The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS Squirrel Nutkin, Bobbitt, and a smokers' NAACP 2 0 February has gone into remission for another year without a race riot. The nation's pale-faced and fuliginous are to be...
...Its actual fate at the hands of Miss Potter was less humane...
...According to the flavorously named Justice Policy Institute (JPI), American government spends more monies building prisons than universities...
...Clinton won a Grammy Award for It Takes a Village...
...Proving the Clinton administration will tolerate only so much illegality, federal authorities arrested Mr...
...And House Speaker Newt Gingrich became a progressive...
...Though puckishly eulogized in Europe as one of the century's stupendous "fortune hunters" and one of the last of "les grandes horizantales," Mrs...
...Rush Limbaugh has been alerted, as has the NAACP (National Association for the Advancement of Cigar Puffers...
...Finally the press was summoned to conscience as White House documents revealed that the White House hosted an endless series of slumber parties for Hollywoodians, tycoons, and other less respectable donors to the Democratic Party...
...Tony Bennett and the Beatles, Mrs...
...Kenneth Starr announced his retirement and then his return by popular demand...
...Signs that the Republic is indeed a land abundant with virtue continue to accrue...
...Death also claimed Miss Margaret Halsey, famed lampooner of the British, and author of Color Blind: A White Woman Looks at the Negro...
...Readers remember the character as a lovable though incompetent frog that was nearly gobbled up by a trout when the frog went fishing...
...Further evidence of Miss Potter's "Dark Side" will become public on April 16 when Christie's auctions off memorabilia assembled by the collector Mrs...
...What next...
...Space mechanics from the shuttle Discovery, working miles above the earth, employed bailing wire and tape to repair the Hubble space telescope so that it might peep still deeper into the universe...
...A former employee accuses them of "unethical behavior" in the production of their disgusting Rainforest Crunch ice cream...
...Doris Frohnsdorff, including Miss Potter's grisly drawings of a dissected frog, which she notes in her papers served as the basis for Jeremy Fisher...
...Harriman was elevated to the eminence of a George Washington or a Thomas Jefferson by teary liberal eulogists...
...Sneered the left-wing newspaper Liberation, Night and Day is like "wading through guacamole...
...Richard Brimage, rapist and murderer, by injection...
...Then there was the report that fundraising for the Boy President's 1996 campaign included a series of coffee orgies with assorted felons, arms merchants, agents of foreign countries, and DEMOCRATIC FAT CATS...
...The Crisis gets tastier...
...Hillary Milhous Clinton insisted that when the thing was being put together the First Lady was baking cookies or at prayer or doing almost anything other than what White House memos asserted, namely, ordering the Big Brother device into action...
...The media bawled for yet another independent counsel...
...Yet even as porn has lost one celebrity it has gained another...
...Christopher Plummer, 36, on charges of violating the Trading with the Enemy Act...
...Bobbitt envisages, he will use his "knowledge and experience to help people avoid similar tragedies...
...Late in the last century Miss Potter was an aspiring biologist when she took a dreadful toll of the animal life then abounding on the countryside around her historic village, Shingles-on-the-Cramit...
...Vincent Schiraldi, who seemed unaccountably distressed by the finding...
...Wounded by critical reviews of his roles in such pornographic films as Franken penis, Mr...
...Reuters News Agency reported in February that the egregiously sanctimonious Ben and Jerry of dessert fame are facing a "nasty lawsuit...
...Along with Mr...
...Happy readers of such Beatrix Potter stories as "The Tale of Peter Rabbit" and "Jemima Puddleduck" are in for a grim discovery...
...Entitled Night and Day, it has not been hospitably received by the French press...
...Looking like a girl on the outside, she was still 76 on the inside...
...John Wayne Bobbitt has joined the clergy...
...The month also witnessed a scandal a week for the Clintons...
...No explanation was available...
...In what he called "a message from God," Mr...
...There was a renewed interest in the White House Data Base, as the supporters of Mrs...
...In an embarrassing series of events, Chinese president Mr...
...She was a latter-day giant, one of the winners of the Cold War, a tireless progressive, and—thanks to her most recent husband's money—one of the few recent donors to the Democratic Party having neither a police record nor a foreign passport...
...Pamela Harriman, the American ambassador to France, assumed room temperature in Paris after a swim in the Ritz Hotel's pool...
...In fact, so bloodthirsty were the biological research papers she submitted to the Linnean Society that the papers were not even acknowledged...
...Brimage insisted on loving care for children, "the truly innocent ones...
...They are the key to making the world a better place...
...From 1987 to 1995 state government appropriations for prisons rose by 3o percent while spending for higher education declined by 18 percent "These findings prove that, in the funding battle between prisons and universities, prisons are consistently coming out on top," adjudged JPI's director, Mr...
...He was released on $ioo,000 bail after being charged with attempting to smuggle ni boxes of Cuban cigars into the United States on his fishing boat...
...Practically every one of these historically illiterate melodramas portrayed so much cruelty by whites to blacks and so much heroism by blacks beset by whites that only the Mans-men down in Dog Patch have taken pleasure in the spectacles...
...The state of Texas executed Mr...
...The nation's pale-faced and fuliginous are to be congratulated, or perhaps they simply were not watching the television dramas broadcast in conjunction with the month's national theme, Black History...
...She done 8 April 19 9 7 • The American Spectator And apparently plastic surgery can only achieve so much...
...The details of his last meal were not divulged, but his last words sounded as though they had been cribbed from It Takes A Village...
...Deng Xiaoping died...
...Britain's Linnean Society, one of the world's most eminent scientific organizations, has developed evidence that the original Peter Rabbit was probably killed, boiled, and mutilated by Miss Potter before she ever wrote about him...
...France's most famous philosopher, M. Bernard-Henri Levy, has made a "soft-porn" film...
...Then paramount leader Mr...
...Leo Rosten passed on...
...Bobbitt, whose wife, the Ecuadorian socialite Lorena, excised his sexual member and threw it out a car window just past a "No Littering" sign, has been ordained as a priest in the Universal Life Church...
...As the Rev...
...Former President Ronald Reagan celebrated his 86th birthday with a round of golf...
...In that 1946 monograph she claimed white people were biased against black people because they needed a cheap labor supply and feared blacks' sexuality...
...Finally, our Boy President and his lovely wife Bruno are not the only sixties idealists under a cloud...
...Worse still, the two smiling dunces stand accused of "self-serving capitalism...
...And there was more good news...
...In other deaths the estimable Mr...
...Now, of course, advocates of Miss Potter attribute the Society's dereliction to male chauvinism, but her papers are truly murderous...
...The deceased had murdered a former homecoming queen and stuffed her body into the trunk of his parents' Cadillac...
...RET A new member of the clergy The American Spectator • April 19 9 7 9...
...Jiang Zemin announced a campaign against corruption...
...Then he directed admonitions against Communist Party officials lax in their observance of socialist ethics...
...Most likely the same awful fate befell Miss Potter's other fuzzy wuzzy character, Squirrel Nutkin...
Vol. 30 • April 1997 • No. 4