Great Israeli Saloons: Tel Aviv Stagecoach
Davidovits, Andrew
"Great Israeli Saloons: Tel Aviv Stagecoach" by Andrew Davidovits Tel Aviv Stagecoach Wby Israel? Well, a lot of reasons. First: Smoking's still allowed. So far, Israel hasn't bought into the fairy tales about...
...Without significant capital to your name, you couldn't acquire a business you considered dignified, you couldn't enter into a new partnership, and no one was really interested in hiring you as a 40-yearold associate...
...At 6 shekels a pint (about $2.00), you can't drink beer at home for less...
...60 April 1996 • The American Spectator able to support a family, no serious woman will get involved with you...
...But not to despair—I see smokestacks on the horizon...
...Those who get divorced remarry and begin a new family life, or emigrate...
...You settle in and explore the town...
...Maybe that's why muggings are almost nonexistent...
...Then you get down to the nitty-gritty...
...Many come as field engineers on various construction projects, in particular to set up the cellular phone networks...
...Whatever they do, they do it at home or within the confines of their closed communities...
...So, where does someone like us go for a friendly glass of beer and good company...
...These two were in partnership even before Camp David...
...You know, the people you used to slog down beers with at Harry's at Hanover Square when you were 25 and single, but who as they grew older refused to settle into a quiet and relatively low budget suburban life in Forest Hills where they could actually afford to live on what they made at the time...
...The big money you were expecting never arrived...
...But where...
...And the prospect of buying that motel and coffee shop in Mississippi just didn't look too exciting...
...We're not talking about mad religious zealots dreaming of killing Arabs in Hebron, but rather ordinary, well-educated, secular types who, if they had been successful, would have been your neighbors in Scarsdale, Beverly Hills, and the east side of Manhattan...
...The feminists were right...
...Hope vanished...
...So here you find yourself, a 4o-something with at least some postgraduate education and years of experience doing big deals...
...There is no serious movement in favor of laissez faire...
...Their center of late has been the Stagecoach Pub in Tel Aviv...
...So what happened...
...Whatever else has happened to the old Zionist ideals, a Jew who comes to Israel and makes an effort is still made to feel at home...
...They generally come on two-to-six-month assignments...
...You find all the political alternatives repugnant...
...You looked at the possibility of working at Legal Aid for $25,000 a year and contemplated suicide...
...The older is Shuki, a jovial, pot-bellied, and 45-ish Jew who carries a pistol on his belt when he takes the cash to the bank...
...It's attached to the Shalom Hotel on HaYarkon Street, between Jabotinsky and Arlozorov, and across from the Hilton...
...But the waitresses are consistently young, attractive, and friendly...
...If you were on the corporate fast track, you found yourself marginalized and finally squeezed out...
...Most of the secular elements in Israel of the age and class we are talking about, i.e., mid-thirties to mid-fifties professionals, are not big drinkers...
...I observed to T. that he and I had become like two old whores hanging around the docks, waiting for the next ship to come in...
...GREAT ISRAELI SALOONS by Andrew Davidovits Tel Aviv Stagecoach Wby Israel...
...You arrive and immediately find yourself a suitable apartment in central Tel Aviv for $600 a month that would have cost you two-and-a-half times more in New York, Los Angeles, or San Francisco...
...Like any good American, you drink...
...Without serious prospects of being A bar that's good to the last dropout...
...These people are married with families and don't go drinking with their buddies after work...
...When the Christmas holidays came around, starting really around Thanksgiving, most of the other customers went home, and there was an eerie void in the Stagecoach...
...You also find that without political connections or at least a million dollars to invest, your maximum chance of doing anything beyond selling falafel, women's shoes, or time-shares is about nil...
...To the north is the Canadian embassy (its chief of staff hails from Vancouver, British California, as he calls it), and to the south is the new Turkish embassy, where the Crescent now proudly waves in a manner that has not been seen in Tel Aviv44 Shuki carries a pistol on his belt when he takes the cash to the bank...
...The walls are ensconced with electric replicas of nineteenth-century oil lamps...
...There is one British gentleman, T., not Jewish, who married an Israeli woman and moved to Israel...
...He manages well without knowing Hebrew because almost all of the field workers on the construction sites are Gastarbeiter, which leaves English as the language of business...
...For the high-powered young professional, real failure did not even enter into the picture...
...Their mama-san is the day-time bartender who's been here for years: a 26-year-old cutie from Long Island who adds a touch of Oceanside to the place...
...1985 that looked so promising ended up in receivership...
...The real estate investments you made in ANDREW DAVIDOVITS is a lawyer on sabbatical in Tel Aviv...
...He is a construction engineer by trade...
...Since the Rabin assassination, they've been lying low...
...But liquor is very expensive...
...The ex-pat community...
...The atmosphere suggests a dinner with your daughter or niece who is spending her first year away from home at college...
...When the Jordanian embassy opened a few months ago, some of the staffers used to hang out at the Stagecoach...
