The Continuing Crisis
THE CONTINUING CRISIS Fatties, druggies & a Biblical slaying; inner spelling made E-Z July and the world beheld the first ever Polit ically Correct Olympics in Atlanta, Georgia,...
...Burundi hosted multicultural competitions once again between the Tutsis and the Hutus...
...Alas, the Associated Press, whom the White House cheapskates prevailed upon to develop the film, discovered that the president had failed to advance the film past the first frame, ruining all of it...
...The Crisis is inescapable...
...The group has adjudged the movie The Nutty Professor an offense against the obese...
...Clinton for the White House post...
...Joe Klein as the anonymous author of Primary Colors, the roman a clef of the Clintons' 199.2 campaign for the presidency...
...Now remember the disaster that befell candidate George Bush when in 1992 he was brought to flummox by a check-out machine...
...A jungle parasitic infection, giradia causes dysentery-like symptoms, is resistant to antibiotics, and can be passed on by contaminated exercise machines...
...Jiang Zemin, his first Visa card at the usual annual interest rate of 24 percent...
...None is known to have been a part of the Smashing Pumpkins' entourage, though some reportedly are of similiar intelligence and outward appearance...
...CFSSI I']a,a, Sh• _~2 14 Sheridan, IN 4 ,L1 ' We're in the Perfect Business...
...In neoconservative Mongolia the People's Revolutionary Party, composed of ex-Communists and union leaders were routed by an alliance of intellectuals and yak tenders to give the Yak republic its first free-market government in the postwar era...
...1-800-343-8014, ext...
...Was he receiving advice from Miss Gennifer Flowers...
...The cover of the current Ms...
...The press corps' many virtuosi were dismayed that Mr...
...The Prince promptly aeroplaned off to Brunei to celebrate the fiftieth birthday of his polo chum Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah, the richest man in the world...
...Explained Miss Marcia Ann Gillespie, the magazine's editor in chief, "Everyone here saw it, and we all spelled it correctly in our minds...
...We started this business together and now have more time for our family...
...CBSI helped guide us each step of the way from the very start...
...RET He came and he gave without takin (credit) Call toll free or write: Computer Business Services, Inc...
...That is the exclusive club where Princess Di enjoys regular workouts and photo snaps...
...The world tour of the Smashing Pumpkins was canceled after the alternative rock band's keyboard player was found in Manhattan's Regency Hotel suffering incurable rigor mortis from an unauthorized encounter with "Red Rum," the exciting new heroin concoction that can instantaneously turn a young policy nerd into Arnold Schwarzenneger...
...Livingstone was "highly recommended" by Mrs...
...Nussbaum is open to charges of perjury, and of course the charming Hillary is again caught lying...
...In Dadeville, Alabama, an unidentified pietist shot Mr...
...Gabel Taylor, 38, dead after being bested by him in an early-morning Bible-quoting contest...
...Saidi Qaddafi...
...In London Miss Dolores O'Riordan, the lead singer with the Irish rock group the Cranberries, has proved to the satisfaction of a British court that she does indeed wear her unmentionables while on stage...
...Learn how other couples and individuals are building lifetime incomes right from their homes...
...Much hand-wringing commenced in the On the last day of July it was positively frightening to pick up the newspaper and see pictured on page one the chief suspect in the Atlanta bombing, Mr...
...In Shanghai, Visa authorities held a joyous gala as they gave the president of Communist China, Mr...
...The more pertinent question is how such an ugly guy learned about all that energetic sex...
...inner spelling made E-Z July and the world beheld the first ever Polit ically Correct Olympics in Atlanta, Georgia, which was not allowed to be Atlanta, Georgia...
...We did not own or know how to use a computer and it's been easy to start because when we purchased CBSI's software and business plan, they included a complete Pentium` processor-based computer...
...The company that helped us get started is called Computer Business Services, or CBS...
...Fat people are mad if one can judge according to the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA), a 5,ooo-member organization based in a steel-reinforced building in Sacramento, California...
...Klein could have continued for months denying his authorship...
...Perhaps Klein is a lover of belles lettres and has been embarrassed by his own incondite prose...
