AMERICA NEEDS WALLACE
Plimkitt, George Washington
AMERICA NEEDS WALLACE by George Washington Plunkttt Having completed his English translation of Walter Lippmann, the Honorable George Washington Plunkitt here continues his prize-winning essays...
...In our own Bay County, Florida, for example, the 230 scientists and technicians working at the U. S. Navy Mine Defense Laboratory form a noticeably articulate segment of our community...
...Finally, a third element present now in every Southern state will support Humphrey and the national Democratic ticket...
...It is to reject the glowing affirmations of Arthur Schlesinger and the ADA by saying the common man lacks a sentient side, an expansive nature, serious purpose, altruism, faith, hope, charity...
...He called for the elimination of ignorance which surely would entail the destruction of all the candidates and national suicide...
...All civilized men had their bags packed and were about to embark for Mesopotamia, there to begin anew...
...Run...
...Run...
...The guns of the campus police are instruments of fatal violence...
...They are so stupid one suspects they eat high protein food to maintain their I.Q.'s at the level of a gorilla's...
...Citizens would admit themselves too stupid, too pathetically incapable, to Continued on Page 9 Page 5 CIA Continued from Page 8 San Diego, is the apostle of the New Left in Europe...
...Indeed they would admit themselves virginally inadequate of holding any opinion on anything, no matter how elementary...
...For, besotted with egalitarian zeal, regnant liberaldom has enfranchised the common man, empowering him to elect one of his own as president, and he now seems embarrassingly anxious to pull that third lever, ensconcing in the mansion where Fillmore slept and Harding ate, an uncommonly common man the choice of the "little folks," George Corley Wallace...
...The government will harness atomic energy for the elimination of hookworm, and at Harvard there will be a government sponsored institute for palm reading...
...After journeying to your favorite pub for a cheap domestic pilsener, you would never again suffer the assaults of some slobbering barroom gargoyle intent on enlightening you to the cosmic significance of the Cubs, Norman Podhoretz or rabbit hunting...
...Banquets^of state will feature white lightning and grits...
...They taught Kansans poetry, Southerners English, and New Yorkers to bathe...
...Look back with nostalgia to those happy days of depression and prohibition but never ahead...
...they are the little folks who share George's empathy for all men regardless of chemistry...
...We quake before imminent doom bereft of that erstwhile insurance of the poll tax or the literacy test...
...And Continued on Page 5 Page 4 naturally, the President will hold folksy press conferences attired in tailored overalls by Oshkosh...
...In glossy splendor, Life magazine will portray the President throwing the first insult to initiate the women's wrestling season...
...For rule of the people assumes something of the people that they woefully lack . honesty...
...a tinny ring...
...Staggered but not yet lifeless, the Republic struggled on, receiving occasional transfusions from retired Civil War generals and public-spirited assassins...
...He is about as capable of administering a nation as the chef at Luchow's...
...Alphonso Capone, and he might more legitimately aspire to presidency of the Teamsters than to presidency of the American democracy ahhh, but herein lies the cause of all our woes . . . the problem of democracy...
...Are these types that would frown on equal opportunity...
...Have they all not suffered inhibitive prejudice...
...INCITES ry George Nathan Ever since the 1823 founding of the "Society for Distressed and Decayed Harbor Pilots," Americans have organized and participated in the most idiotic orders and clubs...
...For Governor Wallace is advancing as the indisputable choice of the common man, he on whom our democratic adventure fawns...
...The Wallace candidacy, then, with its almost chimerical appeal to a long-frustrated middle-class citizenry, shall effectively enable the Minnesota Hustler to carry the bulk of the South...
...But the Divinity inspired Dr...
...Assuredly not from the other candidates who roam about the land leering at babies, eating bagels and consulting senile ex-presidents...
...Run...
...For if the people were honest they would turn in their voting cards admitting themselves too dismally stupid to govern, and we would not have the problem facing us today...
