Great American Saloons: Hooters Gals
Shiflett, Dave
"Great American Saloons: Hooters Gals" by Dave Shiflett Hooters Gals 1 t is the genius of our times that transforms the innocent practice of drinking beer and eating hamburgers in the company of quasi-naked...
...Stay away from the steamed clams, however, unless you had your teeth sharpened recently...
...The comments of a Hooters vice president also came to mind...
...Agency Chairman Gilbert F. Casellas, sounding much like Sister Sarah, was quoted thus: "The particular factual issues raised by Hooters do not transform this into a frivolous case or a subject for locker-room humor...
...They are, as a collegial unit, checking out the talent, and directing their companions' attention at appropriate moments—as when one of the Hooters Gals drops a spoon...
...Nice gal," I remarked to Phil of Oak-ton...
...It is true that Hooters contains copious amounts, in one room, of two major elements that have caused the downfall of countless men: beautiful young women and alcohol...
...We left with a warm sense of goodwill—for we had a very fine time —and also tipped our Janet 35 percent, which was hardly excessive...
...The clientele, meanwhile, is multi-ethnic, taken largely, it appears, from the middle to lower rungs of the middle class...
...and because Hooters has insisted in celebrating its diversity (or market niche) by not hiring men to serve the dishes (although they do hire men to wash them), it has been targeted by pest suits alleging illegal discrimination...
...Overall, the food is good, especially the clam chowder and the hamburgers, which could comfortably fill an FF Cup...
...Consider Janet, who greeted this correspondent and his companion, Phil of Oakton, during a recent fact-finding mission...
...She led us to our table with obvious pride of place and took our drink order with consummate professionalism...
...Yet there is no shortage of the latter running around today...
...Once again, the white man has made a difference," was the languid observation...
...Beauty like hers is no accident...
...The first visit was at lunchtime in midweek...
...0 ur moral drum-majors charge that Hooters thrives because of sexual tension, but such abstractions tell us nothing about the hearty atmosphere that greets patrons upon arrival...
...Like so much else we saw that afternoon, that smiley face was exceptionally well made...
...Inside, Hooters was host to a full house of burger-eating, beer-drinking tradesmen, bantering light-heartedly with the gals, eyeing them appreciatively and wistfully, like Chevy owners contemplating a Ferrari...
...Quite the contrary...
...Yet such is the nature of a visit to Hooters, which is located at the bloody crossroads where freedom intersects with rule by malevolent and intrusive blowtoads...
...The open nature of the building, which resembles the wall-less schools favored by the elite, is indeed liberating...
...We guzzled a few and contemplated the sort of dour haystacks who would even consider upsetting the delicate ecology at Hooters...
...The place, indeed, is a poor man's Palm, though it is in many ways superior to that Washington power trough...
...You could walk Pierre Salinger, William Kristol, and nine-tenths of the Clinton cabinet through here and they wouldn't get a second look...
...Hooters Gals, it is true, are quite good looking...
...We drank iced tea, and tipped zo percent...
...48 July 1 9 9 6 • The American Spectator a blue-collar family and went to work for Hooters," he said, all admiration...
...It seems reasonable to assume that the rare patron makes a fool of himself in pursuing the discreet charms of his own Janet, perhaps going so far as to abandon a faithful wife...
...Men of good conscience, therefore, have had little choice but to arrive early, tip heavily, and muse upon the inanity of DAVE SHIFLETT is a writer living in Virginia and a frequent contributor to The American Spectator...
...In the name of research, two trips were made...
...These are working men, many with their names sewn on the front of their shirts, some bearing ledgerbooks and papers which they discuss with table-mates from time to time...
...We were duly smitten, and on the way out bought bumper stickers of an evangelical flavor: "Follow Me To Hooters...
...The difference is that these men are not belittling one another's company by seeking themore famous faces in the crowd...
...Yet the genius of Hooters is that it meets all tastes, and soon enough Phil's eye lit on a woman more suited to his cultivated Beltway eye, one who resembles, he insisted, New Jersey Governor Christine Todd Whitman...
...Apparently awed by the ballsiness of the complaints, the federal government undertook a four-year investigation, and originally proposed to force the company to pay a $22 million fine, set up a scholarship fund to enhance employment opportunities for potential male waiters, and even put the staff through sensitivity training...
...On the second research expedition we arrived at about 2:45 on a Friday afternoon...
...Simply put, the major difference between Hooters and places like the Palm is that here it is not the clientele that preens, but the help...
...Looks too much like a stripper for my tastes," he replied, which seemed a strange complaint...
...Capacity was at about 70 percent, and the knockout count was down a bit, though this was the day of Janet, so all was well...
...One can quibble here and there about a faded tan or a skinny arm, and it is possible to believe that a small percentage of the girls—three percent at the most—were brought on as a favor to their parents or out of a desire not to dash a young girl's dreams of wearing the Hooters brown and orange...
...Janet was tall and blonde, firm and tan, in her early twenties, and quite comfortable with herself—which of course is the most important thing...
...But for those of us who are not so easily led astray by the plots of unhinged imaginations, Hooters allows, and indeed inspires, the peaceful contemplation of nature...
...Which is not to say that both Sidney and Al aren't glancing about as they speak to one another...
...He was, of course, wrong on both counts...
...When aided by a few grogs, indeed, the argument by design appears in the form of a perfectly shaped brunette serving up a tray of oysters to a tableful of laborers...
...That is what she'd look like if she were raised in As American as Chevrolet and hot apple pie...
...the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, which only recently ended its investigation with a dramatic display of harassus interruptus...
...It is a simple but successful concept, one that would offend only the worst sort of prig...
...Liquor is not sold, but beer surely is, and many patrons drink it by the pitcher, though we ordered Sam Adams on tap, which was delivered with great professionalism, as were appetizers of boiled shrimp and clams...
...To refresh the memory, Hooters—which could just as easily have been named Melons, Jugs, Mams, Cayogas — is a 17o-unit chain featuring socially adept and lightly dressed young women who delight a generally beefier crowd of male patrons by simply feeding them from a reasonably priced menu...
...Outside in the parking lot was a van decorated with airbrushed portraits of Elvis looking down from a cloudy observation place upon James Dean...
...GREAT AMERICAN SALOONS by Dave Shiflett Hooters Gals 1 t is the genius of our times that transforms the innocent practice of drinking beer and eating hamburgers in the company of quasi-naked women into an act of moral and political necessity...
...He had explained to CNN that the EEOC had been convinced to back off for several reasons, one of which was, to paraphrase the VP, that the agency had better things to do with its time than to pursue a case that would primarily benefit white males...
...The waitress lineup was heavy with knockouts...
...Our Janet brought along the check, which included a smiley face she haddrawn with her own hand...
...She'd make a fine daughter-in-law or research assistant...
...All in all, however, the gals are knockouts...
...I see the hand of God in this," one announces...
...For one thing, it is more well-mannered: one does not see Al from the Auto Parts Plaza looking over tablemate Sidney of Wal-Mart's shoulder to check out new arrivals, as is common among status-mad Palmsters...
...SARKES TARZIAN INC Sarkes Tarzian Television Sarkes Tarzian Radio Broadcasters Making a Difference The American Spectator • July 1996 49...
Vol. 29 • July 1996 • No. 7
