The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS Scrabbled brains; speciesness; Sir Eric abducted August expired but not the Boy President's three-week holiday. On he did go, partying exuberantly, dancing, and eating the...
...It's unclear why these grumpy women are so impatient with Promise Keepers, though the name does suggest the organization might be a front for Clinton Haters...
...In the Brazilian rainforests Dutch scientists have located the world's tiniest species of monkey, a mouse-sized, greenish-gray primate of the sagui family...
...I think he will be a good father," explains Miss Emma Webster, the pre-nubile mum...
...Allen E. Fruge...
...On he did go, partying exuberantly, dancing, and eating the weird junk food reserved for the vulgarati of Martha's Vineyard: lobster ice cream was mentioned and nauseating peanut butter concoctions...
...Then we took their picture...
...He may only be ii, but he is quite mature and responsible for his age...
...5' S 8 8 October r 9 9 7 • The American Spectator ning's naked arse in the training room...
...University of Tennessee quarterback Mr...
...IT COULD HAPPEN HERE...
...But that $120,000 might help...
...but by Mr...
...Too small to eat or even to perform with an organ grinder, the diminutive monkey might be used as a hairpiece, and if these Dutch scientists are as bald as most middle-aged Dutchmen, they may return to Holland as saviors of their glabrous race...
...The press complained that they were barred from the proceedings...
...Marianela Ferrol, declared that the 71-year-old jailer and torturer is in the pink...
...Miss Reid has been undergoing psychological therapy for the past two years...
...Finally, in Nicaragua's central province of Boaca, peasants report that an as-yet-unidentified species of predator resembling a cross between a cat and a turkey has been draining dairy cattle of their blood...
...They wished to be taken more seriously...
...Maurice Bishop, set in motion the Communist takeover of Grenada that ended with the 1983 American invasion, which put the kibosh to the Brezhnev Doctrine that asserted once a Communist nation always a Communist nation...
...Clinton claimed to read, he might have dipped into John Marshall: Definer of a Nation...
...A previously unknown species of deer was identified in the Vietnamese jungles along the Laotian border...
...And in Cairo NOW might find fertile ground for Promise Keepers...
...Yet NOW's problems are spreading...
...Peyton Manning's prospects for the Heisman Award may have been jeopardized when a university athletic trainer of the fair sex won a $300,000 settlement from the university for the psychological trauma that she suffered upon seeing Mr...
...Despite their myriad stomach disorders and nosebleeds, hundreds of members of the National Organization for Women (NOW) plan to picket a national meeting of Promise Keepers in October...
...Sir Eric was strongly pro-American and a believer in UFOs who twice lectured the United Nations General Assembly on the subject...
...Standing about as tall as a medium-sized dog, the deer wags its tail and actually barks...
...Alas their behavior was far uglier when they cornered the unfortunate woman in Paris on August 31...
...With his fabulous flair for the puerile the Boy President roved the beaches, cheated at golf (a misdemeanor first reported in TAS in September 1996), lied about the books he read, played Scrabble with the missus ("That's not a word, Bill...
...Contrary to their lamentations to endangered species, new species are turning up everywhere despite the spread of pesticides, prosperity, and the Giant Tobacco companies...
...Daniel "Peg Leg" Sullivan, the cow's main accuser and a long-time critic of Hindu bovineolatry...
...He was 75...
...Throughout the month Mir, the Russians' amazing space jalopy, encountered a series of worrisome problems that have inspired Moscow wags to suggest that if the spacecraft continues to be used in joint American-Russian projects prudence would admonish that the Americans place in its orbit their first-ever celestial Jiffy-Lube...
...Dan Rostenkowski (D-Ill...
...Rodney King, the multimillionaire beneficiary of Los Angeles police brutality, has been returned to jail to the delight of his brokers, lawyers, and accountants...
...In the idyllic village of Shambrook in southeast England, an 11-year-old boy has made his 15-year-old girlfriend heavy with child...
...Revisionist historians in Chicago, Illinois, led by Mr...
...Fruge, a Cajun-American, attempted to welcome Miss Reid to his oil reserve in May 1995 by conferring upon her the Cajun honorific "Coon Ass...
...RET The night TAS took on the p aparazzi The American Spectator ?October 1997 9...
...a Richard Bales, of the curiously named think tank, Chicago Title Insurance Company, are arguing that the 1871 Chicago Fire was started not by Mrs...
...Yet when it was reported on August 29 that Webb Hubbell was among the Clintons' clandestine revelers, the press did not even investigate...
...He numbered among his friends in the UFO movement the inimitable President Jimmy Carter, who corresponded with him on the matter...
...Readers of this page were given a glimpse of these canaille in January...
...Speaking 9 of which, New York City's annual Indian-American march down Madison Avenue was again the target of homosexual Indians wearing their turbans in a sexually provocative manner and stinking of Western deodorant...
...Nora Marzouk Ahmed beheaded her for eloping...
...In August three new species were reported, one of which not even a Hollywood starlet would cuddle...
...Rodriguez was arrested...
...Manning thrust his undraped posterior towards a fellow athlete not in a gesture of friendship or esoteric solidarity, but jocularly as a "moon...
...He was released from prison on August 19...
...Congratulations to former representative, the Hon...
...The scene grew ugly...
...ManHand in hand in the hot summer sand How long before he's still dead...
...Death claimed the life of Grenada's Sir Eric Gairy, the George Washington of his country...
...It could make a splendid household pet for suburban Americans bored with their personable spaniels and Labs...
...Neither family is suing, and many bystanders seem quite happy...
...The World Wildlife Fund and other eco dopefetchers have been faced with a major fundraising setback...
...Of the books Mr...
...And cheers for President Fidel Castro...
...He is serving a 9o-day sentence for spousal abuse, and his jailers are being very polite...
...Chief Justice William Rehnquist cannot live forever...
...According to authorities, such atrocities happen all the time when Egyptian families deem family honor sullied...
...Removed to the Philadelphia Zoo, the beast has its own cubicle with cushions, a radio, and air conditioning, but no cable...
...In Philadelphia, police have removed the Bengal-Siberian tiger, Carona, from the residence of Mr...
...In Washington an employee of the Energy Department, Miss Sherry S. Reid, won a $120,000 settlement for the mental anguish suffered when she visited a colleague at an East Texas oil reserve, the gauche Mr...
...Promise Keepers is a national men's organization whose members make seven promises about their behavior and responsibilities to God, family, and churches that strike terror in the feminist heart...
...Scotching rumors of his death, Cuba's Foreign Ministry spokeswoman, Mrs...
...His overthrow by the shanty Marxist, Mr...
...During a dinner for the Princess at London's Wilton's restaurant, a TAS staffer enraged the oafish photographers lying in wait for her outside the restaurant by directing at them harmless witticisms...
...Death also claimed the life of Diana, Princess of Wales, who died in a horrible automobile accident in Paris while being pursued by ravening paparazzi...
...There the father of Mrs...
...Francisco Rodriguez where it was found sleeping on a mattress in its own bedroom with cable television and a portable radio...
...Only Cuba, Vietnam, and Berkeley, California, have remained faithful...
...The trainer, Miss Jamie Whited, apparently became alarmed when Mr...
...O'Leary's cow, as had hitherto been believed...
Vol. 30 • October 1997 • No. 10