...They are not the rich...
...From whence shall we find succor...
...Ever since, the land has been plagued with an unhealthy interest in affairs of state...
...But his commitment to candor would advise him he was too stupid to vote and not a vote would be cast for drooling George...
...What a joy life would be...
...See Dick run...
...Government became a boundless cornucopia anticipating man's meanest velleities...
...It renews my faith in human nature...
...He appears schooled in that famous Italian school of statecraft fashioned by Dr...
...Such a fellow is politically illiterate...
...Many Americans follow politics like gamblers follow the horses and they will feverishly campaign for their candidate...
...We think it is dangerous to live in a garrison university...
...Oh, assuredly the stupid man would not vaporize indeed he would still comprise the vast majority of the citizenry...
...They first surfaced around 1820 when boorish politicians made, in the halls of government, such nuisances of themselves that all conscious, thinking men involved with governing classified politics as a sordid form of burlesque and, leaving Washington to rogues, charlatans and do-gooders, returned to their plantations...
...They would abjure from favoring Communism over sadism, Glenn Miller over the Beatles, caviar over peanut butter and jelly, or psychology over phrenology...
...It is to pronounce Homo communalis mean, selfish, parochial, dull in fact, dripping with evil...
...Carl Austin Weiss to one of the more chivalrous acts recorded in this nation of laws, and he blasted the life out of Huey, ridding the nation of a dangerously incontinent rascal and exhibiting for all time the speciousness of gun control laws...
...And never again would the fair democracy threaten contemplative man with the swineocracy of George Wallace for it would no longer be a democracy...
...Thirty-two years ago it seemed benighted, disgruntled masses were about to elect the sage of Baton Rouge, Huey Long, to the White House...
...and I am more than a little skeptical of those who fault him...
...Are they not themselves constantly excluded from the gilded warmth of the power structure...
...In short and in sum, we see Wallace receiving thirty to thirty-five per cent of the vote, and Nixon accounting for a similar thirty to thirty-five per cent of the total...
...The Negro question will be solved, and 'merica will immediately declare war on Boston...
...Arthur Schlesinger will no longer reside as court historian, his place taken by Erskine Caldwell...
...The Montgomery Ward catalogue will be required reading in the public schools along with misspelled versions of the Bible...
...On Sunday the President will attend a sedate revival and devote other mornings to coon hunts in the rose garden...
...We are worried about the possibility of fatal violence on this campus...
...The New Left admits that it cannot take over now, but it hopes to expose the "fascist" nature of our society, causing discontent to build up for an eventual takeover...
...And now, from that fastidious awareness they are about to elect a defrocked Klansman to Lincoln's chair...
...The awful consequence reflects Humphrey carrying thirty to forty per cent of the electorate in the States across the South...
...Do they not realize the Governor's campaign is borne on the brawny shoulders of steel workers in Gary, auto workers in Detroit, Pennsylvania coal miners, agrarians, chimney sweeps all proletarians, all Northerners, all the subject of discrimination and repression...
...The roots of the conspiracy run so deep that I do not have space to do more than touch upon them here...
...To dismiss the estimable governor as a kind of exaggerated obscenity ephemerally scrawled across Americana is more than naivete...
...They are not ignorant that his election can bring to them lavish patrimony much of it tax free...
...Steadily, since 1941, Northerners have been appearing in growing encampments around the numerous military bases and newly-founded industrial complexes sprinkled throughout the Southland...
...They taught the kids science, moral neutrality, the joy of commuting by bus, and introduced them to that august American institution, the free lunch all this to cultivate an aware citizenry, sensitive to the democratic horror of Huey Long...
...There are also the "Party" Democrats, today generally moderate on most issues, who will support the party ticket and Hubert Humphrey simply because they are accustomed to, and often depend on, the local monolithic Democratic Party structure...
...NOTES Continued from Page 3 ing, for example, in our county to approximately 25 per cent of the total vote...
