The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS Hillary and Sofia; teacher's pet; in-your-face disgrace 0 October was not all that bad for Our Beleaguered President. True, on October 5 the House Judiciary Committee voted...
...Send it to the agelastic Swiss...
...She has given birth to his second child...
...Just so...
...Vadim Filimonov is being boomed as the Russian Ken Starr...
...Perhaps while Mrs...
...Mary Kay LeToumeau, the Clintonesque elementary school teacher from Tacoma, Washington, has done it again with her former student...
...Starr, and some even disliked Mrs...
...His lovely wife spent the couple's twenty-third wedding anniversary in Sofia, Bulgaria...
...President Boris Yeltsin was felled by one of the worst "colds" in his career and had to cut short a good will tour of Uzbekistan after he took nearly 25 seconds to sign his name at a public ceremony and then nearly fell atop a camera crew, which could have caused them serious infection...
...Paquin's arm, though the toilet remained beyond repair...
...But the month also brought the Boy President reason to exult...
...Clinton exhorted, "The other thing we have to do is to take seriously the role in this problem of...older men who prey on underage women....There are consequences to decisions and...one way or another, people always wind up being held accountable...
...Lewinsky, and this dreadful impeachment might have been averted...
...Sniffed the Daily Telegraph, the Princess had "no known interest in vegetables...
...In the 1950's the average Homo sapiens laughed i8 minutes a day...
...Then there was the subsidy for researching decaffeinated coffee in what's-his-name's district in Illinois and for unsatisfactory onions in what's-his-name's district in Georgia...
...Kathleen Willey...
...The Clintons in the same boat with RMN...
...Can you imagine us chasing that in broad daylight...
...Cleveland Amory, died of natural causes at 81...
...Held on October 25 in Washington to "Impeach Ken Starr," it turned out less than loo demonstrators...
...RET Long live the Philippine Supreme Court...
...The chase began when Mr...
...and raced the distinctively-painted truck with its famous orange-and-pink logo all over the turnTeacher-in-residence at a Tacoma jail Glad to know you—and can I sign your condom...
...In return for raping and beating the prisoners, convicted murderer Wayne Robertson was given extra food and tennis shoes...
...A 911 call mustered rescuers who beheaded the snake, freeing Mr...
...She was attending a conference on women in the twenty-first century and who knows where her husband was...
...The 86-year-old professor's response was restrained, and the pie thrower escaped unharmed...
...Had Mrs...
...London's Sunday Times reports that five prison guards from California's Corcoran State Prison (no relation to Washington's Corcoran Gallery of Art) have been charged with conspiracy...
...Actually Mr...
...How could they go to the bathroom...
...What about their self-esteem...
...In Switzerland, the International Congress of Humor reported that laughter has declined steadily since the hilarious 1950's...
...There Mr...
...The 26o-pound snake, known as Squeeze to its owner, Mr...
...8 December 1998 The American Spectator pikes of northern New Jersey, hoodwinking pursuing patrol cars at every turn until a toll plaza brought the burlesque to an end...
...Finally just days before the November 3 election the Wall Street Journal delivered a blow against Our President that was decidedly below the belt...
...It is their genitals that ought to be imprisoned, and neither Mrs...
...Whereupon he made a humorous if inscrutable allusion to "cream...
...Phew...
...Christopher Paquin, became unruly on October 13, ripping a toilet from the floor of Mr...
...Imelda Marcos is redeemed...
...In Alabaster, Alabama, there remain stalwart Americans who believe that actions have consequences...
...Alan Cost, alarmed by his son's repeated traffic violations, hoisted the young man's pickup truck into a tree, attaching a sign to it saying, "Maybe for sale...
...Claiming to have discovered "emergencies" throughout the Republic, Congress gouged $20.8 billion out of its fabled surplus, allowing the lowly populace not one tax reduction...
...Richard Milhous Nixon...
...Clinton was en route to Bulgaria she stopped off in Italy to pick up Sky-Eyes, the tiny micro-chip that Italian officials are implanting into the bodies of their politicians so that their movements can be tracked by Sky-Eyes' Global Positioning System...
...By the end of October it had turned its attentions to President Yeltsin and concluded that it was impeachable for him to dissolve the Soviet Union and shell his own parliament...
...Rondal Arnold, 30, hijacked a Dunkin' Donuts van at 3 a.m...
...Admittedly her genitals hosted his, but what does that mean...
...Paquin's home and ingesting Mr...
...Milton Friedman in the face with a cream pie...
...Opinion remains mixed on the success of what was billed as the Internet's first national protest...
...Paquin's arm up to the shoulder when he tried to calm the 19-foot-long pet...
...Environmentalists have yet to act...
...Meanwhile in the Russian Duma former Communist Mr...
...Why Mr...
...And Mr...
...LeToumeau nor her student can be separated from their genitals for more than a few hours...
...In New Jersey, a frantic nocturnal police chase ended happily before dawn, saving the New Jersey State Police much embarrassment...
...Now the figure is down to six minutes, though that was before Americans had an opportunity to behold Washington's October budget deal that ingeniously shattered last year's budget caps...
...Animal rights advocates were given fleeting moments of joy when a Connecticut man's pet python almost ate him...
...You could not actually say she had sex with the underage boy...
...The Philippine supreme court acquitted her on charges of official corruption despite the fact that when forces overthrowing her husband entered her bedroom in the Presidential Palace they found that she had acquired thousands of pairs of shoes, a point made much of by the world press...
...Clinton implanted one of these miraculous chips in her husband years back he might never have wandered into the arms of Ms...
...Ancient enmities between France and Britain reheated when it was announced that Paris will only honor the late Princess Diana with a garden of leeks and potatoes to be planted somewhere in the Marais section of Paris...
...According to the Times, the guards have been disciplining prisoners by putting them "in a cell with a 17-stone homosexual...
...The consequent cost to their health would be onerous...
...Joycelyn Elders, having recently retired from the University of Arkansas Medical Center's Birth Control Chair, is traveling the country lecturing on the miracle of the condom and her insight that the health profession is the unhealth profession, for doctors "only get paid if you get sick...
...Yet many were very angry with Mr...
...And one of the true colossuses of the Clinton administration has taken to the lecture circuit Former Surgeon General Mrs...
...But what is it that she actually does with her former student, and why is she being kept in a Tacoma hoosegow...
...On June 13,1996 in a speech on teen pregnancy Mr...
...True, on October 5 the House Judiciary Committee voted to auspicate his impeachment...
...Daniel Cosgrove...
...The emergencies included $750,000 for grasshopper research in Alaska and $1.1 million for the care and handling of manure in Starkville, Mississippi...
...In San Francisco a representative of the Biotic Baking Brigade smacked Nobel Prize–winning economist Mr...
...Mrs...
...Frank Yankovic, "America's Polka king," also became one of October's obituaries...
...The bill runs to 4,000 pages with a laugh on every page, often several laughs...
...Robertson would want to eat tennis shoes was not explained...
...In New York the animal rights advocate who founded the Fund for Animals, Mr...
...They do, however, remain vigilant elsewhere...
...Only the very worst of our presidential Johnsons has suffered that fate, along with the Clintons' old hobgoblin, Mr...
...The Russian president immediately flew back to Moscow where Kremlin doctors insist that he exercises daily and rarely has a drop of vodka before breakfast...
...asked mortified state trooper Lt...
...Filimonov more closely approximates Congressman Henry Hyde for he heads the Duma's impeachment commission...
...Of course all depends on what is meant by "dissolve" and "shell...
Vol. 31 • December 1998 • No. 12
