The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS The big ban; Anti-Stuckism; a hundred pounds of plastic In Washington, October again became a true Oktoberfest for elected officials. Our President and the Congress conspired...
...Later in the month Republicans took a dreadful drubbing from the Democrats for defeating the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty, though it is entirely possible Senator Edward Kennedy could be held equally responsible...
...Dritz was widely recognized as a pioneer in the development of the plastic zipper...
...This hollow...
...Nor has Dr...
...Chris Ofili's elephant dung paintings first raised such a stink, there is a new controversy...
...Gordon Taylor, chief executive of Britain's Professional Footballers' Association, has publicly asked players to stop spitting on the field in the hope their good example will dissuade spectators from spitting...
...Oh, brother...
...Harvard also suffered a public relations setback in October...
...Theodor H. Benzinger, 94...
...Nadarajah Jeyakumar, Esq., 38, of the Jeyakumars of Alperton, north-west London, was caught on October 8 after several women baited a clothesline with choice delectables from Victoria's Secret and caught him in the act of filching them for his own private pleasure...
...Gallery visitors will probably support them...
...No action is being brought against the cat...
...The Chinamen, having painted their bodies with such venerated artistic terms as "Communism," "Internationalism," and "Anti-Stuckism," are presenting the gallery with a tricky legal problem that could cause it grave embarrassment throughout the art world...
...Prime Minister Tony Blair's New Labour movement may have finally triggered a wave of Tory reaction...
...His book, A Republic, Not an Empire, has made him somewhat controversial, but during the month a scholarly paper published in the Journal ofForensic Science lent support to his awkward contention that by 1940 Adolf Hitler was no longer a threat to the United States...
...Robert Ray, might indict Mrs...
...Jeyakumar, who claimed that the underwear had been left by former girlfriends, now has almost no chance of being made a member of the House of Lords by his friend Prime Minister Blair and may actually have to undergo psychiatric assessment— assuming authorities can find a British psychiatrist who would judge Mr...
...Harishchandra Jadeja reported that "the plastic bags alone weighed ioo pounds," though he did not explain how the surgeons became aware of the cow's unhappy condition...
...Elizabeth Dole, who quit, and Mr...
...By the end of the month the Republican presidential field had lost two more candidates, Mrs...
...Abdurrahman Wahid was elected president of Indonesia despite poor health and the risible spelling of his first name...
...At London's Tate Gallery, where Mr...
...Jadeja reported what will be done with the plastic bags...
...Blair himself...
...In other British news, a scion of one of New Labour's oldest families was arrested after police found S85,000 worth of stolen women's underwear in his possession...
...We definitely don't want players spitting," Mr...
...Possibly those famously puritanical Republicans feared that the earthy senator and the Boy President were trying to put one over on them—so no treaty and no stewardesses...
...Death also claimed Senator John Chafee, 77, and Dr...
...Last month's furor at the Brooklyn Museum (the BM) over elephant dung art has been reprised by a furor at a Joplin, Missouri elementary school over cat dung humor...
...They have many uses...
...A formative figure in the character development of President Clinton, Mr...
...Security guards attempted to save the priceless piece of art, but by the time they wrestled the men off the bed its sheets and pillows were in hopeless disarray...
...Jeyakumar in a garden, police took him back to his home where they found n bags of underwear, all well-worn...
...Our President and the Congress conspired to break their own budget caps by over $40 billion, while claiming a $i billion surplus and offering no tax reduction worth a farthing...
...Petersburg, Florida, Mr...
...Plans to mass produce the ear thermometer were canceled in the early 196o's after 0 the youthful President John F. Kennedy began wearing earmuffs to official functions...
...Bhuj surgeons removed 4,000 plastic bags and a metal coil from the cow's stomach...
...Even security guards paused until one noted that open bottles of vodka were malum prohibitum even for the goofball aesthetes that show up at the Tate...
...Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr became a free man, as rumors spread throughout Washington that his replacement, Mr...
...Herman Hill put a plastic bag over his head to disguise his face while he robbed a convenience store...
...In St...
...Of a sudden they stripped to the waist, leaped onto the bed, and began trampolining whilst pouring vodka on Miss Emin's lovely sheets...
...Harvard had paid $600,000 for the documents, making it the most expensive photocopying project in history...
...Senator, I'll be your stewardess tonight Taking Indonesia into the twenty-first century 8 December 1999/January 2000 - The American Spectator An anonymous cow is recovering from surgery in Bhuj in western India...
...And as for the Tate's standing in the art world, it cannot but suffer, Speaking of his arrest, one of the artists told a British newspaper that "the way they treated us visual artists was ignorant...
...RET You want to know how hollow...
...Taylor said in a printed statement that could be interpreted as criticism of Mr...
...Trained in London's finest art schools as "visual artists," they claim that their leap onto Miss Emin's bed is a masterpiece in "Anti-Stuckism...
...Possibly that coil set off a metal detector when the cow attempted to catch a flight at the Bhuj airport...
...He also experimented with a device for measuring the cold shoulder...
...Repeatedly during Senate debate on the treaty this solon of hearty appetites referred to its "Stockpile Stewardship Program" as the "Stockpile Stewardess Program...
...That's embarrassing," announced Professor Marshall Goldman, associate director of the Harvard Project...
...Dritz, 88, died...
...Those who witnessed their demonstration at first applauded, thinking that it was all part of the exhibit...
...Jeyakumar's behavior odd...
...Benzinger was the inventor of the ear thermometer back in the days before earmuffs became so popular...
...Would that we had had such standards when those 9oo FBI files "snafued" their way into the Clinton White House back in 1993...
...As the paper was summarized in London's Daily Telegraph, "the Nazi leader was tormented by tooth decay, abscesses and gum disease that caused 'terrible bad breath.'" The Crisis repeats itself...
...After the women cornered Mr...
...Unfortunately the student's mother is not laughing...
...In India cows are held sacred and given considerable freedom...
...Unfortunately the bag was transparent, and police recognized him almost immediately...
...Hillary Rodham Clinton for discrepancies in her testimony on Castle Grande and her sworn interrogatories on Travelgate, that last scandal having been first reported in these pages so very long ago...
...An unnamed teacher at Joplin's Jefferson Elementary school insists that she was being facetious when she taped a zip-lock bag of cat excrement on the desk of a foul-mouthed u-year-old who had enjoined classmates to "suck a turd...
...And while on the subject of the Clintons' infamous gates, no one mentioned Filegate late in October when the Boy President cheekily announced stringent new standards for maintaining the privacy of the public's medical records...
...She has demanded that the teacher be suspended and that her scatological little orator be transferred to a school where his disgusting suggestions are tolerated...
...Just hours after Harvard officials announced the purchase of 25 million photocopies of "previously classified" documents from the Soviet Communist Party, a spokeswoman for the Hoover Institution explained that Hoover had held the documents for years...
...Patrick Buchanan, who left for the Reform Party...
...On October 24, two Chinamen turned up at the Tate to view Miss Tracey Emin's immensely popular—albeit rumpled — exhibit, "My Bed...
Vol. 32 • December 1999 • No. 12
