The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS Can we talk? Zoo sex; the usual suspects; flashman September passed but not before the President of Russia astounded the President of the United States by telephoning Mr....
...Scientists at Switzerland's Friedrich-Miescher Institute have created the world's first miniaturized fruit fly...
...Chris Ofili's elephant droppings are again in the news...
...Forbes was arrested for "flashing" on a highway overpass...
...On September 21 authorities in Scotland reported the death of another Breatharian, Miss Verity Linn, of hypothermia and dehydration—two of the Breatharian's highest goals...
...David Leisure was executed by injection...
...Interviewing her will be difficult, however...
...By month's end the mayor canceled the BM's lease, causing distress to the entire New York artsy community, none of whose members think it hypocritical for them to praise Mr...
...Yeltsin was speaking in a foreign language to the Arkansas boy who promised America the most ethical presidency in history —perhaps perhaps he meant Russian history...
...One can well imagine Our President's confusion...
...Ever since the statues went up vandals have been snipping the prized accessories from them, inspiring the city council to auction off sets of "testicles for charity...
...Scottish authorities want to interview the movement's leader, Mrs...
...Apparently he broke from her embrace to purchase a condom at a nearby vending machine and got his hand caught in the infernal device...
...Bill Clinton and insisting to him that he, Mr...
...There is more sad Kennedy news...
...Gerhard Schroeder's Social Democrats, including the loss of several hitherto reliably "red" cities in North Rhine-Westphalia...
...Now Mr...
...Sam Giancana, the Chicago multiculturalist, before the humorless Mr...
...The report asserts that his campaign's boss, Mr...
...In another follow-up on a Continuing Crisis story, the parents of Daniel P. Dukes are suing...
...Dan Quayle retired from the field of Republican presidential candidates, and Senator John McCain entered it...
...In other British news, the Labour government has not yet been able to kill former Chilean President General Augusto Pinochet, Britain's friend in the Falklands War, though the 83year-old victim of Prime Minister Tony Blair's hospitality did receive the last rites of the Catholic Church outside London, where he's been under house arrest for nearly a year...
...She stands by her motto, "When Your Number's Up, Your Num- ber's Up," and lives in far-off Brisbane with her husband, Mr...
...But Tony is doing his best...
...The animal, a black bear, died earlier in the month, and zoo officials have put out an all-points alert for tourists who may have come in contact with the bear...
...Suffering an ongoing detumescence in the polls, Vice President Al Gore moved his presidential campaign from Washington to Nashville, though in light of a government watchdog's report he might better have moved it to Las Vegas...
...It took four hours for firemen to release the young Lothario, by which time the spell was hopelessly broken...
...Dukes, you will recall, appeared briefly in the August Crisis after authorities at Florida's SeaWorld found him semi-clad and dead on the back of one of the marine park's sleek killer whales...
...In Germany, September witnessed a string of electoral setbacks for Mr...
...Tony Coelho, who left Congress under a cloud a decade ago, last year presided over a $3 million cost overrun at the U.S...
...The movement's fol- lowers who live solely on air, abstaining from all solid food and even yogurt, keep dying...
...Distracting rush-hour traffic on a bridge outside Seattle, Washington, a young woman caused power outages in 5,00o homes by cavorting half nude above power lines and spitting flaming vodka on them...
...In preparation for the celebration of 5o years of Communist rule, Chinese officials rounded up 100,000 criminals who may have threatened "social stability and safety" midst the revels, perhaps by telling off-color jokes or jaywalking...
...Hence their September io lawsuit against Sea-World for having advertised Tillikum as a "huggable stuffed toy," just the kind of thing to arouse young Daniel's ardors...
...In the March Continuing Crisis we reported that the young lunatic—whose reliance on fecal matter in his paintings made such a stink at London's Tate Gallery—was embroiled in a labor dispute at the London Zoo...
...Jess Ferguson, who has recently been released from prison after a 1992 conviction on nine felony counts of fraud...
...one imagines President Clinton responding...
...John Forbes, the recently dismissed chauffeur to the Dowager Lady Inchyra, 93, won a claim for unfair dismissal...
...But President Yeltsin insisted in a 40-minute September 8 telephone call that neither he nor his daughters have illegally enriched themselves during his presidency...
...In Spain a 23-yearold man won plaudits from the Spanish version of Planned Parenthood, but only exasperation from his girlfriend waiting down the beach...
...True...
...The zoo's cage cleaners, enlisted by Mr...
...in 55 years...
...Ellen Greve, 43, also known as Jasmuheen, who charges her 5,000 followers thousands of dollars to learn the nutritional value of air...
...During the Kennedy administration she had, as the phrase had it, "made a difference" both with the President and Mr...
...We manurists do have our standards...
...It is apparently capable of fitting into the smallest fruits and even some vegetables...
...Late in September Judith Campbell Exner assumed room temperature in suburban Los Angeles...
...Politicians lie about their credit cards all the time...
...In a widely publicized speech he broke his word to remain silent on the Pinochet travesty, calling the general's governance of Chile "unspeakable...
...In Britain, Mr...
...SeaWorld authorities speculated that the young man, a Hare Krishna adept, may have become emotionally involved with the creature without having anticipated the ups and downs of such a relationship, the downs being particularly dangerous and lasting as long as ten minutes below water...
...One of its most "huggable" animals has died of rabies...
...William Hague for leadership of the Tory party...
...And Des Moines, Iowa's rough-and-tumble petting zoo is having its troubles...
...Last summer on a beautiful day in the country Mr...
...I need help...
...Though arguing that the firing was 2 What was that account in the Cayman Islands...
...pavilion of the World's Fair, much of it to dubious expenses...
...Ofili found himself attacked by New York's Mayor Rudolph Giuliani for displaying a manure-besmattered Virgin Mary among other disgusting opuscules at the Brooklyn Museum, known now to local wags as the BM...
...In Germany Mrs...
...Cause Sense you're tional 8 November 1999 • The American Spectator unfair (after all, his boss wears women's lingerie) Mr...
...Ofili to supply him with elephant manure for his paintings, either could not or would not maintain the manure at body temperature, much to the sensitive young artist's chagrin...
...Leisure is the first organized crime figure to be so disposed of in the U.S...
...J. Edgar Hoover of the FBI put his foot down...
...This month Mr...
...It was perfectly healthy before the summer tourist season...
...He was not, however, revealing the customary male genitalia but rather some 0 breathtaking women's lingerie...
...British artist Mr...
...Well, why not lie...
...Mikhail Gorbachev died of cancer, and in Missouri's state penitentiary at Potosi, after a last meal of steak and baked potato, Mr...
...Charges of graft in the Kremlin are untrue...
...Market forces have failed to save the testicles of seven fiberglass bulls in Rockhampton, Australia...
...Forbes did admit that "I am thoroughly ashamed of myself...
...Untrue...
...Ofili for spreading animal manure on canvas, even as they strenuously advocate pooperscooper ordinances in their neighborhoods...
...Boris Yeltsin, was not lying about not misusing his credit cards...
...He has given no indication he will oppose Mr...
...Leaders of the Breatharian movement are again under fire...
...His specialty was remote-control car bombs...
...RET Sea number World's one killer...
...Davis's parents have discovered that the whale, named Tillikum, once drowned a park attendant by holding her underwater...
Vol. 32 • November 1999 • No. 11
