Current Wisdom
Jackasses, Assorted
National Enquirer (Press Release) Historical revisionism at its most tasteful: We apologize for the Princess Diana Page One headline "Di Goes Sex Mad" that is still on the stands in some...
...get the hang of it, it is really simple...
...ble stomach churning, the cloth was regurI put an arm around him and said "She gitated along with the filth...
...Now I'll let out loved you, Joe...
...Himalayas and he won't do television...
...downtown drugstore across from my office...
...SEPTEMBER 15, 1997] Journal of the American Medical Association Another earthy exchange in JAMA, where the feminist pieties dare to confront Science: To the Editor...
...Later, to demonstrate how to clean the Joe is grizzled and unkempt, always pas- nasal cavities, he drank two bottles of water, sionate, sometimes angry, frequently incom- then inserted a twin tube into his mouth and prehensible...
...Now I will remove the remaining radiant Diana shone from each cover...
...Neither my daughter nor the young princes chose their parents' circumstances...
...Burton's committee, has a slightly different view...
...Conversely, he says, "those kids nurtured on cow milk definitely would behave like the cows...
...he cried...
...to prove it was still pure oil) using it to light [SEPTEMBER 6, 1997] five clay lamps...
...It was sort of a tradition...
...This So saying, Sharan (a yoga instructor from wasn't just a choreographed national ritual the Oshiwara suburb of New Delhi) dipped designed to solemnize the production of his penis into a beakerful of sweet oil and royal heirs —this was a WEDDING, recog- sucked 15oml into his bladder, retaining it nizable as a wedding, the sort of wedding for several minutes before discharging it, and WE might attend...
...AUGUST 10, 1997] 85...
...He remained conscious for about a minute and kept crying out for his mummy...
...SEPTEMBER 24, 1997] Saint Paul Pioneer Press Out there in the Land of Ten Thousand Lakes, something called Glenda Holste lets out a tremendous shriek on behalf of Bill Clinton's rights to sexual expression: The Jones charges sank into the wacko realm of David Brock's American Spectator...
...But he lives in the the Princess who loved you...
...And if you think this is unusuAs he walked off, muttering and crying, al, you should see the sadhu I learned my "Gotta grieve, gotta grieve...
...He has no home...
...The Clinical Crossroads article discussing menstrual irregularity in a young woman displays some disturbing attitudes regarding menstruation...
...But, if you ask me, he got what he deserved...
...Arrayed in pulled out its two ends through his nostrils...
...Somebody pissed over him which I thought was a bit rude...
...We all just stepped out of the way, and roared with laughter when he hit the concrete...
...Think of it this way, and the pornography of Diana Spencer's death becomes appropriate...
...Not to mention the fine hand of the Wall Street Journal's opinion pages or trash talk radio (which closely resemble each other regarding the Jones harassment case...
...Nobody said anything, but we all just grinned and made no attempt to catch Gunther after he jumped...
...Kanjorski said...
...Dan Burton is one of those people...
...Prosnecki, an eighteen-year-old rock fan, was describing the death of German heavy metal rock star Gunther Dietz earlier that evening...
...AUGUST 18, 1997] New Yorker Author Salman Rushdie, the object of severe literary criticism from various distinguished Moslem clerics, confirms the holy men's good judgment and offers more evidence as to why he really must remain in hiding: Think of it this way...
...K stated that her irregular cycles caused her to be "anxious" and were a source of "aggravation...
...Charlie Eregie is full of forward thought: Dr...
...invisible power is at work," declared Balaram We may have been wrong, but we Sharan as he removed his fungi and stood believed we recognized in Diana something naked before a group of startled reporters of young women we knew, perhaps even at the Mumbai Press Club...
...For example, Dr...
...SEPTEMBER 10, 1997] Washington Times Just back from the Westminster Abbey Spectacular, Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton, writing in her incomparable syndicated column, continues to suffer delusions of grandeur: Unlike every other mother, however, I have the added concerns of security and privacy that go along with her being the president's daughter...
...single, slightly nervous movement...
...But once you something of ourselves...
...I couldn't skills from...
...I know she did...
...He smashed head first into the concrete floor...
...D, the physician who cared for the patient, used words like "anxious" and "big source of aggravation and inconvenience" to refer to the menses and reflect a negative perception of women's experience of menses...
...A video of Ms...
...How could they kill He did so and, after several minutes of audiher...
...whatever air is left in my stomach," he said, "I know...
...That rag of rightist paranoia and malice has never pretended to let fact get in the way of its wish to vaporize anything to its left (which includes almost all of political thought and anyone with personal standards of discourse...
...SEPTEMBER 18, 10071 84 November 1997 • The American Spectator Evening Standard Sunday Observer (London, UK) (Sri Lanka) A tear-jerked Dan Rather blubbers to the At Sri Lanka's famed Mumbai Press Club, British public and imagines himself to be an unusual event even by the expansive a beautiful princess — egad: standards of Washington, D.C., perpetrated by a man whose talents even surpass She was the reason the Royal Wedding those of the present president of the Unit-became something more than all the other ed States, at least as far as we know: pageants we'd witnessed in the years before...
...Bill and I trust Chelsea to be off on her own, but we will no longer be able to shield her as we have tried to do while she was at home with us...
