The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS Boy's Big Bang; smell the flowers; Internet Brits July was almost a goner when suddenly the country received an explanation as to why the Boy President's smiling visage has...
...Doctors and scientists are at a loss to explain the children's unusual coloring and too polite to ask Mrs...
...Barry Herbeck, has been sentenced to twelve years' imprisonment for animal cruelty...
...Those of us who have propounded the Big Bang theory of this administration may finally be right...
...According to Jane's Defence Weekly, New Delhi is proceeding with plans to launch a nuclear submarine in 2006 capable of destroying Wisconsin...
...Yet he gave that smelly titan arum a wide berth...
...That is not the end of it...
...In Miami's Fairchild Tropical Garden one of the most malodorous flowers on earth, a five-foot-tall titan arum, bloomed without warning, emitting its disgusting fragrance everywhere...
...Trigger-hap his one t Papa Br little pr ezhnev's incess...
...What about America's Dairy State, where the cow, though reverenced by Hindus, is treated quite shabbily and used for such profane indulgences as ice cream...
...Environmentalists have suffered another grave embarrassment...
...Michael Ledeen...
...Exhausted listeners complained that the advertisement made them go to the lavatory...
...After accumulating more scandal than any president in American history—or for that matter Central American history— President Clinton may go out with a bang, but not before he further bemanures his reputation...
...We have no idea why he was doing it," a police spokesman acknowledged, "but....wearing boots full of baked beans could cause the driver to be distracted...
...Yes, that is the conclusion of a July z6 New York Times analysis...
...Former Astronaut Alan Shepard died, as did Mr...
...From the UK come other bizarreries...
...An effort by the world's nuclear powers to slow the nuclear arms race in South Asia was thwarted by India's resurgent dreams of Hindu gloire...
...Tourists became unwell...
...Internet Brits July was almost a goner when suddenly the country received an explanation as to why the Boy President's smiling visage has taken on so much craggy age in the last few months as his hair thinned and Mrs...
...He's neck deep in a constitutional crisis...
...Once an oracular delight, Miss Brezhnev fattened through the years, her heft having become an index of Soviet corruption...
...In Indiana Judge Gerald Zore gave the old heave-ho to that state's anti-tobacco lawsuit, and in North Carolina, Judge William L. Osteen scotched half a decade of militant ignorance by rejecting an Environmental Protection Agency edict that made environmental tobacco smoke a "Group A car- cinogen...
...Unoarumhi, though black, have given birth to three children who are white...
...The Judge dismissed her...
...RET Going to in s the dogs tyle...
...and Mrs...
...Hillary Clinton became a rarer occurrence at his side...
...Judge Starr has done got the goods on the Groper...
...It becomes the sort of environmental phenomenon that ecofreaks hate, for it exposes Mother Nature's dark side...
...Even Vice President Al Gore's penny loafers smell better...
...Followers of Princess Diana have been jolted by British news reports that her burial place on the family estate, Oval Island, was in years past the family's pet cemetery, once called "Dog Island...
...The months ahead are going to be messy...
...Ignoring Pakistan's willingness to negotiate nuclear arms, New Delhi announced plans to increase its military budget and the number of Indian infantry units equipped with shoes and socks...
...John Fund and American Spectator foreign editor Mr...
...Pakistan is not the only area to fear Hindu militarism...
...And forget not that the White House waited for two Capitol Hill police officers to be killed before revealing that Judge Starr was subpoenaing the president...
...According to the Times, hundreds of scientists at Britain's Ministry of Defence, Evaluation, and Research Agency are spending more than 70 percent of their computer time downloading hot, hot, hot materials from such on-line flesh pots as "erotica.cheerleaders," and "erotica.fetish.diapers...
...She died of natural causes, probably alcoholism...
...The Guinness Book of Records is opening a special section of its Human py Roy with rue love...
...This Fairchild Garden eructation has yet to be described, but one whiff of it would leave Dr...
...A motorist stopped during a routine highway check in Colchester, Essex, was found to be wearing Wellington boots filled with baked beans...
...British listeners to WAVE, an FM station in Fareham, Hants, have prevailed on the station to desist from broadcasting a self-promotion advertisement featuring the sound of waves washing ashore...
...Unoarumhi questions of a personal nature...
...Roy Rogers and Miss Galina Brezhnev, daughter of Leonid...
...In the dying days of July the courts decided that the Secret Service must appear before Judge Starr's grand jury, as must Mr...
...Security guards donned gas masks...
...They could, of course, be used as a diplomatic entrée to the White House...
...The country's Berber shops have long been cosmopolitan redoubts, where shaves are often consummated with aerosol spray cans and lady manicurists remain at large...
...C. Everett Koop yearning for cigarette smoke...
...Newcastle is not California...
...8 September 1998 • The American Spectator Body department to solemnize the Unoarumhi family...
...Of a sudden the Boy President was plumb out of alibis, expedients, and bull feces...
...Yet when it does, phew...
...He even turned up at the defunct Chemobyl nuclear reactor and asked for an ice cube to smite the global warming...
...and the Indian goat cart is state-of-the-art...
...What possible national security value these materials might have remains unknown...
...The Economist reports that the Algerian government's decision to make Arabic that country's sole official language has enraged local Berbers...
...The last known blooming of a titan arum took place near London's Kew Gardens, where the stench was described as a com- bination of "rotting flesh, burning sugar, and ammonia...
...The juror had requested a defendant's date of birth for an astrological profile she was creating of the defendant...
...Bruce Lindsey...
...Posing as a foster parent to stray cats, he actually tortured and killed them...
...The Sunday Times of London reports that key sectors of the British military are now using their computers to collect Internet smut...
...The plant, long among the most controversial indigenes of the famously unpleasant Sumatran rainforests, rarely blooms whilst in captivity...
...Light was also shed on why since January the White House's Ministry of Propaganda has been so furiously at work smearing the Independent Counsel and harassing journalists...
...Late in July his henchman, White House aide Sidney Blumenthal, increased his harassment of the press, subpoenaing Wall Street Journal writer Mr...
...In relat- ed news Tobacco Storm Troopers suffered set- backs...
...And speaking of the vice pres- idential mannequin, for him July was an environ- mentalist's Trail of Tears as he blubbered from the parched suburbs of Texas, to a dry creek bed in Florida, to an Alabama pig sty...
...As for devising launchers for their nuclear warheads, the Indians will rely on goat carts...
...Quite on her own Miss Monica Lewinsky began to cooperate with Judge Starr, possibly as part of a weight-loss program—she has grown quite corpulent of late...
...Finally, Judge Esmond Faulkes of the Newcastle Crown Court removed a juror from his court...
...By comparison, ioo,000 cheap cigars are a breath of spring...
...That mysterious Associated Press report that the Clinton administration is "delighted" by developments in Britain's "defense posture" has received clarification...
...A Janesville, Wisconsin man, Mr...
...President Clinton is known to be a devotee of "phone sex" and the American Internet "magazine," Salon, whose soft porn entries include such PG fare as discourses on unsatisfactory coitus in saunas, on the beach, or along bike trails...
Vol. 31 • September 1998 • No. 9
