and don't make me do any more work, I'll pay you an extra twenty dollars...
...And, to be sure, buying and selling are social acts also used to ward offone of mankind's basic curses-loneliness...
...How can it be that my parents are really dead...
...The main thing I said is that America is ripe for a Third Revolution...
...Then a Chilean driver from Punta Arenas, where the Ozone Layer is gone, and up to be on "Larry King Live" to discuss the election...
...pus of OU...
...This is ing the times bracketing the explosion, its her...
...And I have all equation for you," says Tommy...
...Now, my father and mother had been together as a wedded by Benjamin J. Stein ized she was not coming back, he began to turn to the Internet as his lifeline to the outside world...
...He has a great illuminated sacred, and that mothers should protect globe in his office and I want one...
...I wonder what dope credit for my creativi...
...There were many by...
...But there is a huge market out there for connecting lonely older people to the larger world...
...And it's unmatched for inter- in his apartment at night and in the days est in opera and went to opera sites...
...To be young, handsome, athletic, supremely self-confident, on a Big 12 campus...
...V i r t u a l l y e v e r y t h i n g - - i n f r a s t r u c t u r e such as roads, railroads, ports, airports, water carriers, electricity stations and distribution networks--had to be built from a minimal base...
...The whole ethos of Pepperdine is more or less perfect...
...This is a noble use of the Web...
...The first one, in ~776, was about granting the people the right to be governed by their own consent...
...Even so, today many Americans just do not think very much about whether a baby in the womb is at all different from a baby outside the womb...
...But it gave 49 The American Spectator 9 December 2ooo/Jant*ary 2ooz to play online games...
...And maybe at everything...
...often just lie on his bed and watch him Then to my speech to a vast crowd while he sits at his desk playing his addic- piled into the halls and rafters...
...Huge, antique, quiet, empty...
...Many of them have no clue about the incredibly simple act of getting online...
...But I could not stab them in the skull with scissors and dren in a bombing in peacetime...
...But than a pen and ink catalogue operation-- when she died, and when after a few or can be--and it offers far more vari- days he real- _ _ ety-sort of like a million catalogues at once--but then how many catalogues does one family or one business need at once...
...I do thank I finally fell asleep about four...
...I have our woman rabbi (we have a male ly too much about everything, if truth surely approve of the rabbi's evenhandrabbi, too) reading her service...
...Only one-quarter of P a l e s t i n e remained to f u l f i l l t h e Jewish dream...
...But in the meantime, there are many acts that can save lives while the bigger educational effort goes on: We need tax The American Spectator 9 December 2ooo/Ja~uary 2ooi have pain relief...
...He was in a sullen mood...
...While we are learning that life is worthy of protection both before and after birth, there are a few simple travel and make friends things we can all agree on: Adoption should be promoted, motherhood should on the Internet is a gift be protected, health of children is worthy of protection, and the elderly deserve to live and to be free of pain...
...story, of Jonah and Nineveh and the whale to my body...
...standing endlessly, bewildered by all the Hebrew (I still am), and wondering how She gave a list of typical sins one might atone for, such as pride, haughti- line was something like, "We are sorry many old people would faint from ness, greed, lending money at excess hunger that day...
...Hmmm...
...I love it...
...the sin of spending money on America's defense forces...
...For example, right now I am in a big sin, but it would be a new sin ifI did not give myself enough credit: I love being the most famous guy at our shuh Oh, wait...
...Immediately upon its creation, the country was invaded by the armies of five Arab countries...
...That's commerce and it in bad weather...
...Only a when we allow it to grow as God intends...
...There is Leonard Nimoy...
...Its economy--despite the enormous defense expenditures mandated by the aggressiveness of its neighbors and despite the effort and expense of having absorbed more than 2.5 million immigrants (four times the population at the creation of the s t a t e ) - - c a n only be described as a miracle of human accomplishment...
...My father used to say that very Then our main rabbi gave a little talk few things were worth going to the mat hess for our sins...
...The return to Zion had for 2,000 years been the dream of Europe's dispersed Jews, the only hope in t h e i r miserable lives...
...It occurs to me that the really huge advance was the catalogue and just how far beyond the catalogue the Internet takes us is open to question...
...The kids behold my Tommy and see what life is looked so kindly and intelligent...
...being selfish and self-obsessed enough...
...Then there 52 How long will it take us humans to realize that life is December 2ooo/January 2ooi 9 TheAmericanSpectator was terrible weather, but the pilots got us out quickly and safely through the rain drops...
...Medical care for lowthe office of Charlie Runnels, Chan- income single parents should be subsicellor, and probably the kindest guy in dized...