...AUGUST 1997] Saint John Telegraph (Saint John, New Brunswick) More depressing news from the paradise of the beautiful people: "Gunther punched his fist in the air, shouted 'catch me,' and jumped off the stage," Egor Prosnecki told journalists outside a Hamburg night club, "but we didn't even try to catch him...
...And like cows, no matter how much they are disciplined, they still get back to those things for which they had just been punished...
...These terms were direct quotations from the patient...
...SEPTEMBER 15, 1997] [JUNE 1, 1997] The American Spectator • November 1997 The Progressive Miss Molly Ivins —whom the liberals in their desperation refer to as a humorist—sallies forth and demonstrates anew the full dimensions of the word insipid: You can tell that free speech is in good shape, not only because the Supremes just came thumping out with a big decision in its favor on the Internet, but also because kvetching is a national sport...
...SEPTEMBER 1997] New York Times Sweet reason and tolerance towards those suffering "disabilities" as exposited by liberal Democrat Paul E. Kanjorski discoursing on his fellow congressman, Dan Burton, a Republican: Representative Paul E. Kanjorski, a Democrat who sits on Mr...
...K, the patient, describing her problem was played prior to the discussion of the case...
...Kindly stand well back...
...Elsie the Cow's remains a vexed matter, but UNICEF's Dr...
...SEPTEMBER 12, 1997] This Day (Lagos, Nigeria) As reported in the African equivalent of our celebrated New York Times, mother's milk vs...
...Like all young people, they are entitled to space and privacy...
...A great nation...
...Sadhus know the importance "must be like to be old, crazy, and home- of keeping their bowels clean through yogic less," and the very question suggests the methods," he continued, inserting one end of answer, to wit, it must be like being an a rubber tube into a large bucket of water editor at Newsweek magazine or Dan and the other into his rectum, "and I shall Rather writing in the Evening Standard: now suck up three liters of water through my anus, and then spew it out from my mouth, Today I encountered a friend of mine at a back into the bucket...
...The Camera, with its unavoidably phallic long-lensed snout, gives pursuit...
...She died in a sublimated sexual assault...
...And the story reaches its tragic climax, for the Automobile is driven not by a hero but by a clumsy drunk...
...front of him on the counter, in a fan of color, "See how the water flows out like a babbling were Newsweek, Time, People and Vogue...
...National Enquirer (Press Release) Historical revisionism at its most tasteful: We apologize for the Princess Diana Page One headline "Di Goes Sex Mad" that is still on the stands in some locations...
...And When she kissed the Prince on the bal- remember, if you want to be in the pink of cony of Buckingham Palace, in front of a health, you must keep the bladder clean joyful mob, she re-wrote the script with a because that is where diseases originate...
...sharp reports...
...In Reply.—I completely agree with Dr...
...According to him, babies raised on their mothers' breastmilk behave normally, develop normally and also have normal intelligence...
...She wasn't— raising his posterior and emitting a series of wasn't scared of us...
...They deserve to be able to pursue their educations and navigate toward adulthood without the extra pressure of press and public scrutiny...
...They killed her...
...Gunther usually dived off the stage as the climax to his show, and his fans always caught him...
...The object of desire, in the moment of her death, sees the phallic lenses advancing upon her, snapping, snapping...
...If everyone A lugubrious correspondent to the ven- starts practicing them, the world will become erable Times's op-ed page asks what it free of disease...
...That is a problem I've thought a lot about in the wake of Princess Diana's death and the resulting concern about her sons...
...swallowing this piece of clean white gauze...
...He can blow up a balloon with his help but wonder what it must be like to be penis until it is the size of a melon, and spark old, crazy, and homeless—and to have lost off fire with his urine...
...Charles Eregie, the UNICEF consultant on the World Breastfeeding Week, reveals that the situation actually transcends native suspicions...
...The object of desire, the Beauty, the Blonde (Diana), is repeatedly subjected to the unwelcome attentions of a persistent suitor (the Camera) until the dashing, glamorous knight (riding his Automobile) sweeps her away...
...Suddenly, there was a character at the cen- "This may look very mysterious, as if some ter of this drama about whom we could care...
...Oh no...
...But he turned up two hours late for tonight's gig, and then made things worse by sacking Kugel, his lead guitarist...
...Fogarty that menstruation is a normal physiologic function and should be viewed as such...
...Put not your trust in fairy tales or chivalrous knights...
...Now here's a thing to love about us—the people who believe our morals are shot to hell, our families are falling apart, our society is the most decadent since the late Roman empire, our kids are spoiled rotten, and our government can't do anything right—those folks want to change the Constitution to outlaw burning the flag as a protest against anything that's wrong with us...
...This issue was locked up last week before her death and went on sale Friday 29 August 1997...
...I mastered these methods by living amongst the sadhus in the jungles of Seattle Times Uttar Pradesh for twelve years...
...cough and other impurities in my body by Joe was fingering the covers, sobbing...
...It is currently being replaced as quickly as we are able with a special 72-page tribute issue: "A Farewell to the Princess We All Loved...Di—Her Final Hours...
...A brook...
...Most of the fans prefer Kugel to Gunther, and they were all pretty pissed off with him...
...People who suffer from disabilities never feel adequately provided for—they lose sympathy for others," Mr...
Vol. 30 • November 1997 • No. 11
