Great Maritime Saloons: Full Fathom Fifths
Bakshian, Aram Jr.
"Great Maritime Saloons: Full Fathom Fifths" by Aram Bakshian, Jr. Full Fathom Fifths There really is something to be said for Vitamin Sea. The ocean air is bracing, and nothing quite matches the delight of reading a...
...And a real fireplace, burning real logs...
...She had been signed on to counterbalance the "popular" entertainment (which included a Vietnamese novelty juggler, a spirited band, chorus and dancers, and a diminutive Filipino who did an unnerving impersonation of Louis Armstrong...
...The sky darkens, the ocean rages, the ship heaves—and then so do some of the passengers, driven over the edge by the sight of me puffing a hefty Honduran cigar, a glass of Scotch and soda in one hand and a paperback of Youth: A Narrative in the other...
...But, we have an even better deal: Buy two for $79.90, and we'll send you a third one, with our compliments—absolutely FREE...
...Discard those tacky ballpoint pens and those clumsy felt tips...
...Our Asian friends, aided by advanced German silicon cartridge technology, have created their own version of these luxury pens.They are equally pleasing and quite similar in appearance, heft and feel...
...I spent a month aboard the Crystal Symphony in the China seas last fall as a guest lecturer, and a trim craft she is—if "trim" can be applied to anything that weighs 50,202 tons...
...After the first few days, knowing one was going to be aboard for weeks, a gnawing claustrophobia stirred and cankered...
...My occidental eyes had mistaken the three for one inflatable model...
...Mr.Albert doesn't always realize when the song is over, and I just keep playing...
...GREAT MARITIME SALOONS by Aram Bakshian, Jr...
...Ak...
...With several pleasant exceptions—some oldish but spirited merry widows from Texas, and the occasional tough yet naive Midwestern couples who didn't mind being overweight and still drank bourbon—nearly everybody seemed to be cut from the same cloth...
...At the Palm Court lounge, even during high tea on the high seas, there were two hearty St...
...Everything was top notch, but a numbing sameness, coupled with a sense of confinement, robbed even the Sachertorte, Kaiserschmarn, and ARAM BAKSH1AN, JR., editor-in-chief of American Speaker, writes frequently on politics, history, and the arts...
...There aren't," he explained...
...The most remarkable thing about the Fujiyama Ceramic Pen is its price...
...the women seemed to have knocked over a Frederick of Hollywood warehouse containing merchandise two sizes too small for them...
...The exclusive ceramic writing tip provides silk-smooth, effortless writing...
...I know they were `,1 solid Republicans, and that 't they had hearts of gold...
...I wonder what the European waiters and stewards, many of whom had never been to the U.S., made of them...
...Bar number three, the Avenue Saloon, was more in the speakeasy line, with a sultry little Portuguese barmaid and a jazz pianist almost as old as Erroll Garner...
...Add $4.95 standard shipping/insurance charge (plus sales tax for California averhillso Ceramc Pen(s...
...The ocean air is bracing, and nothing quite matches the delight of reading a rousing maritime passage from Conrad, as I have, on a storm-tossed open deck on the fringes of a typhoon...
...Please give order #1004C145 for Fujiyama since 1967 ( all orders...
...We need daytime phone # for delivery...
...Just before sitting down, I had noticed a short, stout Japanese passenger waddling into one of the jacuzzis...
...Write smoothly and easily, give character and good appearance to your writing...
...Julie gave several mini-recitals in the Palm Court, once under storm conditions...
...It took me fifty years to decide on an ocean cruise, but when I finally made up my mind, I chose the right ship...
...The chief barman, Ismet, was a soft-spoken, fast-moving Turk with a mustache and a mournful look who could have been the twin brother of Manuel, the much put upon Barcelona waiter in "Fawlty Towers...
...They have the same hi-lacquer finish, the same fine gold-tone accents and the same gold-plated clip as those famous European luxury pens...
...Fake tapestry upholstery...
...Looking up a few minutes later, he was still there, but bigger...
...The substantial drawback, however, as with so many other nice things, is that the price of these luxury pens is awfully high...
...I believe they were in real estate and auto parts...
...Writing with them is a joy...
...Built in Finland in 1995 with Japanese capital and sailing under Bahamian colors, she is the newest, smartest five-star liner afloat...
...But, be she ever so splendid, there is a limit to any ship's allure...
...On the top deck, by the pools and jacuzzis, the Trident Bar and Grill was manned by smiling, deft Filipinos...
...It was like being under house arrest at the Imperial Hotel in Vienna —a similarity strengthened by the fact that the Crystal Symphony's chef was Austrian...
...All of which may explain why I usually preferred to spend my time in the Crystal Cove, the formal lounge bar in a spacious atrium complete with stained glass dome, a magnificent waterfall, and a larger-than-life, only slightly-less-than-garish Italian sculpture of two ballet dancers in a compromising position...
