The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS War footing; Czech this; fumbling the football; coping April was a month full of gloom for Official Washington. Naturally conservatives did their best to cheer up the town's...
...The next day the Washington Post reported that Mr...
...Which is not to say that ambivalence does not remain among the traditionloving Czechs...
...No one called for the regulation of black trenchcoats...
...Richard Mellon Scaife gave vast amounts of money to The American Spectator to report on the Clintons...
...Dolanska's female colleagues, "It's a real problem when men get drunk and that can make it really frightening...
...Now he is threatening to display pictures of naked octogenarians at a London gallery whether people want to see them or not...
...What would you say to: 12% Fixed Returns on a 12-month program...
...Experts called in from the Huggies diaper company have reassured her that triboluminescence is a consequence of random molecules gone amok in the diaper material...
...Sergei Mironov, "Do not forget, we are dealing with a major politician, a delicate diplomat and psychologist...
...Unfortunately the arrival of the writings of Western feminists to the Czech Republic has brought with it the usual grimness in gender relations, and some of the young men have taken to using two-by-fours on the girls...
...Chi Jianguo poisoned the delicacy, possibly by introducing foul substances into the donkeys' urinary tracts...
...Paul Sieveking, the editor of Fortean Times, chronicled a world-wide outbreak of cannibalism...
...The Independent Women's Forum rounded up 40o convivial conservatives to fete chairman Henry Hyde and the House impeachment managers...
...or perhaps he was beset by a swarm of fireflies because, as she said, "I come from Texas...
...What would a decline in the stock market do to your stocks, mutual funds and retirement accounts...
...April ended with the Boy President addressing the White House Correspondents Association dinner and telling a joke about the vice president having sex with a horse...
...Yes, STOCK MARKET RETURNS without STOCK MARKET RISKS...
...In Moscow, Vladimir Lenin's embalmed body was returned to its display case after its seventy-fifth annual spring cleaning...
...Says one of Ms...
...In return the joyous assailants receive hand-painted Easter eggs...
...Zhu Rongji...
...Fear of Serb nuclear subs off the Maryland coast limited his golf outings and fundraising soirees...
...Did you know that if your funds are in the stock market, your principle is at risk...
...Thud...
...He grays and his eyes water easily...
...Possibly AmSpec is actually pro-Clinton and Mr...
...So if you read about the Clintons' misdeeds you were not reading The American Spectator...
...Andrew McIntosh, a fisherman stranded on a remote islet off the Scottish west coast attracted rescuers by burning his socks...
...Jill Furlough found arising from her sleeping son's diaper in his darkened bed room was only triboluminescence and no cause for alarm...
...As for President Yeltsin's famed liquid diet the doctor opined, "Since old times, vodka has been an important stress-relieving medicine...
...The fanatics also destroyed an incubator containing brain cells from Alzheimer's sufferers...
...In an unusual departure from his pleas for campaign finance reform, President Clinton held a state dinner for a major contributor to his 1996 campaign, China's Prime Minister Mr...
...Following his notably subdued NATO summit he became the first American president to lose the attaché case containing the nuclear launch codes —the "football," as it is called...
...Nonetheless, the city's gloom remained impenetrable...
...Rumors of Serb B-2s over the South Lawn distracted him...
...Afterwards, no White House silver was reported missing, but the printed instructions for the president's hearing aid seem I to be missing...
...In London, Mr...
...Activists" working their wicked wills exacted a particularly onerous toll throughout April...
...According to Ms...
...Mironov added, "Yes, Boris Nikolayevich [Yeltsin] had several heart attacks, but heart attacks can actually be good for you...
...Scaife is the Clintons' best friend...
...Members of the Animal Liberation Front, at large at the University of Minnesota, smashed computers and set free 27 pigeons, 48 mice, 36 rats, and five salamanders—species among the noblest of mankind's victims...
...The old boy got a change of coat and tie, a touch of rubicund added to his cheeks, and a new hair piece that left him looking remarkably like Mr...
