The Continuing Crisis
ft U' :t4 rG Acquittal; rape; aspirins; senility; and the mysterious firefly 2 3 6 C 0 O February passed with the leaders of many Islamic countries looking to the heavens and praying for the...
...Juanita Broaddrick, who reported that when Mr...
...In Prague a contretemps erupted between Britain's intelligence service (MI6) and the Czech intelligence service (BIS...
...A fifth student was charged with indecent exposure...
...On the eighteenth Mr...
...The national cow is still missing...
...Chinese gourmands have made the traditional Alps rescue dog, the St...
...La Gloria Cubana is a relaxing experience talizes the senses...
...Clinton featuring Mr...
...Death claimed Dr...
...And there is more good news...
...Iran celebrated the twentieth anniversary of its revolution with public prayer, military parades, and a surprising plenitude of pop music, signaling perhaps an easing of fundamentalist severity...
...Howard Stoate, a practicing physician...
...Finally, from Italy comes word that Don Giuseppe Avarna, Duke of Gualtieri, is dead at 83...
...Tyson, himself a convicted rapist, could become a powerful ally of the president upon his release from prison...
...At any rate, Dr...
...My are some of the closest cigars to Cuban ones...
...A sufficient number to provide light, say, for Gary, Indiana, might actually smell even worse than Gary, Indiana...
...The Duke, a philanderer of great gifts, captured the imagination of the world in 198o when he vacated his ancestral castle to live with an American mistress forty years his junior...
...Her story first came to light when it was subpoenaed by Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr and deposited in the Ford Building in Washington...
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...Mike Tyson has joined the president's literacy campaign...
...Then came reports that Miss Monica Lewinsky's memoir would be published in March, just after the broadcast of her long-awaited interview with Miss Barbara Walters...
...They were not Saturday night funsters," Dr...
...This story has legs...
...Yet all is not lost...
...Clinton was Arkansas's attorney general he raped her...
...By month's end the administration was taking a very strong line against Peking The Red Chinese generals could not be but impressed that the American president stands accused of rape...
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...Officials at Dartmouth College are still the butt of laughter for their announcement that they will make fraternities and sororities coeducational as a means to end "problem drinking" on the campus...
...Yeltsin kidded them about making a threatening call to President Clinton over Kosovo, though no record of the call was found, and on the nineteenth, during a meeting with Germany's Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder, President Yeltsin pretended that they had never met, though he had been introduced to the rather vain German just three months earlier...
...and the mysterious firefly 2 3 6 C 0 O February passed with the leaders of many Islamic countries looking to the heavens and praying for the survival of their aspirin factories...
...McElroy paid schoolchildren 25 cents per hundred to collect fireflies for his research, and one greedy little creep abducted 37,000 in a single month...
...Unfortunately, Iranian newspapers still shy away from the women's lingerie ads that make the New York Times so popular, and local mullahs will not even talk about the latest Victoria's Secret catalogue...
...Ha, ha, that is a good one, Boris...
...For another thing, there would be serious protests from the insect rights movement...
...Former heavyweight boxing champion Mr...
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...First came the news that Judge Susan Webber Wright was contemplating holding the Groper in contempt of court...
...In fact, two hilarious jokes by President Yeltsin on February /8 and /9 actually were construed by Moscow reporters as signs of infirmity in the otherwise robust Russian president...
...In February not one Democratic senator bothered and all stood shoulder to shoulder with a handful of bemused Republicans to acquit America's first presidential sex offender...
...His identity has not been divulged, though a character profile drawn of him fits very closely that of Senator Joseph Biden, whose office has not responded to our inquiries...
...Cigar Aficionado ed some of its highest accolades to this prized cigar...
...Stoate insisted...
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...Larry Flynt, and Mr...
...And NBC News produced the corpus delicti, a 56-yearold woman, Mrs...
...The King is wanted in Albania for attempting to impose monarchy on the country through a 1997 coup in Tirana that left a bus overturned and several chickens dead...
...Tyson, Mr...
...Christopher Hurran, was living with another man in a cute little apartment near the Moldau river...
...Whilst staying as a guest of Maryland's Montgomery County jail, he smashed a television set against a wall...
...Toads had a better time of it...
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...Webb Hubbell...
...In the Alps, avalanches made winter skiing even more hazardous than usual, and dietary practices in China only worsened conditions...
...Abdullah Ocalan...
...In Blacksburg, Virginia, a Virginia Tech fraternity's "Act Like Bill Clinton" dance ended unfortunately when four fraternity brothers were arrested for holding an exotic dancer against her will...
...Castro's Cuba to the Free World, Ernest Carrillo's art of Cuban Cigar lives on in these premium Dominican cigars...
...So much so, in fact, that the Swiss St...
...Unfamiliar with the historic customs of British espionage agents, BIS officers in Prague outed MI6's man in the Czech capital as a homosexual after discovering that the agent, Mr...
...The occasion was made memorable by the presence of her bodyguards, two of whom rubbed her feet throughout the meal, even when she was asleep...
...In London Prime Minister Tony Blair's government got a shot in the arm, so to speak, from Labour MP Dr...
...The move was announced in a barely literate letter from the administration claiming that its plan would encourage "respectful relations between women and men...
...The two moved into a former chapel nearby, where the Duke would Not a meanie streak in her She turned the Senate into wimpy mush 8 Apri 2 1999 • The American Spectator clang the chapel's bell every time he made love just to annoy his former wife...
...In the 1950's Dr...
...In California the Angeles National Forest was closed to tourists to protect the endangered arroyo toad and will remain shut until 2003...
...His acquittal on February 12 notwithstanding, the Boy President suffered calamitous news during the month, and every turban-headed statesman from Hindu Kush to Sudan now knows that when danger closes in on the Animal House at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, missiles whoosh over Allah's real estate...
...William McElroy, the world's leading authority on bioluminescence, which is to say, the gleam in a firefly's arse...
...Madame Chiang Kai-shek celebrated her tooth birthday at Tavern on the Green in New York City...
...Is there room for 0.J...
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...Political humorists were cast into deepest despond when Senator Paul Wellstone announced he would not run for president...
...In Johannesburg, the King of Albania, the Hon...
...Bernard, a sought-after delicacy...
...The Wall Street Journal and the Washington Post reported that the Groper is probably a rapist...
...Russian President Boris Yeltsin's puckish sense of humor continues to sow confusion with misagelastic reporters...
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...Think of it: a speaking tour on behalf of Mr...
...Stoate has admitted to prescribing Viagra to at least two parliamentarians in need...
...McElroy's research never realized environmentalists' dream that someday whole cities might be illuminated by the environmentally benign bioluminescence of thousands of incarcerated fireflies...
...For one thing, the bugs smell ghastly...
...He died of natural causes...
...Its decor is mostly Laura Ashley, though the fellows have livened up the sitting room with playful suggestions of a men's public lavatory...
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...Leka Zogu, Esq., was arrested for carrying a small arsenal on his person...
...Bernard Breeders' Association is warning breeders not to sell their dogs to Chinese businessmen lest they disappear into a chien en croute...
...Florida residents add 6% sales tax + appropriate county tax...
...During Congress's impeachment hearing forty hesitant members of Congress read it and voted impeachment articles against the brute...
...Kurds rioted throughout Europe in protest of the kidnapping of their rebel leader Mr...
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...And in England the Nottinghamshire County Council closed off a mile of Beanford Lane to protect local toads intent on crossing the road during breeding season...
Vol. 32 • April 1999 • No. 4