...When I told her, she said, smart students who run the speakers' "I don't know how you can have gone x~as amazed that they knew what treaty bureau and also publish a super clever con- there and be such an indecent human ended the Russo-Turkish War (Treaty of servative mag called tile Fountainhead...
...They tion, "Everquest," a role-playing game, were a fabulous crowd...
...Despite b e i n g under constant attack and siege and having suffered over 20,000 dead in t h o s e defensive wars, Israel created social and p o l i t i c a l systems and an economy t h a t continues to amaze experts worldwide...
...My mother was that way but my Persian extraction, I believe, but she is father was not...
...Elayne got mad at me and shouted that I was upsetting her and interrupting her with some clever tactic (like telling the truth...
...I am not kidding...
...I can recall going to services she is such a perfect young American with my parents when I was six or seven, enumeration of sins...
...D e c e m b e r 2 o o o/Ja ~ ~ a r y o~ o o ~ " The American Spectator 50 However, enough about me...
...He for his college alma mater, Williams the old Sears Roebuck catalogue, only had been using the Internet for a couple on a glowing CRT screen...
...Once more, they suffered defeat...
...The sin of not set- wrote those words in that prayer book...
...I said, "You made that up," and she got upset...
...But nothing was done to bring this dream to reality...
...I got to Dallas and a little cart took me a million miles to my connecting flight and that was fine, too...
...What about the Internet can genuinely change for the better the way mankind lives...
...I'm telling you, this kid is a whiz...
...If there are, God love My father belonged to a great club, learned more about him...
...For all I my father immense pleasure, and wrote to them often, He entered chat know, there might be some sites like that amused my Tommy as well...
...I had a great tour around the camWell, no, I do care and I worry a lot ing Room...
...My father and mother had rules for life and I try to recall them...
...His two el comfortably--although he certainly auctioning things that are not the same...
...life, we have to show it with money...
...Israel is the only truly democratic country in the entire Middle East, with governmental structure and institutions comparable to those of the United States...
...Yesterday he had his algebra tutor over at the house...
...But with the Interact he could go And it matches buyers and sellers of parts we came to see him often, he was alone anywhere...
...it is one of world leaders in economic growth rate...
...I kept thinking, "Live long There were others, but my wife and I were in such a state of repressed mirth That was nice...
...After twenty-four years in L.A., we're still all alone...
...children lived far away and even though tried...
...In this bloodiest of wars imposed on Israel, over 6,000 citizen-soldiers died -- over 1% of the population...
...I just ly flip the usual understanding of what cannot get over it...
...In 1922, the League of Nations entrusted Britain with the Mandate for Palestine...
...Where do you suppose he gets that...
...their guidance...
...few walked out when I gave my spiel for Behold Tommy, and behold life...
...Only the Lonely Monday T he Internet is a puzzling beast...
...51 "Law," he says blithely...
...would not show proper respect to oneself The sin of not paying enough attention and one's ideas, wrong or right...
...famous D e c l a r a t i o n in 1917, by which Palestine was established as a national home for the Jewish people...
...My son (age 13) and his pals can ride their bikes or play lacrosse or go to parties...
...Mostly it was making fun of me since grandchildren and grandparents are natural allies against the parents...
...Plus, l about 5,000 totally innocent babies per save babies, so I'm indecent...
...But Tommy is lazy...
...Regrettably, and contrary to the Balfour Declaration and the requirement of the Mandate, Britain decided that the provisions for setting up a Jewish national home would not apply east of the Jordan River...
...I have been on a campus speaking tour for the governor this fall, and Pepperdine is my home, so I feel credits for adoption...
...Yes, i want to help the publication of these ads and in clarifying the situation in the Middle East...
...was right, so far...
...It comes from a real world series of events involving my father-as much of my life and experience does...
...That's not indecent in sleep...
...It is a leader in high-tech technology...
...The tutor says Tommy is a genius, which he is, at math...
...I often Well, complain Thursday today, Alex...
...But he is so darned cute...
...One would think that the world, especially the emerging nations, would wish to learn from Israel's example, so as to emulate its achievements...
...ly identical items such as shares of stock er for sixty years...
...It is a great, even super-great way of selling total- er and slept in the same small bed togeth- loneliness that had enveloped him...
...We need a revolution of consciousness to explain this fact: A baby is a baby is a baby, born or unborn...
...I also loved the Bizzell Library Readlife, and the other few who asked hostile questions were only a bit hostile...
...Niney ou about know airline how service...
...ting boundaries and of letting people Whoever did it should be ashamed, but walk all over me...
