Where There's Smoke, There's P. J. O'Rourke
O'Rourke, P. J.
"Where There's Smoke, There's P. J. O'Rourke" Churchillian oratory—American style—from the Oxford Union 42 July 1996 The American Spectator On February 27 last, months before it played host to...
...But they are members of a dangerous class—the class that knows what's good for us better than we do...
...Smoking—none of your business or what...
...Once Chicken Little had all the other chickens convinced that the sky was falling, was there all of a sudden a Labour Party motion to create a Ministry of Falling Sky...
...Terror is the most pervasive aspect of the Syrian regime...
...Our opponents — if they but knew their business—would belong to the League for Sexual Repression...
...The Golan is of vital strategic importance to Israel because it makes a Syrian attack against Israel virtually impossible...
...It is hoped that Syrian collaboration and at least minimal concessions can be obtained...
...Assad personally authorized the suicide attack on the Marine barracks in Beirut in which 241 Americans lost their lives and in the blowing up of Pan Am Flight #103, in which 270 people died...
...O'Rourke saved the day...
...Some entitlements will need to be cut...
...Smoking is not a collective act unless you're passing around a joint...
...Therefore, smoking must be an entitlement—something we receive as our due from the government...
...We all know that a cabinet post is an excellent springboard to higher office...
...The very fact of this debate is a symptom of the loathsome modern tendency to make all things a part of politics...
...And iivorce harms everyone...
...In 1982, President Assad put down a rebellion in the town of Hama, in which he killed 20,000 people...
...Of course you do...
...Syria's most ruthless terror, however, is reserved for its internal opposition...
...It harms every-me" is the great cry of the newvave totalitarians, the happy-face ascists, safety nazis, snuggle-puppy italinists...
...Pamela Furness, chief executive of Action on Smoking and Health...
...A charitable person comes to your house and says, "I heard you were hungry so I brought you some food...
...and Sir Walter Bodmer, director-general of the Imperial Cancer Research Fund...
...The question is of power and control...
...Box 590359 San Francisco, CA 94159 ^ My contribution is in the amount of $50 or more...
...The debate meandered until one other participant addressed the chamber: Mr...
...Teller for the Noes Robbie Hamilton counted 112 against Mr...
...Oh, they're lovely people, I'm sure, and very trustworthy aroundthe house...
...Few doubt that Mr...
...Even today, Assad gives hospitality to surviving thugs of the Nazi regime, outstanding among them Alois Bruner, Eichman's deputy and main slaughterer...
...Smoking—right or privilege...
...Almost all of our revenue pays for our educational work, fix these darifying messages, and for telated direct mai Mail to FLAME P.O...
...Since the founding of Israel in 1948, Syria has attacked it three times, by surprise and without provocation...
...I care and we and care...
...And I see no reason that smoking should be subject to political discourse...
...Smoking can't be a privilege either, because privileges have been eliminated...
...You know that the source of all goods and services is the government, don't you...
...However, a further proposition: That to debate smoking rights is also small, stupid, nasty, inconvenient, and very trivial...
...For Israel to survive, the Golan must stay in Israeli hands...
...That's why you're about to elect Tony Blair...
...Its purpose is the research and publication of the facts regarding developments in the Middle East and exposing false propaganda that might harm the interests of the United States and its allies in that area of the world...
...All clothes would be trainers and track suits...
...The only food available in England would be...English...
...Jenny Carter-Manning, Pembroke ex-treasurer, opened the arguments in favor...
...One can almost hear Chicken Little's campaign speech: "My fellow chickens—all our eggs are in one basket, our coops are guarded by foxes, we're living on chicken feed, plus the sky is falling...
...So let's cut smoking, because who can defend that...
...Even the Labour Party admits this...
...No other country in the world would be expected to yield indispensable strategic ground to those who are sworn to destroy it...
...Main sources of Syria's revenue are the large-scale and officially conducted narcotics trade, and massive counterfeiting of American currency...
