The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS The aging process; a date with history; fresh-air highs August ends and impeachment begins! That is a fact. By the end of August Congress was taking its first formal steps to...
...August marked the beginning of the end of the Clinton presidency...
...By the end of August Congress was taking its first formal steps to impeach the president...
...Child and Family Services Agency were honing their skills with thousands of dollars of "unauthorized" calls to goo-sex line services...
...By August 17 the Boy President's lies had formed a critical mass...
...A friend of the deceased told police that the boy thought that the air freshener would give him a "high" much like a walk in Yellowstone...
...There a 14-year-old boy perished after breathing in more than a can of Glade air freshener...
...Orwell writes that "at fifty everyone has the face he deserves...
...would purchase a new baseball cap, Mr...
...And President Franklin Roosevelt did not mention a "day which will live in infamy" but "a date which will live in infamy...
...Raul Cubas...
...Hi, I'm the hottest and nastiest babe...
...Another war crime suspect from the Yugoslav hostilities, Mr...
...Whenever his chum, Mr...
...By August 26 their loyal servitor, Attorney General Janet Reno, ordered a go-day preliminary investigation of the Veep...
...Rather the brainless individual is Mr...
...Gore's "partner" will be at the September ceremony...
...Randell James Baker of Bonita Springs, Florida...
...Vladimir Zhirinovsky, the illustrious nationalist deputy, declared on the floor of the Duma that President Clinton should marry Monica Lewinsky...
...Finally, prospects for Our President in Moscow clouded further when Mr...
...It is not known who Mr...
...The young Britons' pants-drop was their way of saying "Never Again...
...The Minoan palace was the scene of many rowdy banquets in ancient times during which the legendary Minotaur would devour youths and virgins, usually without their permission...
...No Hollywood figure is involved...
...Will I be the first to be impeached...
...Then she ventured the daft thought that her husband was victim of an anti-Arkansas conspiracy...
...The Congress, alas, was that of Paraguay and the president was Paraguay's own Sr...
...He has been awarded the Human Rights Campaign award, the most prestigious award given by America's largest organization of lesbians and homosexuals...
...Well, he was in error, as was Mr...
...Baker's aim was unsteady and he has been booked for aggravated assault...
...The stock market fell 512 points and when Air Force One arrived in Moscow there was no Russian government for him to ham it up with...
...Baker but his hat survived handsomely...
...Since 1992 they had given Boy Clinton the benefit of their metastasizing doubts...
...On August 20 came the report that notations on White House documents implicated Vice President Al Gore in possible campaign finance felonies...
...There was laughter in the house...
...American schools opened and none too soon...
...Inspector General's office discovered that members of the highly trained staff of the D.C...
...From the Pentagon came reports that the one target Clinton had insisted on attacking in Sudan was a blunder...
...Then the White House leaked its desperate sophistications: Monica stalked the president, fellatio is not sex, sex is a legal concept...
...Then he took another swipe at Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr, which mirabile dictu, sealed his fate...
...There is more good news for the presidential candidacy of Mr...
...Boy Clinton, the Coat and Tie Radical of the 1960's and anti-Cold Warrior, was presiding over the reductio ad absurdum of East-West summitry...
...Even his grand jury appearance that day was doubted...
...He is our Yeltsin...
...And on August 31 the puffy-faced Boy President flew off for a Moscow summit with his sudden look-alike, President Yeltsin...
...Distracted eyes and a bulbous nose now stand out from a swamp of blotchy skin...
...Past winners have included rock artiste Miss Melissa Etheridge and Miss Julie Cypher, her partner...
...RET The American Spectator • October 1998 9...
...Unfortunately on August 17 Mr...
...Yet after six years of Clintonian governance Washington has indeed acquired some of the cobwebs and the sleaze of downtown Asuncion...
...Danny Smith, a 280-lb...
...Then came his catastrophic admission on national television that he had "misled" the nation and, well, materialized with Monica but not inhaled...
...And Mr...
...Come daybreak in all the forums of national opinion, Monicagate became Watergate...
...The Clintons have lived up to everyone's lowest expectations...
...But a rebellion began seven months back with the appearance of Lewinsky, Willey, and Tripp...
...Also in Washington the D.C...
...Midway through the month the political elites abandoned the presidential carcass, probably forever...
...Perhaps the Latin has prettier girlfriends...
...He may also be crisper in appearance and suaver in style...
...They reminded their audiences of the film Wag the Dog...
...More on this later...
...Possibly he is a less frequent liar...
...Who gets the movie rights...
...Not even the Commander in Chief's missile attack on Afghanistan and Sudan seventy-two hours later cooled the elites' indignation...
...Baker would solemnize the happy occasion by shooting the button off the cap, a celebratory ritual reciprocated by Mr...
...In Los Angeles, authorities report yet another missing brain...
...Gore...
...In Crete, four young Britons who dropped their pants and flashed their rectums in the ancient Minoan palace—possibly as part of an anti-cannibal campaign—were sentenced to ten months in prison...
...prison inmate whose corpse awaits a final autopsy until officials can lay hands on his brain, which has vanished...
...Mary's Church in Sheet Hants was ruined when it was reported that the vicar was not dead but only on holiday in America...
...Cool it, Hillary...
...Vacationing in gloomy isolation on Martha's Vineyard, Our President celebrated his fifty-second birthday...
...The date of the Japanese surrender was wrong...
...The Iwo Jima battle scene was misidentified as Okinawa...
...In the United Kingdom, a funeral ceremony for retired vicar Reg True-man at St...
...Clinton obstructed the process, looking boyish and winsome right up until recent months...
...and the differences are few between our Boy President and some seedy Latin oligarch...
...Baker wore a new hat...
...But by the end of August his face had collapsed into ruin...
...the calls would begin...
...Callahan when Mr...
...Typically, for two years Mr...
...Come, come, Hillary...
...Meanwhile through Washington circulated rumors of more interns in the wings and sexual gymnastics in the White House...
...Two are vegetarians...
...Clinton, se style Surviving Sudane 8 October 1998 • The American Spectator Proof that fresh air is not the salubrious vapor that egregious environmentalists would have us think was provided in grim abundance in East Brunswick, New Jersey...
...The Clinton administration announced that spy satellites have discovered another harmless nuclear weapons complex in North Korea, and the jovial North Koreans fired a Taepodong-i missile over Japan's main island...
...Alexander Saly, a Communist deputy of the State Duma, formally asked his country's top investigator to investigate whether President Yeltsin has been replaced by a double...
...In Annapolis, Maryland, three pedestrian errors discovered on plaques in the recently completed World War II Memorial will cost thousands of dollars to correct...
...One never knows when an abused mother or troubled child might make such a call to this noble agency, yet its counselors now know how to respond...
...Robert Callahan—also of B.S., Fla...
...Clinton cautioned that they "take a deep breath" and contemplate the "vast right-wing conspiracy...
...Yet the Clintons' struggle for rent-free housing is not over...
...Milan Kovacevic, died in his cell while awaiting trial in The Hague...
...Authorities claim that alcohol played a part in the disfigurement of Mr...
Vol. 31 • October 1998 • No. 10