...According to the Post, however, very little appeared in our pages...
...The sparks are completely harmless, though one ought not to attempt to light one's cigarette by them...
...Call 1-800-575-1566 to find out what your stock broker doesn't want you to know...
...Reports Agence France-Press: "President Boris N. Yeltsin is fit enough to seek reelection and has feigned some past illnesses to keep opponents off balance, his doctor said in an interview...
...His public pronouncements maunder into nigh unto incomprehensible digressions about his sad life...
...Now if only Russian officials could give him a magazine to edit, say, the Nation...
...Naturally conservatives did their best to cheer up the town's giants...
...But I wouldn't want it to stop, because normally it's fun...
...When she first spotted the green sparks shooting from her baby's bottom, she feared that the babe might burst into flames...
...Easter was celebrated in the Czech Republic with the usual festival of beatings...
...21% Fixed Returns on an 18-month program...
...Americans use the term "coping mechanism" and try to avoid hurting their heads when they fall down...
...Hastily vamoosing the summit's last meeting at the International Trade Center for some as yet unknown White House liaison, the forty-second president abandoned his military aide, causing the bewildered man to hoof it back to the White House along streets swanning with Serbian irregulars and bag ladies...
...Kelly was convicted for stealing human remains from the Royal College of Surgeons including three heads, part of a brain, six arms, ten legs (complete with feet), and three torsos...
...Doubtless that will come when gun control fails...
...Are you like most people...
...Known as "the body-parts artist," Mr...
...No one was arrested...
...John F. Kennedy, Jr...
...At 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Our Wartime President was preparing for the Serb blitz...
...nervous about the stock market...
...So maybe The American Spectator is not anti-Clinton after all...
...Qualified Maturity dates may vary...
...As reported earlier the nuclear launch codes had 0 been safely removed from the residence and were being carried O 8 June r 9 9 9 • The American Spectator by a trusted adviser wandering along Pennsylvania Avenue, incognito...
...According to his ebullient physician, Dr...
...RET How long can I keep fooling them...
...Jirina Dolanska of Elektra, a ladies' group opposed to the two-by-fours, "It would help if men avoided alcohol, because these beatings can get serious when they're drunk...
...Late in April Agence FrancePresse vindicated "The Continuing Crisis" for its often controversial insistence over the years that Russian President Boris Yeltsin's health is fabulous and that upon retirement he is planning to open a chain of aerobics gyms and possibly even tanning salons...
...Regis Carlton just down from the White House...
...Our nation is at war...
...Fully Secured and • I.R.A...
...With No Market Risk...
...In the Sunday Telegraph Mr...
...S.E.P...
...In China 48 devotees of donkey soup were made ill when Mr...
...Whether the activists thought of the brain cells as household pets or barnyard animals remains unknown, but university officials believe their vandalism set back Alzheimer's research by at least two years...
...Your Principal is...
...Anthony Noel Kelly is again in hot water...
...From the Bien pensant came a diapsonal roar from gun control...
...Also from London comes word that the aurora borealis that Mrs...
...And in Littleton, Colorado, two malcontents wielding guns and wearing black trenchcoats massacred 12 fellow high school students and a teacher before shooting themselves...
...The pageant, dating back to pagan fertility rituals, is a largely harmless game for the young in which Czech boys beat young girls with bunches of twigs...
...MIB Financial A full service, asset growth and protection company 1-800-575-1566 We have something with STOCK MARKET RETURNS— without STOCK MARKET RISKS...
...Finally, April saw two Libyans accused of bombing a Boeing 747 over Lockerbie, Scotland, ten years ago committed for trial in Holland...
...Kelly has strong animal-rights leanings...
...Evidence mounts that the Boy President is losing his grip...
...The Heritage Foundation solemnized a new magazine layout for Policy Review with a lively party at the St...
...Again, neither the Secret Service nor the FBI accosted the celebrants...
...Every speaker was witty, none more so than the Chairman himself...
...Ten students were injured...
Vol. 32 • June 1999 • No. 6