...his speech is recorded for posterity below: Most assuredly smoking is a right—it may be a small, stupid, nasty, inconvenient, and very trivial right, but a long accustomed, fiercely defended, and much exercised right it is...
...What are the facts...
...But, for Israel to survive, the Golan must stay in Israeli hands...
...Anne's College librarian, spoke first against the motion...
...Well, entitlement spending is too high...
...On the Golan, Israel is protected by sophisticated electronic surveillance and warning systems and by one of the deepest and most formidable obstade systems in the world...
...We ought to be debating the debate...
...Israel has been in possession ever since...
...And we'd all be sleeping with Emma Thompson...
...So they'll some get in bed with ourselves and cur spouses and sort things out...
...I mean, we are all egalitarians, aren't we...
...This ad has been published and paid for by FLAME r--„ I want to help in the publication of these ads and I in clarifying the situation in the Middle East...
...The Golan is desolate and serves no real purpose, except as a defense post for Israel or as an attacklaunching pad for Syria...
...Or was there something that Chicken Little wanted...
...social activity—a personal matter that can and should be decided among the smoker, his friends and associates who hate the smell, and his doctor who loves the high payments for cancer treatments...
...More political power always means more power for the politicians, more power for the bureaucracies that hire politicians who are too pathetic to get elected, and more power for the various "experts" who are too pathetic even to be hired by the bureaucracies...
...In the alarms of the altruist there is also an element of moral bullying...
...Politics should be limited in its scope to war, protection of property, and the occasional precautionary beheading of a member of the ruling class...
...Other participants included Lord Harris, president of the Institute for Economic Affairs...
...All things considered, it's a small price...
...The main reason to be opposed to political control of smoking is to keep power—even the smallest and silliest kind of power—out of the hands of such as our opponents here...
...I care about everyone...
...And since I'm a better person han you are, I have the right—nay, he duty—to tell you what to do...
...Which brings us to sex...
...Martin Broughton, chief executive of British American Tobacco...
...The terror in Israeli cities could not possibly occur if President Assad were to forbid it...
...And since Britain is a democracy—or will be until the dictatorship of the proletariat arrives—decisions about smoking must be made by democratic means, by majority vote...
...A Rogue Country and a Rogue President...
...Your tax-deductible contributions are welcome...
...Box 590359 ^ San Francisoo,CA 94159 FLAME is a tax-exempt, non-profit 501(c)(3)organization...
...I mean, was Chicken Little going around telling all the other chickens that the sky was falling out of the goodness of his heart...
...I My name is I live at In State Zip are about the effects on you or a ew select friends and family mem)ers...
...The conflict between Syria and other Arabs with Israel is not about land—it is about Israel's very existence...
...We ought not to be debating tobacco...
...You throw these people )ut the door of politics, and they ;ome crawling back in the window )f health...
...The Obsession with the Golan...
...Where rlhere's Smoke There's P. J. O'Rourke Churchillian oratory—American style—from the Oxford Union 42 July 1996 • The American Spectator On February 27 last, months before it played host to Mr...
...It's a risk that Israel should not be asked to assume...
...The Golan is the price the Syrians must pay for their aggressions...
...You mustn't smoke because it farms everyone...
...So next :hey'll tell us what to eat...
...I object to the debate itself on the grounds that this sort of public interchange at an august institution is, by its nature, a political event...
...You know the difference between an altruist and a charitable person...
...Didn't you ever wonder if Chicken Little had an agenda...
...Oh, I know you care about the health effects of smoking," says the altruist, "but you only 44 .112 y 1996 • The American Spectator You deserve a factual look at...
...I care o much I can't sleep...
...In the Six-Day War of 1967, Syria suffered a decisive defeat and lost the Golan Heights, a Queens-sized plateau...
...They enable us to pursue these goals and to publish these messages in national newspapers and magazines...
...Let us look at this question from a—meaning no offense to our worthy opponents—soggy, wet, left perspective: Under modern statist governments nothing is an individual right, because rights entail responsibilities, and we don't have individual responsibilities anymore—only collective, political responsibilities...