...You find that native Israelis are extremely encouraging of you and other Americans who make the effort to speak Hebrew (as opposed to the recent Russian émigrés who show a remarkable resistance to learning Hebrew...
...Israelis by and large are terrible drinkers...
...The early '6o's surfer instrumentals such as "Walk, Don't Run" are my favorite...
...So you walked away from the table and counted your chips...
...There's even the obligatory deer head and dart board...
...Joe" is a 4o-ish Bedouin who minds the store with the same attention his grandfather gave to minding his flock...
...Few of these people are comfortable spending $20 to Sao on drinks after work when they're saddled with a big mortgage and car payments, and expected to pony up half the price of an apartment when their kids get married...
...The Canadian embassy staff prefers wine...
...And, as a consequence, your marriage that anticipated you being a millionaire by the ripe old age of 35 didn't pan out...
...You discover that Israel is still governed by socialists...
...They form the core of reasonably interesting folks who will become your drinking partners...
...The South Africans invariably have a good time accusing the Americans of being phonies when it comes to race relations...
...Along with me are a lot of other unsuccessful burn-outs who figured they could survive on what they've got without fixed employment...
...Hard liquor is available, and rows of empty bottles decorate the rack over the bar...
...Notwithstanding his good adjustment to living in Israel, he still insists on his ancient right of being allowed to spend a few hours in the pub after work...
...The staff turns over fairly rapidly, since there's no big money in waiting tables here...
...Modern American woman is independent and she doesn't need you...
...In the wake of the intifada and the relative success of the Israeli economy, many non-immigrant foreigners have been coming to Israel for quite a while...
...So what do you do...
...You see a lot of armed people in Tel Aviv...
...After six months, you're reasonably fluent...
...They will correct your mistakes in a friendly and helpful manner, and otherwise make you feel welcome...
...Then you thought back to your youth and remembered Israel...
...Many hang around until 7:30-8:30, even though it means paying full price for the last few drinks...
...The religious elements don't drink in bars...
...Money's a big problem...
...Golly," you said to yourself, "I can live comfortably in Israel on $20,000 a year and at least have the possibility of doing something with my life...
...After all, Israel is making peace with its neighbors and the region should be booming...
...77 since the Ottomans were driven away by General Allenby in 1917...
...The walls, ceilings and floors are done in broad, rough wooden planks...
...was a hot topic...
...The domestic brandy is relatively cheap but it tastes like lighter fluid...
...Even O.J...
...Notwithstanding the general horror following the Rabin assassination, many of the Likudniks and religious elements of Israeli society are nonetheless sympathetic with the assassin's motives...
...The secular community is another story...
...Thus, beyond the modest world of cafe owners and small shopkeepers, economic life is inextricably tied in with politics...
...This in turn leads to a funny situation...
...By five p.m., most of the people you will end up chatting with will have arrived...
...I thought about going to Costa Rica, but hey, after three weeks in the bordello, then what...
...Other little items such as the posters and engraved mirrors simultaneously evoke the old American West and a frat house...
...For whatever reason, after years of hard work and sacrifice, the partnership offer didn't come through...
...But because neither of the major parties can win a decisive majority, they are forced into coalitions with the religious parties who, notwithstanding their relatively small numbers, can project their influence far and wide...
...It's owned by two partners...
...A dry martini with English gin costs 22 shekels (about $7.30), and I get a break...
...He's become as much of a fixture at the Stagecoach as I have...
...This is a beer drinking crowd...
...So far, Israel hasn't bought into the fairy tales about second-hand smoke...
...Most are from the English-speaking world, although a fair amount of English-speaking Dutch, Germans, and Scandinavians show up as well, not to mention staffers from the embassies and airlines...
...Renting is okay for a newly arrived bum like me, but very declasse for someone already established here...
...You'd joke about opening up a go-go bar, but then after some time you started really looking into the possibility and realized you couldn't even afford to do that without undertaking undue risks...
...The banter between the staff and the customers entails easy flirtation and teasing the girls about their perceived problems...
...The conversations range over the full gamut of politics, economics, sports (particularly British football) and popular culture...
...More than a few Americans (and others) who have not succeeded in becoming Nobel Laureates by the age of 40, and who have felt the futility of continuing in the fast track, have sought refuge here...
...All those horrible years of Hebrew lessonsbefore your Bar Mitzvah thirty some-odd years ago finally pay off, because with a little work, you suddenly grasp the Hebrew language in a relatively short period of time...
...Happy Hour runs from four to seven p.m...
...Second: I'm here...
...Their drink was Chivas Regal, but then King Hussein was picking up the tab...
...The juke box is a modem CD affair, loaded with an excellent selection of rock oldies, and yes there's country western and Elvis...
...The Labor Party just ain't for you...
...The Stagecoach is decorated in the rustic manner of a western bar in a Colorado ski town...
...The American Spectator • April 199 6 61...
...The faces in the crowd are always changing because of the transient nature of most of these people's employment...
Vol. 29 • April 1996 • No. 4