...And it should be protected...
...I think I have a stab at an answer...
...I x~as too wired from drinking Diet other hand, how can men and women kill her world...
...He's a He and his wife, also an actress, read the be fine, and I guess he Sunday and prosper" (and take care of your body...
...The second was about extending legal rights and privileges to all people regardless of race and gender...
...I mean, where do you think you're going with that attitude...
...I include my tax-deductible contribution in the amount of $ State _ _ Zip...
...My new goal is online...
...I I want a bed there to sleep...
...He's incredibly funny...
...And once more, in 1973, the Arabs tried to destroy Israel in the Yom Kippur War...
...59A My contribution is in the amount of $100 or more...
...What on earth do you think will come of that...
...They know a Oklahoma Cib~ Bombing Memorial...
...Its purpose is the research and publication of the facts regarding developments in the Middle East and exposing false propaganda that might harm the interests of the United States and its allies in that area of the world.Your tax-deductible contributions are welcome...
...True, it's faster of years before my mother died...
...But the cry all day...
...What a life...
...Wifie and I are up in the bal- everything would be fine, and I guess mosque any mullah is asking his flock to cony and far, far away on the dais, we he was right there, so far...
...Many of these lonely are widows and widowers...
...FLAME 100+ Years of Zionism and $0+ Years of Israel What Can the World Learn from In 1894, Theodor Herzl, a j o u r n a l i s t and thoroughly assimilated Austrian Jew, was assigned by his Vienna paper to cover the notorious Dreyfus t r i a l in France...
...If we as a people believe life is America...
...am came at here the Universi to speak to b, the of Oklahoma...
...That area constituted three-fourths of the territory of the Mandate and eventually became the Hashemite Kingdom of Transjordan...
...But, at least to little My father was a whiz with machin- online and corresponded with those peome, the use of the Internet for matching ery, in addition to being a world famous ple constantly...
...Center of the universe...
...Anyway, then we read on in our othsoon see...
...right and not eating wholesome foods...
...I stood in the balcony, praying and sobbing like a mad insane person...
...She's very thin, extremely ath- Anyway, life goes by very fast...
...and it is the world leader in exports per capita...
...The concept of creating a new nation in what was then a sparsely-settled country was something totally new, never before attempted in the history of mankind...
...Old people have a lot of time have been alone watching TV (which he dearly loved to do), he would go to the Web and be in touch in real time with a human being who would get back to him, so to speak...
...His world grew dramatically...
...He's called my "father" for a reason...
...reflecting pool, and its empt T lit chairs, me very glad I am married to a woman But how happy I am to be in the haunts me...
...Ci~ Memorial, with its facing walls say- her right to say what she wants...
...He was painfidly lonely went to sites for statistics and discussion works well--except that it doesn't seem to without his life's companion...
...The tutor was saying, "I have a new and interesting equation for you...
...Just a absorption and self-obsession...
...I tell them what's going on and ask for There is no necessary disconnect between commerce and nobility on the Web...
...she seethed...
...Among these were she should be on MTV...
...Where do these peosins they thought they should be atoning ple think they would be without the Now, I guess this is an old-fashioned for...
...money to invest...
...My name is I live at In Mail to : FLAME, p.O...
...Mr...
...it has one of the highest per-capita incomes in the world...
...This synagogue noble idea, but I have to wonder if any- Plus, I worry about money constantis truly beautiful and it's huge and it has ly, and my father would always tell me where at all in the whole world in any a balcony...
...Today, Israel's economy is booming...
...eral teams, I percent played one of Quiz whom were Bowl beat very against me friendly badly, sev- break...
...where she's from...
...Energized by Z i o n i s t a s p i r a t i o n s , British Foreign Secretary "One would think that the world, especially the emerging nations, would wish to learn from Israel's example, so as to emulate Lord Balfour issued his its achievement...
...He was my father...
...sweet-looking older folks who reminded me of my wife's adorable grandparents, Big Mama and Big Daddy...
...The Third Revolution is about declaring that all innocent human life is sacred and will be protected...
...I am erwise excellent modern American letic, and she's recently married...
...The few years ago, they were praying at their Saturday Awe...
...YES...
...It's a bit of evsky...
...Alex and Tommy and I ate at a little place all by ourselves...
...The Internet was his couple since 1937 . They had lived togeth- sword and shield to fight against the cruel D e c e m b e r 2 o o o/Ja n ~ a r y 2 o o I " The American Spectator (same alma mater as Steve Case), and the unattached elderly out there...
Vol. 33 • December 2000 • No. 10
