The Continuing Crisis
Swingers vs. haters; Kremlin caskets; Gorby revisited September withdrew, reverberating with racy revelations about the Clinton White House's financial dependence on Buddhism, chop suey...
...The university has never had a name, for during the Cold War it was a propaganda center...
...Plans by Congressman Joseph Kennedy to become governor of his family's ancestral holdings were delayed indefinitely by polls indicating that the peasants have grown restless...
...It is Mr...
...John did not show up at her funeral, a repercussion, perhaps, for tj Mother Teresa's absence at the July services for Versace...
...Neither Clinton was reported in tears, but then Mr...
...RET Bury my head and take my breath away The American Spectator • November 1997 9...
...Russia's President Boris Yeltsin announced that at the end of his current term in moo he will definitely retire...
...Or was it expire...
...Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker...
...Local street entertainers bury their heads in roadside dirt for hours without visible means of breathing, and the sport could become popular throughout America if it were to attract, say, aging celebrities or members of the Ted Turner family...
...The Boy President and his lovely wife Bruno promise full cooperation with the authorities, but it must be depressing...
...Nor have they gunned him down, or exiled him to a uranium mine...
...Their cashier lines segregate customers by gender and bar men from purchasing excessive amounts of feminine hygiene products...
...We have directed lights to be switched on in cinemas during shows to prevent immoral acts like kissing, cuddling, and other activities," asserts Kelantan's Chief Minister Mr...
...There's a lot said about having a seat at the table, but it's not enough for you to have a seat at the table...
...They have been trying for almost five years to have a good time in the White House...
...After all, the announcement came at mid-morning, after Mr...
...The Haters' wicked work is not new...
...Jimmy Swaggart and the Rev...
...Gorby revisited September withdrew, reverberating with racy revelations about the Clinton White House's financial dependence on Buddhism, chop suey restaurateurs, embezzlers from the Levant, Beijing gun runners, and other adepts of the progressive tendency...
...The largest television audience in history watched Diana's funeral in Westminster Abbey, and when Mr...
...Yeltsin usually calls in a few of the boys for what he refers to as his presidential "briefing...
...We know for a fact that in September he addressed a modestly dressed meeting of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, where he declaimed rather oddly (No offense...
...Perhaps when she was surgeon general Messieurs Livingstone and Marceca shared their FBI files with her, or maybe she has conducted her own research...
...Gorbachev's cross...
...Today it's known as the Gorbachev Foundation...
...Upon recovering the most lachrymose president in American history explained, "That's my favorite Elton John song...
...When he arrives at his dump, Mrs...
...Decrees recently brought down on libidinously inclined Kelantans are sure to set off little festivals in feminist hearts...
...From metropolitan Bethalto, Illinois, comes word that an attempt by the Rees family to improve the productivity of their day-care center has eventuated in naught and worse...
...Emblematic of the mellow weirdness of our era is a report from Moscow...
...Bill Haine, a local prosecutor...
...Everybody's got to realize that as full members of the American family it's your table too...
...Kenneth Starr on September 25 subpoenaed both the Clintons' records regarding possible obstruction of justice with regard to former Associate Attorney General Webster L. Hubbell and others...
...The Hon...
...Mary Albert lost a sexual offense case in the Arlington County Courthouse, just across the street from this magazine's main offices...
...Funeral services for Mother Teresa were more restrained...
...Both Mr...
...The burial of Diana, Princess of Wales, triggered the world's first international media catharsis, bringing a million morons into London's streets and casting a purple cloth over much of New York City's Upper East Side...
...What the ruddy-cheeked politico might do upon retirement remains a matter of speculation...
...Which is all very well, but Independent Counsel Mr...
...Al-Gore, by month's end he had hired two former Watergate prosecutors to defend him...
...In Calcutta, India, an enterprising sportsman promised to establish international competition for the city's famed head buryers...
...But the Clintons have vowed to cooperate with the authorities and it is only a matter of time before they bring Vice President Al-Gore to justice...
...Nik Asis Nik Mat, who also boasts about his province's supermarkets...
...They placed the same hex on the Clintons' predecessors, the Rev...
...Police initially went to the residence following a complaint that one child had been bitten twenty times, perhaps during lunch...
...Gorbachev a dilapidated Moscow university and condemned him to spend the rest of his life raising an annual sum in excess of million to pay for its retinue of i,000 fossilized Communists...
...She did not say how she knew...
...Pedestrians flip him the bird...
...Usually a relaxed slur 8 creeps into the president's speech after the fellows depart, and he can be heard singing at his desk...
...Joycelyn Elders is back in the news...
...David J. Rees, a 34-year-old used car salesman, and his somewhat austere wife, Debora, were unceremoniously jugged by police who discovered the center badly overcrowded with children packed away in closets or left grazing on the r2' crab grass in the Rees's back yard...
...Mortimer's, "the Cafe of the Swells," closed for weeks...
...And every time they begin to boogie, to party down, to reeelax, the mysterious Clinton Haters dredge up Old News Stories...
...It was a warehouse for chilNovember 1997 • The American Spectator Don't you just hate Old News Stories...
...The Haters are making the Clintons' lives very painful...
...The lovable pinhead apprised the venerated Washington Times that she is returning to writing on scientific subjects important to our nation's future...
...Many of its toney clientele threw flowers at the front door or at each other...
...That means in the weeks ahead he will be turning to every New Age group ever heard of, even Concerned Citizens Against Astro-Turf, the Dirt Road Defense Fund, and the Museum of Menstruation in New Carrollton, Maryland...
...I pledge allegiance to Bill and Hill dren," exclaimed Mr...
...Elton John sang a rewritten version of "Candle in the Wind" (first written by him for Miss Marilyn Monroe) the White House reported that Our President completely broke down...
...Being president should be a fun thing...
...As for Mr...
...Based on his amazing health record he might design a line of jogging suits or perhaps "The Boris Yeltsin Casket," the only such item in the world featuring a wet bar...
...Researchers investigating the origins of those weird sexual conduct codes now being perpetrated on students at such politically correct institutions of lower learning as Oberlin College may direct their attentions to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, specifically its Muslim fundamentalist state of Kelantan...
...It's not a how-to book," the fuliginous American Voltaire insisted, "we already know people know how to masturbate...
...Unlike prior failed Russian tyrants, he has not been poisoned by his opponents...
...Moreover, he is shoring up his constituent base for Campaign woo...
...Instead, PresidentYeltsin gave the wretched Mr...
...She is writing a book on masturbation...
...Gorbachev besets him, and he has to boil his own potatoes...
...Several had to be hospitalized...
...When he knocks off for the day he drives himself home in a tired Soviet-era Zil —no chauffeur, no bodyguards...
...Mikhail Gorbachev lives on, but in tedium...
...Certainly being student body president was fun, especially at co-educational schools...
...A chill wind blew through the Clinton White House on September 25 when NBC sportscaster Mr...
Vol. 30 • November 1997 • No. 11