...No offense to the fine minds here assembled...
...I can't eat...
...Syria is obsessed with the Golan and has stated over and over again that it will not make peace with Israel unless and until the Golan is handed back in its entirety...
...They are altruists...
...But if such an exchange—the Golan Heights for peace—should come about, Israel's continued existence or destruction would depend on the good will of the Syrian dictator or his successor...
...We have virtually no overhead...
...But leaders do make fatal errors in judgment...
...An altruist comes to your house and says, "I heard you were hungry so I brought you some OxFam literature...
...After his remarks, Teller for the Ayes Claire Lomax tallied 162 votes for the motion...
...It vrecked my marriage...
...Fifty million died in the war caused by fascism...
...The question is a left-wing dialectical leg-hold trap...
...Thus our opponents ask you to make smoking a political question...
...04...
...I include my I tax-deductible contribution in the amount of AS/50A Facts and Logic about the Middle East PO...
...She wouldn't like that...
...And, God, how this harms everyone—overpopulation, AIDS, rape, prostitution, Madonna...
...Actually, however, an increase in the scope of political power has worse results than a mere lot of voting...
...And during all of these horrible events, by the way, everyone concerned wanted a smoke...
...We only need to remember British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, who in his quest for peace agreed to the dismemberment of Czechoslovakia and thus brought about the Second World Was Considering that Syria is a rogue country with a rogue president, Israel should not make its survival dependent on Syria's "goodwill...
...Twenty million were killed by the Soviet Union...
...Smoking is strictly a civil and The American Spectator • July 199 6 43 To debate smoking rights is small, stupid, nasty, inconvenient, and very trivial (no offense to th e fine minds here assem bled...
...And was Chicken Little, perhaps, named Minister of Things That Hit You on the Head...
...Inever fully trust the alarms of altruists...
...One may ask why Israeli leaders, among them experienced generals, would wish to consider such a gamble...
...Simpson, the Oxford Union Society met to consider the following proposition: "This House Believes That Smoking Is a Right, Not a Privilege...
...Thousands of lives and millions of dollars are wasted by smoking...
...All things considered, it's a small price...
...And that's another debate...
...But we must ask ourselves whether Syria is a reliable partner in any peace agreement and whether Israel, from which many "concessions for peace" are being asked, would be wise to entrust its security to Syrian promises...
...Yes, there must be concessions...
...P. J. O'Rourke, eintroduced as "America's foremost satirist...
...That would be more like it...
...Much of that terror is conducted through "clients", such as the terrorist bands of the PLO, the infamous Hamas, and the Iran-sponsored Hizbullah, to all of which Syria extends protection and warm hospitality...
...And, you see, since I :are so much more than you do, I nust be a better person than you ire...
...Untold millions starved in Mao's Great Leap Forward...
...Amanda Pritchard, the St...
...But millions of lives and billions of dollars are wasted by collectivist states...
...More cunning even than his Iraqi counterpart, President Saddam Hussein, he shares with him utter ruthlessness, disregard of human life, and above all an abiding hatred of the West, which means primarily the "big-devil", the United States and the "little devil", Israel, the perceived outpost of Western culture, of Western democratic concepts, and of "American imperialism" in the Middle East...
...In order to promote the Middle East peace process the United States and even Israel try to keep Syria and its president Hafez Assad engaged...
...Kevin Barron MP, a leading proponent of smoking legislation...
...Being fat harms every-me, too—same medical and social ;osts as smoking, plus the threat of vetting sat on in a bus...
...The Golan is the price the Syrians must pay for their aggressions...
...But think what life would be like if every decision were made by majority vote...
...Syria is an outlaw country and is classified as a "terrorist state" by the United States...
...I Please send me your booklet containing 24 of the ads that you have published in national media over the last few years...
...In these troubled times who better to lead us in clucking and pecking and running around after our heads have been cut off than the Honorable C. Little—a real chicken...
...Syria and the Peace Process Is it a partner that Israel should trust...
Vol. 29 • July 1996 • No. 7
