Last Call: Won't You Get Lost, Bill Bradley?
Felder, Raoul & Mason, Jackie
LAST CALL by Jackie Mason and Raoul Felder Won't You Get Lost, Bill Bradley? CAN ANYBODY ANSWER THIS QUESTION: If Bill Bradley supported Clinton's right to stay in office because he saw nothing...
...We have differences on abortion," he says, so they ask, "Like what...
...The only difference is that the others don't know how to dribble and he does...
...He is also a nationally syndicated radio host ("The Jackie Mason Show...
...Gore as president...
...In other words, you couldn't help defrauding the country because the job was more important—not a new concept for politicians...
...You can find yourself with $500,000 in your pocket and then claim you had no idea that you were at a Buddhist Temple at all...
...IF YOU ASKED ANYONE WHO INTENDS TO VOTE for Bradley to identify the difference between him and Al Gore, the only thing he would say, after he admitted that he can't think of anything else, is that Al Gore was in the service of a liar, but Bill Bradley is an honest man...
...When he lies, people laugh at him...
...He postures as the most idealistic man of unique integrity while campaigning for reasons that are fallacious, pretentious, bogus, and meaningless...
...INSTEAD OF FIGHTING AL GORE FOR THE presidency under the phony pretense of making a difference while presenting the country with the same bleeding-heart, give-everything-fornothing programs, why doesn't he apply for a job that fits his Woodrow Wilson facade with a Bill Clinton conscience...
...RAOUL FELDER is a lawyer and nationally syndicated radio talk show host and legal commentator ("The Felder Report...
...It's no accident that after 12 years in the U.S...
...AND SINCE THE IMMORAL BEHAVIOR OF AL GORE is still somehow invisible to you because it still escapes any mention on your suddenly discovered list of differences with him, we're sure you'll be happy to imitate his sleight-of-hand at the Buddhist Temple...
...With a pomposity based on boredom and vapidity, he created JACKIE MASON'S all-new, one-man Broadway show, Much Ado About Everything, previews at the Golden Theater beginning this November...
...BRADLEY'S JUSTIFICATION FOR RUNNING AGAINST Gore is that this time he really could make a difference...
...In plain English, the differences he's talking about are that Gore is working and he's not, and he can't believe that an amateur liar like Gore might become president and a great basketball player like him would be walking around waiting for a check from an unemployment office...
...The only problem is that he can't figure out what the mission is about...
...But, if he were an honest man, would he have supported a deranged liar like Bill Clinton...
...78 October 1999 • The American Spectator...
...BRADLEY, OUR ADVICE TO YOU IS ANNOUNCE your availability for vice president under Al Gore where you could do everything he did for Clinton to prepare yourself for the presidency...
...How much would he have been respected as a basketball player if after 12 years on the basketball court he was only remembered as a dishwasher...
...CAN ANYBODY ANSWER THIS QUESTION: If Bill Bradley supported Clinton's right to stay in office because he saw nothing wrong with his criminal behavior, why is he so determined to save this country from Al Gore...
...Senate the only thing he is remembered for is his years as a basketball player...
...Gore is only an amateur criminal compared to Clinton...
...Tell the country that you were humiliated and disgusted by his behavior but you were suffering from a debt of loyalty...
...Now he talks even faster and says if you read my position papers you wouldn't have to ask so many questions...
...the illusion of a man with a profound mission...
...He is the most elegant fake to have moved into the neighborhood of politics...
...When the press asks him what that difference might be, he sounds as profound as any basketball player who forgot that classes were part of the curriculum...
...The only problem with him is that, besides being an amateur criminal, he is also an amateur liar...
...They hate anybody who accuses him of lying because they're wasting the time that he could devote to more important things like attacking another girl, derailing another tax cut, or denying that he knew the FBI files were in his home...
...Slow, flat talker that he is, he suddenly comes to life and says abortion is not the only area of disagreement...
...When you saw so many white sheets you thought it was a KKK meeting and when you found out that you were mistaken, you thought that you were really in a department store and that you were in the midst of a summer white sale...
...You can then wait for the last days of the Gore presidency and imitate his latest duplicity...
...You could start making illegal fundraising calls from the White House and when the money comes pouring in you can claim you remember talking about money but you never asked for money and you don't know why they sent it in the first place...
...When Clinton lies, people feel sorry for him...
...Like what...
...BRADLEY IS A BRILLIANT EXAMPLE OF A MAN WHO could put on a great imitation of profundity while saying nothing...
...The only thing you know is that you were always fighting for campaign finance reform and, if not for the Republicans, your own criminal calls never would have happened...
...And, if he could support Clinton, the worse of the two, why can't he accept Mr...
...He and Gore also disagree on other things...
Vol. 32 • October 1999 • No. 10