...The pen appears to float across Lie paper—even your thoughts seem to flow more freely...
...It was fondly recalled by one of its passengers, quoted in John Malcolm Brinnin's appropriately titled The Sway of the Grand Saloon: ...fake baronial chairs...
...Pub-like tables...
...For Customer Service and for wholesale/premium quantity orders, please call 415-543-6675...
...Julie was a charming Southern lass (with the additional luster of having a father who had played in a W.C...
...Sipping a beer and reading Chekhov's The Black Monk, a murky tale of madness and hallucination, I thought I'd fallen victim myself...
...Nice folks...
...If you've ever had occasion to write with one of the famous European 'pens, you know what marvelous products they are...
...t 56 March 1996 • The American Spectator All of them doted on Julie Cheek, the talented young classical pianist...
...It's easy to spend $150 or more on one of them...
...An enormous Victorianesque mahogany bar...
...So animal-loving British and endearingly inefficient that even my dogs were allowed in and, moreover, were allowed to hog the hearthrug...
...And make a really great buy, an even greater one if you take advantage of our 3-for-2 "better deal...
...If they judged America by their passengers, we are a nation of wealthy, fussy retirees, almost all of whom live in New York, New Jersey, or California...
...Welcome to Cellulite City...
...There were bars...
...We are the exclusive distributors and are therefore able to offer it for just $39.95...
...We do not refund shipping charges...
...Now that's the kind of faded, floating pleasuredom I'd gladly spend a month in...
...Captain Brudvik, a towering, affable Norwegian with fluent but sometimes quirky English, spoke briefly, and then introduced his officers, including the chief engineer who, the Captain explained, "would be making water throughout the entire cruise...
...After one such impromptu performance, I mentioned to the lounge pianist that I had no idea there were so many verses to I'll See You Again...
...Louis fans, who had reserved a front row table from which they applauded at the wrong moments and crunched ice during the most delicate passages of Chopin...
...How can such a screwed up country produce so many pleasant, hard-working people...
...My fellow travelers added to the sense of sameness...
...Toby jugs, heavy curtains in dried-blood brownish red...
...But, as Laurence Sterne was wont to remind us, the Lord tempers the wind for the shorn lamb...
...Does this Asian model outperform famous European luxury pens...
...Louis couples who knocked hack their Manhattans con gusto while listening to a Filipino string quartet play kitschy but catchy Viennese light classics...
...The small contingent of foreign passengers was more varied: a sprinkling of rich overseas Chinese (including a creaky but elegant Madame Chiang Kai-shek look-alike who must be the oldest living lady to descend a grand staircase in stiletto heels without taking a spill), a few puffy Germans and coldly courteous Japanese, and one over-extended family of Russian mafiosi who looked like they had been cast by Mel Brooks with a little help from George Grosz...
...The large cartridge of the Fujiyama Pen holds lots of ink, enough to write many letters and memos.But as an added service, we include not just one, but two extra refill cartridges with each pen...
...Five of them in all, each with its own personality and its own little colony of rugged holdouts against aerobics, in-place jogging, and the joys of Perrier...
...It was square and old-fashioned...
...You have 30-day return and one-year warranty...
...Afterwards she told me that she didn't know which was worse, trying to keep control of the keyboard as the ship tossed and turned, or trying to smile at her loyal St...
...Fifteen minutes later, he was even more grossly swollen than before, nearly filling the entire jacuzzi...
...The Starlite Club was more of a disco bar, but, because of its large size, it also was the setting for formal occasions such as the captain's opening reception...
...Plenty of laughs and luxury, but in the midst of all the glitter my mind kept going back to the great maritime saloons of yesteryear, particularly the bar in that long-gone Cunard Atlantic steamer, the Britannic...
...FujiyamaTM Ceramic Pen still only $3995* *But read this ad for an even better deal...
...The men all wore double-breasted chalk stripes, dark shirts, and light ties a la Frank Nitti...
...Paneled walls...
...Fields film, The Bank Dick...
...One of the more celebrated passengers on the cruise was Eddie Albert, the screen star turned octogenarian song and dance man...
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...But it was so friendly that even the non-drinkers queued to get in...
...185 Berry Street, San Francisco, CA 94107 The American Spectator • March 1996 57...
...An elegant ship, she is beautifully crafted down to the last teak deck plank, which is what you might expect of a liner that cost more than $250 million...
...It will never flatten, stall or skip, even after hardest and longest use...
...It is almost effortless...
...A congenial sort, Albert would occasionally shuffle into the Crystal Cove during cocktail hour, ask the lounge pianist to play a few World War II evergreens, and sing along in a pleasant if slightly wobbly tenor...
...Salzburgernockerl of some of their zest the second and third times around...
...The mystery was solved when two other tubby Japanese returned to the jacuzzi from the bar, one mini-gross and one mezzogross...
Vol. 29 • March 1996 • No. 3