...And we can do it part time and still retain our present positions...
...Will the Republicans let the Blunder of the Instamatic pass unnoticed...
...They're the largest resource for in-home computer service businesses...
...We perform various services for our community with a computer...
...Hillary Rodham Clinton clandestinely placed in charge of White House personnel security...
...issue misspelled the word feminism as "Feminisim...
...Qaddafi fils is believed by Muslim fundamentalists to be "a sensualist," and his collection of catalogues from Victoria's Secret is said to be among the largest in the Islamic world...
...From that post he and another stupendously large fellow, Mr...
...According to late July revelations from Congressional Oversight Chairman William Clinger, 1993 FBI background notes assert that then-White House counsel Bernard Nussbaum told the FBI that Mr...
...It was a sad month for hipsters on the White House staff...
...As we go to press the nation has heard not a peep against the movie from the American Association of University Professors, but its neurotic rank and file will surely soon weigh in...
...Prince Charles looked fit and uncommonly pleased with himself, perhaps because just days earlier British newspapers reported an outbreak of giradia among some twenty members of London's Harbour Club...
...In Tripoli, unrest broke out at a football game over the presence of Libyan strongman Colonel Muammar Qaddafi's playboy son, Mr...
...CBS[ 46.aua, w, You ca, The American Spectator . September 1996 7...
...3234',F l. There is absolutely no obligation...
...The news anchors were at sea it She works out, but they didn't Prince Charles and Princess Diana reached final agreement on terms of their divorce...
...V Ve work from home when we want to-a lot of the time in our bathrobes...
...At the Olympics opening ceremony Boy Clinton was seen promiscuously clicking his Instamatic just everywhere...
...6 September 19 9 6 • The American Spectator American journalistic community after the Washington Post identified Newsweek's barbigerous but otherwise not terribly literary Mr...
...Another memorable blunder has appeared on the cover of Ms...
...Throughout the entire Olympiad Atlanta was presented not as a Southern city but as a city located somewhere in the congressional district of the Hon...
...The Clintons stayed on for hours, except when called off by their political handlers to condole the relatives of victims from a TWA flight obviously blown out of the air by international terrorists...
...Richard Jewell, a Livingstone look-alike...
...Yes, ladies-and in your minds you see men as women and women as men, except when it is time to cut the lawn and take out the garbage...
...Barely noticed was an Olympic news story that could cost Our President re-election...
...plus, all the home-office training we needed...
...London's Daily Star has lost a $15,550 libel suit for claiming that her near-nudity was revealed during a German concert by an unanticipated gust of wind...
...Even that horrid event had to be reported according to the terms of Political Correctitude-the news anchors piously lecturing the average Americas against leaping to conclusions...
...Bob Dole to a robust twenty points, as Wall Street's Dow Jones Industrial Average slipped steadily throughout July...
...Call for FREE 3 hours of cassette tapes and color literature that explain how you can change your financial situation forever...
...Barney Frank...
...magazine, the New Republic of feminism, founded by Miss Gloria Steinem and various other notorious enemies of the English language, logic, and basic feminine hygiene...
...T H E C O N T I N U I N G C R I S I S Fatties, druggies & a Biblical slaying...
...Perhaps this unpleasant malady explains Princess Di's hitherto inexplicable monthly expense-"colonic irrigations"-which was leaked to an amazed public by the Prince's henchmen...
...Once again Mr...
...In Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, four men were injured while re-creating a Civil War battle scene...
...Speaking of weighing in, there is Craig Livingstone, the low-flying blimp whom Mrs...
...Anthony (Big Tuna) Marceca, illegally gathered intelligence on alleged White House opponents...
...Our President extended his polling lead over likely Republican nominee Mr...
...Twenty-one White House employees now take regular drug tests owing to background checks that revealed recent drug use...
...Major Pierre Buyoya, a Tutsi (and presumably Trilateralist) whose Foundation for Unity, Peace, and Democracy has received $150,000 from the Clinton administration for a conference on the peaceful resolution of conflict, conferred peace on the country the old-fashioned way: he auspicated a military coup...
Vol. 29 • September 1996 • No. 9