...These are the voting blocs who, in their instinctive genius, have elected Roosevelts, Kennedys, and Johnsons and now are about to elect George Wallace modern Vandals seek transportation not on the backs of horses but on the hairy shoulders of Homo neanderthalensis the twentieth century common man...
...During his administration of Alabama its debt went higher than Timothy Leary and its bonds have a value about equal to those of Biafra or New York...
...Turtlenecks and Nehru jackets will fade from the fashion scene, replaced by the Presidential Undershirt...
...Objurgations alleging the Governor a racist hold, for me...
...For that matter this same commitment would even eliminate George's candidacy, for he is too stupid to run...
...Only Hubert has ever broken cadence to make an intelligent remark, but it embraced such far-reaching consequences it was immediately forgotten...
...Enlightened liberaldom has brought American Democracy a long way...
...it is a profanation of those very people to whom we liberals have devoted the last three decades...
...I shall treat this subject more extensively in a forthcoming expose from Grove Press...
...Carrying a gun is an act or at least a threat of violence...
...It is to assume the reactionary cant of Barry Goldwater...
...I fear Chicken Little's famous exhortation was correct...
...Run, Dick, run...
...Wallace has already assured his backers of a munificent return on their investments...
...But the sickness went into its terminal stage in 1932, when a group of common gangsters discovered the government could be used as an efficient instrument to filch the people...
...Reflect on the delicious spectacle of GCW in the White House...
...How such an evolution would improve our stay on this globe of travail...
...this element is comprised of re-located Yankees...
...WALLACE Continued from Page 5 make any decision whatsoever binding on their fellows...
...AMERICA NEEDS WALLACE by George Washington Plunkttt Having completed his English translation of Walter Lippmann, the Honorable George Washington Plunkitt here continues his prize-winning essays on politics in America by discussing the man more and more Americans are standing up for, George Corley Wallace...
...The causes of our present affliction reach back many years to the hopeful dawn of the Republic...
...The national symphony will be replaced by the Grand Ole Opry, Tennessee will be a national shrine, and on the front lawn of the White House, in rusting majesty, will rest a pink 1952 Chevrolet on blocks...
...THE NATIONAL MOBILIZATION FRONT TO IMMOBILIZE THE REPUBLIC STUDENT NON-VIOLENT GENOCIDAL COMMITTEE FRIENDS SOCIETY OF CICERO, ILLINOIS THE BOUND AND UNITED LEAGUE OF INDIVIDUALISTS NEW YORK CITY CHAMBER OF COMMERCE Page 9...
...The Author In this election year one might blithely dismiss George Wallace as an ass and devote his leisure to appraising the beauty contest between Nixon and Humphrey...
...After such an ominous brush with ochlocracy, the wise men wrinkled their brows, heaved their breasts and advised us that dirty Huey was the fault of us all "the nation must be better educated and cared for...
...Today their mania is for ridiculous committees, and here I offer gratis, possible names for committees and clubs as yet unborn at least until now...
...What is not known is that the old fox seems to have turned reactionary in his old age and has sold out to The Establishment...
...Consider his supporters...
...The international business interests here have teamed up with the German cartels and with De Gaulle to do the same to the students in Europe that they are doing here...
...Threats of violence provoke threats of violence...
...All this is assured us through the benign wisdom of the common man, the average Joe, and those low-grade morons who enfranchised him...
...How else could De Gaulle have won his last election so easily...
...Violence provokes violence...
...The Liberals invested billions in state education...
...What it will do is put authoritarian demagogues on our necks for years to come, because the people could be driven to desperation by the violence loosed upon them...
...We are worried about the atmosphere of violence on this campus...
...Most marvelous of all, after a one-hundredfour year delay, the Chief Executive will execute from the "Montgomery White House...
...POETRY One would never imagine which of the elements on campus distributed the following...
Vol. 2 • October 1968 • No. 2
